by R. J. Lewis
“So there you go,” I said lamely, finishing off my epic monologue. Why did I have to talk so much?
He was quiet. Probably judging me. Probably wondering why he just bedded a whore. He had the right to.
His silence was making this weird now. Deciding to rest on my back as a pathetic attempt to escape the rotten feeling in my chest, I turned away from him.
“Stop,” he suddenly said, pulling me back to my side. “Don’t run off.”
“You haven’t said anything in, like, two minutes, and it’s weird now.”
“It’s not weird. I’m just thinking.”
“What’re you thinking about?”
“Your story, of course.”
“And?”
“And I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
Ugh. I sighed. “I don’t want a ‘sorry’, Ben.”
“What do you want then?”
“The truth. Your true feelings! Lay it to me thick. I know it was whorish, and I just wish people would start telling me that instead of saying ‘sorry’.”
“You’re right,” he then said firmly. “It was whorish. It was wrong. It was a stupid cry for attention that backfired. But that doesn’t mean you have to carry that reminder on your face every day for the rest of your life. You. Didn’t. Deserve. It.”
I looked at him warily. “You’re not just saying that?”
He stroked the scars again, and brought his face inches from mine. “No, I’m not just saying that. But you’re letting them win by giving them control over your feelings. Instead of looking into the mirror and remembering the night they did this to you, remember the mistake you learned from. Because it has changed you, right?”
I nodded.
“Good. Imagine the road you’d have been on if you’d kept going, and then think of what you’ve filled your life with now. Tell me which life you prefer.”
“This one,” I said without question.
He smiled. “So what the hell do you have to be depressed about?”
I smiled back. “Nothing, I guess.”
But I knew all this already, didn’t I? It was the message Mom and Emily had been telling me for months now. One that didn’t seem to stick. Yet when they were said by Ben, it made sense in a way I’d been desperately wanting to grasp.
“Like I said,” he added with a tender kiss, “you’re beautiful, and don’t tell me otherwise.”
I didn’t because I wanted to believe him.
He thought I was beautiful, and it was about time I really tried to think so too.
*****
Emily: Did you get laid tonight. Text me ASAP if you did.
Me: Sure did.
Emily: Skank.
Me: Correction – “happy” skank, thank you very much! Did you get lucky too?
Emily: Another limp dick. I think there’s something in the water. Why else are they all so deformed? *and I’m talking bent at the tip kinda deformed*
Me: Ha. Sorry, babe. Can’t always get it good.
Emily: It’s going good for you!
Me: Yep =)
Emily: Is he big?
Me: Yep =)
Emily: Like, really big?
Me: Yep =)
Emily: Is he good?
Me: Yep =)
Emily: Did he go down on you?
Me: Yep =)
Emily: Fuuuuuck! I hate you.
Me: We did it in a taxi too ;)
Emily: OMG!!!!!!! :0
Me: & we were soaking wet. It was hot.
Emily: …:0 :0 :0
Me: Now we’re cuddling and you’re distracting me. Good night, ho.
Emily: :0
Chapter Thirteen
The Royal Show
After we had breakfast and another raunchy love fest in the shower, I took the taxi home. I reflected on our shower together all the way there. It was hotter than the first time, especially because his shower was freaking massive and bending down didn’t warrant having my face plastered to the glass.
I was walking on sunshine, and singing that silly tune in my head as I walked into the house only to climb the stairs and find Emily asleep on my bed. I paused by the doorway and watched her in concern. It’d been a while since she’d come to sleep over because she’d had a fight with her father. She did it to escape him, and seeing her in my bed again made my heart clench.
I quietly grabbed a change of clothes and backed out of the bedroom, shutting it quietly behind me. Halfway down the stairs my phone rang, and seeing “PRIVATE NUMBER CALLING” made me smile from ear to ear.
“Hello.”
“Hey, beauty,” said Ben, “just making sure you made it home.”
“I did. You know, it wouldn’t kill to give me your cell phone number so I can text you all day.”
“I can’t. I only have a work phone at the moment.”
“Is that what you’re calling me on right now?”
“Yes, it is.”
“So then get yourself a normal phone for private use. Hint, hint.”
He chuckled at my double meaning. “I’ll think of that. I prefer coming to see you instead of texting. Makes things a little more real. Plus you don’t know who is behind the scenes reading.”
“Well, if you want to be medieval about our relationship then I’ll just have to accept that, so long as you’re around a lot.”
He hummed in thought. “Relationship, huh?”
I froze in the hallway. “What else would you describe this? You said last night it was more than sex, so I automatically assumed that –”
He silenced me with his laugh. “I’m kidding, sweetheart.”
I relaxed. “It’s good you weren’t here to make that joke.”
“Or what?”
“Or I’d have kicked you up the ass. Or, wait,” I mused, “you’re English, so it must be ‘arse’, right? Or is it bollocks?”
“You’re being painfully stereotypical.”
“Stereotypical would have been inviting you over for scones and tea.”
“Yeah, let’s not push it. You do forget I immigrated here fifteen years ago.”
“I came here ten years ago and I’m still catching up.”
“No,” he disagreed, “you’ve got a jumbled accent. Another giveaway you weren’t a tourist.”
I strode into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I pulled out a chocolate bar and tore it open.
“What’re you doing?” he asked curiously.
“Pulled my chocolate out of the fridge,” I answered, taking a bite and leaning back against the counter.
“You store your chocolate in the fridge?”
“Yep.”
“Weirdo.”
I laughed. “My mother started doing it when we’d first come here. It would get so hot the chocolate would melt in the cupboard, so we’d put it in the fridge and, holy shit, cold chocolate was damn phenomenal.”
“Weirdo,” he repeated humorously. “I’m upset you’re hungry. Didn’t have enough breakfast?”
“I’m just snacking.”
With a low, serious tone, he said, “Is it bad that I miss you already? In fact, I called because I was trying to look for an excuse to see you again. I feel like a lovesick puppy right now. It’s really unbecoming of me.”
I sighed contentedly as my body tingled. God, this was too good to be true. It had to be.
“Well, I’m a bit of a loner,” I told him, smiling so wide my cheeks ached, “so if you wanted to pop by anytime, you’re free to.”
“Anytime? I might abuse that privilege.”
“Anytime,” I said adamantly. “And abuse away. I like to have sexy, English men with deep voices and beautiful bodies stalking me. And I prefer them naked all the time.”
“All the time?”
“All the freaking time.”
“Be careful what you wish for, beauty.”
“No, being careful wouldn’t have led me to you.” And that was the truth. I’d never have kissed him if I was too chicken shit to do the dare.
“No, it wouldn’t,” he agreed. “Now look, I need to find an excuse to see you sooner.”
“How soon?”
“Pathetically soon. Have any suggestions in that sexy little mind of yours?”
I thought for a moment, flicking through places in my head. There wasn’t much to do in this city without trying really hard to find something.
And then it hit me.
I gasped. “I know what!”
“Hit me with it.”
“The Royal Show. I think the final day is tomorrow, and you missed out last year.”
“How about we go today?”
I jumped up and down, unable to contain my excitement. “You’re right. Pretty pathetically soon.”
“I know. I think this is what you young ones call ‘pussy whipped’.”
I laughed.
We sorted out a time to meet and got off the phone. I hurried back into my bedroom and went through my closet. By then Emily was stirring awake. She turned to her side and watched me with an amused look.
“What’s the lucky bitch up to?” she asked in a sleepy voice.
“Ben wants to go to the Royal Show with me,” I answered excitedly.
“Didn’t you just come back from his place?”
“Yep.”
She laughed. “You’ve got it bad.”
“Shut up.” I stopped and gave her a look over. “How are you doing?” I asked in a more concerned voice.
“I’m alright,” she reassured me. “Just needed to avoid an alcohol fuelled rant from good ol’ dad, you know?”
I nodded. “You know, I’m here for you, right?”
“And I’m here for you too. Now find something cute and semi-slutty to wear. And show some damn cleavage. He’ll want to see your boobs. That way you can tease him all day long.”
I pulled out some clothes, allowing her for once to pick a suitable outfit. By the end, I was in black tights, a red low-cut tank top, and a grey cardigan to keep me warm.
I smiled at myself in the mirror before heading out.
I felt good, and I looked good.
*****
We met at the entrance of the grounds. Ben walked right up to me and kissed me as though he hadn’t seen me for years. I was so surprised, I would have been knocked back if he hadn’t already wrapped an arm around me.
“You look incredible,” he said, taking a step back to run his eyes over my body.
I checked out his jeans and thin grey sweater and said, “So do you. All dressed like us normal people.”
“Normal? Coming from a girl who stores her chocolate in the fridge.”
“As opposed to?”
“The cupboard.”
I laughed as we stepped into the giant line at the ticket booth and said, “Okay, let’s play this game then. Where do you store your ketchup?”
“Ketchup? You mean tomato sauce?”
I cringed. “We’re going to be butting heads all day.”
He chuckled. “I store it in the cupboard.”
“Ugh.”
His face fell. “No. Tell me you do not.”
I nodded proudly. “Fridge!”
“Fuckin’ hell. Does everything go in the fridge with you?”
“No… Maybe.”
“Okay,” he said, “my turn. Bread crusts on or off?”
“Off.”
“Oh, no.” He frowned gravely. “I’m not sure we’re compatible after all.”
I gave him a smack on the shoulder. “You seriously eat the bread crusts with your sandwiches?”
“Absolutely.”
“Now you’re the weirdo.”
We bantered like this until we got our tickets and entered the grounds. There were people everywhere, and kids running and screaming with their faces painted and their hands full of candy.
While we strolled through the fairground, passing exhibits and animal shows, I barely took anything in. My eyes were solely reserved for Ben, and he seemed just as enamoured with me. It was so unlike last year’s trip here – when Emily and I had scoured the grounds for hot guys and loaded our pockets with their numbers.
I had more fun this time around, even though we didn’t really do anything except eat and watch the animal shows. It was the perfect excuse to see each other in a relaxed environment.
It was while I was buying cinnamon donuts that Ben kept a distance away to answer some phone calls. I waited in line and watched him. His face twisted in irritation at the heated conversation he was having.
I looked away. I had to mind my own business. Call it ignorance, I didn’t want to know about that part of him. It was better being in the dark. Besides, what a person considered as “work” didn’t define them as a whole.
“Damn,” muttered a voice behind me, “check out that ass.”
A low whistle sounded, and when I turned to look behind me, two guys smiled in return as they blatantly checked me out. Not wanting to acknowledge them, I looked away quickly. But I’d be lying if I said the attention didn’t make me happy.
A tap on the shoulder followed and a voice in my ear whispered, “You got a name, love?”
I shook my head.
“Oh, come on. A name, please?”
I didn’t respond.
“Do I have to beg for a name –”
“Fuck off,” came Ben’s harsh voice as he stood right beside with an arm wrapped around my waist. “You saw me standing with her minutes ago, fuck-heads. Have some bloody decency.”
Silence.
I held my laughter in until after I bought the tray of donuts. Then we continued our trek through the grounds while Ben scared off anyone that looked my way.
*****
It was dark when we finally left. I was pretty sure I’d eaten my body weight in cinnamon donuts and cotton candy. We strolled to a nearby park, the air getting chillier by the minute.
“That was so much fun,” I said to him. “Thanks for taking me out and spoiling me.”
We sat down on a bench under a gazebo. The park was silent and void of people. I leaned into his side and he wrapped an arm around me.
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” he said. “I wish I could say the same.”
“Why can’t you?”
“Because your tight little outfit attracted way too much attention. My eyes are sore from glaring.”
I giggled. “I like that. It’s nice that people still look, you know? A bit of a confidence boost for me.”
He pulled my body into his lap and took my face into the palm of his hand. He kissed me lightly and said, “Like I said, you’re gorgeous.”
“As long as you think so, that’s what matters right now.”
He smiled. “Good response.”
“Well, next time we’re out like this, I’ll wear some hobo clothes. I’ve got a ton of them.”
“Yeah? Well, I would rather you dressing any way that makes you happy. I was only joking. I had a lovely time with you. It’s been some years since I did this.”
“See the show?”
“That and this,” he pointed between us. “I haven’t felt a connection the way I do with you, Claire. I’m loving it.”
I blushed and nodded. “I haven’t either.”
He stroked my hair affectionately before I turned my face to his. I kissed him again, prolonging it this time because I loved the taste of his mouth. Kissing him made me feel alive and free. I pressed my body against his, seeking his touch as he gripped me tighter to him. The second our tongues clashed, my skin heated and my core pulsed. I urgently deepened our kiss, wrapping an arm around his neck and pulling him to me.
When he started to harden beneath me, he abruptly pulled away. Nothing but silence followed. I watched him with his eyes closed and his head tilted up. I wasn’t even sure he was breathing.
“Is everything okay?” I asked him uncertainly.
“I’m trying to compose myself,” he answered tightly. “You’re like a switch for me. I’m hard already and we’ve only kissed. We’ll have
to get out of here soon so I can take you home and fuck the shit out of you.”
I smiled and, with wet lips, kissed up his throat, licking his bobbing Adam’s apple along the way.
“You know,” I whispered slyly, “I’ve never had a sexual experience in a park before.”
He instantly groaned at my words. “Shit, beauty, you can’t be saying things like that and expect me to just take it.”
“I’m not teasing you.”
He stared back down at me and studied me closely. I could see the thoughts flashing through his mind before his lips twisted up. “We’ll see,” he said. “Rest your back against me.”
Adrenaline instantly shot through my system as I did what I was told, resting my back against his chest. My head was level to his. I felt his growing erection against my tailbone and I swirled my hips just a little, giving him friction. He immediately grabbed at me and forced me to stop.
“Very naughty, Claire.”
I smiled and turned my head to kiss him on the cheek. Before I could come up with a response, both his hands moved under my cardigan and travelled down my neck, stopping to cup each breast. I arched my back and shut my eyes as he lightly stroked my nipples until they pebbled against the light fabric of my shirt. Tingles bolted to my core as he continued giving them attention, sending more and more down that way.
My breathing shifted and my body tensed. Already I felt drenched at the simple erotic touches he was giving me, and it was made all the more exciting knowing he was doing this out in the open.
His left hand abandoned my breast and travelled down my stomach as his right continued stroking my nipple. He was painfully slow, grazing his nails along the bottom of my belly right at the waistband of my tights. He breathed lightly into my ear and said, “Do you want me to finger-fuck you in the middle of the park, Claire?”
I nodded shamelessly.
“Ask me then.”
“Please,” I panted, my mouth turning to touch his cheek. “Please, can you fuck me with your hand?”
His hand slid under my waistband and traced around my sex. I tried moving my hips to angle him where I needed him, but he bit out, “Don’t move, or I’ll stop entirely.”
I stopped and waited for him to continue. The anticipation was killing me, and I was aching. I was drenched by the time he finally circled his fingers over my clit. My body jerked at the sudden touch. I let out a harsh breath as he continued to tease, roaming me lightly before stroking my nub of nerves.