by Kayla Perrin
Although the woman was striking, she wore a scowl that detracted from her looks. Malcolm stepped past her and opened the back door. He leaned his body into the car, then reappeared holding a young boy.
Tasia quickly figured out what was going on. The body language was too hostile for the woman to be his girlfriend. She must be his ex.
And the toddler in his arms had to be his child.
Tasia was simultaneously relieved and disappointed. She was glad that Malcolm hadn’t been leading her on, but at the same time all the hopes she’d held earlier that something could spark between them fizzled. Obviously, his relationship with this woman was complicated.
And Tasia didn’t need any drama in her life.
“Well, so much for that,” she whispered aloud. But she felt far more disappointed than her words conveyed.
She couldn’t make out what the woman was saying, but Tasia was riveted by the way Malcolm held the boy. He was a loving father. That much she could ascertain from how he held and regarded the child.
Damn, Raven. She’d encouraged Tasia to live in the moment, to go for it, and that’s what she’d been doing. Now that her fantasy regarding Malcolm had just been crushed, she couldn’t help but feel deflated.
Tasia stood back from the window, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. Malcolm had simply been an escape for her. That was it. She’d allowed herself to fantasize about him because he’d given her her first moments of happiness since she’d been back in Miami.
Hearing a cry, Tasia peeked out the window once more. Michelle was trying to extricate the boy from Malcolm’s arms. The child was bawling, not wanting to let go.
“Don’t worry, JJ.” Malcolm kissed the boy on his cheek and spoke soothingly to him. “I’ll see you soon. Okay?”
The toddler wailed, wrapping his arms tightly around Malcolm’s neck.
“Good God, stop that, JJ,” Michelle snapped. She was none too gentle with her son as she yanked him from Malcolm’s arms and buckled him back in his car seat. Whirling around to face Malcolm, Michelle held out her palm. Malcolm reached into his back pocket and withdrew his wallet, then handed her several bills.
The woman didn’t even say “thank you”. She just got back in the car and slammed the door. Within seconds, she was backing out of the driveway and taking off down the street like a speed demon.
Stress was stamped clearly on Malcolm’s face and in the way he tensed his shoulders as he walked back to the house. Tasia spun on her heel and ran back to the dining room table.
“Sorry about that,” he said, after he came back in.
“No, don’t apologize,” Tasia told him. Then, throwing caution to the wind she asked, “Is that your girlfriend?”
“My girlfriend?” Malcolm made a face. “No.”
“But she’s an ex,” Tasia surmised.
“Yeah,” Malcolm admitted, his tone sour.
The fact that Michelle was an ex didn’t make Tasia feel any better. Because Malcolm had a child with her.
“Your son is adorable,” Tasia said after a moment.
“He’s not my son. He’s hers. But obviously, I got to know him while we were dating. I formed a bond with him.” He paused, frowning. “What kills me is that I told Michelle that just because we’re broken up doesn’t mean we need to be enemies. I told her I still want to spend time with JJ. He loves me. And she knows I love him, too. Michelle holds that love over my head like some sort of punishment.”
“Wait a minute,” Tasia said. “JJ’s not your son?”
“No. But I was an unofficial stepdad to him for six months. Then when I ended things with her, she punished me by cutting JJ out of my life.”
“Where’s the boy’s father?”
“Not in his life,” Malcolm answered.
Tasia gave him a quizzical look. She didn’t understand. He’d dated this woman for only six months, and yet he was so attached to the child?
Malcolm must have sensed the direction of her thoughts because he said, “She used to work for my construction company. And I got to know little JJ before we started dating. If you want to know the truth, my attraction to Michelle was in large part because I’d formed a bond with JJ. He really took to me, and I to him.” Malcolm sipped his wine. “So we started dating. And it was okay in the beginning. Michelle was reliable, a good mother. Then she started asking me to watch JJ for a night so she could go out with her friends. Sometimes I didn’t hear from her for two days. Sometimes, she’d show up and she was drunk or stoned. And when she started coming to work like that, I had to fire her. That’s the gist of it.”
“Why did she come here?” Tasia asked.
“She needed money. Said the rent is due and she doesn’t want to get evicted. She hasn’t found another job since I fired her, and I guess … I feel a little responsible. I want to make sure JJ’s taken care of.”
Tasia shook her head as she regarded Malcolm. Was he for real? JJ wasn’t his son, Michelle was his ex, and still he was being so generous? Why?
Tasia sipped her wine before speaking. “So let me get this straight. You pretty much dated Michelle to be a father for her child, and now that you’ve broken up, you still want to be a part of the boy’s life? And what—every time she calls you for money, you give it to her?”
“My friends tell me she’s taking advantage of me, but I just want to make sure that JJ’s okay. Michelle assured me that she’s trying to find work, so I don’t expect she’ll need help from me forever.”
“All this for a child who’s not yours?”
“I was raised without a dad. My mother struggled. There was a lot of stress in the household when money was tight … So if I can help JJ in any way I can, I will.”
Tasia shook her head in disbelief as she regarded him. “I’ve heard of people like you. But it’s like the mythical unicorn. Who does this? My own dad left and didn’t look back. No gifts at Christmas or birthdays. And here you are helping the child of your ex-girlfriend, a child you’re not biologically connected to?”
“Obviously, your father was wrong for treating you the way he did. There are a lot of deadbeat dads out there. But there are also good men out there too, Tasia. Not every man is like your dad.”
No wonder her mother had liked Malcolm so much. He was definitely one of the good guys. They were few and far between. Tasia stared at him with a look of wonder.
“What are you thinking?” Malcolm asked.
“I’m just amazed,” Tasia replied, her face feeling flushed. Amazed that there was a man as sexy as Malcolm who was also compassionate and generous. She’d never known a man like him in her life.
Normally, Tasia’s view of someone like Michelle wouldn’t be too kind. But Malcolm’s sensitive nature was rubbing off on her. “I’m not sure what Michelle’s situation is, but if she needs some stuff, I’ve got things to get rid of. The old sofa in the shed, a couple of TVs. If there’s anything she can use from my mother’s place, let me know.”
“I’ll ask,” Malcolm said. “That’s nice of you.”
“I won’t need any of this.”
Malcolm frowned. Then his gaze held hers. “So you’re definitely planning on leaving and never coming back?”
Tasia’s lips parted to respond. Then Malcolm’s phone rang, breaking the intensity between them.
He glanced at the screen and groaned in frustration.
“What is it?” she asked.
“It’s Michelle. She’s asking if I can watch JJ tonight.”
“What? But she was just here.”
“She says there’s an issue with her apartment. She needs someone to watch JJ while she straightens it out.”
Or is she scheming to get Malcolm away from here? Tasia wondered. Not that Michelle knew that Malcolm was spending time with another woman, but she might be guessing that.
Malcolm got to his feet, his fingers tapping his answer on the phone’s screen. “I’m gonna have to go.”
“Of course,” Tasia said, trying not to loo
k disappointed. Just when they were getting back to their conversation, Michelle interrupted them a second time. The woman’s timing was brutal.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” Malcolm said, already en route to the door.
“Sure.”
“And I’ll stop by in the evening again.”
“If you can swing it,” Tasia said, trying to sound casual as she followed him to the door. “If you’re busy, don’t stress it.”
He turned to face her. A smile touched his lips as he reached out and stroked her cheek with his finger. “No ifs about it,” he said gently but firmly. “I’ll be here.”
“Okay.”
He kissed her softly on the forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” she echoed.
But when she closed the door behind him, she let out her breath in a big whoosh.
What was she even doing, fantasizing about him? She leaned against the front door, crossing her arms over her chest. What had gotten into her? He had an ex who was still in his life and a sort-of step-son.
So much for living in the moment. So much for a little romance. No matter what her mom may have wished for her and Malcolm, it wasn’t that simple. Life never was.
The less complicated Tasia made her life before she returned to Atlanta, the better.
Chapter 11
“What do you mean you’re giving up on Malcolm?” Raven asked.
It had been a few hours since Malcolm had left, and Tasia had grabbed a shower and called her friend. Now, she was sitting on her bed, propped up by at least eight pillows, and wearing a comfy robe, her damp hair wrapped in a towel. A tub of salted caramel chocolate chunk ice cream was on her lap, comfort food to soothe her soul.
“For one thing,” Tasia replied, digging out an especially hefty piece of gooey goodness, “it wasn’t like I was really trying to pursue anything with him. He was a nice distraction from everything that’s going on, so I kind of allowed myself to … well, to imagine.” Tasia put the spoon of ice cream in her mouth. “But what am I thinking?” she asked, the question sounding garbled.
“What did you say?” Raven asked. “Stop drowning your sorrows in ice cream and talk to me.”
“I’m not drowning my sorrows,” she said, licking the spoon. Look, you know I hate complications, and starting anything with Malcolm will only make my life complicated.”
“Girl, you could handle a little complication in your life. You play it way too safe and boring.”
Tasia snorted. “He’s got an unstable ex and practically a step-son. I don’t think Malcolm would even do casual sex.”
“So he’s a nice guy. That’s not a crime, is it?”
“No, of course not.” In fact, it made him even more attractive to Tasia. She blew out a deep breath. “I can’t help thinking that Michelle interrupted us two times because it was a sign from above. I need to put Malcolm out of my mind.”
“Is that what you want?” Raven asked, but the tone of her voice was rhetorical.
“No,” Tasia admitted. “It’s all but impossible to stop thinking about him.”
“Then don’t. Live a little, girl. You just lost your mom. If anyone needs a hot male distraction, it’s you. Plus, the way you describe him, he’s the strong, sensitive type. I’m sure he’d take great care of you in the bedroom.”
“Oh, stop!”
“What—you think I’m wrong?”
“Raven, you’re killing me.”
“I think it’s high time you had yourself some hot sex. Every single guy you date is someone not worth your time or you get easily bored with, and you and I both know why. You’re afraid of taking a chance on a guy who might just become someone important in your life. You’re afraid of making that kind of commitment.”
Tasia shoved more ice cream into her mouth, but the mix of sweet and salty didn’t offer her the comfort she craved. “That’s not true. I just haven’t met the right guy.”
“Really? Or have you found someone who could be the right guy and you’re just too afraid to take a chance?”
Tasia didn’t have an answer to that. And her pint of ice cream was finished.
*
Tasia awoke with a start the next morning, slightly breathless and very definitely hot. In fact, she was surprised to find herself in her bed, and not in Malcolm’s arms. As she became fully aware, the truth became clear. She’d been dreaming about him.
Tasia threw off the covers, allowing the room’s air to cool her skin. Then her mind wandered back to the last thing she remembered before she’d awakened.
She and Malcolm had been on a beach, lying on the sand and kissing passionately.
“Good Lord, Tasia.” Her pulse was racing, and her skin was flushed. “What’s gotten into you?” Not only was she thinking about him during the day, she was now dreaming about him at night. This wasn’t like her.
Obviously, her conversation with Raven had gotten to her. Oh, who was she kidding? Tasia didn’t need Raven to make her think about Malcolm.
And the dream had been so vivid! His hands trailing up her back and arms, his mouth tantalizing hers … Raven had been right about one thing. She did want Malcolm.
She wanted to feel his lips on the underside of her jaw. She wanted to smooth her hands over his warm skin and his muscular abs. She was positive he had a six-pack, and wanted to feel his hard body pressed against hers. She wanted to get lost in his touch and his kisses.
She was going to see him again that evening. Would something finally spark up between them without any interruptions? And if it did, would she be able to just go with the flow and let it happen?
*
That morning, Tasia made a run to a thrift shop, with four large boxes and five big bags filled with her mom’s stuff. Mostly old clothes and shoes, plate sets, and some trinkets. Her eyes became teary as she hefted the boxes and bags onto the counter. She hesitated for a moment, thinking about her mother’s scent, still on the clothes. Then took a deep breath. “It’s not Mom,” she whispered to herself. “Just her stuff.” She fought back her tears and left the shop in a rush. Getting back in her car, she heaved a shaky sigh. It hadn’t been easy but it had to be done.
Back at her mom’s she sat on the floor in front of the closet. A pile of shoeboxes was piled in one corner, containing mostly bills and various documents. Tasia couldn’t throw the boxes out without going through everything carefully to see if she would need anything to finalize her mother’s estate.
She took down the box on the top of the pile and lifted the lid. Any important papers, she’d organize in file folders to deal with as required. The rest she’d shred to be on the safe side.
About an hour into the tedious job, Tasia pulled out an envelope. She recognized her mother’s handwriting immediately. The envelope was addressed to a man named Jarvis Baxter who lived in Aventura.
Jarvis Baxter? The name didn’t ring a bell.
A stamp had been placed on the envelope, but it had clearly never been mailed. The worn edges and faded color of the envelope also told her that it been written years ago.
“Jarvis Baxter,” Tasia said aloud, but the name still didn’t stir a memory.
The letter felt heavy in her hand. Not physically, but emotionally. Who was this Jarvis Baxter? A boyfriend? Someone else? Had her mother had a secret life she’d never shared with her?
Tasia put the letter back into the box. If her mother had never mailed it, should she even open it? Maybe there was something in there that she shouldn’t be reading. Especially years after the fact. Wasn’t her mother entitled to have a few secrets?
And yet … Tasia had so many questions. Questions she couldn’t ask her now. Her mother had felt comfortable sharing certain things with Malcolm that she hadn’t shared with her. And Tasia couldn’t deny the reality of that hurt.
If her mother had had someone in her life who’d brought her happiness, that would give Tasia a measure of comfort. All these years, she’d believed her mom had lived a lonely exis
tence. Maybe this letter would prove otherwise.
Tasia lifted the envelope again. Suddenly, she had to know. For one thing, if this Jarvis Baxter had meant something to her mother, then didn’t he deserve to know that she’d passed?
Carefully, Tasia opened the flap and withdrew two lined sheets of paper.
December 1, 1997
My dearest Jarvis,
It’s with a heavy heart that I write this letter. I love you more than words can describe. You know that. And I know you feel the same way about me. Which makes this letter all the harder to write.
But you know what we’re doing is wrong. You’ve made your choices, now I need to make mine. We need a way out of this, because I can’t lay awake at night aching for your touch and knowing you can’t be with me. Knowing that another woman has the rights to you.
Tasia reeled backward in shock. Another woman … What was her mother saying?
I understand that our situation is about timing and circumstance. If the timing had been different for us, there’s no doubt we would have been happy together. Living a life filled with love for the rest of our lives. But that’s not our reality. I’ve gone against my beliefs as a Christian woman. I let my passion override my convictions.
I understand why you’re not leaving her. I don’t blame you. It’s because you’re such a good man that you can’t leave. And I can’t ask you to leave. Your children need you, if nothing else. But I can’t be the other woman anymore.
And where there is a marriage, there’s always hope that things can get better. I know how Evelyn treats you, and it breaks my heart. I want nothing more than to be your everything, to be the one you continue to turn to for comfort. But I can’t be that for you anymore.
I’ve prayed and prayed about this, and I believe that God can accomplish anything. With prayer, maybe things can change for the better for you. Evelyn might be less vindictive if she doesn’t believe you’re seeing another woman. I understand that it’s hard, but if I do the right thing, maybe God might bless your marriage. Make it everything you ever dreamed it could be. Because there’s no doubt that doing the wrong thing only brings negative consequences.