***
I avoided Jace and Alisa as much as I could, sometimes taking the long way to class to keep from having to walk past their lockers. They always spoke to me when we had class together, and I honestly didn’t want to be rude, but it was painful to have to deal with them. Alisa’s love for Jace broke my heart because I knew he didn’t feel the same. Jace’s desire to be with me was torture because I knew it could never happen.
I longed for simplicity, for the days before Jace came to Oaktree, when my life was vapid and predictable and fake. I missed my friends, gossip, and frivolous fun. Becky represented all those things, and part of me missed her. When she approached me after cheerleading practice, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to see if we could set aside our differences. Maybe we’d never be friends again, but we could at least be cordial.
“Hey, Rachel.”
“Hey, Becky.”
“I’ve been meaning to tell you, you looked so gorgeous at Homecoming. Your dress was stunning,” she said.
“Thanks, Becky.” God forgive me, I couldn’t compliment her dress. The hemline was so short, it was practically immoral, and the amount of cleavage she displayed made me blush. My mother always said if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. “Your hair was beautiful—the prettiest I’ve ever seen.” Okay, at least that was the truth. Her updo with the miniature roses and strands of pearls was a work of art.
“Ah, thanks. You’re too sweet.” She flashed a bright, white, perfect smile. “Girl, I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” I admitted before I could help myself. I did miss Becky. For all her faults, we’d had some good times together. Becky could be cruel and cunning and conniving, but no one was perfect. And I was lonely and bored.
“We should hang out this weekend. Just like old times. What do you think?”
“I’d really like that,” I said.
“We can go shopping.”
Becky could be a pill, but she sure could shop. I missed our shopping sessions.
“Oh, and get some coffee at the mall.”
Becky and I were the only girls in our group who loved coffee. The other girls liked soda and sweet tea. Becky and I loved cappuccinos and lattes.
“We can talk about boys…Jace.”
“I don’t want to talk about Jace,” I said.
“Why not? He was easily the hottest guy at the dance. I saw you two together.” She winked. “He likes you. Really likes you. You should hook up with him.”
“Nah. I mean, yes he’s cute. But I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.” Ugh, what a lie. I craved Jace so badly, I couldn’t breathe.
“You and Robert have been broken up forever. Time to move on. And Jace is so much cuter than Robert.”
“But still…”
“Come on, Rachel. You two looked perfect together. There was so much chemistry between you.”
Oh, my God. If Becky could see what Jace and I had together, why fight it? I liked Jace. He liked me. Why shouldn’t we be together?
Becky continued, “You owe it to yourself to go out with him at least once, just to see where it leads.”
Right. She was absolutely right.
“He could do so much better than Alisa. He’s making a damned fool out of himself by traipsing around with her. You need to get him away from her. Consider it a public service.”
Right. No. Not right. How could I even consider it? Alisa was in love with Jace. I couldn’t be the person to take him away from her. I wouldn’t do it.
“You know what I heard?” Becky asked in a conspiratorial tone.
Oh, I wanted so badly to ask. Even if what Becky was saying wasn’t remotely true, I wanted to sink into the comfort of a good old-fashioned gossip session. I wanted to squeal with delight over the outrageousness of whatever Becky had to say. I wanted to verbally bash the girl who unknowingly kept me and Jace apart. It was so tempting. So. Very. Tempting.
“I heard…”
I cut her off. “You didn’t hear anything. You’re making stuff up like you always do.”
“Rachel…”
“Look. I miss you. I’d love to hang out with you. But I also meant what I said when I told you to leave Alisa alone. If we’re going to hang out, we need to find something else to do besides bash on your cousin.”
“You’ve changed,” Becky said. Her voice was no longer laced with sweet, southern hospitality and the promise of coffee. She sounded harsh—the same way she always sounded when she didn’t get her way.
“Yeah, I guess I have.”
“You’re seriously choosing my charity-case cousin over your best friend? Awesome.”
“I’m not choosing Alisa. It’s not like I’m hanging out with her. I just think you’ve gone far enough. You don’t have to be nice to her, but at least leave her in peace.”
“Oh, I will. You’re blackmailing me,” she said, referring to the pictures in my cell phone. “Oh, yes. You come across as a sweet little cheerleading, church-going southern girl, but deep inside, you’re just like me.”
“I don’t think so.” But I wasn’t so sure. Was I just like Becky? I had been her enabler for years, encouraging her, listening to her gossip, shunning anyone she didn’t like. Maybe she was right. I was a blackmailer and a bully just like her.
“Guess we won’t be taking our little shopping trip after all,” Becky said casually. “Too bad. Maybe you can go to church instead. Or do some volunteer work. Or walk an old lady across the street. After all, you’re such a good person. On the surface.”
Becky walked away, leaving me feeling worse than I ever had. I couldn’t have Jace. I couldn’t be friends with Becky. And I was a horrible person. Things couldn’t get worse.
***
After three weeks of denying my feelings for Jace, avoiding situations where the two of us might be alone, and pretending I was happy he and Alisa were closer than ever, I finally convinced myself I’d made the right decision. When my phone rang early one Saturday morning, I answered it without looking at the caller ID. Jace’s voice set me back to the beginning—those sleepless nights after our almost-date where I had to sit on my hands to keep from texting him and telling him I changed my mind.
“I can’t do this,” he said.
“Do what?”
“I tried.”
“Jace, what are you talking about?”
“I see you every day and it’s killing me that I can’t tell you how I feel. You won’t let me…”
“Jace, let’s not do this…”
“No, let me talk. You’ve been avoiding me for three weeks. Let me say this without interruption,” he said when I started to speak. “I think I’m in love with you. I know I am. If you don’t feel the same way, I understand. But if you’re holding back because of Alisa, it isn’t fair to either of us.”
Tears welled up in my eyes and overflowed. “Jace,” I said, choking on a sob. “We can’t. I won’t.”
“Why?”
“I’m a horrible person, Jace. Horrible. I don’t deserve you and Alisa doesn’t deserve to have her heart broken.”
“Why do you think you’re a horrible person?”
“Because I was friends with Becky. I’ve done horrible things. I’ve helped Becky do horrible things.”
“Rachel, I’ve been inside your head. You are not a horrible person. You’re a beautiful person inside and out.”
“Did you know I’m blackmailing Becky?”
“Really?” he laughed. “Well done.”
“No, it’s not well done. It’s evil. And I’m not going to compound my evil by doing more evil.”
“Rachel, falling in love isn’t evil. Ignoring our feelings isn’t going to make me love Alisa. I know you don’t want to hurt her. Neither do I. I care for her. I love her as a friend. I’d kill anyone who messed with her. But I’ll never love her the way she deserves. I just don’t love her the way I love you.”
Love. That was the magic word that broke through my self-imposed res
traints. The word that forced me to give up my martyrdom and take up the banner of the wanton man-stealer. The word that changed everything.
“I won’t go out with you until you talk to her,” I said. “If we’re going to do this, we have to be honest and upfront. You owe her that. We both owe her that.”
“I’ll talk to her later. Right now, I have to see you. When can I see you?” He sounded as desperate as I felt.
“Let me finish my chores and ask my mother if I can leave. Can you wait a couple of hours?”
“Do I have a choice?” he asked. I was relieved he didn’t complain about the fact that I had to ask permission before leaving my house.
“I’ll hurry.”
My hands shook while I finished my chores. By the time Jace picked me up, I was a bundle of nerves. My mother had stepped out to run an errand, so we didn’t have to endure the ritual of small-talk with her. The moment Jace took my hand in his, my anxiety faded away. Words of love drifted over our connection and I knew we’d made the right decision. We couldn’t be apart. Our love was inevitable. Destiny.
Chapter Eleven
Alisa
Jace and I needed to have a serious talk. I’d put it off long enough. It was time to talk about Rachel. I knew something was going on between them. It wasn’t that he spent a lot less time with me, but when we did spend time together, I felt like he wanted to be somewhere else. Or with someone else.
Maybe I didn’t possess a shred of magic, but I wasn’t a complete moron. I saw the way they looked at each other in class and the way Jace’s gaze followed Rachel every time they passed in the hallway. Their connection was so solid, so strong, even I could sense it. How could Jace think I wouldn’t notice?
Maybe he was a coward. Many teenage boys are. They don’t know how to gently break a girl’s heart. Perhaps Jace suspected I had feelings for him that were beyond friendship and he didn’t know how to tell me he could never return those feelings.
Every thought, every dream, every fantasy revolved around Jace. Each night, I drifted off to sleep with a picture of his face in my mind. In my favorite fantasy, he would finally discover he had loved me all along. In my vague and disconnected dreams, Jace and I walked together, but I was always a step behind. I could never quite catch up, never quite touch him. It was always another who would reach for me, but his face was hidden in the fog.
With the holidays fast approaching, all I wanted for Christmas was to know Jace would always be there for me. Our friendship was important to me, and if that was all he could offer, I would accept it as long as he would still be a part of my life. It wasn’t just Jace I was worried about losing, it was his family. Abe and Jerica meant more to me than I could have ever anticipated. I couldn’t imagine not being part of their lives.
Whatever the case, it was time to clear the air before our friendship was destroyed. My anger toward Jace was beginning to manifest in my increased competitiveness in tennis and my waspish comments every time we spoke. Our sparring sessions with Abe gave me a much needed outlet for my anger. I almost looked forward to these training sessions, but not quite.
The training sessions had been going on for a few weeks, and started shortly after the Homecoming Dance.
“You’re part of our family now,” Jerica said. “You’re like a daughter to me. I just want to know you’re safe. I think you should begin training.”
“Why?” I asked, my heart pounding in my chest. For a brief moment, I felt a spark of hope that she might have sensed some latent magic inside me waiting to be revealed. I wanted to be special, to have a link to this family that was indisputable. “What type of training?”
“Abe teaches Jace a type of mixed martial arts. It’s more intense and athletic than anything you would find in a Tae Kwon Do studio. For example, the emphasis is on disabling and killing your opponent using anything you can find, including weapons, magic, or your bare hands.” Jerica must have seen a shadow pass over my expression when she mentioned the words intense and athletic. She smiled. “Come on, Alisa. I’ve seen you play tennis. You’re fast and you’re strong. I think you’d be good at this.”
“Tennis is different,” I said. “It’s fun. I don’t see the point in exercising just for the sake of exercise. My mom’s always trying to get me to jog or run, but I told her I’m not running unless a rabid dog is chasing me.”
She let out a brief chuckle before her expression turned serious. “There are worse things than rabid dogs. Remember that Hunter?”
I nodded my head and shuddered.
“Abe and I both agree you need to do this. It’s for your own protection. Besides, there may be a time when you’re called upon to save someone else. You’ve already saved Jace’s life once. Don’t you want to know you have all the skills necessary to jump to someone’s defense in the future?”
That was the clincher. If there was a chance, however slim, that I could help anyone in the Alexander family now or in the future, then I would do whatever I had to do. Even if it involved movement or exercise. “Okay, Jerica,” I agreed. “Just tell me when to start.”
Jerica’s hug made it worth it. At least that’s what I believed at the time. When it came to the actual training, nothing could have prepared me. It was absolutely brutal. Abe came across as an easy going, joke cracking, black socks with sandals wearing, middle-aged dad, but when I followed him into his basement training studio, he was no-nonsense, kick-butt serious. I was ready to collapse and die after an hour. No wonder Jace put off training as long as he could. I almost felt bad for thinking he was a lazy procrastinator.
***
Jace and I were supposed to hang out together while his parents braved the mall on Black Friday—the day after Thanksgiving when all the shoppers would be out in full force. Jace was a closet nerd, unlike me, who wore my geekdom with pride. We were going to veg out in his family room in front of the big screen TV and watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I figured I would find a way to bring up the subject of Rachel at some point during the day, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to ruin the day by bringing it up at the very beginning, but I couldn’t enjoy the movies with the subject hanging over my head. As it turned out, Jace must have been thinking along the same lines as me, because he saved me the agony of bringing up the topic.
“Alisa, we need to talk.” He motioned for me to have a seat in my favorite recliner, and settled down in the chair next to mine. “I don’t want to ruin our day, but if we don’t talk about this, it’s going to drive me crazy.” Jace took a deep breath. “Rachel and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks.”
“I already know that,” I said in a clipped voice.
“You do?” Jace asked, looking confused. “How?”
“I may be stupid, Jace, but I’m not dumb,” I said, my anger flowing freely now.
“That doesn’t make any sense.” He flashed his crooked, charming smile, the smile I used to drool over. But this time, I was too angry to be charmed.
“Well, what does make sense, Jace?” I choked back tears. “Does it make sense to try to hide your girlfriend from your best friend? You know, in a town this small, there’s not a lot that goes unnoticed. Maybe you thought you were being smooth and subtle, but you’re pretty obvious.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve seen you with her. The whole school has seen you with her. Everybody is whispering about it. Are you that oblivious?” I yelled. Jace seemed shocked by my outburst, but looked a little angry too. A good old-fashioned screaming match was imminent.
“You’re my best friend, Alisa, not my mother.” Jace matched my angry, self-righteous tone. “I have a right to see anyone I want without asking you or the rest of the town for permission. Did it ever occur to you that maybe Rachel and I wanted to sort out our feelings in private? That we might not want to make a public announcement to the world?”
I was fuming now, and embarrassed for feeling that way. “You can do whatever you want, Jace. It’s not like I wou
ld have stopped you, but I thought I was your best friend. I’ve told you everything about myself. Why couldn’t you have told me this?”
“I’m sorry. I just needed some time.” He lowered his voice and took a deep breath. “I didn’t tell you about Rachel because I wasn’t sure how you’d react. I didn’t really get the impression that you liked her and I wasn’t ready to ruin our friendship over something that might not last.”
Might not last? For a second, my hopes soared, but only for a second. Even though Jace was looking away from me, I could still see the way his face lit up when he said Rachel’s name. Of course their relationship would last. My heart ached in a way no words could describe. Everything I feared had come to pass. I couldn’t pretend anymore, couldn’t tell myself it was just a passing infatuation. He was in love with her. I’d lost.
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