Julia makes one of those sort of noncommittal noises and I nod.
“See what I mean? It’s not like he had BO or a saliva problem.”
“No, Rux always smells good,” she says, picking at the peel of a Halo orange like she’s trying to make confetti.
“He really does.” Reaching across the table, I smack her hands away, peel that sucker in one strip, and hand it back.
She’s impressed. And rightly so. But the awe over a Halo peel has a shelf life of maybe three seconds and Julia is still looking at me. Or maybe watching me would be more accurate.
“What?”
Her head angles to the other side. “Rux.”
“No.” I know where she’s going and just no. She keeps watching, and I heave an impatient breath. “Julia, I know it would be all kinds of adorable if I ended up with your hubby’s wingman, but as much as I love Rux”—and I absolutely do—“we exist solely in the friend zone.”
“Mmm.”
“Seriously?”
She gives me one of those nearly imperceptible shrugs she mastered back in high school and waits. So apparently, yes. Seriously.
“Fine. I’ll break it down for you. Rux is incredible. He’s loyal and funny. Good looking. And he might love me almost as much as he loves my kid.”
“Rux is the best.”
“I know, right?” I sigh at how lucky I am to have him in my life.
“And maybe someday he’ll get it into his head for five seconds that married life might be fun—and ten seconds later, he’ll make some bunny a very lucky WAG. But not me.”
“He’s successful, fun-loving, emotionally available, into your kid, and come on with the ‘good-looking’ business. He’s hot. Not like Greg, but if you like them just a little wild.”
“Yeah, see, right there. That’s the issue. I don’t want wild. I want stable. Reliable.”
Julia levels me with one of her no-BS looks. “You don’t want wild?”
Dang it, she knows what she’s doing. And now I’m thinking about what everything wild might encompass and I feel a bit warm. “Not for anything more than a date with Bob.” Who doesn’t like a good fantasy now and then?
She snorts, rolling her eyes. “Bob, your battery-operated boyfriend? You have to stop calling those dates, Cammy. It makes me sad.”
It might make me sad too if I let myself think about it too much, but I don’t. What I think about are all the ways I’m so incredibly lucky in my life. With Matty. My sister. Rux, who definitely falls under the little bit wild heading—which is why he’s so much better as a friend.
“Whatever. All I’m saying is that wild is fine for fantasies. But it’s not what I’m looking for long-term.” And we both know, long-term is, ultimately, what I’m after. My very own happily ever after. “I want a nice guy. A guy who’s in it for the long haul, someone Matty and I can count on… I want a guy who’s maybe a little bit tired.”
“What?” she laughs, shaking her head.
“I’m not interested in a guy who’s going to have temptation thrown in his face every other hour for the rest of his career—whether it’s another team, a more beautiful woman, or just the next adventure. I want the guy who’s already had the adventure and maybe just likes the idea of staying home.”
“Staying home? You get out like once every other week.” She looks around, eyeing the apartment we used to live in together. “These are some cushy digs, but Cammy, seriously, haven’t you had your fill of staying home?”
I wave her off. “Fine, staying home sometimes. You know what I mean. Yes, I want to fall in love and be swept off my feet. I want that heart-pounding, whole-body need to get closer… to have more.” I bite my lip and rest my head in my hand. “But above all that, I want the guy who’s going to fall in love with being a part of our family. So while wild sounds like some toe-curling fun… I’m after the happily ever after that gives Matty the kind of stability and security you and I never had growing up with Mom and her parade of deadbeats.”
Julia groans, shaking her head. “Bill.”
“Tim.”
“Sal.”
“Eww, Sal.”
Our eyes meet and together we say, “Harry!”
Julia flattens her hand over the tabletop and takes a breath. “Cammy, we could go on listing Mom’s shitty boyfriends one after the next, straight through till morning. But those guys weren’t the real problem.”
“I know.” It’s a quiet concession. Nothing new, but still never easy to say out loud.
Our mother was so caught up in the drama of her love life, in her cycle of bad decisions, and whatever jerk she’d sacrifice anything not to lose, she had nothing left for us. If it weren’t for Julia—I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to me.
I don’t want that for my son.
“Cammy, you’ve already given Matty all the things we never had. You put him first in every choice you make. You love him with everything you are. And more than that, you’ve given him a network of family and friends he can count on. That little boy has stability and security in spades.”
And I never want him to lose it. Especially not because I fall for a guy—no matter how amazing he might be—who doesn’t want the same things I do.
My phone pings and I smile. “Matty says they’ll be home in about ten minutes.”
My sister sits back. “They’ll be home, huh? Is that what you’re hoping for with Jeremy, now that he’s back? After his adventure… maybe a little tired?”
“What, no! No way. Absolutely not. Nuh-uh. Not even a little bit.”
When I’m done, she cocks her head. “How’s he looking these days, anyway?”
Jeremy was eighteen the last time my sister saw him. A kid. Since then he’s been married, he’s been divorced, and he’s traveled the world.
“He looks like… Jeremy. But like a grown-up Jeremy.” It’s been seven years.
Her shoulders sag, and her mouth twists into this dissatisfied little frown.
I reach for my tea. “What did you want me to say?”
“I don’t know, I guess I was just hoping the guy would’ve lost all his hair or gotten plugs. Bad ones. Grown some benign but inoperable hump on his back.”
Clicking my tongue, I smile. “You’re sweet to want that for me.”
“I want the best for you.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “And the best would mean that Jeremy had an outside that matched his rotten, selfish inside.”
There have been times I would have agreed with that assessment of the man who promised me forever and then left me pregnant and alone. Times I would have called him every name in the book. Almost as many times as I cried myself to sleep imagining what it would be like to have him come back. To me. To us.
But now that he is back—for Matty—I don’t really know what to think.
“Well unfortunately, or maybe fortunately—I don’t even know—he looks pretty much the same as always. Handsome in that kind of understated way. Fit, but obviously nothing like Rux or Greg. His hair is still thick and blond. Nose still straight. Eyes still—”
“Whoa! That’s enough of that.” Julia levels me with a no-nonsense look. “When you describe that guy, I want to throw up. Because I can hear in your voice the same blind adoration that was there back in high school. And this guy hasn’t earned it. If I ask you what he looks like? You can tell me ‘he looks okay.’ That’s it. And if you find yourself thinking about how thick his hair is, think about somebody whose hair is thicker.” She starts snapping her fingers. “Quick, give me a name. Who has thick hair?”
“Rux has good thick hair.” Not that I think of him that way. But his hair is actually pretty spectacular. It’s this warm brown with a bit of red that comes out in the sun. Long around his face. Always looks like he just rolled out of bed. But in a good way. A little wild.
The grin is back. “That’s what I’m talking about. So how’s Jeremy looking these days?”
I roll my eyes hard but give her what she’s af
ter. “He’s okay.”
“Still pretty fit?”
Cripes. “I guess.” And then, because she’s my sister and teasing is one of our love languages, I fan my face with my hand, making my eyes as wide as they can go. “But not like Rux. Because that guy has it going on.” I throw in a sigh. “Well over six feet tall, solid packed muscle on a frame that doesn’t quit. And his face? Hard cut and just a little rough around the edges… yummy. But the best thing about him?”
Julia’s hands are clasped under her chin, her eyes shining with delight. “Spill it.”
There’s a knock at the door and I stand, pausing only to say, “He’s not any more interested in me than I am in him.”
A minute later my little guy is flying through the front door and into my arms. He’s all smiles and gushy breathless chatter about his night with his dad. I get another tight squeeze and it feels like I can breathe again.
When I look up to the doorway where Jeremy’s standing like he’s not quite sure he should come in, I realize that for all the things I’ve thought and hoped and wished about this man… the one I feel the most deeply is gratitude for giving me this boy.
Which is why I tell him, “You should probably run. Julia’s here.”
Rux
“Hey, man, come on in,” Greg Baxter says, wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm as I step off the elevator into his living room.
He’s got a sweet pad, benefits of having gone to school with Jack Hastings, the guy who owns the building. I’d give my left nut to live in a place like this—okay maybe the right nut, no, the left. I give the sac a lift. Screw this place, you boys are keepers.
He’s currently pedaling like a beast, going nowhere on the stationary bike recently moved into his living room. If it were me, I’d have the thing facing the picture window overlooking the river and city beyond, but for as good as Greg and I get on, we’re cut from a different cloth. He’s got the thing aimed at his TV, where he’s watching his wife’s weekly show.
“Should have told me you were going for a ride, I’da brought my bike too.” I can just see the reporters camped outside waiting for a bite on Slayers captain, Greg Baxter, watching me tote some giant-ass stationary bike in through the lobby.
Be better than the nothing they’ve got to report on his status now.
Greg flips me off, laughing as his legs come to a stop and he takes a swig from the water bottle in the holder.
It’s good to see the guy smiling. With the end of my career staring me in the face, not sure I could.
“How’s the shoulder?”
“About where it’s supposed to be according to the docs.”
That’s good news, I guess. It might be better if the shoulder was the only reason Greg wasn’t on the ice. But while it’s what the team’s been sharing with the media, the bigger issue is this guy’s head. After a concussion that took him out for a good chunk of last season, the blow that put him into the boards and fucked up his shoulder also fucked up his head again. It’s nothing like that first concussion, but the fact that he’s having problems at all has everyone questioning whether he’ll be back.
But I’m guessing that’s not something he wants to get into today when he starts asking about last night’s game.
“Feel like it’s coming together better with Vassar and O’Brian?”
I shrug, not really wanting to admit that it’s not—probably the same way he’s not ready to admit what’s going on with his career. Or maybe it’s not the same, since it would be hard as hell to look the guy I’ve been paired up with for the majority of my career in the eye and tell him I was rocking it without him.
And despite that miracle last night, I’m not.
Not with Vassar and O’Brian, and not with any of the other matchups Coach has been trying out either.
“Hey, it’ll happen, man.”
It would if he came back, but Baxter isn’t just the team captain and my partner on the ice. He’s my friend. And keeping him safe is more important than anything that happens in a game.
He takes another drink. Then, “How are the guys?”
“They’d be better with their captain back.”
He shakes his head, pointing the nozzle end of the bottle at me. “They’ve got their captain. Forget what your sweater says. The only reason it’s not official yet is because—”
“Because you’re their captain,” I cut him off. “And you will be until there’s an official announcement that you’re out. And we’re not there yet, right?”
He nods and even though that yet is looming large between us, the tension in my chest starts to unwind some. I know I’m in line for the capital C, but truth? I’m not sure I’m cut out for the job like Greg is. I’m the bomb when it comes to backing him up. So assistant captain, hell yeah. But captain isn’t a patch I’ve ever coveted. I care about the team too much to risk letting them down.
“All that bullshit aside, you oughta come out with the guys. They miss you.”
“Yeah, maybe.” He turns back to the big screen and takes another long swallow.
I head to his kitchen, shove my face into the fridge to see what kind of goodies he and Julia have stocked in there. I got a guy who comes and fills my fridge too, but it’s never as exciting as what’s in somebody else’s.
“Stay the fuck away from that sandwich!” he shouts from around the corner.
Muttering a curse, I slide the grinder that looks amazing back on the shelf and close the door. Walking back into the living room annoyingly empty-handed, I drop onto the giant-ass couch.
“Dude, Cammy says you kiss for shit.”
Yeah, right. “Ha-ha. Try again. What did Cammy really say?”
There’s an evil glint in his eyes and it’s a hell of a lot better than what’s there when we’re talking about the game that’s been a constant through our whole lives up to now. “Said your mouth was disappointing as fuck. Took a Sharpie to the ladies’ room wall at the Five Hole and dropped a one-star review.”
“Bullshit.” I kick my feet up on the coffee table. “No way she said I was a bad kisser. I’m the fucking best… Your mom told me so.”
Greg groans, his head falling back on a laugh. “Dude, you did not.”
I lick my finger and touch the air above my head, adding a little sizzle sound effect.
“But for real, man, what were you thinking kissing her?” He meets my eyes and after a moment, laughs again. “Right, you weren’t.”
Story of my life.
Chapter 3
Rux
“How the hell is this possible?” I bellow from Cammy’s kitchen. Her fridge is always stocked. She has the best snacks. Homemade snacks and tons of them.
I was hungry before I left my house, but knowing I was coming over here, I waited for the good stuff. Cupcakes. Zucchini bread. Those giant chocolate chip cookies she keeps a bag of in the freezer.
But today, nothing.
“Where are the snacks?”
She steps into the doorway, notching her fist at her hip.
“Are you seriously looking for food?” she coughs out. “We are literally leaving for dinner now.”
I’m always hungry. And her fridge is always stocked. I point inside.
“Where’s the food?”
That patiently amused look she’s giving me fades and a hint of worry edges into her eyes.
“Matty was concerned there wouldn’t be anything to eat at his dad’s tonight. I told him I was sure it would be fine, but he filled the beach cooler with half the kitchen anyway.”
I close the fridge, my appetite gone.
Cammy is putting on a good show of letting that dick twizzler into Matty’s life, but I know it’s killing her every time she has to let her kid go. She could have told Jeremy to fuck himself when he showed up back in Chicago, but she didn’t. Having grown up without a father herself, she wants more for her son. And because her heart is so damn big, she cares about Jeremy getting a second chance with Matty too.
Ask me, anyone who would leave their pregnant girlfriend because he couldn’t handle the responsibility is a serious asshole and doesn’t deserve another chance at the gift he threw away. But bad as it burns, I don’t get a say. So I’m just trying to be there for my girl best I can.
She deserves it.
“Matty nervous his dad was going to try and feed him sun-dried tomato hummus with water crackers again?” Yeah, I heard about last time.
“Seems like it,” she says with a soft smile, but the worry is still there.
“That kid’s all you. Smart as a whip. He wasn’t sure his dad got the memo, so he decided to show him how it was done.” And then even though I know she knows it, I also know it doesn’t hurt to hear it, so I add, “He’s gonna be fine.”
She takes a breath that’s a little bigger than normal and gives me a smile that’s not quite as bright as usual. And I thank God she’s not holding a grudge about that kiss. Because I can see in her eyes, Cammy could use a hug.
Pulling her in, I draw a deep breath of the vanilla shampoo I like so much. Her arms come around my waist and she relaxes against me.
“Thank you, Rux. I needed that.”
Maybe I did too. That’s the thing about being with Cammy—she gives me things I didn’t even realize I needed. Things that soothe a place inside me I do my best to forget—the one it’s too late to fix.
I’ve got a lot of shortcomings and I wouldn’t wish me as a husband on my worst enemy, but when it comes to being Cammy’s friend, I’m rocking it. In this, I’ll never let her down.
Running a hand over her back, I peer down at the spill of blonde curls against my shirt.
“And I need food, Sunshine. What do you say we get out of here and grab some.”
She laughs into my chest, and damn if that isn’t the best feeling in the world.
“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
I let Cammy pick the restaurant and we end up at this divey noodle joint we’ve been to a couple of times before. They don’t take reservations and couldn’t care less about me being a Slayer, so we always have to wait, packed into the alcove by the door with everyone else—but the food is totally worth it.
DIRTY REBOUND: A Slayers Hockey Novel Page 2