by Quil Carter
But even though this was a golden age in my education, it was crippling for my social development and interpersonal relationships. Even though when my siblings came home I did play with them and I did socialize with them and Silas, I had no friends, no teachers, no one new coming into my life. I met and did the common curtsies one was supposed to do with new people when I was with Silas, but for the most part, I was a loner.
I knew this was inhibiting me, and Silas did as well. But given that Silas had seen the long term results of his treatment of me, and the crippling emotional issues I had from it, he felt too guilty to correct this reclusive behaviour. He knew I needed those social skills to be a king beside him, but after seeing how miserable I was when forced to be social, and how much it stressed me out, he allowed me ample time by myself. Even if it wasn’t good for me.
But as we all know by now, the mental shapeshifter will always contort and twist, morph in front of my eyes from the patient man to the cruel beast. And this solace in my life was no different. Eventually Sky’s hold on Silas’s heart would tighten, and what respite we all had from the effects of that tyrant would spin the drain before disappearing entirely.
The king will always tear away that mask, and underneath that sinister smile would be the snarling beast, just waiting for me to let down my guard.
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CHAPTER 11
The sounds of guitar filled our living room. Thankfully he was getting quite good at it, Nero had started practicing at nine years old and now at twelve he was excelling at the instrument.
I’d already become fluent in playing the piano, Garrett too. I would learn the guitar eventually but right now I was more interested in learning french.
I looked over at Nero and saw that he was sitting on the coffee table, something that Master Silas had told him not to do. He was facing the television which had Nirvana on it, playing live at a concert. I believe he was pretending he was a member of that band.
Even though it was still several more months until we became teenagers, you wouldn’t think so from looking at Nero. The past two years Nero had grown almost a foot. He was six-foot-one, taller than King Silas now, and was sporting not just a teenage moustache but a beard as well.
However, he still acted like a child. Even though he had to wear deodorant and kept smuggling dirty magazines into his bedroom, Nero still acted like he was eight. He could just hit back even harder now and could toss a chair clear across the room.
“I wish Silas would let me learn drums,” Nero said with a sigh. His voice was deep now, and had only just stopped cracking. He was months ahead of me and Garrett, but it was an interesting thing to look forward to. I would like a deeper voice, but the fact that he kept sneaking into Silas’s bedroom and getting screamed at and beat on with Silas’s shoes as he ran to his bedroom half-naked was quite alarming. I don’t believe I was looking forward to whatever was happening in that department.
“If we didn’t have to have everything fucking Elish Zoned, I’d be allowed.”
Elish Zone: Quiet and calm with nothing around to upset me.
I looked up from the book I was reading and took back the compliment I’d given him in my head moments before. “If only King Silas loved you enough to implement special rules for you,” I said nonchalantly.
“I don’t need special rules because I’m not a brittle-brained retard.” Nero walked over to me and punched me in the arm. I hissed and grabbed it, then tried to elbow him as he walked by. “Go make me a sandwich, E-tard.”
“Fuck off,” I said. I got up, my mood already dampened, and headed towards my bedroom.
I loved my bedroom. It was my oasis. A place that was my own where only I reigned. Where my siblings weren’t allowed to enter, and Silas usually knocked, a place that had its own lock and key to keep my nosey brothers and sister out. It was… all mine. And I’d spent most of the past four years in here.
I unlocked my door with the key I always kept in my pocket and walked in. I was greeted with the scent of mint and lavender, mixed in with fresh laundry and the crisp smell of the window being cracked open in the middle of fall.
Throughout the years, I was able to acquire several paintings from a museum that Perish had scavenged. They were on my bedroom walls now and I quite enjoyed them. Perish had even given me a Rembrandt for my twelfth birthday which I’d hung above my bed.
There was also a study in my room now, and I’d graduated myself to a double bed. My furniture all matched and I had a beautiful persian rug in the middle of my carpet, several plants too, and I’d adopted a cat of my very own. He was elderly and slept most of the day, so he pretty much lived in my room with me. He had the option of going out to the rest of the house but never showed an interest.
“Hello, Hugh,” I said. I petted the mackerel tabby, who was sleeping beside the heating vent in my room, and sat on my bed. I turned on the television to my own personal channel, and used it as background music as I continued my studies.
Some time later, there was a knock on my door. I told whoever it was that they could enter, and Silas walked in.
The king looked the same, the only thing that had changed on him was his hairstyle. It was shorter than usual right now, for a while there he’d been growing it past his ears but had chopped it all off on a whim. Mine was touching my collarbone now and I liked it at this length.
“You’re going to tonight’s autumn party. Get dressed.”
What!?
I stared up at him. “To a party?” I said slowly. “Um… no?”
Silas snapped his fingers and pointed to my dresser. “I don’t take you out much because of my own sympathy for your condition. When I ask this of you, I expect you to comply, lest my graciousness have an end.”
The king turned around and left my room. The door slammed behind him, leaving me to stare at the last spot I’d seen him in.
Did that just happen? I liked notice for when I had to go out with King Silas and he was good with that. Why was he putting this on me right now? This was terrible. The last thing I wanted to do was go out and have to be social, and the autumn party was going to have all the stupid elites there and I disliked every one of them.
Oh god. Will there be children my age? That thought terrified me.
I dressed myself in a midnight blue button-down, and a black blazer and trousers. It was the same type of outfit I wore when shadowing Silas, Garrett knew fashion and whatnot, I couldn’t care less.
I put a comb through my blond hair and walked out. When I was upstairs, I was thoroughly annoyed to see my siblings sprawled out on the couch in their pajamas, Donnie Darko playing on the television and bowls of candy and popcorn around them.
I got three different looks from them: Garrett looked upset, Nero was smirking, and Ellis had an expression of pity.
“I don’t see how this is fair!” Garrett protested, flopping back onto the couch. I realized he was jealous that I was going and he wasn’t.
“Oh shut up, numbnuts,” Nero said as he hit Garrett twice in the upper arm. “Bring me back some food, chickadee. Or even better, get me some liquor.”
Ellis, sitting beside Nero, gave me a mischievous smile. “An-mei’s brother Suko is going to be there,” she said. “He’s been asking about you.” Ellis sung the last part and as she grinned her tongue poked out of her mouth like a Down syndrome child. I glared at her but responded with nothing, and walked to the apartment’s entrance.
“Master Silas,” Garrett whined. “I want to go.” I looked and saw Silas sweeping down the hallway. We were dressed almost the same except his button-down was red, as was the underside of his black cape.
He was also holding a bundle of something in his hand, clothing. Silas walked to me and put it into my awaiting arms. “There you go. You’re very own cape.”
Protests rose from the couch. Garrett even jumped to his feet with a look of aghastment on his face. “That should be me!” my youngest brother cried, before storming off to his bedroom. This made me feel a
bit better about being forced to go out. Silas helped me put on the cape, and just in case Garrett was peeking out from his bedroom, I checked myself out in the mirror.
I did look rather handsome… not quite the king I still wanted to be one day, but I looked rather becoming and the cape gave me the appearance of being almost mythical. When I was an adult, I would be wearing these all the time.
I also absentmindedly checked to see if I was getting any facial hair yet. I thought some strands were looking thicker than usual. I didn’t believe it would be long now.
“Okay, no friends over. Don’t forget to order dinner, candy and chips are not dinner,” Silas said as he flicked his hair in the mirror behind me. “We’ll be back in a few hours.” I hid the look of distaste as Silas said this. Hours? This was going to take hours? “Be good. Nero, I’m talking to you.”
Nero turned around and flashed a grin at Silas. “I’m always good, baby.”
“I told you not to call… whatever. Elish, let’s go.” Silas put a hand on my shoulder as he left the mirror and I followed him.
I looked longingly out of the tinted window as Skyfall passed me by. If I opened the door now and jumped out, I’d still be in walking distance to get home. Sure, I’d have to hide in one of Alegria’s unused floors and dodge Silas for the next several years but it would be worth it. Anything that could get me out of having to go to this party.
There were so many things I disliked about this situation. I wasn’t used to meeting new people and avoided it at all costs. Plus, these people were elites and they’d be judging me, looking down their nose at me…
At one point in time, when I was younger, I saw every bad situation as a challenge. I over analyzed each emotion that passed through me and picked them apart until I understood why I was feeling them. My mind was like a computer, and like a computer, I broke down every challenge to its 1’s and 0’s, until I could figure it out and use it to improve myself.
But then the incident happened, and that was the catalyst to many other incidents that followed in its wake. My mind changed, and like a reset button was pushed, I was plunged into a state where I couldn’t cope with any stress whatsoever.
Or perhaps I could? Silas didn’t let me find out or relearn how to handle the usual stressors and obstacles one would face in life. What had started out as a young boy driven to be the best person he could be, had ended with an emotionally compromised pre-teen who avoided anything that took place outside of his bedroom, and feared what took place outside of his apartment.
So much had changed. I wondered often during these moments of self-derisive clarity just what I would’ve become if he hadn’t kidnapped me out of fear. Who I would be if that first domino hadn’t been tipped over.
Maybe nothing would’ve changed. Because King Silas was still King Silas, and I believe I’d have eventually cracked under the stress he put me through, both as his heir, and the source of a lot of his jealousy.
My mood further dampened as I reflected on the person I’d become now. I didn’t like who I was, and I knew Silas didn’t either. I knew… he was disappointed in me and the treatment I got from him now was solely because of guilt. Guilt from causing that breakdown.
Silas still treated me as his heir. But how much of a king could I be when I was terrified of any social situation that involved anyone besides my immediate family? I could never be king…
… and the older I got, the more I realized that the path I was on now wouldn’t lead me to be a king beside Silas. It was just easy to ignore when my day only consisted of studying, reading, eating, and sleeping.
I was a loser – and I hated myself.
“Elish… I don’t ask much of you, stop staring out the window like your cat just died,” Silas said annoyed. I turned my eyes from the streetlights that were pulsing by and caught his reflection staring right back at me.
“I’m just thinking of things,” I said quietly. “You know Garrett would’ve enjoyed going out…”
“Garrett’s not going to be my second-in-command,” Silas said plainly. “Though I do wonder at times if I’ve made a mistake in choosing you.”
I shifted around uncomfortably but all my moving around did was catch Silas staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I shied away from him and continued looking out the window.
“You haven’t,” I said after more than a comfortable amount of silence passed between us. “I don’t like myself either.”
“When you were young you drove yourself mad over analyzing–”
“I know,” I said cutting off Silas. “I know this, alright? I know how much I’ve changed, I know how fucked up and a disappointment I am. Sorry, but I guess cutting down my best friend in front of me and forcing me to watch, then beating on me and frying my head until I got brain damage kind of changed me. My apologies, Your Grace.”
The silence came back, but this time it was weighed down with uncomfortable tension. There was no breaking out of this awkward atmosphere either, it remained that way until we pulled to the front of Cornerstone Mansion. A Crown-owned mansion that Silas held most of his parties in.
Someone in a butler-type outfit opened Silas’s door. The king exited first, as was custom, and I followed behind. There was a red carpet, lined with golden rope, that led up to engraved double doors, all of the lights were on inside and a low buzzing was in the air that hinted to the activity going on behind the walls.
The door was opened for the two of us and we both walked inside.
“Ladies and gentlemen!” the man who opened the door for us called out. “King Silas and Prince Elish!” My ears caught fire when everyone in the large hall turned and stared at us. There were dozens of them, possibly a hundred, elites in their custom-made, designer garb, and sengils dressed in their vests and trousers waiting to receive orders or dashing off to fulfill them. There was music in the background, low enough not to disturb the consistent chatter, and the heavy smell of smoke and good food thick in the air.
Everyone began to clap for us. I burned on the spot even more, absolutely hating the attention. Silas raised a hand and did his king wave, and I quickly held up my hand as well since it was customary. There was nothing worse than this, I’d rather be watching one of Ellis’s boring karate matches, or sitting at home pushing thumbtacks into my eyes.
After the elites got their fill of gawking, Silas began to branch out to mingle. I stayed behind in my misery, wishing I had the mental powers to will myself into someplace quiet and out of the way.
Hm. If Silas got drunk he’d forget about me and I could just go home. I eyed up the free bar, being minded by a red-haired sengil, and debated this. If only I had the connections to acquire roofies, then I could be out of here in ten minutes. Perhaps there is a downside to not having any friends.
I stuck by King Silas as he spoke to people. For a while, I fiend interest, but it was just too boring and eventually my mind wandered around. I grabbed appetizers as they were brought, and even got in two gulps of wine before Silas noticed and verbally lacerated the sengil who’d offered me the glass. Silas actually let us drink wine on occasion, but just half a glass; he was more angry the sengil hadn’t asked him first.
Evidentially, it seemed Silas began to get irritated with me sticking by him. “Go talk to people,” he said to me in between his visiting. “There’s tons of children your age. Go find someone and talk.”
I looked at him horrified. “Dream on,” I said flatly. “Just get your mingling done so I can go back…” My voice faded as Silas’s eyes flashed with hostility. I’m not sure what came over me, I think I was feeling a bit lightheaded from the wine I’d snuck.
I knew then that it was time to get away from Silas. “I’ll go make friends then,” I said quietly but quickly, and I turned around and headed for the nearest dark corner.
At times like this, I wish it was acceptable for me to just sit in some place out of the way and read a book. I bet half of the people at this party right now didn’t want to be there, and the
ones that were only did because they wanted to impress the king. This was just stupid and I didn’t want to play the idiotic schmooze game.
I busied myself by eating a cracker with some fancy cheese on it as slow as I could. It was dim in this hall and busy, if I maintained a low profile, I should be able to escape all attempts…
My eye caught something. Past a sengil with longish black hair were two teenagers looking like they were fighting. They were both men, maybe a couple years older than me. One of them, with red hair and a permanent soured look, was making short and snotty quips to the second, who was a tall guy with spikey dark hair and large eyes underneath thick curved eyebrows.
And just as my attention was turning to this interesting scene, the dark-haired one shook his head and turned away from the other man. He raised a hand in a dismissive gesture and started walking away.
Towards me.
I looked around, bewildered and alarmed as to why this man was walking in my direction. But during my confused glancing, I saw a door beside the chair I’d found. It must’ve led to an exit outside. I let out a relieved breath and made myself look deep in thought so he wouldn’t disturb me.
The dark-haired man stalked past me and opened up the door. A rush of chilly fall air swept over me before the door closed behind him.
As one would expect, the ginger-haired man chased after him with his scowl.
Another rush of cold air and he was gone too. I shifted my chair up against the wall and tried to listen, but it was an exterior wall and nothing could be heard.
Well, that was interesting. I wasn’t looking forward to having boyfriends. Would I be able to have a boyfriend? Silas hadn’t spoken about it except telling Nero no man will ever be able to tolerate him. I always assumed once I was old enough Silas would marry me, but that was something Silas had said under breath, with him not knowing I was listening. He’d never mentioned anything on the subject after and I suspected because of my issues he was no longer interested in that.