Patrick chuckled and scratched his head. Was he finding this amusing? “Yeah. I guess he might.”
“You guys should come over for dinner some time. All four of us. It would be fun,” she added, a little too enthusiastically.
“That would be nice, Ms. Kohl.” He glanced down as though embarrassed, but not because of my mom like I was. “I just don’t know that I’d want to invite him to your lovely house. He isn’t exactly what I’d call dinner date material.”
He smiled weakly and returned his attention to the TV as a signal he was done talking about his father. Poor guy. I was embarrassed about my mom’s brazen behavior when he had a legitimate reason to be embarrassed by his dad. Few people knew he was into some highly illegal business.
My mom’s face was almost as painful to look at as Patrick’s. Her hopes had obviously been shattered. She’d probably been thinking about this imagined dinner date for a long time and had finally gathered up enough courage to bring up the idea. I felt awful for them both.
“Well,” she sighed. “It was just an idea anyway. No big deal.”
She stood up and dusted herself off with a brave smile. “How does pizza sound for supper tonight?”
“That sounds great, Ms. Kohl. Thanks.” Patrick’s whole body suddenly glowed as he beamed at my mom. The awkwardness between the two of them visibly melted. Once my mom left to her room, Patrick’s light receded. I stared at him.
What?” he said. “You and Kyra aren’t the only ones who know how to use your aura.”
I laughed. “I know. I guess I don’t normally see you using it for simple things like that.” I peered into the depths of his sweet, green eyes. “Thank you.”
He grinned and leaned in for a kiss, but his phone interrupted us. He rolled his eyes. “That would happen. Hold that thought.” He pulled out his phone from his pocket to check the text. Once he saw the number, though, he furrowed his eyebrows instead of reading the message right away.
I didn’t want to pry, but this situation seemed different. “Who is it?”
“It’s from an old friend in Indianapolis. A guy I used to party with, but I haven’t talked to him in forever.”
After a few more seconds, he clicked on the text and peered intently at the screen. Then his eyes shot open in horror. But he kept reading.
At last, he looked up but stared into space, in shock.
I waited as long as I could stand it. “What did he say?”
Patrick blinked but didn’t say anything.
I surveyed the blank screen on his phone. What on earth could have been so horrible there to make my boyfriend catatonic? “Patrick?”
He rubbed his hand over his mouth and sighed, letting the words tumble out absent-mindedly. “I’m going to have to go to Indianapolis for a friend’s funeral.”
I gasped. “Who?
“Um,” he faltered. His emotions were quickly building, making it hard for him to talk. “Just some guy I used to hang out with from school.”
His angst was different than I would’ve expected for news of a friend’s death. I had a feeling there was more to the story than I wanted to know. But I asked anyway. “What happened?”
Apparently, that was more than he could handle. He stood abruptly as tears welled up in his eyes. “It’s none of your business.” He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand and stormed outside.
I was dumbfounded. Surely any normal guy would want his girlfriend’s comfort after the death of a friend. Why was this so different?
I followed him outside and found him headed to his car. “Patrick,” I yelled from across the lawn, trying to catch up.
He stopped in front of his car but didn’t turn to face me, even once I reached him.
“Patrick? Are you all right?”
He whirled around so quickly I jumped back in surprise. “No, I’m not! Okay? I’m not all right.”
A metallic thump cut short his brief rant as the back of his fist slammed into the car door. A split second later, he turned slowly back to face his car. He hunched over it as if he were too ashamed to look at me.
I approached him from behind warily. “Patrick?” I raised my arm to place my hand on his shoulder, but then thought better of it. “What’s wrong?”
He rested his head on his crossed arms and sighed heavily. “I killed him.”
I shook my head, blinking several times, and then studied the ground. My mind was reeling. No. I heard him wrong. Didn’t I?
I looked up. He was pacing back and forth in front of his car. His sealed lips were silent, but his tortured eyes screamed.
I wanted an explanation but wasn’t sure how to ask. I couldn’t very well interrupt his brooding silence with a casual, “So, how did you kill him?” So I let the unasked question simmer between us, like a festering sore that demands attention as much as you try to ignore it.
Eventually, I settled on an easy, concrete question. Something that would force him to think clearly. “Do you want me to come with you?”
He stopped his pacing and gazed at me as if he’d forgotten I was there. His eyes still held pain, but it was forcibly contained like dams of water. He was trying to be strong for me. “I need to do this alone, Iris.”
I didn’t want him to be strong for me. Not if that meant keeping me in the dark. I wanted to share his burdens, not watch him crumble underneath them alone. Whatever was going on, I was here for him. Whatever he had done, we could get through it together.
I wasn’t sure where my strength was coming from, but I latched on to it and refused to let go. Maybe seeing him in such distress had reminded me how much we needed each other.
My resolve couldn’t have come at a better time. A fluttering outline of black mist had just become visible by the glow of the streetlight and boldly approached Patrick from the side. In his anguish, the feelings that had summoned the shadow in the first place, Patrick hadn’t noticed.
I moved towards Patrick, holding his gaze with my reassuring eyes. As I pushed my glow outwards, I slowly withdrew my prism. The shadow hissed at me so loudly I almost covered my ears.
Patrick wrinkled his forehead and tilted his head at the sight of my prism. I drew my arm backwards and then flung my weapon forward at the encroaching leech. The dark mass dissolved and Patrick finally realized what he’d almost allowed to touch him.
Patrick closed the small gap between us and held onto my arms fervently. “Iris, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I shouldn’t have let my emotions get that carried away.”
“Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
He rested his forehead on mine and took a few deep breaths before lifting his head back up. He surveyed me with new clarity and focus. “I never thought something like this would happen, Iris. That someone would die. You have to believe me.”
“I do.” I was amazed at my own composure. So many times I’d needed to lean on Patrick for strength. Now, it was my turn to be there for him. “Just tell me what happened.”
He pivoted to the side, out of eye contact, and swept a hand over his mouth. “Donovan always said all people needed from us was a little shove. After that they’d fall down the hill on their own.” He shook his head. “I just tried to pretend the falling downhill part didn’t necessarily happen. Or at least not look when it did.”
I furrowed my eyebrows and opened my mouth to state my confusion, but he continued. “I’ve told you our goal was to corrupt people.”
I nodded.
“Well, part of my job was to have parties where I’d have alcohol and drugs there for everyone. Since you’d been to one of those parties, I’d always assumed you knew that. That’s why I never bothered to mention it. Trust me, I wasn’t purposefully trying to keep that from you.” He faced me and held out his hands to show his sincerity. He didn’t have to. He was right. I had already figured that out.
“Donovan told us to find the innocent kids who’d barely done anything and get them started on something simple like weed. The job was easy enough. T
hey all looked up to me. Especially this kid. David. He was a freshman, and he hung on every word I said.”
He dropped his face to the ground. “Before I moved away, he’d already been getting into some harder stuff and doing it more often. Like I said, though...I just pretended not to notice. There were times I even encouraged him like I was supposed to. I told myself he was at fault. But really I pushed him down that track in the first place.”
He peered into my eyes with a surprising hardness I’d never seen before. “David overdosed on prescription drugs and alcohol. I can’t pretend away my part in his death.” His voice and his body were rigid. He seemed so inaccessible, like he’d just placed a barrier between him and the rest of the world. Including me.
I stared blankly. I wanted to comfort him but felt oddly out of place and ineffective. Besides, what could I say? I wished I could tell him he was wrong. That he didn’t have a part in David’s death. But that wasn’t true, was it? Would David still be alive if Patrick hadn’t steered him wrong? Most likely. And how many other kids had Patrick started on drugs? Where were they all today?
I put together the pieces of Patrick’s past in my mind. The picture that formed wasn’t pleasant. When he’d told me about the girls he’d slept with, the news sucked, but I was dealing with it. But now? Someone had died. Because of Patrick’s actions. The consequences of his past were way worse than I’d thought.
I had wanted to be an understanding, comforting girlfriend. Instead I was a cold, silent statue. I didn’t know what to think about the situation. I was numb.
“I’ll head out in the morning.” His voice travelled through water to my ears. He kissed me on the forehead, but the gesture felt awkward. A kiss from a stranger.
The roar of his car engine starting woke me from my stupor. When I glanced up, all that remained was smoke from the exhaust; a hazy, gray cloud filling the void Patrick’s car had left.
Chapter 14
By Saturday morning I still felt distant from everyone, like I was in a bubble. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water pour around me. My mind raced. School the day before had been a blur. I’d been aware of where I was and who’d been around me, but nothing had seemed real. Patrick had been gone before but not for anything like this. His absence simply reminded me why he was gone.
I’d hoped either Kyra or Gregory could have helped me out of my funk. They’d offered encouraging words, but nothing got through to me. I couldn’t shake the weirdness of it all.
I turned off the water and began to dry off. What on earth was I going to do for a whole Saturday by myself? With Patrick gone, Gregory had decided to give Kyra and me a break that weekend. I didn’t feel up to being around people anyway. Plus, I was in no mental condition to go shadow hunting.
I had to do something, though. Otherwise, I wouldn’t stop thinking about the kid who’d died. The more I thought about his death, the more I wondered if there were others, people whose damage was so great that it couldn’t be undone.
Of course, thinking about his past with drugs also reminded me what he’d done with other girls. Something I’d never truly gotten used to. Either one confession didn’t seem quite so bad, but together... I felt like I didn’t even know him anymore.
I’d scarcely finished drying off and picking out some clothes with my head still wrapped in a towel when I got a text. I snatched up my phone. Was it Patrick? If it was, I had no clue what type of message to expect.
WANT TO GO TO LUNCH?
It was from Josh. My stomach twisted into nervous knots. Did I want to go? The offer was tempting. If I went with him, maybe I could start leading him back on the right path, away from Mike and all the rest. I’d heard Mike was having another party that night.
On the other hand, what would Patrick think about my going to lunch with my ex?
Patrick.
The thought of him stirred up mixed emotions. He hadn’t texted or called since he’d left. Of course he needed his space, but it had been two days since we’d talked. The short span of time seemed like a year. A year of growing distance.
I set my phone on the bed beside me. And stared at it. The more I stared at my phone, the more I was drawn to Josh and away from Patrick who seemed so far away.
I picked my phone back up and opened the text. One question wouldn’t hurt.
WHERE?
I hadn’t actually said yes, so I didn’t feel completely bad about asking. But the fact that Patrick was in the dark made my stomach turn.
I ignored the feeling and read his next text a few seconds later.
WENDY’S MAYBE. NOTHING MAJOR. JUST A QUICK LUNCH AS FRIENDS.
Sounds harmless enough, I convinced myself. It’s not as if we were going to hang out at his house by ourselves or anything.
SURE. MEET YOU THERE AT NOON.
* * * *
Josh sat across from me at a small two-seat table amidst the noisy lunch crowd. The table was small. I tried to lean as far away from his hazy mass as I could without looking like I thought he smelled bad.
The dark figure hadn’t fallen back or faded away like before. Maybe my light would help. I tried to switch on my aura, but the thought seemed as difficult as starting a fire with nothing but two small twigs. I gave up and admitted defeat.
The stubborn leech wouldn’t go away. I had to actively work at not letting its unsettling voice filter through to my mind.
“So how have you been?” The question sounded lame the moment it left my lips. But how else was I supposed to start a conversation with my ex whom I quite possibly still had feelings for and who most definitely still had feelings for me?
“Oh, you know. Nothing much. Just hanging out with friends.”
He was right. I did know. He'd been hanging out with Mike. That wasn’t a secret.
He covered up the awkwardness with a nervous chuckle and grabbed another french fry. “What have you been up to?”
I should've been prepared for that. But when I'd agreed to go with him I kind of shoved aside all logical thought in favor of instincts and curiosity. “Um, well, I've had lots of homework,” I lied. “And I've been hanging out with Kyra a lot.”
I paused as if I were done but then hastily added, “And Patrick. Of course.” Heat filled my face and neck. How could I have forgotten Patrick?
He grinned and kept eating. Did he sense that his presence was the cause of my forgetting my boyfriend? Of course he'd relish in that.
Josh's phone buzzed, so I took the opportunity to pretend nothing had happened and began to eat. I glanced at the table across the restaurant as Josh checked his text. A mother was trying to spoon food into her baby’s mouth while her toddler was going crazy beside her, attempting to grab and play with anything he could get his hands on. Poor lady.
I was about to return to my fries, but a light form suddenly appeared out of nowhere behind the mom and caught my attention. The toddler had all of his fingers in his mouth, but when he removed them, his hand was empty. The light figure gently nudged the mother who quickly turned to her son. Seeing him work something around in his closed mouth, she reached across the table in a flash, pried open his jaws, and pulled forth a dime. Her eyes grew wide in horror before she scolded her child with fierce protectiveness as parents often do. I turned my attention to the glowing silhouette and nodded in appreciation just as it faded away.
I shook my head and smiled to myself. Josh hadn’t noticed. He was still texting back, and his foggy shadow had become agitated like a fire being stoked. He wrinkled his brow briefly and then sat the phone down to eat without saying anything.
“Who was that?” The nosy question just came out, and I immediately scolded myself. It was none of my business who was texting him.
“Um...” He looked flustered. “Just Mike.” He threw me a quick smile, as though that would placate me, and continued to eat.
I wasn't stupid. The text was most likely about his party that night. To be sure, I briefly allowed the voice of the swirling mass access to my ear
s. I was met with a slur of alcohol-related words, which didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me was a gentler tone swimming through with the rest of the noise. “He’s your friend.” “They’ll accept you.” Subtle whispers that attempted to justify the rest of the nonsense.
I forced the connection to be broken, which took some effort. I'd had ulterior motives in coming to lunch with him. This was my opportunity. “So you and Mike are getting pretty close, huh?”
He swallowed his food. “Yeah, we’re pretty good friends, I guess. I mean, we don't really hang out the two of us or anything.”
He quickly returned to his food, and so did I. But I wasn't about to let that one slip past me. “What you mean is you only hang out with him when he invites you to his parties with forty other people.”
He raised his eyebrows and knocked his head back and forth to the side nonchalantly. “Give or take.”
I kicked on my aura and let the fire blaze around me. “Josh, don't you see that he's not really your friend? He doesn't care about you. Or anyone else for that matter. He just wants to be surrounded by people that stroke his ego and keep him from being alone long enough to self-reflect and realize he's a douche bag.”
Josh stared at me silently, blinking as if he'd been blinded and was trying to see again. “Wow. That was harsh. Possibly somewhat true...but harsh.”
“Sorry.” I softened my blaze to a comfortable glow. “I just care about you, and I don't want you being used or getting into stupid stuff because you think some jerk is your friend.”
I gulped, realizing too late how sadly familiar that scenario was. That’s what had happened with him and Patrick before Patrick had changed.
He must not have noticed. The only reaction I got was softened eyes and his foggy leech gradually dissolving to nothing.
Luminous Spirits (Shadow Eyes Series Book 2) Page 13