Tabitha tried to order her thoughts as if they were a math equation. “But now I’m starting to think what’s been happening lately is becoming the new norm and I’m a bit at a loss as to how I want to handle it.”
“You know I’m not going to judge and you know I’ll keep everything to myself if you want to talk about it. And that includes from Roland. He knows us girls have to blah, blah, blah stuff out to another girl sometimes just to hear how it sounds outside our own heads.”
“I do.”
“And you also know I’ll make witty banter at you for forty minutes if you don’t want to talk about it, right?”
Tabitha smiled. “I know that, too. You wouldn’t risk the cheesecake.”
“Hell, no, I wouldn’t. I can already taste it.” She took another bite of linguine. “So, are we talking or are we talking?”
It took Tabitha a second to decide. “Talking, I think, which calls for wine.”
“Totally. But just a glass since I don’t have a designated walker to get me home.”
Tabitha got up and grabbed glasses and a bottle of white to complement the pasta. “I’ll make sure you get home safe. I’m sure Roland would come down to get you if we called him.”
“Not home. He’s away on a business trip and comes back tomorrow. I can’t wait, either. I only sleep well when he’s pressed up against me in bed.”
“Completely agree,” Tabitha added as she poured the wine.
Robin held her glass up and waited for Tabitha to follow suit. “To the hottest wives on the block. May we always have the most interesting lives on our street.”
“And on our backs.” Tabitha smiled and took a drink.
“Such a dirty girl. I’ll drink to that!”
Tabitha contemplated how lucky they were when they met. “You know, I think it’s some kind of fate we live close to each other. It’s not like there are hot wife support groups out there or meetings we could attend.”
“We should totally start one. How freakin’ funny would that be? We could even have themed snack food. People would just die over it.”
Tabitha could see the wheels in Robin’s head working. “I almost hate to ask, but…themed food?”
“Like little sausages, for obvious reasons.” She bobbed her eyebrows and took another drink of wine. “Cum punch made of ginger ale and sherbet. Epic.” Shrugging, she continued, “I’ve talked to some people online but, yeah. Not awesome from what I’ve found. So, I completely agree with the fate assessment. People are brought into our lives for a reason. Some good and some bad, but you are definitely in the good egg category. As in the best, for reasons that are not on the agenda to talk about tonight. Okay, lay it on me. What’s Michael doing or not doing—or is it more than one specific thing?”
“Can I ask a question first?”
“Of course. Shoot.”
“Do you and Roland have rules when it comes to you sleeping with other guys?” Tabitha hadn’t asked her before. Too personal before tonight, maybe.
“Sure. I think most of us do. Some only have a few things and others have pretty elaborate setups, I would imagine. One thing I think we all have in place is some kind of power exchange to start with, so we all feel safe.” She made air quotes with her fingers for the last two words. “Someone has to be in charge. Which partner was in charge could be different. Plus how balanced or unbalanced the dynamic is, I’m sure, widely different. One person makes all the decisions, or they share them more equally. One person creates all the rules and they both follow them, or it’s some kind of happy medium. It’s all about what makes everyone feel comfy in the situation. Physically or otherwise.”
Tabitha nodded. “Exactly. We have certain things we’ve always gone by. Parameters, I guess, that made both of us comfortable to jump in the deep end. Around a handful of things that have been my guidelines to stay within so everything is nothing but fun.”
“Sounds great.”
“But I’ve been pushing against them lately.”
“Oy. Not so great. Anything really heinous?”
“Absolutely not. I would never do anything to violate Michael’s trust in me. That makes me want to vomit just thinking it. No, I’m more brushing up against our lines. Testing them, but not in a mean or vindictive way.”
“Testing them. Interesting choice of words.” Robin stared at her for a second or two. “Testing the rules or testing your relationship? Two very different things.”
Tabitha moved her plate away, giving up the farce of actually eating. She just wasn’t hungry. “I wasn’t consciously testing us or him, but it’s sort of turned into something like that. That makes me sound awful.”
“No, it doesn’t. Concerned, maybe, but not awful. You’ve been pushing your food around and there’s definitely something going on between you two. What is testing the boundaries all about? Why did you start? Something must have kicked it off.”
“Michael had been distracted for a few weeks. Every morning he left early, texting during the day was minimal, late getting home, obviously exhausted so he wasn’t awake long before crashing. I was missing him so I started putting little things in our calendar app we have on our phones. Little messages to make him laugh because the first thing he did every morning was check our calendar. I was so excited the next morning, waiting for him to text or call or add something back. This wasn’t the first time I did it so it wasn’t a brand-new concept. Then that morning turned into afternoon and nothing. Next day, same thing. I finally asked about it and he apologized, said he was just so busy and he forgot to check our calendar for a few days.”
“That’s less awesome.”
“Tell me about it. Things that I’d come to count on for our connection don’t seem to be a priority for him anymore.”
“Did things get better?”
“Yeah. For a little bit. But I check every once in a while and put something odd in there. Like we’re going to learn how to take care of baby bats on Thursday.”
“Anything?” Robin asked, sounding hopeful.
Tabitha just shook her head. “When stuff comes up and he misses things it makes me feel less important. But I know how busy he is. I know how many extra hours he’s putting in because of so much business. That’s not something I want to crap on in any way. We’re so lucky that his company has kicked ass when so many others are struggling. And the thought that I’m being needy is just awful. Submissive is decadent and sexy. Needy? Hell to the no.”
“I get that, but have you talked to him about it?”
“About the calendar stuff? A couple times.”
“I’m assuming there is more going on? More than just him missing a few things you’re flirting with him over an app.”
“A few other things are just…different. Completely not how we’ve had them in the past. But one is the worst.”
“What?”
“I need a strong reconnection after a date. It’s like coming…”
“Home?” Robin offered.
Tabitha blew out a breath she’d been holding. “Exactly. And lately it’s been off. Not completely missing. Also, not what we’ve done in the past. But things can change, and I realize that.”
“Changing is inevitable, I agree. But you guys have to change together. In the same direction, especially with what we are. Anything else won’t work.”
“Agreed.”
“So…” Robin was blunt to a fault, so Tabitha was worried when she didn’t continue.
“What?”
“Trying to think of a nicer way to ask this, but I’m coming up short.”
“Just ask it. I’m sure I’ve already asked myself the same question.”
“Do you think he’s cheating?”
And there it was. It was like a flashbang tossed into the room, but Tabitha was right. She had already thought of it. “No. Not at all.”
“What makes you so certain? Happens all the time in this lifestyle.”
“It’s just not him. Not how he’s wired. He’s a monogamous kind
of guy. Possessive. And he would never violate our relationship like that. He’s messed up a lot lately, but that’s just not something I have to worry about.”
“Positive?” she asked with raised eyebrows.
“One hundred percent.”
“I love that you’re so sure. That’s actually really awesome.”
“It is. But it’s also what’s made it so hard to bring it all up.”
“How so?”
“He’s not doing anything horrible. He’s not cheating. Not breaking our vows. Not lying. Just missing stuff.” Tabitha closed her eyes for a second. “Something else that’s different lately is our kink dynamic.”
“I need cheesecake if we’re going to talk kink or I’m going to probably end up humping your couch. With Roland being gone I’m going a bit stir-crazy when it comes to sex. One of our rules is I can’t play if he’s out of town. So. Damn. Horny.”
Tabitha got up and carried her dirty dishes to the sink. Robin followed with hers. “How long’s he been gone?”
“All week. I’m going to attack him when he walks in the door.”
“Welcome-home sex is awesome.” Tabitha grabbed what they needed for dessert and headed back to the table.
“Sex is awesome.”
“Hear, hear,” Tabitha toasted and finished her glass of wine.
“I’ve got a random question for you before I pick your brain a bit more on the situation.”
“Shoot.”
“What kind of salad dressing was that?” Robin asked, pointing to the bottle on the counter.
“Thousand island.”
“I’ve had that before but it wasn’t nearly as good. Yours was awesome. Where’d you get it?”
“I made it.”
“You’re shitting me.”
Tabitha snickered as she handed over a plate of dessert. “That is definitely not a fetish of mine.”
Robin took a bite. “Mmm…” She groaned and licked off another spoonful. “Where did you learn to cook like this? You’re really good, Tabby. Like…good. I just don’t have a knack for it.”
“Anyone can learn. I’ve cooked all my life. Just enjoy it. Michael and I are actually taking a class down at the community college. Great instructor, a few hours on the weekend. We have a blast. If you’re really interested, I’ll get you the info. Bet you’d really delight in it.”
“I can’t cook. You know this. Need I bring up the salad incident?”
“Oh, please, no. That was awful. But a great reason to take a cooking class.”
Skepticism rolled off Robin as she finished her cheesecake. "Okay. I can function again. Kink dynamic. What’s different? And then I have another question.”
Tabitha opted for another glass of wine. “I have more of a dynamic right now with Wes than I do with Michael. I really like our sexual relationship. Love how rough he is, how dominant. But that’s normally more along the lines of what I have with Michael. Not the really rough stuff because Michael and I just don’t play like that anymore, but the rest of it? The control and the possession… I miss it. But our dynamic, mine with Michael, is there all the time. Sometimes boiling and sometimes just on a simmer, but it’s always there.”
“Which means Wes is probably the one you’re seeking out lately? As opposed to maybe Ares from the gym a few weeks back?”
Another sip of wine made heat fill Tabitha’s cheeks. Of course, it was the wine, and not that Robin had hit the nail on the head so easily. “Correct. Did you get a degree in closet therapy I didn’t know about?”
“Hell, no. Not enough money in the world to deal with crazy people all the time.” Robin rubbed her fingers along her lips. “Do you think that’s why Michael approves of you doing more things with Wes? Why he gives you more latitude with him? Because he’s vicariously getting you what you need, even if he’s not the one supplying your fix?”
“I’ve thought about it. Didn’t much like the concept of him passing me off to someone else to care for. I can’t imagine him making a conscious decision on his part to do that. But subconsciously?” She didn’t answer the question. Didn’t want to. Not out loud. Especially not after a super long day, when she still felt more than a bit off from him missing dinner. Instead of talking about that anymore, she decided to change the subject. Hopefully. “Your other question?”
“I didn’t think you guys did dates at the house. Did that change? I was coming home the other night and saw Wes walking out of the house. He looked…satisfied.” Robin bobbed her eyebrows at her.
“We don’t normally do it, but it’s not exactly a rule. Wes is the only one who’s been here. Mostly for business stuff. And then for some extracurricular activities, as well. He’s a good guy we’ve known for a while and we trust him. The date all together wasn’t something that was a huge plan. That’s happening this Saturday. But Michael had been so preoccupied and I’ll admit to being ridiculously horny. He said to plan what I wanted and it was fine by him. He’d be home around nine and would take care of me after Wes used me.”
“Damn.”
“I know. Delicious. So, I left Wes a message on his cell. Might have been a bit dirty.”
“Sounds deliciously hot, but…” One of Robin’s brows lifted and she waited.
“But… Exactly. I don’t fuck other guys just to fuck them. It’s something that brings us pleasure. Michael and I. I don’t ever want it to be about what I want. Or just me having fun.”
“Blech. I know exactly what you mean. It’s the same for me. That holds no appeal to me at all. That’s an open relationship. Which I want nothing to do with. You?” Robin asked.
“Me neither. It’s about us or it’s a no-go from me. And not fully reconnecting isn’t working for me. It makes me feel lost.”
Robin reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “You already know what you need to do. You need to talk to him and address all of your issues. And quick. Letting these kinds of things fester in our world, in this dynamic, does not work. Trust me. Been there, done that I-am-an-island routine. Or a martyr. Played that one, too. Never would have stayed married to Roland if we hadn’t worked it all out years ago.” She held up her hands momentarily. “We’re not perfect by any means, but we’re also both pretty vocal if something is wrong. You have to be.”
Tabitha held up two fingers and appreciated the wine giving her a little extra courage to say more than she normally would. “Two things. I don’t like to make waves, especially when everything could fall back into our normal routine and I could have avoided all the extra worry and negative feelings of bringing everything up I’m worried about.”
“And what’s the second thing?”
“Talking about my feelings makes me want to vomit.”
“Ha!” Robin laughed and stood, grabbing things to put away. “Ick. I know, awful in the best-case scenario, but it’s no good to be miserable all the time with worry and negative feelings that you’re having regardless, and when you don’t talk it will probably perpetuate the rollercoaster of badness. It’s better to just yank off the bandage quick so you can get to the bottom of things and get back on the same track.”
Tabitha stood and started putting things in the fridge. “I hear you saying the right stuff. I know that’s exactly what I’m supposed to do.”
“But?” Robin asked with a cock of her hip and a raised eyebrow.
“Getting disappointed in Michael seems more harsh. Maybe because of the dynamic. Maybe just because I’m emotional and a bit scared. I know I don’t wear his collar. It’s just not something we ever did.” Another kind of disappointment crept inside and Tabitha shoved it down deep.
Adding more to her pile of not-great at the moment wasn’t a good idea.
It didn’t matter that he’d never wanted to own her like that.
It didn’t. At all.
She took a breath and tried to refocus on Robin, who wore a sympathetic expression. “But our connection is that strong, I think. So, the tentative disconnection from him at any time is…terr
ifying.”
Robin grabbed her hand for a second and gave it a squeeze. “I know exactly how you feel. It’s so scary.”
“Why is it so easy to talk to you about it? I’ve made my points rationally and all is good. But the thought of talking to Michael about it? I could run a half marathon with all the adrenaline racing through my system. Plus, we have a date planned with Wes for the weekend and I want to see how it goes after that. It could go amazingly well and everything gets back on track. Right?”
“Things aren’t going to magically fix themselves. Especially if Michael doesn’t even know there’s a problem. And trust me, he doesn’t know. He’s a dude.”
“I just don’t want to rock the boat when he’s so very busy. And so very happy.” Tabitha shrugged and headed to the fridge with a couple containers to put away. “I’ll figure it out from this weekend and go from there.”
Robin shook her head and handed her the last container. “I want it on the record that I think that’s a bad idea. I think you need to talk to him first.”
“Duly noted. I’ve already set the day for our next date which was supposed to be happening here, but after yesterday, I really don’t think I want to do that. I liked the hot factor.”
“Wicked dirty.”
“But having someone else in our bed just doesn’t do it for me. Not right now.”
“Understandable.”
“And if I change it to a hotel then we could have neutral space to talk if things do go as planned.”
“Now you’re talking.”
The whirl of the motor on the garage door opener came to life and Tabitha smiled.
“I love seeing you so happy when he comes home.” Robin took her hand and squeezed it. “Even with everything else happening, as long as you still have that, then the rest is just details.”
A door opened and closed. “Tabitha?” Michael called out for her.
“In the kitchen with Robin.”
He came around the corner, loosening his tie, and grinned at them. He glanced at their clasped hands. “Is there something I don’t know about you two?” Pulling Tabitha close, he kissed her lips and went back for seconds. “Damn, you look gorgeous in that dress. So sorry I missed dinner.” He kissed her again.
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