CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.
IN WHICH OUR HERO FINDS OUT THAT TRIGONOMETRY IS NOT ONLY NECESSARY TONAVIGATION, BUT MAY BE REQUIRED IN SETTLING AFFAIRS OF HONOUR.
As Captain Wilson truly said, he was too busy even to hear Jack's storythat night, for they were anxious to have both vessels ready to makesail as soon as a breeze should spring up, for the Spaniards had vesselsof war at Carthagena, which was not ten miles off, and had known theresult of the action: it was therefore necessary to change theirposition as soon as possible. Mr Sawbridge was on board the prize,which was a corvette mounting two guns more than the _Harpy_, and calledthe _Cacafuogo_.
She had escaped from Cadiz, run through the straits in the night, andwas three miles from Carthagena when she was captured, which shecertainly never would have been but for Jack's fortunately blunderingagainst the cape with his armed vessel, so that Captain Wilson and MrSawbridge (both of whom were promoted, the first to the rank ofpost-captain, the second to that of commander), may be said to beindebted to Jack for their good fortune. The _Harpy_ had lost nineteenmen, killed and wounded, and the Spanish corvette forty-seven.Altogether, it was a very creditable affair.
At two o'clock in the morning, the vessels were ready, everything hadbeen done that could be done in so short a time, and they stood undereasy sail during the night for Gibraltar, the _Nostra Senora delCarmen_, under the charge of Jolliffe, keeping company. Jolliffe hadthe advantage over his shipmates, of first hearing Jack's adventures,with which he was much astonished as well as amused--even Captain Wilsonwas not more happy to see Jack than was the worthy master's mate. Aboutnine o'clock the _Harpy_ hove-to, and sent a boat on board for our heroand the men who had been so long with him in the prize, and then hoistedout the pinnace to fetch on board the dollars, which were of moreimportance. Jack, as he bade adieu to Jolliffe, took out of his pocketand presented him with the _articles of war_, which, as they had been souseful to him, he thought Jolliffe could not do without, and then wentdown the side: the men were already in the boat, casting imploring looksupon Jack, to raise feelings of compassion, and Mesty took his seat byour hero in a very sulky humour, probably because he did not like theidea of having again "to boil de kettle for de young gentlemen." EvenJack felt a little melancholy at resigning his command, and he lookedback at the green petticoat, which blew out gracefully from the mast,for Jolliffe had determined that he would not haul down the coloursunder which Jack had fought so gallant an action.
Jack's narration, as may be imagined, occupied a large part of theforenoon; and, although Jack did not attempt to deny that he had seenthe recall signal of Mr Sawbridge, yet, as his account went on, thecaptain became so interested that at the end of it he quite forgot topoint out to Jack the impropriety of not obeying orders. He gave Jackgreat credit for his conduct, and was also much pleased with that ofMesty. Jack took the opportunity of stating Mesty's aversion to hispresent employment, and his recommendation was graciously received.Jack also succeeded in obtaining the pardon of the men, in considerationof their subsequent good behaviour; but notwithstanding this promise onthe part of Captain Wilson, they were ordered to be put in irons for thepresent. However, Jack told Mesty, and Mesty told the men, that theywould be released with a reprimand when they arrived at Gibraltar, soall that the men cared for was a fair wind.
Captain Wilson informed Jack that after his joining the admiral he hadbeen sent to Malta with the prizes, and that, supposing the cutter tohave been sunk, he had written to his father, acquainting him with hisson's death, at which our hero was much grieved, for he knew what sorrowit would occasion, particularly to his poor mother. "But," thoughtJack, "if she is unhappy for three months, she will be overjoyed forthree more when she hears that I am alive, so it will be all square atthe end of the six; and as soon as I arrive at Gibraltar I will write,and, as the wind is fair, that will be to-morrow or next day."
After a long conversation Jack was graciously dismissed, Captain Wilsonbeing satisfied from what he had heard that Jack would turn out a verygood officer, and had already forgotten all about equality and therights of man; but there Captain Wilson was mistaken--tares sown ininfancy are not so soon rooted out.
Jack went on deck as soon as the captain had dismissed him, and foundthe captain and officers of the Spanish corvette standing aft, lookingvery seriously at the _Nostra Senora del Carmen_. When they saw ourhero, who Captain Wilson had told them was the young officer who hadbarred their entrance into Carthagena, they turned their eyes upon himnot quite so graciously as they might have done.
Jack, with his usual politeness, took off his hat to the Spanishcaptain, and, glad to have an opportunity of sporting his Spanish,expressed the usual wish that he might live a thousand years. TheSpanish captain, who had reason to wish that Jack had gone to the devilat least twenty-four hours before, was equally complimentary, and thenbegged to be informed what the colours were that Jack had hoisted duringthe action. Jack replied that they were colours to which every Spanishgentleman considered it no disgrace to surrender, although always readyto engage, and frequently at tempting to board. Upon which the Spanishcaptain was very much puzzled. Captain Wilson, who under stood a littleSpanish, then interrupted by observing:
"By-the-bye, Mr Easy, what colours did you hoist up? we could not makethem out. I see Mr Jolliffe still keeps them up at the peak."
"Yes, sir," replied Jack, rather puzzled what to call them, but at lasthe replied that it was the banner of equality and the rights of man.
Captain Wilson frowned, and Jack, perceiving that he was displeased,then told him the whole story, whereupon Captain Wilson laughed, andJack then also explained, in Spanish, to the officers of the corvette,who replied that it was not the first time, and would not be the last,that men had got into a scrape through a petticoat.
The Spanish captain complimented Jack on his Spanish, which was reallyvery good (for in two months, with nothing else in the world to do, hehad made great progress), and asked him where he had learned it.
Jack replied, "At the Zaffarine Islands."
"Zaffarine Isles," replied the Spanish captain; "they are notinhabited."
"Plenty of ground sharks," replied Jack.
The Spanish captain thought our hero a very strange fellow, to fightunder a green silk petticoat, and to take lessons in Spanish from theground sharks. However, being quite as polite as Jack, he did notcontradict him, but took a huge pinch of snuff, wishing from the bottomof his heart that the ground sharks had taken Jack before he had hoistedthat confounded green petticoat.
However, Jack was in high favour with the captain, and all the ship'scompany, with the exception of his four enemies--the master, Vigors, theboatswain, and the purser's steward. As for Mr Vigors, he had come tohis senses again, and had put his colt in his chest until Jack shouldtake another cruise. Little Gossett, at any insulting remark made byVigors, pointed to the window of the berth and grinned; and the veryrecollection made Vigors turn pale, and awed him into silence.
In two days they arrived at Gibraltar--Mr Sawbridge rejoined the ship--so did Mr Jolliffe--they remained there a fortnight, during which Jackwas permitted to be continually on shore--Mr Asper accompanied him, andJack drew a heavy bill to prove to his father that he was still alive.Mr Sawbridge made our hero relate to him all his adventures, and was sopleased with the conduct of Mesty, that he appointed him to a situationwhich was particularly suited to him--that of ship's corporal. MrSawbridge knew that it was an office of trust, and provided that hecould find a man fit for it, he was very indifferent about his colour.Mesty walked and strutted about, at least three inches taller than hewas before. He was always clean, did his duty conscientiously, andseldom used his cane.
"I think, Mr Easy," said the first lieutenant, "that as you are soparticularly fond of taking a cruise"--for Jack had told the wholetruth--"it might be as well that you improve your navigation."
"I do think myself, sir," replied Jack, with great modesty, "that I amnot yet quite perfect."
"Well, then, Mr Jolliffe will teach you; he is the most competent inthis ship: the sooner you ask him the better, and if you learn it asfast as you have Spanish, it will not give you much trouble."
Jack thought the advice good: the next day he was very busy with hisfriend Jolliffe, and made the important discovery that two parallellines continued to infinity would never meet.
It must not be supposed that Captain Wilson and Mr Sawbridge receivedtheir promotion instanter. Promotion is always attended with delay, asthere is a certain routine in the service which must not be departedfrom. Captain Wilson had orders to return to Malta after his cruise.He therefore carried his own despatches away from England--from Maltathe despatches had to be forwarded to Toulon to the admiral, and thenthe admiral had to send to England to the Admiralty, whose reply had tocome out again. All this, with the delays arising from vessels notsailing immediately, occupied an interval of between five and sixmonths--during which time there was no alteration in the officers andcrew of his Majesty's sloop _Harpy_.
There had, however, been one alteration; the gunner, Mr Minus, who hadcharge of the first cutter in the night action in which our hero wasseparated from his ship, carelessly loading his musket, had foundhimself minus his right hand, which, upon the musket going off as herammed down, had gone off too. He was invalided and sent home duringJack's absence, and another had been appointed, whose name was Tallboys.Mr Tallboys was a stout dumpy man, with red face, and still redderhands; he had red hair and red whiskers, and he had read a good deal--for Mr Tallboys considered that the gunner was the most importantpersonage in the ship. He had once been a captain's clerk, and havingdistinguished himself very much in cutting-out service, had applied forand received his warrant as a gunner. He had studied the _Art ofGunnery_, a part of which he understood, but the remainder was above hiscomprehension: he continued, however, to read it as before, thinkingthat by constant reading he should understand it at last. He had gonethrough the work from the title-page to the finis at least forty times,and had just commenced it over again. He never came on deck without thegunner's vade-mecum in his pocket, with his hand always upon it to referto it in a moment.
But Mr Tallboys had, as we observed before, a great idea of theimportance of a gunner, and, among other qualifications, he consideredit absolutely necessary that he should be a navigator. He had at leastten instances to bring forward of bloody actions, in which the captainand all the commissioned officers had been killed or wounded, and thecommand of the ship had devolved upon the gunner.
"Now, sir," would he say, "if the gunner is no navigator, he is not fitto take charge of his Majesty's ships. The boatswain and carpenter aremerely practical men; but the gunner, sir, is, or ought to be,scientific. Gunnery, sir, is a science--we have our own disparts andour lines of sight--our windage and our parabolas and projectileforces--and our point blank, and our reduction of powder upon agraduated scale. Now, sir, there's no excuse for a gunner not being anavigator; for knowing his duty as a gunner, he has the samemathematical tools to work with." Upon this principle Mr Tallboys hadadded John Hamilton Moore to his library, and had advanced about as farinto navigation as he had in gunnery, that is, to the threshold, wherehe stuck fast, with all his mathematical tools, which he did not knowhow to use. To do him justice, he studied for two or three hourseveryday, and it was not his fault if he did not advance--but his headwas confused with technical terms; he mixed all up together, anddisparts, sines and cosines, parabolas, tangents, windage, seconds,lines of sight, logarithms, projectiles and traverse sailing, quadratureand Gunter's scales, were all crowded together, in a brain which had notcapacity to receive the rule of three. "Too much learning," said Festusto the apostle, "hath made thee mad." Mr Tallboys had not wit enoughto go mad, but his learning lay like lead upon his brain: the more heread, the less he understood, at the same time that he became moresatisfied with his supposed acquirements, and could not speak but in"mathematical parables."
"I understand, Mr Easy," said the gunner to him one day, after they hadsailed for Malta, "that you have entered into the science ofnavigation--at your age it was high time."
"Yes," replied Jack, "I can raise a perpendicular, at all events, andbox the compass."
"Yes, but you have not yet arrived at the dispart of the compass."
"Not come to that yet," replied Jack.
"Are you aware that a ship sailing describes a parabola round theglobe?"
"Not come to that yet," replied Jack.
"And that any propelled body striking against another flies off at atangent?"
"Very likely," replied Jack, "that is a _sine_ that he don't like it."
"You have not yet entered into _acute_ trigonometry?"
"Not come to that yet," replied Jack.
"That will require very sharp attention."
"I should think so," replied Jack.
"You will then find out how your parallels of longitude and latitudemeet."
"Two parallel lines, if continued to infinity, will never meet," repliedJack.
"I beg your pardon," said the gunner.
"I beg yours," said Jack.
Whereupon Mr Tallboys brought up a small map of the world, and showedJack that all the parallels of latitude met at a point at the top andbottom.
"Parallel lines never meet," replied Jack, producing Hamilton Moore.
Whereupon Jack and the gunner argued the point, until it was agreed torefer the case to Mr Jolliffe, who asserted, with a smile, that thoselines were parallels and not parallels.
As both were right, both were satisfied.
It was fortunate that Jack would argue in this instance: had he believedall the confused assertions of the gunner, he would have been as puzzledas the gunner himself. They never met without an argument and areference, and as Jack was put right in the end, he only learned thefaster. By the time that he did know something about navigation hediscovered that his antagonist knew nothing. Before they arrived atMalta Jack could fudge a day's work.
But at Malta Jack got into another scrape. Although Mr Smallsole couldnot injure him, he was still Jack's enemy; the more so as Jack hadbecome very popular: Vigors also submitted, planning revenge; but theparties in this instance were the boatswain and purser's steward. Jackstill continued his forecastle conversation with Mesty; and theboatswain and purser's steward, probably from their respective ill-willtowards our hero, had become great allies. Mr Easthupp now put on hisbest jacket to walk the dog-watches with Mr Biggs, and they took everyopportunity to talk at our hero.
"It's my peculiar hopinion," said Mr Easthupp, one evening, pulling atthe frill of his shirt, "that a gentleman should behave as a gentleman,and that if a gentleman professes hopinions of hequality and suchliberal sentiments, that he is bound as a gentle man to hact up tothem."
"Very true, Mr Easthupp; he is bound to act up to them; and not becausea person, who was a gentleman as well as himself, happens not to be onthe quarter-deck, to insult him because he only has perfessed opinionslike his own."
Hereupon Mr Biggs struck his rattan against the funnel, and looked atour hero.
"Yes," continued the purser's steward, "I should like to see the fellowwho would have done so on shore however, the time will come when I canhagain pull on my plain coat, and then the insult shall be vashed out inblood, Mr Biggs."
"And I'll be cursed if I don't some day teach a lesson to the blackguardwho stole my trousers."
"Vas hall your money right, Mr Biggs?" inquired the purser's steward.
"I didn't count," replied the boatswain magnificently.
"No--gentlemen are above that," replied Easthupp; "but there are manylight-fingered gentry habout. The quantity of vatches and harticles ofvalue vich were lost ven I valked Bond Street in former times isincredible."
"I can say this, at all events," replied the boatswain, "that I shouldbe always ready to give satisfaction to any person beneath me in rank,after I had insulted him. I don't stand upon my rank, although I don'ttalk about equality, damm
e--no, nor consort with niggers." All this wastoo plain for our hero not to understand, so Jack walked up to theboatswain, and taking his hat off, with the utmost politeness, said tohim:
"If I mistake not, Mr Biggs, your conversation refers to me."
"Very likely it does," replied the boatswain. "Listeners hear no goodof themselves."
"It appears that gentlemen can't converse without being vatched,"continued Mr Easthupp, pulling up his shirt-collar.
"It is not the first time that you have thought proper to make veryoffensive remarks, Mr Biggs; and as you appear to consider yourselfill-treated in the affair of the trousers, for I tell you at once, thatit was I who brought them on board, I can only say," continued our hero,with a very polite bow, "that I shall be most happy to give yousatisfaction."
"I am your superior officer, Mr Easy," replied the boatswain.
"Yes, by the rules of the service; but you just now asserted that youwould waive your rank--indeed, I dispute it on this occasion; I am onthe quarter-deck, and you are not."
"This is the gentleman whom you have insulted, Mr Easy," replied theboatswain, pointing to the purser's steward.
"Yes, Mr Heasy, quite as good a gentleman as yourself, although I av admisfortune--I ham of as hold a family as hany in the country," repliedMr Easthupp, now backed by the boatswain; "many the year did I valkBond Street, and I ave as good blood in my weins as you, Mr Heasy,halthough I have been misfortunate--I've had hadmirals in my family."
"You have grossly insulted this gentleman," said Mr Biggs, incontinuation; "and notwithstanding all your talk of equality, you areafraid to give him satisfaction--you shelter yourself under yourquarter-deck."
"Mr Biggs," replied our hero, who was now very wroth, "I shall go onshore directly we arrive at Malta. Let you, and this fellow, put onplain clothes, and I will meet you both--and then I'll show you whetherI am afraid to give satisfaction."
"One at a time," said the boatswain.
"No, sir, not one at a time, but both at the same time--I will fightboth or none. If you are my superior officer, you must _descend_,"replied Jack, with an ironical sneer, "to meet me, or I will not descendto meet that fellow, whom I believe to have been little better than apickpocket."
This accidental hit of Jack's made the purser's steward turn pale as asheet, and then equally red. He raved and foamed amazingly, although hecould not meet Jack's indignant look, who then turned round again.
"Now, Mr Biggs, is this to be understood, or do you shelter yourselfunder your _forecastle_?"
"I'm no dodger," replied the boatswain, "and we will settle the affairat Malta."
At which reply Jack returned to Mesty.
"Massa Easy, I look at um face, dat feller, Eastop, he no like it. I goshore wid you, see fair play, anyhow--suppose I can?"
Mr Biggs having declared that he would fight, of course had to look outfor a second, and he fixed upon Mr Tallboys, the gunner, and requestedhim to be his friend. Mr Tallboys, who had been latterly very muchannoyed by Jack's victories over him in the science of navigation, andtherefore felt ill-will towards him, consented; but he was very muchpuzzled how to arrange that _three_ were to fight at the same time, forhe had no idea of there being two duels; so he went to his cabin andcommenced reading. Jack, on the other hand, dared not say a word toJolliffe on the subject: indeed, there was no one in the ship to whom hecould confide but Gascoigne: he therefore went to him, and althoughGascoigne thought it was excessively _infra dig_ of Jack to meet eventhe boatswain, as the challenge had been given there was no retracting:he therefore consented, like all midshipmen, anticipating fun, and quitethoughtless of the consequences.
The second day after they had been anchored in Vallette harbour, theboatswain and gunner, Jack and Gascoigne, obtained permission to go onshore. Mr Easthupp, the purser's steward, dressed in his best bluecoat with brass buttons and velvet collar, the very one in which he hadbeen taken up when he had been vowing and protesting that he was agentleman, at the very time that his hand was abstracting a pocket book,went up on the quarter-deck, and requested the same indulgence, but MrSawbridge refused, as he required him to return staves and hoops at thecooperage. Mesty also, much to his mortification, was not to be spared.
This was awkward, but it was got over by proposing that the meetingshould take place behind the cooperage at a certain hour, on which MrEasthupp might slip out and borrow a portion of the time appropriated tohis duty, to heal the breach in his wounded honour. So the parties allwent on shore, and put up at one of the small inns to make the necessaryarrangements.
Mr Tallboys then addressed Mr Gascoigne, taking him apart while theboatswain amused himself with a glass of grog, and our hero sat outsideteasing a monkey.
"Mr Gascoigne," said the gunner, "I have been very much puzzled howthis duel should be fought, but I have at last found it out. You seethat there are _three_ parties to fight; had there been two or fourthere would have been no difficulty, as the right line or square mightguide us in that instance; but we must arrange it upon the _triangle_ inthis."
Gascoigne stared; he could not imagine what was coming.
"Are you aware, Mr Gascoigne, of the properties of an equilateraltriangle?"
"Yes," replied the midshipman, "that it has three equal sides--but whatthe devil has that to do with the duel?"
"Everything, Mr Gascoigne," replied the gunner; "it has resolved thegreat difficulty: indeed, the duel between three can only be fought uponthat principle. You observe," said the gunner, taking a piece of chalkout of his pocket, and making a triangle on the table, "in this figurewe have three points, each equidistant from each other; and we havethree combatants--so that placing one at each point, it is all fair playfor the three: Mr Easy, for instance, stands here, the boatswain here,and the purser's steward at the third corner. Now, if the distance isfairly measured, it will be all right."
"But then," replied Gascoigne, delighted at the idea, "how are they tofire?"
"It certainly is not of much consequence," replied the gunner, "butstill, as sailors, it appears to me that they should fire with the sun;that is, Mr Easy fires at Mr Biggs, Mr Biggs fires at Mr Easthupp,and Mr Easthupp fires at Mr Easy, so that you perceive that each partyhas his shot at one, and at the same time receives the fire of another."
Gascoigne was in ecstasies at the novelty of the proceeding, the more soas he perceived that Easy obtained every advantage by the arrangement.
"Upon my word, Mr Tallboys, I give you great credit; you have aprofound mathematical head, and I am delighted with your arrangement.Of course, in these affairs, the principals are bound to comply with thearrangements of the seconds, and I shall insist upon Mr Easy consentingto your excellent and scientific proposal."
Gascoigne went out, and pulling Jack away from the monkey, told him whatthe gunner had proposed, at which Jack laughed heartily.
The gunner also explained it to the boatswain, who did not very wellcomprehend, but replied:
"I dare say it's all right--shot for shot, and damn all favours."
The parties then repaired to the spot with two pairs of ship's pistols,which Mr Tallboys had smuggled on shore; and, as soon as they were onthe ground, the gunner called Mr Easthupp out of the cooperage. In themeantime, Gascoigne had been measuring an equilateral triangle of twelvepaces--and marked it out. Mr Tallboys, on his return with the purser'ssteward, went over the ground, and finding that it was "equal anglessubtended by equal sides," declared that it was all right. Easy tookhis station, the boatswain was put into his, and Mr Easthupp, who wasquite in a mystery, was led by the gunner to the third position.
"But, Mr Tallboys," said the purser's steward, "I don't understandthis. Mr Easy will first fight Mr Biggs, will he not?"
"No," replied the gunner, "this is a duel of three. You will fire atMr Easy, Mr Easy will fire at Mr Biggs, and Mr Biggs will fire atyou. It is all arranged, Mr Easthupp."
"But," said Mr Easthupp, "I do not understand it. Why is Mr Biggs tofire at me? I have no q
uarrel with Mr Biggs."
"Because Mr Easy fires at Mr Biggs, and Mr Biggs must have his shotas well."
"If you have ever been in the company of gentlemen, Mr Easthupp,"observed Gascoigne, "you must know something about duelling."
"Yes, yes, I've kept the best company, Mr Gascoigne, and I can give agentleman satisfaction; but--"
"Then, sir, if that is the case, you must know that your honour is inthe hands of your second, and that no gentleman appeals."
"Yes, yes, I know that, Mr Gascoigne; but still I've no quarrel withMr Biggs, and therefore, Mr Biggs, of course you will not aim at me."
"Why, you don't think that I'm going to be fired at for nothing,"replied the boatswain; "no, no, I'll have my shot anyhow."
"But at your friend, Mr Biggs?"
"All the same, I shall fire at somebody; shot for shot, and hit theluckiest."
"Vel, gentlemen, I purtest against these proceedings," replied MrEasthupp; "I came here to have satisfaction from Mr Easy, and not to befired at by Mr Biggs."
"Don't you have satisfaction when you fire at Mr Easy," replied thegunner; "what more would you have?"
"I purtest against Mr Biggs firing at me."
"So you would have a shot without receiving one," cried Gascoigne: "thefact is, that this fellow's a confounded coward, and ought to be kickedinto the cooperage again."
At this affront Mr Easthupp rallied, and accepted the pistol offered bythe gunner.
"You ear those words, Mr Biggs; pretty language to use to a gentleman.You shall ear from me, sir, as soon as the ship is paid off. I purtestno longer, Mr Tallboys; death before dishonour. I'm a gentleman,damme!"
At all events, the swell was not a very courageous gentleman, for hetrembled most exceedingly as he pointed his pistol.
The gunner gave the word, as if he were exercising the great guns onboard ship.
"Cock your locks!"--"Take good aim at the object!"--"Fire!"--"Stop yourvents!"
The only one of the combatants who appeared to comply with the lattersupplementary order was Mr Easthupp, who clapped his hand to histrousers behind, gave a loud yell, and then dropped down: the bullethaving passed clean through his seat of honour, from his havingpresented his broadside as a target to the boatswain as he faced towardsour hero. Jack's shot had also taken effect, having passed through boththe boatswain's cheeks, without further mischief than extracting two ofhis best upper double teeth, and forcing through the hole of the farthercheek the boatswain's own quid of tobacco. As for Mr Easthupp's ball,as he was very unsettled, and shut his eyes before he fired, it had gonethe Lord knows where.
The purser's steward lay on the ground and screamed--the boatswain spithis double teeth and two or three mouthfuls of blood out, and then threwdown his pistols in a rage.
"A pretty business, by God," sputtered he; "he's put my pipe out. Howthe devil am I to pipe to dinner when I'm ordered, all my wind 'scapingthrough the cheeks?"
In the meantime, the others had gone to the assistance of the purser'ssteward, who continued his vociferations. They examined him, andconsidered a wound in that part not to be dangerous.
"Hold your confounded bawling," cried the gunner, "or you'll have theguard down here: you're not hurt."
"Han't hi?" roared the steward. "Oh, let me die, let me die; don't moveme!"
"Nonsense," cried the gunner, "you must get up and walk down to theboat; if you don't we'll leave you--hold your tongue, confound you. Youwon't? then I'll give you something to halloo for."
Whereupon Mr Tallboys commenced cuffing the poor wretch right and left,who received so many swinging boxes of the ear, that he was soon reducedto merely pitiful plaints of "Oh, dear!--such inhumanity--I purtest--oh,dear! must I get up? I can't, indeed."
"I do not think he can move, Mr Tallboys," said Gascoigne; "I shouldthink the best plan would be to call up two of the men from thecooperage, and let them take him at once to the hospital."
The gunner went down to the cooperage to call the men. Mr Biggs, whohad bound up his face as if he had a toothache for the bleeding had beenvery slight, came up to the purser's steward.
"What the hell are you making such a howling about? Look at me, withtwo shot-holes through my figure-head, while you have only got one inyour stern: I wish I could change with you, by heavens, for I could usemy whistle then--now if I attempt to pipe, there will be such a wastefulexpenditure of his Majesty's stores of wind, that I never shall get outa note. A wicked shot of yours, Mr Easy."
"I really am very sorry," replied Jack, with a polite bow, "and I beg tooffer my best apology."
During this conversation, the purser's steward felt very faint, andthought he was going to die.
"Oh, dear! oh, dear! what a fool I was; I never was a gentleman--only aswell: I shall die; I never will pick a pocket again--never--never--Godforgive me!"
"Why, confound the fellow," cried Gascoigne, "so you were a pickpocket,were you?"
"I never will again," replied the fellow, in a faint voice: "Hi'llhamend and lead a good life--a drop of water--oh! _lagged_ at last!"
Then the poor wretch fainted away: and Tallboys coming up with the men,he was taken on their shoulders and walked off to the hospital, attendedby the gunner and also the boatswain, who thought he might as well havea little medical advice before he went on board.
"Well, Easy," said Gascoigne, collecting the pistols and tying them upin his handkerchief, "I'll be shot, but we're in a pretty scrape;there's no hushing this up. I'll be hanged if I care, it's the bestpiece of fun I ever met with." And at the remembrance of it Gascoignelaughed till the tears ran down his cheeks. Jack's mirth was not quiteso excessive, as he was afraid that the purser's steward was severelyhurt, and expressed his fears.
"At all events, you did not hit him," replied Gascoigne; "all you haveto answer for is the boatswains's mug--I think you've stopped his jawfor the future."
"I'm afraid that our leave will be stopped for the future," repliedJack.
"That we may take our oaths of," replied Gascoigne.
"Then look you, Ned," said Easy; "I've lots of dollars; we may as wellbe hanged for a sheep as a lamb, as the saying is; I vote that we do notgo on board."
"Sawbridge will send and fetch us," replied Ned; "but he must find usfirst."
"That won't take long, for the soldiers will soon have our descriptionand rout us out--we shall be pinned in a couple of days."
"Confound it, and they say that the ship is to be hove down, and that weshall be here six weeks at least, cooped up on board in a broiling sun,and nothing to do but to watch the pilot fish playing round the rudder,and munch bad apricots. I won't go on board; look ye, Jack," saidGascoigne, "have you plenty of money?"
"I have twenty doubloons, besides dollars," replied Jack.
"Well, then we will pretend to be so much alarmed at the result of thisduel, that we dare not show ourselves, lest we should be hung. I willwrite a note, and send it to Jolliffe, to say that we have hid ourselvesuntil the affair is blown over, and beg him to intercede with thecaptain and first lieutenant. I will tell him all the particulars, andrefer to the gunner for the truth of it; and then I know that, althoughwe should be punished, they will only laugh; but I will pretend thatEasthupp is killed, and we are frightened out of our lives. That willbe it; and then let's get on board one of the speronares which come withfruit from Sicily, sail in the night for Palermo, and then we'll have acruise for a fortnight, and when the money is all gone we'll come back."
"That's a capital idea, Ned, and the sooner we do it the better. I willwrite to the captain, begging him to get me off from being hung, andtelling him where we have fled to, and that letter shall be given afterwe have sailed."
They were two very nice lads--our hero and Gascoigne.
Mr. Midshipman Easy Page 17