Everyday Blessings

by Jillian Hart

  “I have something for you.” He set the glass aside and opened the laptop case. Inside was the eight-by-ten he’d matted and framed. “I thought you might like this.”

  “Oh no, it’s not of me, is it?” She didn’t cut her gaze to the picture but instead her eyes met his. It was impossible to read what the shadows in them meant. Impossible to understand why she looked troubled. “I knew I should have stolen my camera back sooner.”

  “I wouldn’t have let you. Aren’t you even going to look at it?”

  “I hate to look at myself in pictures.”

  “Sorry. I want you to look at this one.” He felt like saying more, something about how beautiful he thought she was, or telling her how amazing she looked today. He wanted her to know he had nothing but respect for her.

  The thought of saying any of those things, well, it made him feel uneasy. It would suggest a deeper closeness between them that didn’t exist.

  Or if it did, he couldn’t acknowledge it.

  Her fingers brushed his as she took the frame from him. Peace filled him, and he didn’t want to acknowledge that, either, or the fact that he couldn’t take his eyes from her. Still, she had not looked at the image. He had to ask. “What do you think?”

  Then she looked. She didn’t react right away.

  Why did that make him nervous? It wasn’t like him to hang on what other people thought, but he had to acknowledge that her opinion did matter to him. This photograph meant something to him.

  Seconds ticked by and she didn’t move. She didn’t blink or seem to breathe. She didn’t smile to say that she liked it, or frown to say she didn’t. Nor did she hand him back the photo. His heart began to beat hollowly. There was no way watching her that he could guess at her feelings. He’d never known anyone else who’d been able to keep thoughts and reactions so private. They had that in common, too.

  Finally, he broke the silence. “I thought you’d like a picture of you and Annie.”

  “You thought right. This is incredible. Annie looks—” She didn’t finish. “She looks like the champion she is.”

  “I got a lucky shot.”

  If that were true, Aubrey thought, then William had been lucky every time he clicked the shutter. This was no exception. How he’d managed to capture the exact moment when Annie had lifted her head to scent the wind, Aubrey didn’t know, but somehow the mare was sheer, frozen motion. The fluid ripple of her red mane, the flowing texture of lean muscle beneath sun-warmed satin, and the gloss of sunlight on her sorrel coat made her shine like a dream against the background of blinding blue sky, polished lake waters and rough-cut amethyst peaks.

  As for the image he’d caught of her, she didn’t even know what to think. She was mostly suffused with the fall of sunlight falling over her. She would have been washed-out had anyone else taken the picture. But, instead, she looked surrounded by light, as if the sun had deigned to lean low to touch the earth and she happened to be in the way. She’d been watching the lake, her hair spilling down from beneath her hat and rippling in the wind at the same angle as Annie’s mane.

  She didn’t look like herself. Sure, it was her, but she wasn’t plain or ordinary. The woman on horseback did not seem overly sensible or practical. She looked opalescent, tranquil and self-possessed.

  Katherine spoke; Aubrey hadn’t even been aware of her coming into the kitchen. “This is amazing, William. It looks just like her.”

  “I think so.” William’s baritone rumbled with sincerity.

  “That’s how you see me?”

  When he nodded, her heart fell and didn’t stop. How perfect was he?

  Don’t fall in love with this man, Aubrey. But how did she stop the emotion rolling through her with the power of all her unacknowledged hopes and most secret dreams? Wishes that went beyond friendship. Dreams of happily-ever-after with this man who could see her.

  Was it possible? Not as things stood now. What was she going to do? How was she going to keep these new, uncertain affections private? Was it on her face, and, if she said one single word, would her voice give it away?

  Spence saved her. He marched into the kitchen as if he owned it and placed the marinade bowl into the sink with a clunk. “Corn? Great. I’ll get this husked. Katherine, you’ll boil some water?”

  “Sure.”

  Katherine’s moving around and Spence’s departure were background because, as hard as she tried, she couldn’t seem to make her brain jump out of Neutral. Only one thing was clear. She was in deep jeopardy, and William, he didn’t even know he was so dangerous to her.

  She propped the frame on the counter, so the rest of her family, who were sure to make their way into the kitchen, could admire William’s work.

  She wasn’t falling in love with him, really. As she headed toward the arched doorway, she tried to convince herself she was in perfect control of her feelings. “C’mon William, I’ll show you the backyard. Katherine has done a gorgeous job with it.”

  William said nothing as he followed her. They walked in companionable silence, neither saying a word.

  It was safer that way.

  William had retreated into silence behind the screen of his laptop; it was the most distance he could create between himself and the McKaslin family without actually getting up from the dining-room table and leaving. He wasn’t sure what that said about him, that he fought a jagged-edged panic being so near to anyone.

  But the truth was, as much as he wanted to get away, he also wanted to stay. He’d had the best time. He hadn’t realized how hungry he’d been for an evening just like this one. He liked Aubrey’s family. He liked their ties of caring and connection. The shared history. It made him remember his own.

  Aubrey sat beside him at the oval table and leaned close to speak low, so only he could hear. “How are you doing? Are you ready to run away from us yet?”

  “So far so good.” He winked. “You know, now that I have access to your server, I can help out during the week from home.”

  “That would be wonderful. I want to say that you’ve done more than enough, but on the other hand, we really need the help.”

  Wasn’t that just his luck?

  From across the table, the oldest sister was watching them approvingly. William hoped she wasn’t reading more into his presence here than there was, and it made him a tad uncomfortable. He knew it was well intentioned, but love was the last thing he ever would want again. He was glad Aubrey understood, and that was what mattered.

  Katherine spoke above the hubbub of the other family members working away behind laptops at the table. “It’s a comfort to know that there have been so many people who have wanted to help. People we don’t even know, who Jonas has touched in some way through his job or the church. It helps balance out the tragedy. Don’t you think?”

  Her words, while they weren’t directed at him, troubled him. He wasn’t sure what to say, because that wasn’t his view of life. He wasn’t sure what to say.

  “That’s what everyone says,” Spence muttered as he tapped away at his computer. “It’s a trite cliché. Nothing makes hardship better. We’re just supposed to say that, but it’s not true.”

  The other twin, Ava, made a face. “Yes, we’ve all heard your tough view of existence. Life is hard and then you die. Do you know what you need, Spence?”

  “Is there any way to stop you from telling me?”

  “Nope, sorry.” Ava sparkled with mischief, apparently living to torment her older brother. “You are a terrible pessimist. You need to turn that around and start thinking optimistically.”

  Spence frowned, but there was a hint of humor in his voice. “I don’t believe in optimism. William, you’re a sensible sort. Maybe you can explain life to my little sister who has been hunting and pecking at her keyboard for the last hour, unlike some of us who’ve actually been working.”

  William still didn’t know what to say.

  “Hey!” Ava defended herself. “I don’t know how to type. Really. Oops. I think I did so
mething wrong. Aubrey, how do you get something back you’ve sent?”

  “This is a disaster. Let me see what you’ve done.” As always, Aubrey sounded patient and amused.

  Why was she so revealed to him? Why could he see so much of who she was? He’d never been able to see anyone so clearly. The depth of love for her family, her commitment, her values, her spirit. When he looked at her, it was as if he was back at the lakeside, holding a camera in his hands and seeing through the lens, seeing all of her, seeing what mattered.

  That panicked him. A whole lot. What he should be doing was packing up. It was getting late and dark would be falling. He had a long drive home and chores waiting. So, why wasn’t he eager to head out the door?

  Everyone at the table broke out in laughter; he’d missed what had been said, but he didn’t miss the fact that these people stuck together, regardless of tough times. On the wall behind Aubrey was a collection of framed photos, some in collage mats, some in single frames, and all of family. They’d welcomed him in their midst today, and he was glad. It made the lonesomeness inside him fade.

  The sound of the front door opening silenced everyone. Aubrey’s twin popped out of her chair, engagement ring gleaming. “It’s Brice back with the ice cream. I’ll better go help him, he was going to pick up—”

  That was as far as she got. A golden blur streaked through the archway and into the room. Ava dropped to her knees and the streak became a golden retriever who gave her a few swipes of his tongue and barked in greeting.

  “—his dog, Rex!” Ava finished, and the rest of the women abandoned their work to pet the dog.

  “Too bad he can’t type,” Spence muttered from behind his computer screen.

  Yeah, William knew what he meant. It was hard to open up at all. He found it much easier to stay tough and stone-cold.

  This was his only defense.

  He closed up his laptop and reached for the case he’d left behind him, against the wall. He wasn’t keeping track of Aubrey, really, he wasn’t, but he couldn’t come up with any rationalization to explain why he kept her in his sight. He noticed the moment she became aware of his packing up. She didn’t turn to look at him but tilted her head slightly to listen to the zip of the computer case. Tension slipped into the slender line of her shoulders.

  The oldest sister spoke first. “William, you can’t go yet. Not without a second round of dessert.”

  “I’ve got livestock to feed.”

  “That’s right. You and Aubrey are both horse lovers. I suppose you aren’t boarding your horse?”

  “No, I have enough land. I don’t mind doing the stable work.”

  Katherine nodded slow and sure, as if she approved of him completely now.

  Yeah, he knew what she was thinking. Aubrey was right. Her family was kind, but they didn’t understand. They wanted the best for her, of course. They looked at him and saw a single, Christian man who happened to be well-off. Wouldn’t that be a good situation for their beloved Aubrey? On the surface, he looked marriageable. But underneath, not so much. Underneath there were the broken pieces of his heart that had no pulse, no life.

  Aubrey came to him. “Did you want a piece of pie to go?”

  “No, I’m too stuffed from dinner. That was some barbecue. Thank you, all.”

  “C’mon,” Aubrey said in that quiet way of hers that drew him so. “I’ll walk you out.”

  “Thanks for the help, William,” Spence called out. “I’ll e-mail you.”

  “Good.”

  Everyone called out wishes for a safe drive, a good night and thanks, as if he’d done something extraordinary. No, coming here had been terribly selfish, he realized as he stopped on the way out of the room to pat the retriever who was grinning so widely he drooled.

  The truth was, William had come here tonight to save himself. He didn’t realize it until he stepped out into the evening. Twilight hovered like a promise at the edges of the eastern horizon, and the air and sky were mellow. He was finally alone with Aubrey.

  She fell into stride beside him. “I can’t believe you made it through the entire day with my family.”

  “Why not? They’re great people. It’s a special blessing, to have the gift of such a family.”

  “I’m grateful for them every day.”

  The blacktop was still radiating heat, and the air was hot, but there was the scent of cooling in the wind that rustled the trees lining the parking lot. It was only the hush that came with the gathering twilight, but to Aubrey it felt like more.

  William had fit right in. He’d helped Spence and Dad and Jack dismantle some of Katherine’s gorgeous trellises, and when that work was done, he’d tried to help with the dishes, although Katherine had refused to allow such a thing. He’d bantered right along with the family through the e-mail-answering session. It seemed as if William belonged with them.

  Even now, her steps and his steps tapped in synchrony and their gaits fell into rhythm while they wandered along the sidewalk toward the guest parking area.

  William’s pace slowed as his truck loomed closer. “We didn’t get a chance to talk about that canoe trip I’ve promised you. I’ll even pack a picnic. Not just bologna sandwiches, but a real nice meal. How about this week sometime?”

  “Sure,” she managed to say as if it wasn’t a big deal. But it was. Huge. Enormous.

  Don’t think about how perfect it feels to be standing with him like this, making plans, just hanging out. Because that would be acknowledging the worst possible thing that could happen. It would make her admit, even to herself, how much she had fallen for this good man when she had no business doing so.

  William fished his keys out of his pocket. “Then it’s a plan. I’ll call you.”

  “Sure. Anytime. Except for tonight, I’ll be sitting with Jonas for part of the night so Danielle can get some much needed sleep. Wait, and Monday I’ll be babysitting the munchkins. And Tuesday, I’ve got a late shift at the bookstore. Well, I’m busier than I thought.”

  “I’ve never met anyone busier.”

  “I know, it’s the price of being in an enmeshed family. I’ll leave my cell on. Please call whenever. I’ll manage to find time for you. Maybe.” Her tone said otherwise.

  He did like her. There was no point in denying it. He hadn’t given thanks for his life in a long time, but spending the day with Aubrey and her family had inspired him. The blessing of friendship was nothing to take for granted. He popped the locks and opened the door. He’d never found it so hard to leave her before, but she stood there, blond hair rippling in the breeze, looking like everything good in the world. And it was an image that stuck with him long after he’d driven away. He couldn’t explain why.

  Or why he felt a little bit more like the man he used to be.

  It started the instant she walked back through Katherine’s front door. Her sisters were being way too sisterly, bless them. Ava was radiating joy as if she were a star shining under its own power. Katherine was looking pleased as she sliced perfect pieces of chocolate pie and slipped them onto dessert plates.

  “This is super-duper!” Ava burst out as she poured iced tea into a row of tumblers. “I mean, he’s so totally in love with you.”

  “In love with me?” That was a hoot. The last time she’d looked, “friendship” was an entire universe away from “romantic love.” “You’re out to lunch as usual, Ava. William doesn’t see me like that at all. Trust me.”

  “Oh, sure he doesn’t.” She’d made up her mind and apparently nothing was going to change her mind. “Katherine, what’s your verdict?”

  “Well, isn’t it obvious?” Katherine licked a dollop of chocolate icing from her thumb as she carried the knife to the sink. “Did he look at any of us the entire time he was here?”

  “In some kind of vague way.” Ava spilled tea and put down the pitcher to grab at the roll of paper towels. “I don’t think he noticed much of anything with Aubrey in the room.”

  “At last we’ve found a man who can
see all the lovely qualities in Aubrey the way we do.”

  “Enough, you two.” She tried to keep it light, but the truth was, this wasn’t cheerful, it wasn’t fun, it wasn’t true. What she’d give for their words to be true, she wasn’t sure, but it would be a whole lot. What could be more wonderful than for William to love her?

  Talk about impossible, though. She gulped air past the pain gathering in her chest. She was the sensible one. She had to be practical. “William is a friend, nothing more. Besides, I’m not his type, and he’s not my type.”

  Katherine shook her head stubbornly. “Sweetie, just look at the picture he took of you.”

  There it was, still sitting on the counter. Okay, she wanted to read everything into it, but that would be foolish. “He’s a master photographer. You know we’ve had e-mail bids on his work in the six figures and there’s no official bidding yet. He makes everything look good in his pictures. Even me.”

  “No one believes you, sweetie.” Katherine grabbed two loaded dessert plates and headed toward the dining room with them. “Ava, do you believe her?”

  “Nope, but then she’s in denial.”

  “No, she’s in love. Look at her. She’s shining.”

  They’d guessed? She hadn’t even allowed herself to think the truth, but there it was, out in the open. She couldn’t argue with them. Her feelings for William, as new and as unwanted as they were, were a fact. She could deny it all she wanted to, but it didn’t change her heart.

  What was she going to do now? Had William guessed, too? The phone rang, and Ava dashed to get it, leaving Aubrey alone at the island where William’s picture stood, a masterpiece of light and joy. She hadn’t noticed it had a title before, but there it was, like all his others. Peter 3:5.

  It wasn’t one she automatically knew. Where was Katherine’s Bible? Aubrey glanced around and spotted the little flowered book bag tucked in the window seat of the casual kitchen nook, where Katherine did her daily study. What luck. Aubrey went straight to it, hardly noticing Ava’s excited screeching. Their maternal grandmother was on the phone. But did that distract her?