Hawk

by Abigail Graham

  Something comes over me and I nip his shoulder, just bite him with my teeth. He jerks back, but he smiles. I do it again and he rams into me harder and I want to scream but I can’t, so I bite him again and scratch him and he pumps faster, his whole body moving in undulating thrusts, faster and faster, until it feels so good and I can’t take it, I can’t take it.

  It feels even better than before when he used his mouth on me in the alley. I clench around him, squeezes him, but I feel myself unraveling, unfolding, bursting through my own skin as every nerve in my body sings in joy. It grows and grows like a white hot fist opening and closing, inside my body but bigger than my body.

  My eyes flick open and our gazes meet. Some silent agreement is reached. He plunges into me and grunts, the only sound either of us has made the entire time. Soft and harsh, and it turns into a gentle, loving whisper of a moan in my ear as he explodes inside me, hot and wet.

  I relax on the bed, splaying out under him. He doesn’t move, he lays there, and I feel him inside me, so close. I feel giddy, lightheaded, and where I was biting and scratching now I caress, teasing.

  “Let’s do it again.”

  He glances over at my desk.

  “No time. I have to get back upstairs.”

  He kisses me lightly, then draws out of my body. There’s a sheen of sweat all over him, and his cock is slick and shiny from being inside me. I roll on my side and bask in the afterglow. I feel so warm and fuzzy all over, a pleasant kind of numbness.

  Hawk dresses quickly, half laces his boots, and pulls a sheet over me. He kisses me on the cheek before he clambers out the window and back up.

  I have no idea how he doesn’t fall.

  Hawk

  Now

  I can hear the shower running. I need one, too, but part of me doesn’t want to wash Alexis’ scent off me. I can hear Alexis humming softly, a wordless tune as the water runs. I’ll have to wait a while after she’s done before I can use it myself. It would be odd if we showered one right after the other. It might draw attention to us.

  I can’t believe I did what I just did. For a time I felt like myself again, my real self. For a time, it was like it was. Alexis let me have her, all of her. There was more to it than the feel of her silken skin under my hands, the sharp kiss of her nails or her teeth in my shoulder. It was trust. She trusted me completely.

  Sitting here, all I can think about is the look in her eyes when I entered her, the way she gripped me and scratched and bit me. I should have known Alex would be a biter. There’s a nice mark on my shoulder from her teeth. She didn’t break the skin, but it wasn’t for lack of trying.

  For some reason, the thought of it excites me. The nasty little smile she gave me after she bit me is etched into my memory, cut into my mind. Just thinking about it starts to get me excited again.

  Deep breath, Hawk.

  It’s almost time for dinner.

  Alexis shuts off the shower and I hear her bedroom door close a moment later. I stand and pace the sewing room, hoping I can get down there without running into someone- Lance, Alexis’ mom, somebody who would get a whiff of her scent on me or ask why I’m all sweaty. I wait as long as I can, glancing at the clock. It’s almost four, I need to be ready.

  Luckily enough there’s no one on the second floor, at least in the hallway, when I head for the bathroom. The heat scours the sweat from my skin as I stand under the scalding spray, steam swirling around me. I’m losing my mind.

  I should just make her leave. Grab her and drag her out, kicking and screaming if I have to. Take May, too. Every minute I spend here is another risk. My father isn’t going to forget about me if I stay quiet. He’s already wondering why I’m here. As soon as I sit down to dinner, the wheels will start turning in his head.

  After I dress I walk back down and find May and Alexis on the second floor, wearing dresses and minimal makeup, and I know the Dinner Rule is still in effect. It’s four o’ clock on Sunday, time for the happy family to have a nice sit down dinner.

  I just have to make it through it without killing my father with a salad fork.

  I grab Alex’s arm, and she looks at me.

  “You have to act like you’re mad at me,” I tell her, and then to May. “Keep your mouth shut.”

  May grins, and quickly suppresses it, lips twitching. She heads down the stairs first, Alexis follows, and I take up the rear, walking slowly down behind them.

  Alexis’ mother is in the kitchen, wearing a freaking apron, a frilly one with a big bow on the back, and is currently bending over the oven, ready to lift a turkey in a roasting pan onto the counter.

  I haven’t talked to Helen since I returned to Paradise Falls. I think the last time we spoke was even before the water park trip, before I left town. I walk over to her as she tugs on an oven mitt, take the other one and pull it on my own hand.

  “I’ll get that.”

  She stands up straight and looks at me.

  Helen is taller than either of her daughters, thinner in build and her hair is a dark honey color, not jet black like Alexis and May’s; they got that from their father. I barely remember him- we didn’t talk much, but he always seemed to like me, even during that attached at the hip phase where I spent every free moment of my fourteen year old life with his daughter.

  Helen never treated me with more than cool distance, and as far as I knew, my father looked down on her. She worked as a waitress when Alexis was little and took on a second job at the auto parts store after her husband died.

  I wasn’t sure why she didn’t like me. I thought maybe it was because my family has money, or she was just leery of having a boy around her daughter, although in those days I didn’t think of it in those terms.

  Today she’s dressed as I would expect my father’s wife to dress- a flowing, floor length floral pattern dress, frilly apron, minimal makeup and her hair loose, hanging to her shoulders, held back only by a pink barrette. She looks like someone’s idea of a fifties housewife Halloween costume.

  Without a word, she slips the glove off her hand and passes it to me. I tug it on and lift the turkey onto the hot pads she left out on the counter.

  “It has to rest,” she says, flatly. “Will you help me serve?”

  “Sure. How have you been? We haven’t really talked.”

  “No," she says, curtly. “We haven’t.”

  Without further comment she muscles the big stock pot off the stove and dumps it into a colander, tosses the potatoes back in and pours in milk to mash them. I stand there with my arms folded.

  “You can help with the stuffing.”

  I nod and fluff the pan full of stuffing with a fork, and pour it out into a serving dish. It’s the stuff in a box, nothing fancy. Besides the potatoes, there’s some baked sweet potatoes and real cranberry sauce bubbling in a smaller saucepan. In spite of myself, my mouth starts watering at the smells. The turkey looks damned good, too. The skin is a nice crackling brown.

  Looking at it, I feel my stomach sink.

  There was a time when I enjoyed this. This big Sunday meal was the highlight of my week. My mom could cook; she could put a trained chef to shame and make anything, even stuff like beef wellington and soufflés and everything.

  As Helen stands there mashing the potatoes in grim silence, the kitchen as it is fades from my sight and is replaced with the kitchen from my mind. Bright and airy, sunlight streaming in as Mom sweats over some part of the meal.

  A twinge in my gut snaps me out of it as I realize that Alexis never ate with us before I left town. Mom said yes, Dad said no, family only. I wanted her to eat dinner with us so bad, especially after she lost her father. There was room for her, but she wasn’t invited. She never asked me about it, either.

  So, when I carry the big bowl of potatoes out into the dining room, it’s a bit of a shock to see her sitting there next to her sister. Lance walks in the room just as I do and our father shoots him an annoyed look as he sits down next to May and pulls up his chair.

&nbs
p; “You’re late.”

  Lance shrugs. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

  He gives me a look of his own as I walk back into the kitchen and carry out the stuffing in one hand and green beans in the other. By the time I head back, Helen has finished slicing the turkey and gives me the serving platter, then follows me out with the butter in the gravy.

  God it all smells good.

  My stomach twists as I sit down facing Alexis and picture that pot of coffee sitting on the counter, the last time I saw my mother. I shoot my father a glance before I can stop myself and sigh when I remember how this works. Every plate and bowl will be passed from person to person.

  Nobody says grace, or anything like that. My father serves himself, passes the turkey to Lance, and the dishes start going around. They come to me last and I pile up a heaping portion of everything, leaving enough so anyone can have seconds.

  After years of Navy food, I don’t care where it comes from, I’ll take a home cooked meal. My father breaks the silence with the sound of a knife on his plate and everyone at the table digs in.

  May attacks her plate and Alexis elbows her, to slow her down.

  “Alexis, would you pass the salt?”

  She gives me a sharp look, picks up the salt shaker like she plans to stab me with it, and slaps it hard on the table in front of me. I shake some out over my food, tear a dinner roll open and smear butter on it.

  “This week,” my father announces as he slices his meat, “We will be holding our first major campaign event. I expect everyone to be there.”

  He looks at me now, as he takes one long dragging slice through a piece of meat, spears it, and raises it impaled on the end of his fork. His gaze never slips from me.

  “You’ll all be representing me. I can’t stress how important this is.”

  He chews thoughtfully.

  “What sort of event?” Alexis asks, softly.

  “I’ll be giving a speech at the fire hall. I don’t expect to have to do much stumping.”

  “You are running unopposed,” Lance snickers.

  “You find that amusing?”

  “I don’t see the point of all the pomp and circumstance,” he says. “Everyone in town knows you’re going to be mayor. Waste of time and money if you ask me.”

  “You have something better to do?”

  He shrugs. “I might.”

  “I doubt that. If I didn’t find busywork for you with the company, you’d spend your days lazing about or fraternizing with bar sluts.”

  “Thanks, dad.”

  I don’t say a thing, I just eat. Alexis keeps looking at me; I try not to meet her glances.

  “Sorry we can’t all be war heroes,” Lance grumbles.

  I feel something touch my leg.

  Alexis smirks around a bite of potatoes and looks away from me. That’s her foot, rubbing my calf.

  Damn it. Is she out of her mind?

  “I can’t wait,” Helen says, a hint of tension in her voice. “I’m so proud of you, darling. A man of ambition.”

  Alexis frowns, and her foot pulls away.

  Wait a minute, I’m not the one who said it.

  Her mother must have hit a sore spot. Her shoulders hunch and she leans on the table, swirling a piece of turkey around in gravy and mashed potatoes. I nod at her.

  “If you’re not going to eat that, I’ll take it.”

  “Go to hell,” she says in a flat voice.

  “Alexis!” Helen snaps.

  My father leans back, eyes appraising.

  Alexis drops her fork with a clatter on her plate and shoves it towards me.

  “Here, knock yourself out. I had turkey for lunch. Can I go?”

  “No,” Helen snaps.

  “Yes,” my father says. “It’s all right, sweetheart.”

  Shrugging, I pull the plate of food across the table and eat what Alexis left behind as she drags herself up the stairs. A few seconds later her door slams loudly enough to echo off the walls. Helen sits perfectly still, her fork trembling slightly.

  “Keep your forks,” my father says, “there’s pie.”

  “I’m sure she’s just in a mood,” Helen says, her voice shaking.

  “She’s fine,” my father sighs. “Long day yesterday and I dragged her to a business lunch today.”

  “I’m not really a pie mood,” May says softly, pushing back her empty plate. “Can I go?”

  “May I,” Helen corrects. “Clear the table and bring out the pie first.”

  Sighing, May rises and stacks the empty plates until she’s struggling with them, stacked against her chest. I almost stand to help her, but Lance is watching me, his eyes locked on me for some reason. I sit back and let May carry out the serving dishes.

  “Set those in the fridge so I can keep the leftovers,” Helen says, idly.

  May deposits two pies on the table, a cherry and a lemon chiffon, and stands by them.

  “I can go, right?”

  Helen scowls.

  “Go,” my father says, absently. “Howard,” he uses my given name pointedly, “Pass down that lemon pie.”

  I set it in front of him and stand up, and pat my stomach.

  “I like to stay in fighting trim.”

  “Suit yourself. Helen bakes a fine pie.”

  I start towards the stairs and Lance sneers.

  “Following Alexis?”

  “No,” I say without missing a beat, “Heading out back.”

  I manage to pass the stairs without stumbling, thump across the back deck and down the old wooden steps, and stand in the yard.

  Something makes a rhythmic sound over my shoulder. Sighing, I turn and look up to see Alexis hanging out her window, scowling at me. She beckons with her hand. I nod, but sit on the back step and lean back, sighing.

  I can’t just run right up there, it’s too fucking obvious. I hear the same noise, Alexis’ hand slapping on the side of the house. Sighing I stand up and walk back into the house. Helen ignores me as she scoops mashed potatoes and pours gravy into Tupperware, and the dining room is clear. I trudge up the steps, pausing to look around before I swing over and tap Alex’s door with my knuckles, lightly.

  The door snaps open and she tugs me inside by the arm, closes the door softly and locks it, then lets out a breath.

  She turns around and covers her mouth with her hand, a strangled little sob coming out of her mouth.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” she says, so softly. “Hawk I can’t take it, I can’t stand him. Did you hear what he called me?”

  “What?

  “Sweetheart,” she hisses. “I can’t fucking stand it. If you ever call me that I will kick you in the balls, I swear.”

  “I believe it.”

  As she hugs herself, I rest my hands on her shoulders. She freezes, then relaxes a little.

  “We shouldn’t be in here together,” she sighs.

  “Who fucking cares?” I whisper.

  I duck in to kiss her and she pulls back. “We have to be careful, Hawk. I want to talk to my friends about this rally thing. I think we need to follow Tom if he leaves tonight, too. See where he goes, who he’s meeting with.”

  “I’ll do it. You stay here.”

  “No. I have to see this through.”

  “Why? Let me handle it.”

  She pulls out of my hands. “It’s my fight too, Hawk. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of my family living in fear of that monster.”

  Her voice softens. “He took my mom away from me. He took you away from me.”

  “How long did it take before they got married? After I left.”

  “You were gone in what, June? They married in October. A few months.”

  I sit on her bed. “I thought they hated each other.”

  Alexis sighs and sits next to me. “So did I. Not that they were around each other much.”

  “Jesus,” I whisper. “Alex, what if they acted that way for our benefit?”

  She looks at me, fear in her eyes. Her voice is barely
a whisper. I have to strain to hear.

  “Do you think he killed your mom so he could marry mine? It was only like a year after she died.”

  I clench my fists and bite my lip.

  “Maybe.”

  “God. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. She doesn’t seem… she’s weird. Was she always like that?”

  “They were only married for two months when she signed the papers to have me committed to a psych ward, Hawk. I’ve never been close with her and it was really rough after dad died. You remember.”

  “Yeah.”

  I remember.

  The little apartment they shared was like a tomb. I was only sixteen myself, I had no idea what the hell was going on. Alex would just sit there and stare and it was like May refused to believe that her father was gone. She was what, ten at the time?

  “How can we follow Tom without him noticing?” Alexis says.

  I blink. “What? Oh, right. My truck?”

  She gives me an annoyed look. “Hawk, we might as well follow him in a fire engine with the siren going.”

  “Don’t you have a car?”

  “Yeah,” she sighs. “My Honda. Wouldn’t he spot us following him? I mean we’d be leaving from the same place.”

  “Not if we hang back. Maybe park it on the street?”

  “I don’t know, Hawk.”

  “It’ll be dark. He won’t see us. You can still stay behind if you want.”

  “Not a chance in hell,” she says, folding her arms.

  “Fine. Be ready to go any moment, we don’t know when he’s planning to leave.”

  She nods.

  This time I head out the door, rather than climb up. I peer out into the hallway and head upstairs quickly, watching to see if someone spotted me. The coast is clear, looks like. Now I just have to get ready and wait.

  Alexis

  Now

  This is nuts, I shouldn't be doing this. I should let somebody else handle it. I should call Jennifer and tell her what's going on.