He shrugged and sighed. “Soon, I hope. I wanted to get back for the holidays, but I don’t have a doctor’s stamp of approval yet. We never know what God has in mind, do we? I guess He has the final say.”
“Is that what it is?” she asked softly. Her own life had taken so many unexpected twists and turns. Whether you wanted to call it fate or destiny or the hand of God, it didn’t much matter. It still seemed undeniably true that she had very limited control over the shape of her life. Yet, she didn’t feel able to share all that with James—not now, probably never.
James picked up a handful of sand and let it sift slowly through his fingers. Leigh watched it fall, reminded of watching sand in an hourglass. When he spoke again, his voice was brighter, more upbeat.
“A friend of mine once told me that life is like booking a hotel room over the Internet. You have this false sense of confidence that you know what you’re getting, but once you get there it’s always different from what you expected.” He grinned. “I’ve never booked a hotel room over the Internet, but I still found it an amusing way to look at things.”
“It is.” Leigh found herself smiling again, too. She hoped he’d be able to return to his mission soon. It seemed so important to him.
Where would she be by then? Long gone from this place. She suddenly felt uneasy, drawing so close to him, talking about such personal matters. What was the point? In a few days, she’d be gone and they’d never see each other again.
She turned and looked down the beach. “Look at the light. You can really see it now.”
The sun had started to set in the winter sky, and the thin beam from the lighthouse was clearly visible, sweeping over the beach and rolling sea.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” James said. “Lighthouses seem so charming to us now—quaint, scenic relics of another era. But in the days before radio and electronic signals, they were critical to life up here. Keeping the light was an important job. That beam must have guided thousands and saved countless lives at sea.”
“Probably,” Leigh agreed, looking back at the light. “But it must have been lonely living there in the winter, even if you had a family.”
“Ideal if you play the bagpipes, though. Especially rather badly.” She could see from his expression he was teasing her again. “But I know what you mean. You’d need to be a certain kind of person. Still, everyone has their talents.” He smiled at her. “You never told me what you do for a living, Leigh. I mean, what you did in Boston before you left to see your friend in Wellfleet. Is it some kind of work related to your art?”
Leigh felt her mouth go dry. She hated lying to him. She felt so comfortable talking with him like this, and he was so trusting. But I can’t help it. I can’t tell him the truth.
She shrugged her shoulders and pulled out her gloves. “No, not at all,” she lied. “I was never able to make a living with art. I just did . . . this and that. I worked in stores and offices, whatever I could find.”
Before James could ask any more questions, a sudden puff of wind whipped off her hat. Leigh felt her short curls blowing around her face as she stood up and saw the wool hat tumbling down the beach. James jumped up and took after it.
She watched him chase it along the sand, the wind jerking it out of his reach a few times just as he made a grab for it. Then finally, the hat landed in a tall clump of beach grass and stuck there.
James plucked it out and started back to her. She could see that he was breathing heavily again.
“Here you go.” He brushed off some sand and handed it back. “That’s a nice hat. It suits you.”
Once again she didn’t know how to respond to his compliment. “Thanks. Sorry to make you chase after it. The wind picked up a lot. I didn’t even notice.” She tried to put her hat back on, but it was an impossible task as her thick hair seemed to be blowing wildly in every direction.
“Would you like me to hold your hat while you fix your hair?”
“Um, no . . . no, thanks.” She quickly bunched up her hat and stuck it in her pocket. “My hair is so thick. It’s such a nuisance sometimes.”
“It’s a beautiful nuisance then.”
Leigh glanced up at him, and a certain look in his eyes surprised her. It had been a long time since a man had looked at her that way. She had to admit, it did her ego good, but she felt awkward again. Maybe she was just imagining it.
Feeling self-conscious, she looked away, back up at the lighthouse again.
“I’m sorry, James. I don’t think I can make it the rest of the way. It feels too cold now that the sun is going down.”
The temperature had dropped, but that wasn’t the real reason she said she didn’t want to stay. She knew she had to bring the outing to a close.
In his own quiet way he’s dangerous to me. So no matter how kind or charming he is, I can’t let myself get too close.
“That’s okay,” he quickly agreed. He leaned over and picked up his pipes, taking one last long look at the ocean.
Maybe I’ve saved him the trouble of admitting he feels too tired for the rest of the walk, she thought.
“We’ll come back another day and do it, okay?”
She nodded and stuck her hands in her pockets as they began the slow trek back over the sand. “Sure. Another day.”
JESSICA SET SOME DISHES AND NAPKINS ON THE TABLE. SHE CHECKED the oven but the pizza didn’t seem hot enough yet. That was the problem with living so far from town. When you ordered takeout it inevitably arrived cold, that is, if the restaurant would even deign to deliver.
Sam walked in from the TV room and set an empty glass in the sink. He had been watching football all afternoon, ever since they had come home from her mother’s house. They had barely spoken. Which was just as well, Jessica thought, since he still seemed a bit moody.
But someone has to bring up the subject of Darrell, she thought, so it might as well be me.
“I’ve been thinking about the bean jar,” she started off slowly. “I guess we’ll have to pay for it, though I doubt it’s worth nearly as much as Mother claims.”
Sam sat at the table and opened the newspaper, barely glancing at her. “That’s okay. Just write her a check.”
If only it was that easy, Jessica thought. If only handing her mother a check would buy her silence. Jessica anticipated hearing recriminations over this for years to come.
“You know my mother. She might not take the money, just to prove her point.”
“What point is that?”
“That the jar was irreplaceable.” And that we should have never brought Darrell to her house, uninvited . . . and unwanted. Jessica thought the words but didn’t dare say them aloud.
“I know it was valuable, but I don’t understand the big fuss. It was just . . . a ceramic vase. She has a million of them.”
“Maybe I could look for one like it at antique dealers. Or maybe I’ll find one on the Internet. People say you can find all sorts of things at those auction sites.”
“Whatever.” Sam shook his head. “If your mother had half a heart, she wouldn’t make such a big deal about it. Darrell apologized to her. And she just sat there like a fire-breathing dragon.”
“Well, what did you expect her to do?”
“She could have said ‘Thanks’ or ‘I accept your apology.’ Or even ‘Okay.’ It wasn’t easy for him to face her like that. I know how a kid’s mind works at that age. He wanted to just cut and run, but he stuck it out and took his medicine. I don’t think she sent him the right message. She could have been more gracious. Then he would have learned a real lesson.”
“Sam, really. This is my mother we’re talking about. Besides, she had every right to be upset. He went through her house like wrecking crew—”
“He broke a bean jar, Jessica. It wasn’t the end of the world. Meanwhile, she said some very harsh things about him. You did, too,” he pointed out honestly. “And I saw his expression. What Lillian said hurt his feelings. Frankly, I think that’s far more important th
an some stupid vase. If you ask me, she was the one who owed him the apology.”
Jessica swallowed hard. She’d heard what her mother had said, too. It was hard to defend her and equally hard to defend herself, too. Impossible, actually.
But on the other hand, that didn’t let Darrell off the hook in her book. Nor did it mean that they weren’t obligated to make some amends.
“What my mother said was wrong,” Jessica admitted. “And what I said was wrong, too. I guess I just lost my temper. And I thought Darrell was upstairs. I never thought he’d hear me.”
Sam just raised a dark, skeptical eyebrow.
“And that was after he acted out,” she plunged on. “My mother was so upset. I didn’t know what to do. . . .”
Sam glanced at her and shook his head. “I know you were upset. I hate to see your mother get to you like that, Jess. But honestly, all things considered, I thought Darrell’s behavior was pretty good.”
“Pretty good?”
“Think about it. Where is this kid coming from? His mother is a drug addict, in and out of rehab. He’s never even met his father. He’s been shifted around, living in foster homes, sometimes even in shelters with his mother. He’s never once finished a grade in the same school, Luke told me. So considering all that, I can understand why he doesn’t have very good table manners. Can you?”
Jessica felt her heart sink. Sam’s tone was quiet but censuring.
“Yes . . . yes, of course I can. I know he’s had a terrible time. He wouldn’t be at New Horizons otherwise.” She ran her hand through her hair and sighed. Once again, she was caught like a deer in the headlights, between her mother’s imperious demands and her husband’s big-hearted principles.
She let out a long breath, feeling guilty for not having more sympathy for Darrell, for failing to show more charity and compassion, for not having more control over her own emotions.
“You’re right, of course.” He was, too, though sometimes her mother’s demands clouded her vision and it took her a while to see her way clear.
“Thank you.” Sam nodded but didn’t quite look at her. She could see he was still fired up but probably willing to drop the subject if she did. Still, she couldn’t quite let it go, not when everything about Darrell Lester made her so uncomfortable.
“He doesn’t seem to like me much. Today I just made it worse.”
“Who, Darrell?” Sam seemed surprised by her observation, though she thought it was perfectly obvious. “Don’t worry. He likes you.”
“I’m not worried about it. I’ve just noticed it, that’s all.” Jessica opened the oven again and took out the pizza. She placed it in the middle of the table and served herself a slice. “Maybe he doesn’t want to share you with anyone.”
“Come on, you’re being silly. He just needs to get to know you better. He’s a great kid, honestly.”
“If you say so. You know him a lot better than I do. How long is he staying at New Horizons?”
“I’m not sure. Until January, I think.”
It wasn’t all that long, Jessica told herself. She would manage to stick it out. The boy was important to Sam, for some reason she couldn’t quite understand. Maybe he was a substitute, a way for Sam to deal with his own disappointment about not having a child of their own yet. She knew Sam loved her. They were best friends, as well as man and wife. But there were some things she knew he didn’t share with her, and those feelings were part of it.
Maybe by the time Darrell leaves I’ll be pregnant, Jessica thought hopefully. It was possible.
When the pizza was finished there wasn’t much to clean up. They worked together, clearing the table and cleaning up the kitchen.
Sam turned on the dishwasher and dimmed the kitchen light. “Man, I’m beat. I’m working in Gloucester tomorrow. I’ll probably be home late.”
“Gloucester? But we have a doctor’s appointment. It’s with that new specialist in Southport. Did you forget?”
“Gee . . . I guess it slipped my mind.” Sam paused, looking abashed, even in the dim light. “What time were we supposed to be there?”
“Four-thirty. We need to get there a little earlier to fill out some forms.”
He was quiet for a moment, and she wondered if he was going to ask her to cancel the appointment. Had he given up on their having a baby? He glanced at her, then touched her shoulder. “Four-thirty. No problem. Just write down the address. I’ll be there.”
Jessica stepped closer and quickly hugged him. She realized that tears had welled up in her eyes and hoped that Sam hadn’t noticed. “Okay, I will. I’ll leave it on the kitchen table. Thanks.”
He put his arms around her and gave her a tight hug back. Jessica squeezed her eyes closed; after the day’s tension it felt so good to be back in his arms.
“You don’t need to thank me, sweetheart. We’re in this together. I want a baby as much as you do.”
Jessica didn’t answer. She knew how much Sam wanted a child. That made it easier for her . . . and harder sometimes, too.
CHAPTER FIVE
LEIGH WALKED TO HARBOR AUTO ON THURSDAY DURING HER lunch hour. Art Kroger, the mechanic there, had called the day before to say her car would be ready by noon.
“What do you think?” Art asked as she looked over the car.
“Oh, it looks great.” It did look fine, as good as ever. But Leigh realized she had mixed emotions. She’d been so eager to have the car finished, and now that it was ready, she wasn’t nearly so eager to leave town.
“It’s running good, too. You don’t have to worry. Of course, if there’s any problem, let us know.”
“Thanks, but I’m probably leaving here tomorrow.”
“Oh, sure. That’s right.” He nodded and handed her the keys. “Well, you have a good trip.”
Leigh smiled at him. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” When he stared back blankly, she added, “You never gave me the bill, Mr. Kroger.”
“Oh, that’s been taken care of. Reverend Cameron stopped in last night, took care of everything. I thought you knew.”
Leigh took a breath, feeling surprised. “No . . . I didn’t.”
She and James had already talked this over. She knew that his insurance wouldn’t cover all of the repairs. She had told him she wanted to pay some share, but he had never given her a firm answer about it one way or the other. Now she knew why. James had been harboring a secret plan to swoop in and pay for everything.
“I guess I’ll have to speak with him about it.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Art Kroger looked puzzled as he helped her into her car and waved good-bye.
Leigh pulled out of the station and drove past the harbor. She spotted the church at the far end of the village green and considered stopping there to speak to James, but she didn’t have enough time. She needed to get back to Dr. Harding’s office. Even though it was her last day, she didn’t want to leave on a bad note; she knew Nancy Malloy was watching the reception area and was eager to get out herself.
When Leigh walked into the office she found Nancy seated at the front desk, handing a file to Dr. Harding.
“How’s your car? Is it all fixed now?” Dr. Harding asked.
“Good as new . . . well, I bought it secondhand, so it’s good as used, I guess.”
Nancy chuckled as she stood up to get her coat. The office was in one of its temporary lulls. The waiting room stood empty, and there didn’t appear to be anyone in the exam room either.
Leigh stopped at one of the lamp tables and straightened a pile of magazines.
“We’ll be sorry to see you go, Leigh. Any chance we could persuade you to stay a little longer?”
Leigh looked up at Dr. Harding, surprised at the request.
“Amy Mueller, my regular receptionist, just called. She needs to stay with her family a few weeks longer and says she can’t come back now until after the holidays,” he explained.
“Gee . . . I’m not really sure.” Leigh mulled over the possibility. Should she sta
y here? Working those extra few weeks until the baby was born would help her limited finances.
She had sold her fancy car, the one Martin had given her, for a fairly large sum. But then she’d had to buy a car, something safe enough for the baby. A good car, even used, wasn’t cheap. She still had some money left over, of course. But without health insurance she knew having the baby would deplete another large chunk. And then she would need some money to set up another apartment, for a security deposit and rent and furniture. And she still had several weeks until the baby came. She was using money every day just to live. She’d even put off doctor visits in order to save, though she knew it wasn’t very wise. If she started on the road again, she would be using up the small gain she had made so far, and she wasn’t likely to find another job so easily.
Still, was she safe here? That was the big question. There had been no further news from Alice about Martin’s attempts to find her. Alice suspected he was distracted by his business problems, but she couldn’t say for sure if he had given up his search. Nobody could.
Leigh sighed, weighing the pros and cons. She felt both Dr. Harding and Nancy watching her, waiting for her answer.
“I’ll give you a raise. How’s that sound?” Dr. Harding grinned, and Leigh wondered if he thought she was hesitating on purpose.
“Don’t be silly. The salary is fine.” Leigh thought he was already paying her very generously, probably out of relief at finding some reliable help in his emergency or maybe because he felt sorry for her. “It’s just that this offer is a surprise,” she explained. “I’m not sure what to do.”
Nancy gave Leigh an encouraging look. “I hope you’ll stay, Leigh. For one thing, you’re so organized. Those temps from the agency are so scatterbrained sometimes. They come in for a day and mess up everything.”
Leigh felt honored to have earned the highly efficient Nancy’s approval but couldn’t really let that factor into her decision. “Can I think it over and tell you at the end of the day?”
“Excellent idea. Think it over,” Dr. Harding said, turning back toward his office. “Just don’t forget my offer to raise your salary.”
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