by Simply BWWM
She’d had a wonderful day with Ian, but that all went away once she started to feel like things were getting too emotional. The last thing she wanted was another broken heart. The way she was feeling for Ian wasn’t something that would be easy to get through should it fall to pieces. What was she supposed to do? She knew that they could never work out as a real-life regular couple. They just had different lifestyles and came from different places. She hardly knew anything about him.
Their relationship had mostly been physical. It was nice the way that they teased and played with each other, but she flirted with a lot of different men. Was he that different, after all? She had her entire life ahead of her, and he seemed to have lived through everything. Would she be jealous of his previous accomplishments?
She wanted to be someone herself, but if she couldn’t get out of his limelight, would anyone know her name? He could certainly help her get started, but when she made it to the top, she didn’t want to have anyone to thank but herself. She felt so conflicted, a signal that told her this wasn’t the relationship to be in.
She was interested in being a call girl in the first place because she wanted to have a relationship with someone that would be easy, simple, and beneficial. A real relationship is complicated. It’s full of fear and emotions.
When you start to love someone, you have to think about the fact that you and they will both die someday. You have to wonder if it will be better to lose them first or for them to lose you first? What if she didn’t even make it that far?
Sasha had given her heart to someone before, only for them to give theirs to another woman in the same bed that they shared. This feeling had turned Sasha away. She didn’t want to start feeling something for this man that she was just trying to get paid from. Things were getting much messier than Sasha liked.
Once she got back into her apartment, Sasha finally decided to check the multiple missed notifications on her phone. She had been too anxious on the car ride home to check any of them. She realized quickly that her sister had repeatedly tried to call her. She also had ten unread text messages and a long voicemail she was afraid to listen to.
She had left her phone in her pants pocket as they lay on the floor of Ian’s car. She had slipped it in her pocket moments after getting in the car, not paying attention when it was going off. She frantically read through the texts, horrified at the past hour unfolding through her phone screen.
First was a missed call, probably right when they had started kissing in the car. “Hey, call me back ASAP. It’s grandma. Not good,” Tiana said through text. Sasha had two more missed calls and another text. “Please pick up Sasha me and grandma need you, sis!!” And then a voicemail:
“Hey, Sasha. I don’t know how to tell you this. I don’t know if you’re ignoring me or what, but… It’s grandma. Sasha, she fell in the shower and lay there for five hours until I found her. The water got cold, then hot again. She peed—it was bad Sasha. We’re at the hospital now. Please get here as soon as possible. I love you, sis.” Sasha fell to her knees in the kitchen. Her grandmother had been in the shower the entire time she was having fun at the game.
She felt like her grandma had been punished for her own actions. Sasha felt like she might throw up, but she made it to her bedroom alright and sat on her bed. She would normally run into Giselle’s room during a time like this, but her bedroom door was open, and the light was off, no one visibly home. Giselle and Frank made up pretty quick. They fought often, a dramatic element Giselle craved for her life. She was always stirring up fights with Frank and always running right back to him no matter what they might have done or said before.
She didn’t know what she would do if she lost her grandmother without being able to say goodbye one last time. She wanted to thank her for everything she had done in her life, letting her know that she wouldn’t be the same person had her grandmother not helped her and her sister during their childhood.
The last time she had felt this guilty was when she found out her mother had died, and she thought she could have done more to stop her from overdosing. Sasha didn’t want to lose someone again, thinking it was her fault they were gone. If she just would have texted her grandma, getting no response, she might have sent her sister to check on her sooner.
There were so many things she could think of that she could have done differently, but it was too late. What happened to her grandmother happened, and now she needed to make up for not being there. She’d had fun with Ian, but the day was almost tainted by the negative experiences she had to endure.
Knowing she had to get back to see her grandmother, she reached into her pocket to see how much cash Ian had given her. She received plenty last time, but she wanted to get there quickly and planned to rent a car. Her stomach dropped as it dawned on her that she’d left everything in the car.
Her purse had been up front with her wallet, credit card, and everything else important that she needed that day. She had her phone, at least, and she knew what she had to do. She was going to text Ian to ask him to meet up again. It wasn’t going to be easy, but she had to say goodbye to Ian.
She wouldn’t be able to survive if her heart was broken again. She needed to continue to make money, but she needed to be a whole person by the time she was done. She didn’t want to lose any of herself to men that would move on to the next young girl that started to pay attention to them.
She had enough cash to last her about a month and get her back to her grandmother’s. Sasha thought that maybe taking a break from her lifestyle might do her some good, but only time would tell. Her sister was calling her again, and this time, she had to pick up.
*****
In a different part of the city, another heartsick loner was gazing out the window onto the lake. Ian was back home in his mansion, a brick building overlooking the lake from the back yard. He was right on the edge of the city lines, giving him a perfect view of the skyline of his beloved city, but also allowing privacy like you might find in a suburb. He lived in a ten-bedroom and seven-bathroom house, and never in his life did he feel lonelier.
He thought about her lips on his. Sasha’s body against his had left an imprint on his mind that he didn’t think he’d ever be able to stop thinking about. She was unlike any girl he had ever met, but she was just a call girl.
He had never meant for a relationship to start like that. He didn’t think he would ever see her again. He was glad she came to the boat that night, but he still didn’t know how to change the situation. He needed a friend to talk to, but for a guy like him, it was hard to have people close that were trustworthy.
He remembered how good it felt to be so close to her warm body. Sleeping alone every night wasn’t something he was interested in doing any more. He had gone long enough throughout his life not having a partner that he could turn to. It was so easy to talk to Sasha, but was it all an act? Was she really bored with what he had to say, only nodding along so she would get a bigger tip? He had never thought about paying for companionship before, but Sasha made him want to do it repeatedly. He realized he was falling for her and wondered why she had run out of the car so fast.
He felt sick thinking of Sasha being with other men. Of course, Sasha was the only girl he was interested in paying to spend time with. He’d had women approach him at various bars, offering their time for money, but he never took it. He hunted for authentic relationships, but most would turn sour quick. If paying Sasha was necessary to keep her honesty around, maybe it wasn’t so bad. He would love to spoil any partner he dated with gifts and luxurious dinners. Still, did she have a limit? Would she find another lover who had more money, more fame, more of whatever she needed to stick around for good?
The moon was reflecting off the lake so mystically. The glare on the water reminded him of her shiny cheeks, glistening through candlelight. Her smile seemed to sparkle every time she laughed. He loved the way her moon eyes squinted so small when she was giggling. He felt confident talking to her. She always snickered a
t every little thing he said, and he felt like someone finally understood his sense of humor. Still, was she only laughing because she was getting paid to? He felt a little silly about it all.
He wasn’t worried about the money. He would give all his money to see her again. The way he saw it, he had spent more money on bigger wastes. He had even bought one of his past girlfriends an engagement ring, being a hopeless romantic that loved the idea of marriage. Then he discovered she had been sleeping with several other National Basketball Association members at the same time as him, causing him to throw the ring into the lake. Yes, it made more sense to just return the fifty-thousand dollar diamond ring, but he’d done it in a moment of passion—one that he still regretted.
He just had trouble deciding if it was real or not. Could they have a normal relationship? Even then, he would have trust issues with her. No matter how their relationship started, it would never be easy for him to be able to fully trust a partner after all the terrible things that women had done to him the past. A large part of him figured he’d never have a life partner that was fully trustworthy. It was what he wanted more than anything, but it just didn’t seem real to him.
Chapter7
As she looked at the date on her receipt, Sasha realized it had been exactly two months since she had last seen Ian. Well, it wasn’t her receipt exactly. It was the one she was handing over to the customer at the super store she had recently started working at. It was one of those stores that had a little bit of everything, selling items like clothing as well as pharmacy needs and the necessary groceries. Her cash from seeing Ian was running out, as she didn’t know how to budget very well.
She had spent a good portion of the money when she’d had to travel back and forth from the suburbs when her grandmother died a month ago. After Sasha missed all of her sister’s texts the night of the Indians game, she had rented a car and gone back to her grandmother’s home. She stayed there off and on for a few days at a time, returning to the city every so often to hang with a friend or go to a job interview.
Her grandmother was actually doing really well for a while, and the doctors said that she would probably live another ten years. Then, one day, right after Sasha left, she went to bed and never woke up. Tiana had checked on her the next morning, only to find her peacefully lying in bed. Sasha felt terrible that she wasn’t there for her last moments, but she was relieved to know that she had gotten a chance to spend time with her before she was gone—and that her grandmother went peacefully and painlessly.
She didn’t have much to give, but when their grandmother passed, Sasha and Tiana each received a few hundred dollars. They also got everything in her apartment, even though most of it was old or broken, many things being thrift store drop offs. They’d had to clean it out quickly, which meant a busy week for Sasha. It was nice to have something to think about at least, to keep her mind off Ian.
Now, even though she had made thousands dating Ian, her funds were almost out. She had finally had to give in and find a regular job. She applied to a few galleries and other interesting places throughout the city, but competition was tough, so she had to settle for a job she loathed.
It was toward the end of the summer and most places didn’t need retail help, except those stores that stocked back-to-school supplies. She had applied to a few different places, but this was the best option. She hated wearing the required brown polo, not a color that looked great with khakis every day. Still, it was a job, with a regular paycheck.
She hadn’t thought about Ian as much as she’d thought she would, but mostly because it was just a little too hard. Though ending things with him was easy at the time, she couldn’t stop thinking about how it had all gone down.
“Can you actually give me a paper bag instead of the plastic ones?” a tall blonde woman asked, interrupting Sasha’s thoughts as she bagged the customer’s items.
“We actually only have the plastic ones. You could purchase a cloth one, however, if you don’t like the plastic ones,” Sasha replied.
“Why would I want to buy a bag when you give the plastic ones out for free?” the woman asked with an attitude.
“I was just offering an alternative—” Sasha tried to say, getting interrupted by the rude customer.
“Oh no, I forgot I had a coupon for the shampoo I bought. Can you just give me cash back?” the lady asked.
“No, unfortunately I’d have to return them and re-ring them out,” Sasha said.
“Why can’t you just give me the difference?” She asked again, clearly not understanding how retail worked.
“It just doesn’t work that way, but I can rescan it really quick for you if you give me your card back?” Sasha offered even though she had a few people already waiting to get checked out.
“Ugh fine, here,” the woman said, rudely handing her card back to Sasha along with the coupon. She looked at the coupon and realized it was expired, unable to use that one.
“I’m sorry mam, this coupon is actually expired,” Sasha explained.
“Excuse me miss, I’d really appreciate if you didn’t speak to me in that tone,” the lady said to her through her thin pink lips.
“What do you mean? I don’t think I was talking to you in a particular tone, but I’m sorry if you took it that way,” Sasha said condescendingly. She was not at all in the mood to deal with rude customers that day.
“Just give me my discount please,” the lady said, pulling out her ringing phone. “Oh, hi honey! I’m fine, I’m just at Bullseye right now. I’ll be back quick as soon as this lady gives me a discount.”
“I’m sorry mam, like I already said, I can’t give you the discount,” Sasha replied.
“How much longer is this going to take,” another older woman said behind the lady that was already giving her grief.
Sasha ignored her and turned to the thin-lipped woman again, “Mam I’m sorry, but you’ll have to go now as I finished checking you out and can’t give you the discount.” The coupon was only for a dollar off, so the woman was just missing out on a dollar.
“Excuse me, you can’t kick me out,” the woman said, still holding the phone to her ear. “I’d like to speak to your manager please.
Sasha rolled her eyes and picked up the phone, paging the manager. She started ringing out the next customer’s items. “Finally,” the second customer said.
“Hello, sir, excuse me!” The first lady started calling out to Sasha’s manager, Hank, as he approached. “This woman has been incredibly rude to me, rolling her eyes and shouting at me to leave the store.”
“What? Are you joking?” Sasha screamed, infuriated that this woman was being so absurd.
“Jerry, hey, can you take over Sasha’s drawer?” Hank said to another employee that was walking by. Jerry nodded, and Sasha walked toward Hank, who motioned her over.
“Sasha, please apologize to this woman,” Hank informed her.
“Are you joking? Hank, she’s lying. She just wanted me to use an expired coupon,” Sasha responded.
“Sasha, please, we talked about this,” Hank responded.
“I’m sorry mam,” Sasha responded reluctantly.
“Here Ma’am, I’m sorry about the inconvenience. Here’s five dollars off your next purchase,” Hank said, handing over a coupon from his pocket. The woman grabbed it and walked away rudely, not saying anything else to either of them. Hank turned to Sasha.
“Sasha, I can’t keep handing these coupons out because of your bad attitude,” Hank responded to Sasha.
“I told you, she was lying,” Sasha cried. What else was she supposed to do in that situation?
“The customer is always right, Sasha. Look, maybe it’s just best if you get your things and go. I’ll find someone to cover the rest of your shifts. Things just aren’t working out Sasha,” Hank said.
“All I did was stick up for myself, and you’re going to tell me that I can’t work here any more?” Sasha said with an attitude.
“This is the third time this h
as happened. I don’t know what’s up, Sasha, but it just doesn’t seem like working with the public is your thing,” Hank told her.
“Screw this place. You’re all robots!” Sasha screamed before heading to her locker. She wasn’t sure what that meant exactly, but she was not about to go out without dropping some attitude on that place.
This was the second job she had lost in the past month, the first one being a serving job at a local restaurant. She got an attitude there and walked out after a customer left her a dollar tip. She wasn’t about to work that hard just to get treated like she was less than a human. The capitalist world wasn’t quite meant for Sasha. She just wanted to design clothes, hang out, and model. Of course, none of those things would exist without the capitalism that rejected her, but she didn’t want to work for it anymore. Rather, she wanted it to work for her.
She wasn’t interested in standing for twelve hours a day and waiting on rude people. There had to be more to life, right? Sasha took her shirt off and immediately threw it in the garbage, knowing she would never wear something like that again. She zipped up the gray hoodie she had worn there, realizing she might be gaining a bit of weight as it didn’t zip up as easily as it used to.
Despite feeling like she might be overeating lately, Sasha’s stomach still growled with hunger. She didn’t have any food at home that she was interested in eating and figured she could stop somewhere on her way home before catching the bus back to her apartment.
Sasha looked in her wallet. She didn’t even have enough money to buy herself lunch. She figured it’d be white rice with soy sauce again for dinner that night. Things weren’t looking too good for her. She was running out of money and couldn’t keep a normal entry-level job. Though she had a college degree, there still wasn’t much available for her with the job training she had. Now more than ever she wanted to break free from the city. She wanted to say that she could do it on her own, but maybe that wasn’t the case.