"I think your being pregnant has made you horny."
"WHAT!? You always start it!" Sylvia pushed back, now working to fix her bra, reaching behind after she shifted it back into place over her breast, and then her shirt.
"Only because you want me to start it, don't you? Hmph, massa, massa my ass! I'm the slave here! Lord knows, your wish is my command." Shawn informed her softly, his hands braced on either sides of her hips, looking up into her face, that was down, feeling a bit bashful after the act. "Do you know how much I love you? I could spend every hour of the day inside you. Deep - inside you. And I love the way you taste." He went on huskily. Sylvia felt shaky and enraptured, gazing into his eyes. He leaned in to kiss her. She put her hand up lengthwise across his lips, covering his mouth, holding him back. "Sorry, baby... but yo' mouth been somewhere I don't wanna know about." The look on her face when she said it, sent Shawn over the edge, it was his turn to die laughing.
Sylvia turned her upper lip to her nose, scrunching it, "Mmmm-em, don't want no nookie near my mouth! No sir... it's yours when you want it - but you ain't gotta share it with me! Mmmm-em - you can keep that fo' yo'self."
Shawn barked so with laughter, it rumbled from him out of control until tears rolled from his eyes, he tripped with his ankle still bound by his pants and laughed on the floor, laying back on the carpet.
Sylvia hopped off the desk laughing at him, "Excuse me sir, while I go wash it! For next time!" She winked smiling, her legs feeling like jelly. She went to the door, peeked out, and made her way to the bathroom around the corner. Shawn stood finally and fixed his clothes, following not far behind her. Both washed up, playing like two kids in the bathroom as they did so, splashing water everywhere. Last thing done, Shawn brushed his teeth, with his wife's direction, as she held a towel. "Good, now rinse." She coached, he held his laughter and rinsed his mouth out. "Good job, now gargle." She passed him the Scope. He gargled. "Ahhh, doesn't that feel fresh?" She asked smiling, reaching up to dab at his mouth and dry it.
"Breath all minty-fresh. Can I have that kiss now?" He announced and asked.
"Yes... now, you may have your kiss."
She grinned and then moaned as he kissed her.
Parting, he kissed her forehead. "Will you go on that walk with me?" He asked again.
"A walk? Okay... what the heck, sure."
"We'll walk to the park by the bank in town and then back, how's that?"
"Fine with me, let's go."
"Can we sneak away? I want it to be just the two of us." Shawn asked, he needed to tell her about Benjamin and Christine; he wasn't so sure how she'd react.
"Okay... let's."
They left out the basement, went through the backyard, stepping lively towards the woods that bordered Sylvia's side of the road. Shawn was in the lead, holding her hand as they laughed trotting through the yard, praying no one spotted them. Once they hit the woods, they were fine. Sylvia laughed looking up at him. "You make me so happy, Shawn."
"You sure about that?"
"Sure - sure."
"Good, I want to. This Sylvia, this is what I've always wanted." He began, as they made their way through the dense wooded area, parallel to the road. "A wife, like you. I've got her. Land of my own, I've got it." He pulled her into his side, his arm over her shoulder, Sylvia put hers across his back as she walked by his side listening to him. "Decent work at a reasonable wage, have that, too. And - children. I wanted to be surrounded by them. I wanted to get up in the morning with the sound of some little one, calling out to me, "Daddy - daddy...". Possessively, proudly, I'd scoop 'em up."
Sylvia rubbed his back as they strolled on, not saying anything, just listening.
"We kind of have that too now, don't we?" He asked.
She smiled and nodded.
"I mean, we have Darren and Isaac, and Jesse James on the way." He pulled her to him and kissed her brow. "We have Angela, Mundo, and Crystal."
"Yep." She murmured.
"And uh ..." He took a deep breath, scared now. "And uh ... you may have been right - about another."
She glanced up at him. "What do you mean?" She asked.
"Benjamin." He stated simply.
She glanced away from him, continuing to walk by his side, digesting that bit of information. She knew her husband, had gotten to know him well. He was a man made to be a father. Plain and simple. To hear this beginning, did not come as a surprise. Something told her to brace herself.
"I see. So tell me, what has come to your attention, that I may have been right... about Benjamin?"
"Jake... the other day when we were out, the day we came home with the Blazer for Mundo..." He began.
"Em-hm, go ahead." She coaxed.
"We were at a restaurant and Mundo was going on about you having a fit over the blazer. To make a long story short I said something that made it worth it for Jake to actually say, that maybe... maybe... Benjamin was mine. I couldn't believe he tossed that at me so callously. Second thought, with Jake... I can believe it."
"And so I can get the big picture here, what had you said to provoke him?"
"Laughing, I brought up the fact that you suspected that he might be mine. Jake didn't laugh - instead, he said, that I might be, who knew."
"Just like that... he threw that at you?"
"Yeah."
Sylvia bit her lip from commenting on what she thought about Jake. They were getting along, well ... kind'a. So she decided to focus on her husband, understanding now why he wanted to go for this walk. He was worried about how she might react. "Should I assume there's more to this?" She asked.
"Yeah... there is."
"Okay... go ahead."
"It's been driving me crazy since he said it."
"I can imagine that, you being the way you are."
They were at a point in the woods where it veered off towards the road. They stepped out to the curb looking both ways, Shawn holding Sylvia's hand and crossed over heading up the slight incline that curved to the left past an open field that lead straight onto the main road through the town centre. There were a few people out and about that looked up, saw them, and waved. They smiled and waved back, staying on course towards the park that was set up behind Maggie's Market, the bank ,and the power company.
"I love this little town." Shawn commented, steering away from the subject for the moment.
"I do, too. Very quaint, clean, and friendly. I don't think I'd ever want to live anywhere else."
"You haven't seen your condo in California yet. Remember that?" Shawn stated as they walked by the short run of town businesses and crossed another road heading for the grassy stretch of the town centre park.
"Oh, ye-a-ah. I hadn't really thought about it to be honest with you."
"I'd like to take you there. To meet some friends of mine."
"Hmmm, you mean fly there?" Sylvia asked with clear trepidation.
Shawn chuckled, "Don't tell me you're afraid of flying?"
"No, the flying part's okay, its that long free fall from the sky if the engine clunks out that bothers me, and the landing. If it weren't for that part, hey... I'd be up there." Sylvia stated seriously.
"Aaah, baby, I know what you mean. As much as I've flown, my stomach still grips me when its time to land, or if we begin to experience a bit of turbulence." Shawn agreed, adding his part. They were in the center of the park and thankfully, no children were about and they headed for the swings.
Shawn looked down at Sylvia, "Come on - I'll push you on the swing."
Sitting there, being swung by her husband, Sylvia smiled, loving the feeling of him behind, pushing her. She also knew he was wrestling with more to tell her, and the small talk was a stall. She decided to coax him on a little.
"Shawn."
"Yeah?" He answered, giving her a slight push every time she swung back. Sylvia dug her toes in, stopping the swing a few inches from him and turned it, the chains holding it twisted over her head as she looked up at him.
"Finish
telling me about Benjamin."
Shawn took a very deep breath and walked to the swing next to her, sitting in it. Sylvia untwisted her swing and turned it a bit towards him. He sat looking at the ground at first and then looked up at her, seeing the expression of expectancy on her face.
"I dropped Angela off at school this morning, and I phoned Christine, Benjamin's mother. She was home, I went there."
"I see... and?" Sylvia wasn't sure what she felt at hearing that, but she wanted him to finish.
"And we talked, at first, amiably. I complimented her on their property. She congratulated me on our marriage. And then, I asked her, basically - was Benjamin my son." He went quiet, searching his wife's features.
"What did she say?"
Shawn looked down at the ground, struggling with it, and back up to Sylvia, "She said - he's Jake's son. I made a comment that she took as an insult. In fact, it was an insult. I don't give a shit! She got pissed, and started yelling at me to get off of her property. I did. With her maintaining that Jake is his father."
Instead of anger from Sylvia, which is what he expected, he saw sympathy and understanding. She reached over and caressed his cheek lovingly. "And what do you think?" She asked, "You think she's lying?"
Shawn reached up and held her hand to his cheek, turning his lips into her palm, closing his eyes and thanking God for her. He kissed her palm and held it a moment more, opening his eyes to look at her. "I have a feeling - that she's lying."
"Well, honey, think about this. For all of these years, she's no doubt said, Jake was the father. Do you honestly believe, that now, just because you're back on the scene, she's going to suddenly change her tune and say, "Ooops - well everyone, I uh, kind of lied a few years ago, when I claimed Jake the father...when in truth, Shawn is." Baby - it's not going to happen. She is not going to do something like that, which makes her look pretty bad. Considering how much time has gone by, you may have to prepare yourself - for never knowing the truth. To keep digging, may end up hurting Benjamin."
Shawn was holding her hand now, giving his own swing a slight push just for movement. "I wish he'd never told me! That he'd never said it to me. Goddamn bastard! I've done everything I can... to help him. You know, for all of our lives growing up, I would block him from so much - ass whippings like he's never known. So many times I could have just stood back and let whatever was going to happen to him, happen. Let my father beat his ass! But I couldn't - not him - I couldn't stand the thought of it. To have to bend over and not move, and take that strapping from my dad. He never gave less than fifteen across the ass. If you moved, he'd punch you."
"OH MY GOD!!! Shawn! That's abuse!" Sylvia was horrified. "He did that to you? How often?"
"I love my dad, Sylvia. I'm not gonna get into it. The point is, I never wanted to see my little brother bent over, having to endure that." Shawn had tears in his eyes, looking toward the ground. Sylvia's hands were crossed over her mouth. With the occasional bits and pieces of his past coming out here and there, she was starting to realize an ugly truth surrounding her husband, and the thought made her stomach hurt. She liked Bart, a lot. He was gentle and kind with her. Yet, not for a moment did she believe her husband would say something against his father that wasn't true. She stood from her swing and went before him, gathering him into her arms, embracing him. Shawn wrapped his arms around her tight, his head against her breasts.
"I love you so much, I can't imagine Bart-..."
He pulled back and looked up at her. "I love my father! He was the best father to me, to all of us, that he could be! He instilled within me, strong moral convictions! He wanted me to be a man! He wanted me to take responsibility for what I was to be responsible for! It's like he knew, that if he didn't keep me in line, I'd fuck-off and screw up!"
Sylvia's heart broke at the picture she was seeing, and didn't like it. "Shawn..."
"No! He was right... he was right! Look what I became! Look what I've done! If my father ever found out-... God-almighty, it makes me sick to my stomach, that he might."
"No, Shawn! I won't agree with that! He lifted up a heavy load of responsibilities and laid them on your shoulders, demanding that you carry them! Now I see - why you are the way you are! Shawn, you cannot - carry everyone on your shoulders! You cannot be responsible for everyone that is somehow connected to you! And neither can you make up for running away from it - when you just couldn't take it anymore!"
Shawn shot up from the swing shaking his head, stepping slightly away from her, beginning to pace. "No. No. No. A man, a real man - does not run from - what he is responsible for! I ran... I ran ... and just as my father said ... that I would have regrets ... ah ... they're here, those regrets that I made happen... are here for me now... they're here. And there is no one - to blame - but myself! I - me - I've made what mess there is in my life - what it is!"
Sylvia stood staring at him, with her mouth slightly open, and her heart pounding. She could not believe that God up above, saw fit, to place such a man at her doorstep. Seeing him as he was right then, filled her with a charged sense of protectiveness. Though he stood strong and capable, in so may ways... she now saw the little boy that stood strong, bent over and took it. As he was expected to, taking it - like a man - forced to, and she wanted to weep for him.
"Shawn... baby... calm down and listen to me, please?"
He stopped and stared at her.
"Let's just... forget all of that right now, okay? We gone forget all of that. Okay? Only thing that matters now, is us. You and me, me and you. Our babies, our home, what we're trying to do ... we gonna do together. My shoulders may not be as broad as yours, but - I can carry some of the load, too."
Shawn smiled, her words snapping him out of it. He eased up to her, cupping her face, he leaned in and kissed her lips. "The only load I would ask that you carry, is my son or sons, if I should be so blessed. And perhaps, living with me, being married to me - putting up with the way I am - that too is a load, I suppose. If you could manage that, that would lift a great deal off of my shoulders. I never want you - to - get fed up with me, Sylvia. To - feel as though - you can't take it with me anymore."
"Shawn... no chance of that. None."
"You - you get irritated with me sometimes. I know you love me, I know that now... but - you still have far to go, before you love me, as I do you. Fact is, you can live without me - but God above knows, I'd throw everything on me off, and lay down and say - fuck it all! If - I knew that tomorrow comes, without you in it for me."
Sylvia shook her head and sighed. He was wrong. So very wrong. She moved against his body and wrapped her arms around him. Forcing Shawn to stand straight, wrapping his arms around her. They stood there for moments just holding each other.
"My dear husband, you are a part of me. And as long as I know that you still love me, I can't possibly not love you. It's not possible." She declared, leaning her head back to look up at him. Looking into his grey-blue eyes - Sylvia could feel the tension in him ease as he exhaled.
"You really are meant for me... aren't you?" He asked.
"Of course I am. And every new year we get through will prove that it's so. You'll see." She smiled up at him, dazzling him. Shawn squeezed her tight. Keeping an arm around her, and hers around him, they strolled with ease, back home.
* * *
Christine was putting away the last of her gardening tools, cleaning everything off with the yard hose. Quincy was inside watching the evening news. Kevin was off with some friends of his, and for some reason that she did not understand, Benjamin remained home this evening, hovering around her, helping her put her gardening away. This was so unlike him. Most evenings were spent out pursuing one girl or another, his latest - Gail Knightly.
"What, Gail can't see you tonight?" She thought to ask him finally, after watching him quietly assist. He knew the way she was about her tools, so it was no big deal to dive right in. "Nah - it's not that. I haven't talked to her today, to be honest with you. I might call her later."
"Well, it's already after seven."
"Yeah - no big deal."
"So, what's going on then? Not like you to be hanging around the house."
"Just don't feel like going out." He answered, waiting for the hose. She'd rinsed everything down and now it needed rolling back up. He used his hand and the back of his arm and elbow to wrap it.
"You? Not feel like going out? Wow ... that's a switch."
"Yeah ... I guess. Hey, uh...earlier when Kevin and I came home, this morning - we thought we saw Shawn McPherson's SUV coming from here. Did he come by here?"
Christine froze for a moment, feeling her heart stop and then start painfully back to beating, but at a higher speed. "Shawn McPherson? N - no ... why would he come by here? I haven't seen him in years." She lied, feeling her stomach knot with it.
"Oh. Oh well, I just - I don't know, for some reason I thought he might have come by here or something. I mean, there's hardly anyone on this road. What, four homes in a 1 mile stretch?"
"Who knows, maybe he knows someone at one of the others."
"I guess, I just thought he may have come by here."
"Nope... haven't seen him."
Benjamin felt his face burning, because he knew she was lying. There was no reason for Shawn McPherson to be on this road. He was too familiar with the area to be lost, or to have made a wrong turn. Two of the homes on the road belonged to retirees, and the other one was abandoned. He doubted if he were looking for property, with so much land where they were. With all that considered, it meant one thing; his mother was lying and if she was lying, she had something to hide.
Christine saw her son slowly wrapping the hose in her peripheral, he was staring at her. She turned and grabbed the wheel barrow and rolled it towards the shed and began wiping it down, drying the water from it. She could tell something was on his mind. He was thinking, and it involved her.
"Mom..." He called to her.
"Yes?" She answered from inside the shed, not turning around. She didn't need to, she knew what was about to come from him. The same question that had come from him when he was 7, the same question that came from him with he was 10, the same question that came from him at 14 and the same demand that came from him at 16, when he had come home from school, following a fight and demanding to know, "WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP TELLING ME - THAT JAKE IS NOT MY FATHER??? WH-H-HY!!!"That day she had just come back from grocery shopping and had been putting the groceries away, and she'd answered. "Because they're a bunch of mean-spirited bores with nothing better to do than to pick on you because they're all McPherson envious! You're a McPherson! They're just trying to shake you up, son! And you're letting them! You know who your father is! I know who your father is ... learn, son - to tell people to go to hell! Stop letting them disrupt your life and get you all worked up about nothing!"
BOMAW 7-9 Page 7