by Carol Grace
“Trying to recapture your lost childhood.”
She couldn’t have put it better herself. That way, it had nothing to do with him.
“If it’s not too late.” But it was too late. She was crazy if she thought she could be a child again. She didn’t want to. She was a grown-up with responsibilities, duties and all the perks of adulthood. She was also on vacation, she reminded herself. And on vacation, anything could happen.
Chapter Six
“What made you change your mind?” Brian asked after he pulled out onto the highway.
She slanted a look in his direction. He was wearing khaki pants and a blue chambray work shirt which made his eyes look bluer than ever. He could be anybody—a day laborer; a farmer or a physically fit, famous inventor of children’s toys who, for some reason, had dropped out of society. “I thought I told you. Granny’s home-help workers are coming today and I wasn’t needed. What made you change yours?”
“What do you mean?”
“You said ‘probably not,’ when I asked if you were still going, and you didn’t sound happy about my coming along.”
“You’re wrong. I am happy. I just have a different way of showing it.”
She shrugged. That was the understatement of the year. “If this is happy, I’d hate to see you when you’re sad.”
He shot her a reluctant smile that broadened when she smiled back. Then she leaned back in the bucket seat of his truck and rolled down the window to catch the fresh breeze and the scent of pine trees.
“You’ll be glad to know Granny has backed off,” Amelia said. “She didn’t say a word to me when I told her where I was going.”
“How did that happen? Did you tell her you were waiting for Prince Charming, and no one else would do?”
“She thinks you are Prince Charming.”
“That’s what happens when you bury yourself in the country away from civilization,” he said. “You lose your perspective.”
“Is that what happened to you?” she asked lightly.
“I don’t want to talk about what happened to me.” His voice had an edge to it. When would she learn? When would she just accept the fact that she was never going to know his story?
“Sorry.” She wasn’t sorry she’d asked—how would anyone find out anything if they didn’t ask?—but she was sorry she’d broken the mood. Now she’d put him on the defensive again. She put her hand on his arm. “Look, Brian, I really don’t care what happened to you in the past. I know you’re a brilliant inventor, a good neighbor and that you must have a good reason for having stopped working. I have a feeling you’ll start up again someday.”
“What makes you think that?” he asked.
“Because of all that stuff in your barn. Because you’re too young and too talented to just pick berries and watch sunsets. And because you’re here, on your way to do research at a county fair.”
“What if I made that up just to spend the day with you?”
She blinked and dropped her hand from his arm. She felt a flush creep up her face. “You’re not serious!”
“Gotcha,” he said.
She laughed, and the tension between them dissolved. “Whatever your reasons, we’re on our way, and you might have to go on the roller coaster by yourself, because frankly, I’m scared to death at the very thought.” She was even more scared as they approached the fairgrounds and entered the parking lot.
He parked his truck, and they got out and headed for the entrance gates, along with throngs of other people. Screams and laughter came floating across the fairgrounds.
“I’ll hold your hand,” he said, reaching for her hand.
“I don’t think that will work,” she said, “if I’m on the ground and you’re in the air.” She was still scared of the ride ahead, but with her hand in his, she felt young and free and a little giddy. Her first fair, her first summer vacation in years and her first fling, if that was what you called this strange relationship with this strange man. Not that she believed that flirtatious remark he’d made. But still, she felt as if she were a teenager, and anything was possible. Anything at all.
She walked past pens of livestock with the names of local farmers inscribed, their animals wearing blue ribbons. They walked past ringtoss games and shooting galleries, and finally they came to the Ferris Wheel. Amelia craned her neck to watch the people sitting on their seats high above them on the huge metal structure. If she weren’t afraid of heights, she’d be willing to try that instead of the roller coaster. But they passed it by and kept walking until they came to the giant monster, twice as big as she’d imagined, twice as high and twice as scary. Loud screams from above filled the air as the roller coaster dipped and climbed over the crowd. When it stopped, dazed young people staggered off, laughing, gasping for breath, clinging to each other, their hair standing on end.
“Oh, no,” Amelia said, her heart in her throat. “I don’t think—”
“Don’t think,” he said, and went to buy the tickets. “This is not the time to think. Just feel.”
She did feel. She felt scared, nervous, worried and downright terrified. Feelings she didn’t want to share with him. She wanted him to think she was brave and fearless. Hah.
As they stood in line, waiting for the giant torture machine to stop and let them enter one of the cars, Amelia was positive she could not get on. She tried to think of excuses—she could faint, throw up or just run away. Brian’s eyes were fixed intently on the roller coaster, and she had the feeling he’d forgotten she was even there. Maybe he wouldn’t mind going alone. “Aren’t you the least bit scared?” she asked, wrapping her arms around her waist.
“Of what?” he asked. “I checked on the safety stats. They have a very good record.”
“No fatalities? That’s reassuring,” she said drily. “I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of…”
“Yes?” He tore his eyes away from the behemoth above them and looked down into her eyes so intently, she forgot what she’d been about to say. Hot shivers raced up her spine, and all he’d done was look at her with those incredible blue eyes of his. Coming on this trip today had not been a good idea. He knew it. That’s why he’d tried to ditch the plan. But she’d insisted. Why? What was wrong with her? Couldn’t she smell trouble when it was right under her nose? It must be the atmosphere, the altitude, the change of scene, because this wasn’t like her at all. Taking the day off, just because it was Sunday? Cavorting with a strange man? No, this couldn’t be Amelia.
The look in his eyes told her he hadn’t forgotten about her after all. Whatever it was she was afraid of, she was more afraid of the effect he had on her than a thousand roller coasters. The important thing was not to let it show. Act normal. Or as normal as possible with a roller coaster overhead.
“I guess I’m just afraid of being afraid.”
“That’s reasonable,” he said, taking her hand again. What if he pulled her into the car with him? Now how was she going to get out of this? “Everyone’s afraid of the unknown. But it’s fun, it’s exciting and a thrill. You’ll just have to trust me.”
She nodded, unable to speak. What was there to say? I don’t trust you. You don’t know what a wimp I am, and I’d rather not have you, or anyone, know. That’s why I’m staying on the ground.
“If God had wanted us to fly around in the air, wouldn’t he have given us wings?” she asked, her eyes on the line ahead of them, which was shrinking until there were only a handful of people between them and the terror that lay ahead of them.
“He gave us the smarts to make machines to take us up in the air, to conquer gravity.”
“Not me. I don’t want to conquer gravity.”
“Really? You really don’t want to go?”
The look in his eyes was one of disappointment. She’d led him on. She’d asked to come. She’d given him the impression that she was up for adventure. She’d ridden a pogo stick and now…
“Well, I just…”
Then it was there. The moment o
f truth. The little car stopped. The door opened. The people ahead of them jumped in. Brian shot her a quick, questioning look. She had an instant to say no, but she didn’t. Instead she hopped into the front seat with him and sat back while he fastened the seat belts around them.
“What luck,” he said, his eyes gleaming. “I can’t believe we got the front seats. They’re the best.” He covered her hand with his. “Relax.”
For a few minutes, she actually did relax as they rose slowly, slowly up in the air. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Click, click, click.
“Hear that? That’s the sound of a cog. We’re being pulled up by a gear,” he explained, twisting his head around for a better look at the machinery.
Very gingerly, Amelia looked over the edge and watched the crowd get smaller and smaller as they climbed slowly upward, each little person turning into a tiny ant way below them. It wasn’t so bad, she thought. Not so far.
Now they were at the top and, suddenly, there was nothing between them and the ground below. The tracks fell away and were gone. They were looking straight down. Amelia gasped. They plunged. The air was full of screams, hers and others’. Screams behind her, screams all around her. Her stomach rose to her throat. Seconds later, they hit bottom. Her stomach felt like lead. The blood had left her head, and she felt as if her body were floating above her.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Fine,” she lied. “Just fine.”
“Because that was nothing.”
She looked around. There were cars going over loops, people hanging upside down and screaming. There was a spiral corkscrew in her future. She saw he was right—that last part had been nothing—and she wanted to get off. She had to get off. But she couldn’t. At least she didn’t have to look. She buried her face in Brian’s shoulder. He put his arm around her. She closed her eyes and held on for dear life.
After more loops—each one more terrifying than the last—after an eternity of pure heart-stopping thrills, they arrived back on earth. She stumbled out of the car, feeling dizzy and disoriented. Her stomach was somewhere up there in the air. Some day she hoped to have it back.
She staggered, hand in hand with Brian, toward a grassy field, to a labeled picnic area where families were spread out on blankets, eating and soaking up the sun. Some kids were throwing Frisbees. Others were listening to a baseball game on a loud radio. She lay on the grass on her back and closed her eyes.
“How did you like it?” he asked.
“Terrifying,” she murmured.
“What part did you like best?” he asked.
“The part where we got off.”
“Are you sorry you went?”
“Oh, no,” she lied. “How about you?”
“I wasn’t really able to enjoy it. I was paying too much attention to you.”
“Me?”
“You should have seen the look on your face.”
“All right, so I was scared. What did you expect?”
“I expected you to be scared. I also noticed the mechanics. I got a few ideas.”
“I’m glad for you,” she said. She tried to sit up but she couldn’t. The world was spinning around, and wouldn’t stop. She groaned.
“What do you want? A hot dog? Cotton candy? Something to drink?” She groaned again. “I shouldn’t have made you go.”
“Yes, you should.” She sat up slowly and looked at him. “There’s something about facing your worst fears. I did it, and I’m still alive.”
“You sound surprised. You look pale. I’m going to get you something to drink.”
He left her there on the grass to recover. She’d told him she’d faced her worst fears, but was riding a roller coaster really her worst fear? Wasn’t it more about failure? And wasn’t her second-worst fear about making a mistake? About making a commitment to one man and then regretting it for the rest of her life? Wasn’t that why she worked so hard, and why she’d avoided telling Jeff she would marry him? Was it possible the roller-coaster ride had jarred some sense into her head? Or had it merely planted some long-standing questions there, questions that had no ready answers?
When Brian came back with hot dogs and lemonade, she was ready to rejoin the ranks of the living. She was actually hungry and very thirsty.
“Good girl,” he said, patting her on the head.
“You sound like you’re talking to your dog,” she said, sipping her lemonade. “You never would have forced Dante to go on a ride like that.”
“I didn’t force you. You had free will to get on or not. Come on, you’re proud of yourself, aren’t you? I know you. You’re the type who likes a challenge.”
He was right. She took chances. Was that why she was here today? “How do you know?”
“It’s written all over your face,” he said, tracing the outline of her face with his fingers.
She swallowed hard. He had the most amazing ability to make her feel as if she were melting into a puddle in the sun. She had to change the subject, away from her, back to him. She didn’t want to be analyzed. Maybe she was afraid to find out what made her tick. Maybe she was more afraid that he’d find out.
“What made you want to invent toys?” she asked.
“Instead of, say, kitchen gadgets?” he asked. “Like a dishwasher that recycles the plates back onto the shelves when they’re clean, or an orange-juice squeezer that spits out the skin and turns it into spot remover?”
“You could do that?”
“No. Besides, toys are fun. Everybody likes toys. Even adults. Especially me. They take us back to a happier time when we were young and naive. One thing for sure, I had some naive ideas.”
“Like?” she suggested, holding her breath. She noticed this time he hadn’t mentioned making toys for his own kids. Was he really going to confide in her?
“My most naive idea was that marriage is a commitment. Then there was the one that goes real love lasts a lifetime.”
“It does for some people,” she said. “Granny and Grandpa had a wonderful life together.”
“What was their secret?”
“I wish I knew,” she said, shaking her head.
“Want my advice? Don’t marry that guy until you find out.”
“Thanks for the advice. But you don’t even know him.” The nerve of the man. Whether she married Jeff or not was none of his business. “Anyway, you don’t seem naive to me. You seem very mature.”
“Do I? That’s because you don’t know me.”
She tilted her head and studied his face. He seemed lost in thought, and she was sorry she’d opened her mouth. She felt she was getting close to what was bothering him, and now he’d shut down again.
“No, I don’t,” she murmured. She didn’t know him at all. But she wanted to. She wanted to badly. She wanted to know what had made him stop working, and she didn’t want to hear it from someone else, like Granny. She wanted him to trust her enough to tell her himself. She thought it would unlock the secret to his past. “What I do know is that you’re here today for a reason. You came to do research for your toy roller coaster. At least, that’s what you said.”
“That was the plan,” he said. “But instead I’ve learned more than I bargained for.” Brian had learned something about the mechanics of the roller coaster, but even more, he’d learned that he liked having Amelia’s face buried against his shoulder. He’d been on roller coasters by himself—because Natalie wouldn’t go—and this was better. He liked putting his arm around Amelia and feeling her body melt into his. He liked watching her face her fears and overcome them. But could he do the same? More to the point, should he? What the hell. He was with an incredible woman today. She was gutsy and determined, and she was just beginning to discover her inner child. She’d be going back to her real life before long, and that inner child might be buried again for good. He might or might not go back to his real life. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful day, and it was a shame to waste it. All around them, people were having fun. Why shou
ldn’t they? “Now that we’re here, let’s forget about work. Don’t look so shocked. You’re taking the day off, remember?”
She nodded, got to her feet and dusted off her pants. She reached down to pick up the paper wrappers as a boy on a bicycle zoomed by, doing a wheelie.
Brian watched the kid crisscross the grass, wondering if the boy would like his pogo stick or his toy roller coaster. Wondering if he’d ever have his own kids who’d try out his toys and give him instant feedback. Not at the rate he was going. But it no longer mattered. That was a dream that had died a long time ago.
Amelia watched Brian watch the boy on the bike. “I suppose you have plans for a new and improved bike, too?” she asked.
“I’ve done some work on it,” he said. But he didn’t want to think about that now. He grabbed her arm. “Let’s go check out the shooting gallery.”
There, he won a huge stuffed panda, which Amelia carried around with her for the rest of the day. She looked as pleased as if he’d given her a diamond necklace. Probably because she’d never had toys. Then they went to the demo derby, where real cars were smashed by men with hammers. For some reason that struck them both as funny. They laughed hysterically as the cars disintegrated. When their laughter subsided into awkward silence, and they wandered to the next attraction, Brian wondered if he’d lost his mind. He hadn’t laughed for months, so what had gotten into him? Why now? Why here? Why her? Amelia seemed to be lost in thought, also, as if she were wondering if she’d slipped a cog up there on the roller coaster.
“It wasn’t that funny,” she remarked soberly. “It must be the aftereffects of the roller coaster. I still feel a little light-headed.”
“That’s it,” he said, relieved, as they strolled through the home-arts tent, with tables full of jams and jellies and relishes. The sun shone on the glass jars of preserved fruits, turning them into purple, red and orange jewels.
“I’ll bet you could have won something with your apple pie,” he said, holding up a jar of pickles to the light.
“Think so?” she asked. “Maybe next year I’ll enter.”