I simply nodded my head. I’d been cooking for entire families for about as long as I could remember, but I was too tired to tell her that and face any questions about why.
Seton helped me turn down the bed, and made sure I had everything I needed. “Do you have a toothbrush? Toothpaste?”
I assured her I did, and then remembered something. “I forgot to pack a nightgown,” I said.
“Oh, well,” she shrugged. “You can just wear that shirt, and your underwear, I suppose, if you need to wear something. It’s warm enough you wouldn’t need anything at all, if you didn’t want.”
I had never considered the idea that some people might sleep in the nude. I glanced at the bed, where who knew how many others had slept before me. I’d keep my shirt and underwear on.
Seton stood and stretched her arms above her head. “I’ll come back tomorrow to see how you’re doing,” she smiled at me. “Maybe early afternoon? It’s my day off from work. I can take you for a tour around Lupine.” She had told me she worked as an apprentice chef at one of the restaurants in town.
It was on the tip of my tongue to say yes, but then I remembered something. “I might not be here,” I said slowly. “I’m only supposed to stay until tomorrow. They might make me leave first thing in the morning.”
Seton laughed and waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about that,” she said. “They’re not going to kick you out. I promise.”
I tried to believe her, but it didn’t seem likely that Levi would let me stay, and in any case, I had promised him I would leave tomorrow. Even though I didn’t have the slightest idea what I would do, I didn’t want to break my word to him. Even though I would probably never see him again after tomorrow, I didn’t want him to think badly of me. Despite his wild look and his tattoo-covered skin, I respected him. I was just starting to realize how hard it was going to be to leave the WFZ community and start fresh without anyone to help me. He had made a clean break, and had a new life, a new identity, and he had been even younger than I was now when he did it. I hoped I could be half as brave as he had been.
Seton said goodbye to me, and I locked the door securely behind her. The apartment was quiet except for the murmur of voices and the muted boom of music below me. The noise was comforting; even though I was alone, I knew there were people not far away, and that they were having fun. Although I was in the presence of near-strangers, I felt safer here than I had in days. I stripped off my jeans, pulled my bra off from under my shirt, and climbed into bed, groaning in pleasure again at the softness of the bed. I turned off the light and stared at the shadows the light coming in through the window made on the walls. Before I knew it, I was asleep.
My dreams were fitful and full of strange mixtures of my past and my present. In one of them, Levi was at the WFZ Ranch, dressed in the conservative clothing typical of the men in that community. His tattoos were visible above the collar of his shirt and below his cuffs, and I kept wondering why no one was saying anything about them. He came to our house to see to my husband Isaiah, and I busied myself by working in the kitchen as they sat at the table together talking. From the moment he sat down, Levi’s eyes never left me. Even with my back to him, I could feel his gaze heating me from the inside, until I felt like I was made of molten lava. My body shook with the fear that Isaiah would notice him looking at me, but at the same time my skin tingled until it felt as sensitive as if Levi were actually touching me.
I woke in a sweat the next morning, an ache between my legs unlike anything I’d ever felt before. I sat up, my breathing shallow, and tried to shake the sensation of guilt that had followed me from my dream. The throb of what I dimly realized must be desire followed me into the bathroom. I ran cold water to splash my face and brushed my hair out of the tangled nest it had become with all of my tossing and turning. There was a clock on the wall above the bed, so I knew it was a little before ten-thirty in the morning. My stomach growled suddenly, and I remembered that my last meal had been over fourteen hours ago.
The thumping music that had been my background noise last night as I fell asleep had been replaced this morning by the low murmur of men talking downstairs. I went to the paper bag Seton had brought me the night before, dressed in the same pair of jeans and a light pink T-shirt that I found, and steeled myself to go downstairs and face a group of strange men who didn’t know me from Eve.
The kitchen wasn’t hard to find, as it was down a short hall behind the bar area. I scurried through the main room of the bar, careful not to meet the eyes of any of the men there, and breathed a sigh of relief that the kitchen was deserted at this hour. I found some pre-ground coffee and some filters in a cupboard above an automatic drip coffee maker. I loved the smell of coffee, but members of our community weren’t allowed to drink caffeine. I hesitated, almost closing the cupboard door, and then reminded myself that I didn’t belong to the WFZ Ranch anymore. It was almost dizzying, all of the small new freedoms this new life had. Half-giddy, I put some water in the drip maker for about half a pot, and tried to estimate how much ground coffee I needed to put in the maker. Luckily, the package had directions so I didn’t mess it up too badly.
Next, I looked in the refrigerator, and was surprised to see eggs, milk, and even a couple of packets of sausage. My stomach rumbled again, growing more impatient. I found a bowl, and cracked two eggs into it for scrambling. I located two skillets, a small and a medium, in another cabinet next to the stove, put the eggs into one, and a couple of the sausages in the other. I turned on the stove and stood there waiting for things to cook, something about the repetitive nature of these domestic tasks, which I had done so many times before, helping to dissipate the lingering unsettledness I had been feeling since waking up.
A couple of minutes later, one of the men from the bar wandered into the room. He looked to be about my age, with brown, wavy hair that curled around his ears and a square, handsome jaw. Like the other men I had seen, he had tattoos, but fewer than most, and certainly fewer than Levi. He was wearing a clean white T-shirt and loose jeans over motorcycle boots.
“Mmm, smells good,” he said, grinning. “You sharing?”
Even though he was much taller than I was and I knew he was a club member, there was something about him that made him feel a little less intimidating than the other men I had seen. Maybe it was because of his apparent proximity to my age. I smiled back at him shyly and said, “I can. Scrambled eggs and sausage, if you want.”
“I want,” he nodded. Pulling out a chair from the square fake wood and metal kitchen table, he flipped it around and sat so that his arms were resting on the back. I walked back to the refrigerator and pulled the eggs back out along with the sausage. “These are just about done,” I told him, and smiled. “My name’s Cherish.”
“Cal,” he replied, raising his chin in a sort of half-nod. “Nice to meet you.”
“You, too.”
“You don’t seem like the typical girl we see around here,” he continued in an amused voice. “How’d you end up at an MC clubhouse?”
I reddened. “Uh… I’m just here until later today. I… just needed a place to stay.”
“Who brought you here?” he asked. I could tell he was not going to be the type to let this go easily, but I tried to give him as little as I could.
“Um… no one brought me here. But my brother knew Levi when we were kids, so I took a chance that he might help me out.”
“Levi?” he said, one eyebrow shooting up quizzically. “You know Levi? Man, I can’t even really imagine him as a kid. What was he like?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “He left… uh, left town when I was really young, so I don’t really remember him.”
“Huh,” Cal murmured. He nodded slowly, considering. By then, the first batch of eggs and sausage was ready, and I grabbed a plate and set them before him. The food seemed to distract him from any more conversation about Levi. I watched him eat for a moment, smiling as he made appreciative noises and gave me a th
umbs up. Then I put some more eggs and sausage on for myself.
The coffee maker beeped, startling me, and I realized it must be ready. I took a mug down from the cupboard, poured myself half a cup, and took an experimental sip. It was hot, so hot it almost burned my lips, and bitter. I wasn’t sure what I thought of it yet. It certainly tasted different than it smelled. I raised the cup to take second taste when another man came in. I recognized him from the night before, when Seton and I had gotten back from dinner. He was tall and dark, with coal black hair and piercing brown eyes. His voice was a deep bass, and as soon as he spoke I remembered hearing him talking to Greyson and Levi the night before.
“Cal, you gonna give me a hand out back?” he asked from the doorway.
Cal nodded and swallowed a forkful of egg. “Just about done here, Trig. Cherish here was nice enough to make me a delicious and healthy second breakfast.”
The man Cal had called Trig looked at me speculatively. “Cal’s already got you earning your keep, eh?”
I blushed. “I was just making some breakfast for myself and he came in, so I thought I’d make some for him, as well. Seton told me I could help myself. I hope that’s not a problem.”
Trig chuckled, a surprisingly merry sound coming from such a dangerous looking man. “Hey, when the prez’s old lady tells you can do something, you can do it.”
“You met See, eh?” Cal asked. He stood up and brought his plate to the sink. “She’s my sister.”
Now there was a surprise. “Really? She’s been really nice to me. She brought me these clothes when I showed up last night, and even took me out for dinner.”
“Oh, yeah, actually I recognize that shirt,” Cal grinned. “Ha, it looks better on you.”
I laughed. “I doubt that, but thank you anyway.”
Trig looked at Cal and gave him a half-joking look of warning. “Watch it, brother. Don’t forget Levi told us that she was strictly off limits. Keep your pants on.”
I realized belatedly that Cal might have been trying to flirt with me. I didn’t know whether to be flattered or embarrassed. Thankfully, my eggs and sausage were finally done, and I busied myself by getting another plate from the cupboard and serving myself.
Trig clapped Cal on the back and said, “Well, miss…”
“Cherish,” I told him.
“Well, miss Cherish, we’ll be on our way and let you eat before Cal tries to put the moves on you.” Cal thanked me for the food and then they were gone, leaving me alone to finally fill my rumbling stomach.
As I ate, I thought about what Trig had said. Don’t forget Levi told us that she was strictly off limits. The two men, Cal and Trig, had both been unwaveringly polite to me. I wondered how much Levi had to do with that, and how they would have acted if he hadn’t given them a warning. I silently thanked him for protecting me from whatever he thought I needed protecting from.
Almost as if he had read my mind and knew I was thinking about him, Levi walked into the kitchen just as I was finishing up my plate of eggs. “Trigger said you were in here,” he murmured by way of greeting. Instead of sitting down, he leaned against the wall nearest the doorway. “Sleep well?”
“Yes, thank you,” I replied. I blushed as the dream involving him flashed briefly into my mind. My heart began to flutter in my chest.
“Good,” he said, and then was silent.
I stood and picked up my plate to take it to the sink. “I want to thank you again for letting me stay here last night, Levi,” I said softly. I looked into his eyes, and tried to ignore the growing surge of heat at my core. “I know you didn’t have to. And I know it probably caused you some trouble.”
His gaze traveled briefly over me before coming back to my face. “Don’t mention it,” he murmured gruffly.
Feeling awkward, I turned away from him and busied myself by turning on the water to wash the dishes. “I want you to know I’ll be out of here as soon as I figure out what I’m going to do next. I promise I’ll be gone by nightfall.” I had no idea how my situation could possibly change by nightfall, and the thought of leaving without money or a plan absolutely terrified me. But I had given Levi my word, and I wasn’t going to go back on it.
He shifted from one leg to another, looking suddenly uncomfortable. “Look, you don’t have to leave right away. I know you really haven’t had time to figure much out.”
“No, it’s okay,” I said, shaking my head. “I know it’s a burden to have me here. I shouldn’t have imposed on you in the first place.”
He sighed. “It’s not a burden, Cherish. You barely take up any space at all.”
“It is,” I repeated stubbornly. “I know I don’t really… fit here.” I laughed. “Obviously. And the few people I’ve met have been so nice to me.” Thanks to you. “But still, they’ve had to go out of their way for me, and I can’t really do anything to pay them back for it.” I looked down into the sink absently. “I’m not used to taking favors from people.”
A silence passed between us. Levi detached himself from the wall and slumped into the chair Cal had vacated. “Cherish,” he began, and then paused before continuing. “I’m glad you contacted me. If it got you out of there. I’m glad.”
I turned from the sink, grabbing a towel to dry my hands. I looked at the floor, not quite daring to meet his eyes. I stood there for a moment, reflecting. Finally, I glanced at him and sighed softly. “I think, to be honest, I just needed the idea of having some place to go, to help me decide to finally leave. You know? Just so I had a destination in mind when I left the Ranch.”
His brow furrowed, considering. “Yeah.” After a moment, he added. “It’s not easy to take the first step.”
“No. It’s not.” It felt strange, to be having this conversation with someone who was at once a total stranger and the one person in the world who would understand what I was saying. “I think the idea of just leaving, with no way to say, ‘I’m going to this place’… It would have felt like jumping off a cliff.” My voice diminished to almost a whisper. “I’m not sure I would have had the courage to do it, otherwise.”
Levi was looking at me intensely now, his expression unreadable. “Why did you leave?” he asked suddenly. “I mean, what was the final thing that pushed you?”
“I’m not sure,” I lied. But something inside me was telling me to give him the truth. It felt wrong to lie to him, after he had helped me. And in a way, maybe it would be good to say it to someone. I paused a moment to gather my courage, then shook my head. “No, that’s not true. I do know what it was.” My eyes met his, and I forced myself not to look away.
“I was married to a man who has four children,” I began. “I was his second wife. His first one, my sister wife — her name is Carolyn — she believes in everything they teach you about what women should do. That they should only be concerned with their roles as godly, obedient spouses. Except she hates me.” I shrugged. “I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because her children get along with me so well. I’m sort of more like an older sister to them. And maybe, too, because once I was married to Isaiah, he shared my bed more often than he shared hers.”
My face flamed red. I had never spoken about sex to anyone, let alone a man I barely knew. I took a deep breath and plunged ahead with my story.
“I was actually married once before, before Isaiah. When I was sixteen. Abram died after we’d been married a little over two years,” I continued. “Luckily, he was so old when we married that he wasn’t really able to… well, you know.” I looked at the floor. “So, I was a virgin when I got married to Isaiah at nineteen. I didn’t really know how good I’d had it with Abram until my wedding night with Isaiah. Since I had been married once before, no one really thought to explain to me what was going to happen.” I drew my arms protectively around myself at the memory of that night. “As I said, Isaiah shared my bed most nights after that first one. He… he beat me if ever I didn’t want to sleep with him, so I learned not to object.”
I risked a glance at Levi
before I went on. His face was dark, his jaw clenched. I looked back down at the floor and continued.
“The thing is, Isaiah’s oldest daughter by Carolyn is fourteen now. Her name is Abigail. She’s a sweet girl, pretty and obedient. And…” My voice began to crack, and I swallowed painfully. “And Isaiah just made the decision that she’s to be married off to a man of forty-two. Carolyn agrees with him, and poor Abigail…” My lip trembled. “Poor Abigail doesn’t know what she’s in for.” A tear rolled down my cheek, then another. “I realized that when I had children, they would be Isaiah’s, too. And he would make the same decisions for them. For any daughters I had.” A sob escaped me, and I shook my head as I fought for words. “I just couldn’t stay, knowing that was my future, my children’s future. I just couldn’t.”
Levi looked stricken. “Jesus. Cherish… I don’t know what to say.”
“No. No, it’s fine,” I sniffled, grabbing a paper towel from the rack and wiping at my eyes. “It’s… it’s actually sort of a relief to talk about it. I’ve been thinking about it for so long, without any way to say it out loud.” I sighed shakily. “It’s a little like an escape valve.” I smiled at him weakly through my tears. “Thanks.”
For a moment, neither of us spoke. What else was there to say?
“Well,” I finally said, to break the silence. “I should finish cleaning these skillets. Then I should go wash up. I think Seton is planning to come see me in a little while.”
Levi stood. “I’ll let you get to it, then.” For a moment, he seemed to be on the verge of saying something else, but then he turned and was gone. I sighed and turned back to the dishes, emotionally drained by the unexpectedly serious conversation with Levi. I had never had such a deeply personal conversation with anyone before, let alone a man who wasn’t even related to me. I wasn’t quite sure what had gotten into me. I hoped he hadn’t regretted asking me about my decision to leave.
After finishing up in the kitchen, I went upstairs and took another long shower, which made me feel somewhat better. Once I had brushed out my hair and gotten dressed, I found a stray paperback in the apartment and tried to distract myself with it. I knew I should probably be thinking about what my next steps were, but frankly the idea was so overwhelming I didn’t know where to start. I was hoping that maybe a conversation with Seton would give me some ideas. Maybe there was someplace in town that took in women who didn’t have any place to stay.
RIDE (A Stone Kings Motorcycle Club Romance) Page 40