by Jillian Hart
“Then I’m glad it’s you.”
Rebecca chose that moment to drive into sight, and Aubrey was grateful for the interruption. She couldn’t find the right words to explain what she felt. Before, Ava had always understood, but now…everything was changing from the way it had always been.
As for William, she knew he needed help. She could feel it, but she didn’t tell her sister that, either.
She said nothing, watching through the windows as Rebecca, tall and slender and very tan, heaved Madison from her car seat and onto her hip. Rebecca settled a heavy diaper bag on her shoulder and closed Danielle’s minivan’s side door with the remote. Then, checking for traffic, she took Tyler by the hand.
“Rebecca looks good, doesn’t she?” Ava asked.
“Time away from Chris was good for her.”
“If only it would stay that way.”
They said no more. Everyone in the family had tried to help Rebecca see, but it had only driven her away from them. And now, they had a tenuous peace and at least some closeness.
The kids looked better, too. Tyler seemed more like himself as he charged into the shop. His damp hair spiked straight upward, as if he’d been swimming. “Aunt Ava! Aunt Aubrey! I gotta have some pie. Can I? Pleeease?”
Aubrey let her twin handle it. Emotion still seemed wedged in her throat.
“Sure, thing, kiddo, but only a very tiny, itty-bitty piece.” It was their personal joke, which meant a huge slice.
“All right!” Tyler’s thongs beat the tile floor in a beeline to the display case as Rebecca let the door swing shut behind her.
“I’m totally in need of chocolate. It’s the only thing that got me through two hours of public swim.” Rebecca looked tired, but she was still smiling—always smiling.
Although they weren’t related by blood, they were more alike than not. Aubrey reached to take Madison from Rebecca’s arms. “You sit down. I’ll take charge of our prettiest girl and wrap you up a few treats to go.”
“Thank you so much.” Sweet as could be, Rebecca gave Madison a kiss on the cheek and slipped into the closest chair. “Let me hand over the keys to Danielle’s minivan. I just need to give Chris a call. He said he’d pick me up.”
Over the top of Madison’s downy brown hair, Aubrey caught Ava’s worried look. See, this was what Aubrey should be focusing on—her family and their troubles and how she could help even more. But what was at the back of her mind and lurking in her heart?
William. Her attention shot to his pictures that were all hope and heart and soul. She doubted that he knew she would not be able to stop thinking about him. At least she knew better than to tread on dangerous ground.
He was a good man, soul deep. Maybe it was admiration she felt. Yes, that’s what this was, admiration. And if it was more, then she didn’t have to think about it. It wasn’t as if there was some rule or law saying she had to examine these feelings and impossible wishes, right?
Right. She could simply deny those feelings and wishes. In fact, denial was a traditional coping method in her family. Who was she to buck tradition? She was a realist. She had to stay in control of her feelings.
With Madison on her hip, she went into the kitchen to box a few chocolate cookies for Rebecca.
Chapter Nine
An entire week had nearly spun by in a blur, but Jonas had improved and so that meant Aubrey was on her way to see William again. She pulled into his driveway with the trailer in tow, and there he was beneath the shade of the trees where they’d talked before, adjusting Jet’s cinch. Dust swirled around her as she stopped the SUV and hopped out, coughing, into the quiet summer’s morning. In a navy T-shirt and jeans and boots, he looked ready to ride. A Stetson shaded his face.
William straightened and led Jet by the ends of the reins in her direction. He was actually smiling. “I could see you coming a mile away.”
It was an exaggeration, but Aubrey knew what he meant. She squinted against the bright yellow paint job that seemed to attract sunlight and amplify it. “This belongs to my sister. It’s shockingly bright, isn’t it?”
“I suppose your sedan doesn’t have a towing bar?”
“Exactly.” Okay, this was going to make her look even more sensible and he was bound to notice. “I wanted a new SUV, but they’re fairly pricey, and when Katherine bought a new car, she sold me hers at the balance of her loan, which was way below blue book. I couldn’t refuse.”
“Practical.”
“Yeah, that’s me.” Not exactly a compliment, but if she’d even had a smidgen of a doubt—the tiniest drop of doubt—then this cinched it. William, like every other guy she’d come across, saw her as sensible, practical. And in guy talk that meant dull. Plain. Boring.
Yeah, she knew. Not that this was anything more than friendship, but for once, she’d like to be thought of as classy and together and remarkable, like her older sisters. But maybe that was never going to happen and if that stung a little, she tucked that down, too, right along with all the other unwished hopes gathering in the bin marked “denial.” “Since Katherine’s fiancé already owns a house, she has this awesome condo she’s not going to need anymore. I’m going to take over the payments, I think.”
“Sounds good. Probably close to the bookstore?”
“Yeah. And Ava’s bakery.”
“I noticed. I stopped by the bookstore while I was town last week. Ran into your brother.”
“He didn’t mention it, then again, he’s not much of a talker. I was surprised to find out that you knew him.”
“From the united charities. Seems like aeons ago.” He came into the full sunlight and he looked good. Healthy. Better than she’d ever seen him. There was something snappy to him. Well, maybe snappy wasn’t the right word, but he definitely seemed to be thriving. His smile came easier as he unlatched the back gate to the trailer. “Spence is a good guy.”
“That’s what we keep telling ourselves.” There was no point in boring William with the details of her family dynamics. Jet was close enough that he nosed toward her pocket. “Okay, I’m glad to see you, too, handsome, and yes, I brought candy for you, but you have to wait. Annie hates being stuck in her trailer and missing everything.”
A muffled whinny from inside the trailer seemed to say that Annie agreed. Aubrey politely excused herself to the gelding and slipped past William and into the stall. A few quick minutes later, Annie was backing down the ramp, trying to get her head up to look around.
“She’s obviously a well-mannered lady.” William’s baritone was pure rumbling admiration. “Unlike Jet, who has no manners. He kicks and squeals and refuses to load.”
“Annie and I are well-traveled girls.” She kept a tight rein on her energetic mare until Annie had all four hooves on solid ground.
“You would have to be if you two competed.”
“Annie and I liked to travel.”
“You miss it. I can see it on your face.”
“We do, don’t we Annie?” The mare nudged her with her velvety nose, so Aubrey gave her ears a scratch. They’d been together for almost fourteen years. If William thought she was so sensible, he might as well know all of it. “We took a bad fall during a competition. Really bad.”
“That’s why you limp?”
“I’m lucky that I walk at all, and Annie almost didn’t survive. She shattered her cannon bone and it didn’t look as if she could make it, but she surprised all of us.” Aubrey took a rattling breath, grateful, always grateful. “But we’re still together and we’re both fine now.”
“Annie couldn’t compete?”
She nodded. “And while I could, eventually, I couldn’t do it without her. We’re buds.”
“I see that.”
Aubrey knew that probably made her look even more dull. Who knew how far she could have gone with her riding? But that wasn’t the important part. Her idea of success was the life she lived right now, with her close ties to her family and friends, and Annie, who had been a loyal horse friend.
Those blessings were worth more to her than all the money in the world.
“I understand.” It was all William said, but his words came so warmly, she knew he did.
“It was a long time ago.”
“It must have been pretty severe.”
“There are worse things.”
She avoided William’s gaze and the concern she knew warmed the cinnamon flecks in his eyes. She turned around to fetch Annie’s gear but William was already pacing up the ramp. If she leaned to her left side, she could just see him in the dim recesses of the trailer’s second stall, hefting the Western saddle and blanket from storage.
How had things gotten so personal between them? She gulped hard to keep all the things she shouldn’t be feeling down in the denial bin in her heart. William needed a friend, not more. And she needed…well, she was happy with her life. She had to be sensible. To see this for what it was. If she didn’t, then she’d only get hurt.
Just look at him. He was all substance and character, and it was as obvious as the ground under her feet. He emerged from the back of the trailer, handily carrying the saddle and blanket. He was helping her without even asking first. Ava was right. He was definitely a Mr. Wishable. But not hers.
His shadow fell across her as he halted at her side.
“She is beautiful,” he said of the horse. He waited for her to take the blanket laid over the saddle. “Her confirmation is excellent. She won a lot of blue ribbons, did she?”
“She has her share.” Aubrey carefully grasped the light saddle blanket by the hem. She didn’t notice at all how her heart sighed, just a little, from being so near to him.
Focus, she told herself. The point is the trail ride, right? She gently laid the soft fleece across Annie’s sun-warmed withers, her sorrel shining red in the direct sunshine. “Annie and I made the Olympic equestrian team, but that was before the accident. She would have won. There isn’t a better horse anywhere.”
“So I see.” So much love, William thought. For her horse, for everyone around her, for her life. Maybe that was what drew him so strongly to Aubrey. It wasn’t only her goodness, but she was everything missing in his life. Everything missing within him. It had been there once. He could see so clearly how he’d stopped living, stopped loving and stopped giving thanks.
It was a good thing he’d invited her. His chest gripped tightly, as if his entire spirit were in agreement. He needed this—a real friend—more than he’d realized.
As soon as Aubrey had carefully smoothed Annie’s lavender blanket, he eased the custom Western saddle onto the mare’s back. He liked the care Aubrey took with her horse, her every moment steady and calm, her voice low and warm. When she tightened the cinch, her mare didn’t fight the tightening of the belt around her middle. The Arabian simply reached around to try to grab Aubrey’s hat by the brim.
When Aubrey laughed, it was the softest, warmest sound. It reached deep inside him and made him feel renewed. Not a bad thing at all, he decided. Since Jet nickered his unhappiness with less attention, he turned his attention to his buddy.
Everything was going to get better now. William could feel it deep to his soul.
Aubrey couldn’t catch her breath. Beauty was everywhere she looked, in every direction. Complete, flawless beauty. God’s nature was an incredible place from the Rockies’ proud, rugged peaks holding up the western sky to the offshoot mountains and foothills lifting far above the valley floor. Tall, peaceful evergreens crowded together, arms raised to the infinite sky. Wildflowers peeked their purple, yellow and red heads out from between fern and moss to face the sun.
And the wildlife. She’d seen a hawk stroking the sky in large gliding circles, wings held seemingly motionless. Smaller birds, larks and finches and even a few jays flitted away from their perches in tree branches.
She’d missed this. In her saddle, Aubrey felt deeply content. The stillness was incredible, the indefinable sense of calm that stretched from the bottom of the valleys to the silent profiles of the mountains. Only the occasional creak of leather or the jangle of a bridle was a reminder that they were in the backcountry. Even the plod of horse hooves on the sun-baked earth seemed a part of the great stillness.
But the best part of the ride? It was William. He was an excellent riding buddy. He led the way along the trail, an old logging road grown nearly over, and set a leisurely, easy pace. He had a sharp eye, too. It was the photographer in him, she supposed. When he spotted fresh cougar tracks, he’d pull up and gesture but didn’t break the majestic quiet. His gaze met hers in understanding as she bit her bottom lip to hold in the sigh of awe. An hour into the ride he drew Jet to a halt at the crest of a rise. She reined Annie in beside him and hardly noticed what lay beyond. All she could see was William.
He seemed at peace here. It was in his posture as he twisted a bit in the saddle to look at her, in the straight relaxed line of his shoulders and the easygoing, kind smile that transformed his rugged face. It was an arresting combination that was all substance. Even the shadows were gone from his eyes, as if he’d been able to leave his sorrows behind. She could feel it in the bright air between them.
Definitely wow. It was hard to force her attention to the meadow stretching out before her as quiet and as lulling as a lake. It was one stunning softly pink carpet creeping over the rise of the mountainside and disappearing out of sight. So many roses, there wasn’t a single blade of wild grass to break the fragrant, heavenly beauty. She breathed in the sweet wild scent. “Oh, it’s like a secret blessing just waiting here to be found.”
“I figured you’d like it.”
“Like it? I could just sit here forever.”
“I thought you’d feel that way.” He paused, as if he were going to say something more, something personal, but changed his mind. “I noticed you use a lot of wildflowers in your artwork.”
“I do.” Okay, she was a little pleased that he’d taken the time to notice that about her. He was a thoughtful man, and it only made her like him more. “Do you mind if I take a few pictures?”
“We’ve got nothing but time.”
When she smiled, William knew he’d done the right thing in bringing her here, in showing her this tiny piece of paradise. He knew how it was, wanting to capture emotion right along with that creative inspiration. He dismounted when she did. He took Annie’s reins so Aubrey could wander along the edges of the meadow without disturbing the beautiful flowers. He watched while she knelt and clicked away on the little digital camera she’d had in her saddle pack. He watched her wander along the field’s perimeter, stopping to look, consider and kneel again to snap more images.
Perfect. That’s what she was. Complete, modest beauty. Never had he seen so clearly. The graceful way she smoothed a fingertip lightly over a fragile velvet petal. She was sweetness itself. Sunlight played in her windswept hair, and the summery top she wore was the exact shade of the roses. Feeling flooded him, hurting like light in a dark place that had been left untouched for too long.
“I’ve got the best idea for my next project.” She glowed with happiness as she rimmed the meadow, heading back his way. “I’ve been wanting to do more rain chimes, with the fall rains a few months away, and this will be perfect.”
“Rain chimes? Never heard of them.”
“You’ll get the first one for the season, how’s that?” She must have enjoyed leaving him to wonder as she stowed her camera in the small saddle pack. “They’re like wind chimes, but instead of the wind, they catch the rain and chime.”
Sun catchers, wind and rain chimes, he could see the way she took the ordinary and made it a little lovelier. They had that in common, the appreciation of what was right in front of them, and it broke down his reserve, the careful space he kept between himself and other people. He felt revealed as the warm mountain breeze swept over him. Aubrey came close, too close, but he didn’t move away.
She pulled a new roll of candy from her jeans pocket. Annie tried to grab it and Jet whinnied a demand, but she o
nly laughed softly as she tore off the wrapper cap. “You two will have to wait. William, you’re first.”
As William took the first disk of butterscotch, Jet nosed him in the shoulder. The gelding’s impatience made Aubrey laugh again, so he gave Jet the piece of candy. The gelding crunched away, causing Annie to lift her lips back from her teeth in protest.
“You’re next, you.” Kind, always kind, Aubrey slid a butterscotch onto her palm. The mare lipped it up fast, apparently territorial over what she considered to be her roll of candy.
He could see how it was between the woman and her horse. Close friends. They’d been together through a lot. “How long ago was the accident?” he found himself asking without thought of intention. He just wanted to know more.
“I was sixteen, so, what’s that, eleven years ago.”
“Most horses don’t survive a fall like that.”
She stroked Annie’s sun-warmed cheek. “We had a top-notch vet and a team of specialists, and God was gracious. Annie got through it.”
“Pretty well, by the looks of it.”
“We rehabilitated together. It was a long haul, but we made it. We have some of our best blessings in our family. My stepmom was—is—amazing. She made sure both of us were okay.” Aubrey could sense there was something William wanted to say or ask, and the furrow across his forehead seemed to confirm it. She pulled two small bottles of tea from her pack and handed him one. “My family has weathered a lot of storms together. Our mom took off one day and never came back. Dorrie had a bout of cancer. Katherine had a very hard time. Annie and I had our accident. And now this with Jonas. Up until now, we’ve come out all right, maybe because we’re all together. When something bad happens, and all turns out right in the end, it’s not the same as, say, what you’ve gone through.”
William visibly swallowed, as if he were wrestling with his emotions.
“Were you alone?” she asked.
He winced, as if he’d taken a painful blow and turned away to lay his hand on Jet’s neck. Aubrey felt her stomach fall. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked. Maybe he wasn’t ready to talk. Maybe he never would be.