“So can you believe Luke’s actually leaving Sandy Cove to go to college?” Lucy asked, as she picked up Luke’s pillow and hugged it to her lap. “I asked Mom if I could have his room,” she added.
Luke stopped folding and looked over at his sister.
“Don’t worry. She said no. She wants it just like you left it, so you’ll want to come home,” she said. “Guess I’ll be stuck with Lily for the rest of my life. Until I go off to college, too, that is.”
Luke scoffed. “You’ll need to spend more time studying and less time socializing if you want to get a scholarship and be able to go away for college. Otherwise, you’ll end up living here and going to SCC.”
Lucy looked at him with an air of dismissal. “I’m going to college in California. I’ve already decided.” Then she turned her focus to Madison. “What about you, Maddie? Where do you want to go?”
Shrugging, Madison replied, “I’m not sure.”
“You better start thinking about it,” Lucy warned. “You only have one more year before you have to start sending in applications.”
Luke glanced at Madison and seemed to be reading her mind. “Lay off, Lucy. Madison knows that.”
“Just trying to help,” she said as she stood and dropped the pillow back against the headboard. “Want to go shopping with us tomorrow afternoon?” she asked Madison. “Mom’s taking me to the mall in Portland after we drop Luke off at the airport.”
“Maybe. I’ll talk to my mom.”
“Catch you two lovebirds downstairs,” Lucy said with a smile as she left the room.
Madison felt her face turn crimson, but Luke just laughed. “Crazy kid,” he muttered, picking up a stack of tee shirts and placing them into his suitcase.
As the two families gathered around the table to say grace before helping themselves to the various dishes on the buffet, Lily slipped in next to Madison and took her hand, gazing up at her with a sweet smile of admiration. “I wish you were my sister,” she said softly. Although Lily could hold her own with her twin brother, Liam, she was much quieter than her sister, Lucy. She sometimes reminded Madison of herself.
Giving her a squeeze, Madison replied, “Me, too.”
Luke stood across from her on the other side of the table, holding his baby sister up to his shoulder as they bowed their heads and prayed. When Madison looked back up at him, he winked, and she felt herself blush again. He sure looks natural holding little Laney like that. He’ll be a great dad someday, she thought.
The dinner conversation centered mostly on Luke’s plans.
“So tell us more about your school,” Steve asked, leaning forward and making eye contact with Luke.
“Well, it’s a four-year college with a work-study program,” he explained.
“No tuition or payments for room and board,” Ben added. “It’s all student work based.”
“Which is why we can afford for him to go,” Kelly said. “Otherwise, he’d have to have a scholarship, and he’d probably still need to take out loans.” She looked around the table at their brood of six. “It’s a good thing his counselor told him about this school.”
“And that they accepted him,” Ben added, looking proudly at their son.
“Didn’t you have to go for some interviews a couple of years ago?” Michelle asked.
Madison was paying close attention to everything. Lucy was right. She needed to start thinking about all of this. And maybe, just maybe, she should consider this same school.
Luke jumped back into the conversation. “So the thing is, this school is really small and they only accept a couple hundred freshman each year. The counselor told me that most students begin visiting the campus during ninth or tenth grade. You can actually start meeting with the Dean on your first visit.”
“What’s the campus like?” Madison heard herself ask.
“It’s nice. They have lots of acreage with trees, grassy areas—stuff like that. The buildings are older style. Kind of east coast looking,” he replied.
“Sounds pretty,” she said, trying to picture herself that far away from home. “Maybe I’ll come out and visit.” She looked up to see all the adults looking at her. She blushed and glanced over at Luke. He was smiling.
“Good idea,” he said. “I’ll show you around.”
As the conversation continued, Madison learned that Luke would not be home for Thanksgiving. “It’s too expensive to fly home for every break,” he explained.
“My brother and his family live a few hours away in St. Louis. He might rent a car and drive up there for the holiday,” Kelly explained, sounding like she was trying to be cheerful and upbeat about it.
Luke looked at Madison again. “I’ll be home for Christmas for sure.”
She nodded and smiled.
After dinner, Luke surprised her by asking if she wanted to go for a walk. “Sure,” she replied.
“Don’t be gone long,” Kelly said. “We’ve got dessert, and then you’ve got to finish packing.”
Luke flashed a smile at his mother. “Don’t worry. It’ll all get done.”
The long summer evening provided daylight for their walk. They strolled side-by-side, but not touching. “So are you ready for junior year?” he asked.
“I guess.” She paused and then added, “I’ll miss seeing you at school.”
“Nah,” he replied, giving her a playful shove. “The guys will be swarming around you. You won’t even notice I’m gone.”
She felt a stab to her heart, but shoved him back with the best smile she could muster. “Yeah. Like they always swarm around me,” she added with a twinge of sarcasm.
They walked on in silence for a few minutes, down the familiar streets they’d known their whole lives. “Hey, remember when your dad took the training wheels off your bike and helped you ride it on the sidewalk here?” he asked.
She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Remember the gash in my knee when I fell on that driveway,” she replied, pointing to the offending concrete.
“But you got right back up. I was really proud of you.”
“You were?” Her heart felt lighter.
“Yeah.”
“So do you know who you’ll be rooming with in the dorm?” she asked.
“Some guy from Texas. He’s into music.”
“Oh. Like worship?” she asked.
“Like band. He’ll be playing the trumpet in the school band.”
She looked up at him. This time it was her turn to shove. “So I guess you’ll be listening to a lot of practicing. Hope he doesn’t keep you up all night,” she added with a glint in her eye.
Nodding and laughing, he replied, “Better get some earplugs, I guess.”
As they rounded the corner and headed back, he asked casually, “So will you write me while I’m gone?”
“Uh, sure. If you want.”
“I want. Not just emails either. Send me some real letters.”
She noticed the change in the tone of his voice. His playfulness was pushed aside by earnestness.
“I will. Promise,” she replied. “And you’ll write back. Deal?”
“Deal.” He lifted his hand, and they high-fived each other. Then for just a brief moment, he looked almost like he would kiss her. But he seemed to catch himself, and turning away, he just draped his arm over her shoulder, gave her a squeeze, and then let go.
“Did Maddie seem quiet to you tonight, honey?” Michelle asked Steve, as they got ready for bed.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe a little. Why?”
“I think Luke’s leaving is harder on her than she expected.”
Steve nodded. He sat on the side of the bed and pulled her down next to him. “Our little girl sure has grown up,” he replied, taking Michelle’s hand and lifting it to his lips for a gentle kiss.
Affection swept over Michelle. It seemed like her love for Steve grew deeper every year.
“She’ll be fine, honey. Once school starts, and she gets involved in things with her friend
s.”
“Yeah,” Michelle replied, with a smile. “You realize she’ll probably start dating pretty soon, too, right? I mean we did say sixteen.”
He nodded. “But group dating only. And I need to meet the boys first.”
She sighed. “I’d really hoped she and Luke would one day…” Her voice drifted off, leaving the rest unsaid.
Steve squeezed her hand. “Yeah. Remember what little love birds they seemed to be when she was in middle school?”
Michelle laughed as she remembered them sharing the earpieces of his iPod as they listened to music together. “They were a cute couple, weren’t they?”
“Yep.” He took a deep breath and let it out. Then he turned to look at her, putting his finger on her chin and moving his face toward hers. “We’re a cute couple, too, you know,” he said slyly.
“Are you going somewhere with this?” she asked, pretending to be clueless.
“Maybe,” he replied, pulling her into a kiss that began playfully and then deepened. Soon they were dissolving into each other’s arms.
Later, as Michelle drifted off to sleep, she voiced a silent prayer. Jesus, please watch over Maddie. Keep her close and help her through the letting go process with Luke. And, if it’s Your will, would You bring them back together in Your perfect time?
Peace replaced the concern that had gripped her heart, and she sank into a restful, uninterrupted night’s sleep.
CHAPTER TWO
Madison watched Luke sling his backpack onto the conveyor belt at the security checkpoint at the airport. He turned and gave her one final smile before walking through the metal detector and disappearing into the sea of people on the other side. “Bye,” she whispered to herself, and then turning and giving her mother, Lucy, and Kelly her best fake smile, she said aloud, “Time to shop!”
“Yep!” Lucy exclaimed in reply, taking Madison’s arm in hers and leading them toward the exit.
They headed out to the parking structure, piled into Kelly’s SUV, and drove off toward the mall. As Michelle and Kelly chatted in the front seat, Madison gazed out the car window, watching an airplane taking off and wondering if it was Luke’s.
“Did you hear me?” Lucy asked.
Maddie turned to her friend. “What?”
“I was asking if you’d seen the latest issue of Sixteen magazine. They have a big fashion section. Lots of cute dresses.”
“No. I haven’t seen it,” she replied.
“Well, lucky for you I brought it along.” Lucy reached down, retrieved her backpack from the floor, and unzipped it, pulling out the large, glossy publication. A cute blonde on the cover wore a turquoise tee shirt with a sterling silver heart necklace dangling in its v-neck. Lucy quickly paged through to the fashion article and then handed it to Madison. “See what I mean? I hope we can find some like these.” She pointed to a few of the pictures.
“Yeah, those are cute,” Madison agreed. I wonder how they’d look on me, she thought. These girls are all so thin.
When they arrived at the mall, Kelly and Michelle suggested the girls do a little looking at their favorite shops while they grabbed a cup of coffee. “If you see something you like, just ask them to hold it,” Michelle told Madison.
“We’ll meet back at the food court at noon, get some lunch, and then we can go see your finds,” Kelly added.
Turning to Madison, Michelle added, “Remember your budget, honey.”
“You, too, Luce,” Kelly said.
“Okay, okay. Let’s go,” Lucy said, grabbing Maddie’s hand and dragging her in the direction of one of the teen clothing shops.
As they walked through the first store, Lucy pulled multiple dresses from the racks, throwing them over her arm in wild abandon. “Everything’s so cute!” she said blissfully.
Madison found five dresses that appealed to her, and they headed for the dressing rooms.
“How many?” the attendant asked.
Lucy began counting her hangers. “Fourteen.”
“You can only take six in at a time,” the woman replied.
Sighing, Lucy replied, “Okay.” She began weeding through the pile, choosing her favorite six. Reluctantly, she handed the others over.
“They’ll be right here,” the attendant promised, gesturing to a rack nearby. Handing them each a number, she led them to their dressing rooms.
“Let’s come out and show each other each dress,” Lucy suggested as they walked into the adjoining cubicles.
Madison nodded. “Okay.”
A couple of minutes later, Lucy said, “I’m ready!” Madison could hear her unlatch and open the dressing room door next to hers.
“Just a minute,” she replied, perusing herself in the mirror. The dress was cute, but her hips looked fat in it. “I’m not sure I like this one,” she called out.
“Let me see,” Lucy said.
As Madison tentatively opened the door, she spotted Lucy admiring herself in the three-way mirror across from the dressing rooms. She looked really cute, and her dress fit perfectly. Seeing her in the reflection, Lucy asked, “What do you think?” as she twirled around to face her.
Madison smiled. “It looks really good on you,” she replied.
Lucy turned back to the mirror, gave herself another once over, and nodded. “Yeah. I really like this one.” Then, almost as if it was an oversight, she turned back to look at Madison’s dress. “That one’s cute, too,” she said, sounding like she was trying to convince herself as much as Maddie.
“It’s not for me,” Madison replied. “Maybe you should try it on.”
Lucy smiled. “Okay. Do you want to try this one on?” she asked.
Madison knew it wouldn’t look the same on her as it did on her friend. “No. That’s okay. I’ll just try on one of the others I’ve got in there.”
Lucy looked almost relieved. Probably didn’t want me to buy the same dress as her, Madison thought.
They both disappeared into their dressing rooms again, repeating their showing and sharing until all the dresses had been tried. Madison spent the last twenty minutes retrieving Lucy’s other dresses from the rack, a few at a time, as Lucy rejected the ones she didn’t like.
By the time they left the shop over an hour later, Lucy had five dresses on hold and Madison had two. They spent the next hour moving from store to store, trying on more clothes and then shoes before stopping at a kiosk and checking out jewelry and scarf accessories. Then it was time to meet up with their moms at the food court.
“How was the shopping?” Michelle asked the girls as they plunked down at a table together.
“Great!” Lucy exclaimed. “I found five dresses at one shop, some jeans and sweaters at another, and a great pair of boots.”
Michelle turned to Madison. “How about you?” she asked hopefully.
Madison tried to act enthusiastic. “I found a couple of dresses, a skirt, and a sweatshirt.” None of them were great, but she didn’t want to go home empty-handed. She knew they wouldn’t be back out to Portland before school started, and the shops in Sandy Cove were expensive. Besides, they didn’t usually have that much that she liked. Seeing her mother’s surprised expression, she added, “I’ll probably order some stuff online, too.”
Nodding, Michelle replied, “Okay. After lunch, we’ll go see what you found.”
The food court had a variety of cuisines. Michelle and Kelly both wanted French bread soup bowls. Lucy suggested pizza, but Madison opted for salad. “Is that all you’re having?” Lucy asked when she saw Maddie’s tray.
“Yeah. I’m not that hungry,” Madison replied, hoping she sounded convincing while her stomach churned. If she wanted to look good in her new clothes, she really needed to lose a few pounds.
After they ate, the girls led their mothers back through the mall to the shops where they had items on hold. After several negotiations with Kelly, Lucy was able to purchase most of the clothes she wanted. Madison was under budget, so Michelle encouraged her to look at a few more items. Th
ey found several sweaters and a pair of jeans that Madison agreed upon.
“I wish my mom was trying to convince me to get more stuff,” Lucy said wistfully.
“You got plenty,” Kelly replied with a laugh.
Bags in hand, they headed back to find the car and make the long drive back to Sandy Cove. As they wove through the countryside, Madison found herself thinking about Luke again. He’d be landing in Missouri soon and starting a whole new life at college. And although her friend was sitting beside her, Maddie suddenly felt very much alone.
Later that afternoon, Madison was sitting on her bed gazing at pictures of young models on her laptop, when her mother walked in.
“Almost time for dinner, honey,” she said, glancing down at the screen. “What are you looking at?”
Madison flipped the cover of the computer closed. “Nothing.”
Her mother just stood there for a moment and then asked, “Is something bothering you?”
The concern and compassion in her voice pierced Madison’s defenses. She looked up, and trying not to cry replied, “Guess you could say that.”
Michelle sat down beside her and rested her hand on Madison’s leg. “Is it about Luke?”
Madison hesitated. “Yeah. But it’s also this,” she added, pushing the laptop off to the side, her voice bitter.
Her mother picked it up and flipped it open. Faces of beautiful teens flashed on the screen. Super slim bodies with cutting edge fashions hanging on their skinny frames.
Madison could feel her mom’s eyes studying her. “See what I mean? I’ll never look like them. Not in a million years. Even if I go on a massive diet and dye my hair, I’ll still be too short.”
“Why would you want to look like them? You’re beautiful just the way you are.”
Maddie shook her head. “You’re just saying that because you’re my mother. If anyone’s the beauty in this family, it’s you, not me.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished she could take them back. Her mother’s face looked stunned and even a little hurt.
Behind Her Smile Page 2