Her heart was aching with the need to see Harry again, but her head was telling her that the worst thing that could happen was for Harry and Phil to come face to face, and now that her plan had gone wrong, she was caught in a trap.
Trying every which way to worm out of it, she suggested now, ‘Maybe we’d best leave it for another day, eh? I’m not feeling so well. Like I said, there will always be other sales, and other places we can try.’
Bringing her to a halt, he gave her a suspicious look. ‘What are you up to?’
‘For pity’s sake, Phil! How many times do you want me to say it? I’m not up to anything!’ If only he knew what was really on her mind, she thought.
He grinned. ‘All right, I believe you, but thousands wouldn’t.’ He slid his arms round her waist. ‘Now, let’s go and choose this damned sofa, and then maybe a man can get a bit of peace round here, eh?’
Outside, Judy climbed into the car, while Phil walked round to the driver’s side. In the rear-view mirror she saw him stop to talk with a neighbour; a man some years younger than Phil who loved to party, rolling home legless at all hours of the day and night. ‘Another pea out of the same rotten pod,’ she muttered.
She could hear them laughing, and her hatred of Phil Saunders was never more alive than it was in that moment. ‘I have to leave you,’ she whispered. ‘Somehow, I have to find the courage to go where you will never find me.’
Over the years she had said that same thing time and again. But here she still was, and here she would probably stay. I expect you’ll kill me one day, she thought, resigned. One terrible day, or in the middle of the night, when you’re out of your mind, you’ll go too far, and you will kill me.
Right now though, with her life stretching out before her like a grim punishment, the prospect of leaving this world did not seem so terrible.
Chapter Eighteen
A MY’S FAMILIAR GIGGLE echoed through the store. ‘Harry Blake! That’s the biggest piece of cake I have ever seen. Are you trying to get me fat or what?’ Taking a sizeable bite out of the huge slice of Victoria sponge, she licked the cream off her lips. ‘Mmm. That is so scrumptious!’
She offered Harry a bite, but he graciously refused. ‘Kathleen has gone completely mad about baking,’ he said. ‘There’s more cake in her pantry than I’ve ever seen in one place, and she truly expects me and Tom to finish off the lot.’
‘Good old Kathleen, eh?’ Spluttering crumbs of cake as she spoke, Amy went on, ‘My mam could not bake a cake to save her life, and neither can I.’
‘I asked Kathleen to cut an extra big piece because it’s your birthday today,’ Harry explained.
Suddenly, Amy looked up and there was Kathleen herself. ‘Ooh, look! Here’s the very woman, and she’s brought your son to see you.’ She recognised Kathleen and Tom from the previous time they had come to the store.
Quickly wiping the cream from her face, Amy smiled as they approached. ‘Your cake is delicious – thank you so much.’ She grinned down at Tom. ‘Who’s a clever Kathleen, eh?’ she asked in a baby voice. ‘I bet you couldn’t bake a cake like this.’
‘Yes, I could,’ he declared, puffing out his little chest. ‘I made a biscuit at school with green icing and pink buttons and everything.’
‘That’s true,’ Harry said. ‘What’s more, it tasted wonderful.’ He and Kathleen exchanged glances, with Kathleen smiling at his tender lies.
Breaking away from Kathleen, Tom ran straight into his daddy’s arms. ‘Hello, Daddy!’ He planted the sloppiest kiss on Harry’s face. ‘Kathleen wants a new table-runny, so we have to go shopping, and we need to get some shiny black wellies for me.’
While Harry and his son continued to chat a moment longer, Phil Saunders was ushering Judy in through the front door. ‘You didn’t tell me they were selling records and LPs at half price.’ His attention was drawn to the long table, heaving with sheet music, gramophones and records of all types. ‘You go and look at the sofas,’ he suggested, striding away, ‘while I see if there’s anything here that takes my fancy.’ He liked to give the impression that he had an educated knowledge of music, when apart from being tone-deaf, he had no real interest in it.
Left alone by the door, Judy looked around; she was worried in case Harry was here, and even more worried that he might not be. Now, when she heard male laughter and saw him throwing the small boy in the air, making him squeal with delight, her heart leaped. Oh, my God! she thought. It really is him!
A great sense of joy swept through her. She felt nervous and excited all at the same time. Tears filled her eyes as her senses drank in the man that was Harry, the man who had been her first sweetheart, love for whom she had always carried deep in her heart, through thick and thin.
She was aching to speak with him, yet fearing the consequences if she did. She wanted to call his name and run to him, to hear his voice and look in his eyes, but then she saw Phil and the bubble burst. Bending forward to examine a cabinet-mounted gramophone, he had no concept of her dilemma, nor of the fact that his deadliest enemy, Harry Blake, was standing just a short distance from him.
Judy was grateful to have his attention diverted onto something else. Her emotions torn in every direction, she stood there for what seemed an age, delighting in watching Harry with his son. ‘Oh, Harry!’ she whispered. ‘So many times I prayed you might come and find me, but you never did.’
She could not blame him for that. ‘You’re here now though; all grown up into an amazing man, with a son of your own. Where have you been all these years?’ She had so many questions, so much she wanted to tell him, with a heart full of love and a need for him to take her in his arms and hold her there, where she could never be hurt again.
Look at you, she thought. Look at how you’ve turned out. The sigh she gave was from deep down. You’re close enough for me to touch, and yet I mustn’t. I daren’t.
Recalling the manner in which they had parted, another thought crossed her mind. Would you even want me to?
Afraid he might suddenly glance up and see her there, she wanted to move away, to get Phil and herself as far from here as possible. But her feet seemed glued to the floor, and her whole being cried out for Harry to see her, to want her, to help her be strong. Like a schoolgirl, she wanted him to sweep her off her feet and carry her away.
‘Silly fool, Judy!’ she chided herself softly. ‘You had your chance and you threw it away. It’s too late now. No good will come of wanting what you can’t have.’
She forced herself to face the truth. Thanks to her lies, Harry Blake had been lost to her a long time ago. But then, she reminded herself, it was not altogether her fault.
Someone else must carry the blame.
Someone who betrayed her trust. Someone she would loathe and despise for as long as she lived.
While she was watching Harry, she saw Phil out of the corner of her eye. Horrified to see him heading straight to the counter where Harry was saying cheerio to Tom and Kathleen, she waved her arm to catch his attention.
To her immense relief, her husband turned and saw her. Shifting direction, he made his way towards her. Knowing he would follow, Judy went at full stride in the other direction, towards the furniture display.
‘What the devil are you playing at?’ he demanded, coming alongside. ‘Where are you off to now? Don’t tell me you’ve been standing by the door all the time I was gone.’
‘I was just looking about,’ Judy replied casually. ‘Seeing what was on offer.’ She glanced at the box in his hand. ‘Found something interesting, have you?’ She guessed he would not come back with records or other music paraphernalia.
‘It’s a camera,’ he answered. ‘A real bargain.’
‘You’ve already got a camera,’ she reminded him.
He was instantly prickly. ‘What? So now you’re telling me I’m only allowed one camera?’
She knew he was trying to draw her into another argument. ‘You can have as many cameras as you please,’ she said tiredly. �
�It’s none of my business.’
‘Too right it’s none of your business. Besides which, it’s my money, so I can buy whatever I please. You need to remember that.’
It was on the tip of her tongue to say she was sorry, but she stopped herself. She was not sorry. She was sick to her stomach of his petty sniping and bad temper. It was odd, but seeing Harry again seemed to have given her a certain strength of mind; a fleeting reason to believe in herself.
Phil drew her attention to the sofas. ‘I like this one,’ he said, seeing a cheaply-priced sofa with thin material and flimsy legs. He lowered himself into it. ‘It’s comfy enough,’ he stated, ‘and cheap into the bargain. We’ll take this one.’
Judy wasn’t listening. Her attention had involuntarily strayed to where Harry was now tending a customer. Lingering on, Kathleen was chatting to Amy, while at the same time pulling up Tom’s bedraggled socks.
‘Hey!’ Phil called for her attention. ‘Are you listening to me or what?’
Startled, Judy quickly sat down beside him. ‘I was just looking,’ she said, ‘seeing if there were other sofas.’
‘No need for that,’ he declared confidently. ‘Not now I’ve found this one. I reckon it’s exactly what we want.’
Judy stood up. ‘It’s not what I want though, Phil.’
‘Why not?’ He gave her a curious look. ‘Go on then, what’s wrong with it?’
‘It’s cheap and nasty and it won’t wear well, so before too long you’ll be having to buy another, but if you don’t mind wasting good hard-earned money, that’s up to you. It’s your wages, after all.’ As he loved to remind her. ‘Besides, the colour is too much like the old one.’
Dark reddish, with brown undertones, it seemed to suck in the light. ‘I thought it would be nice to have something bright and cheerful for a change.’ While she spoke she was conscious of Harry being in the same room, and every time Phil looked away for a brief moment, she snatched that moment to peek at Harry.
Married to one and loving another. What a mess I’ve made of my life, she thought.
Astonishingly, and because he knew Judy was right that it would not last five minutes, Phil offered grudgingly, ‘All right then, choose another, but remember I’m not made of money, so don’t get carried away. Oh, and be quick about it. I’ve got things to do.’
Easing himself up from the sofa, he dug out a cigarette from his pocket and hung it on the end of his lips. Having located a match in his other pocket, he strode off. ‘Get a move on!’ he commanded her. ‘I’ll be outside. Come and find me when you’re done.’
Once he was safely out of sight, Judy moved to a quiet corner, from where she could see Harry quite clearly. Just to look at his face and see him smile, gave her a warm, safe feeling.
She watched him shake hands with a customer, and then saw the customer go over to the counter where the girl assistant dealt with the payment of his purchase.
She then saw Harry go to a bunch of balloons advertising the sale; he carefully broke one off and handed it to his little boy, who was so excited he started running in circles with it.
While Harry went away to help a young couple who were after a set of curtains, she saw Kathleen walk into the department, Tom following behind her, flying his balloon and having great fun swinging it about in the air.
Careful not to let Kathleen see her, Judy shrank back into the corner. She thought Harry’s son was a credit to him, blessed with his daddy’s strong capable build, and a face carved with good looks and character. While she continued to watch him, she thought of her own child, and was racked with guilt.
The nearer Kathleen and Tom got, the more nervous she felt. As soon as they were gone past, she meant to leave the store and tell Phil she could not find a sofa she liked.
From her hiding-place, she heard Kathleen talking to the boy, and felt guilty that she had been too much of a coward to step out and greet that delightful old friend.
The decision to leave was taken out of her hands when suddenly the balloon came floating by, and above the sound of young Tom’s distressed cries, Kathleen’s familiar voice carried through the air. ‘Don’t you worry, I’ll find it, so I will. Now then, stop that awful noise and tell me … where did it fly off to?’
When the balloon landed on a shelf above Judy’s head, and realising she was bound to be discovered, Judy caught hold of the string and stepped out, just as Kathleen rounded the corner.
The Irish woman was flabbergasted. ‘Well, I never!’ She laughed with delight. ‘Sure, if it isn’t the girl herself.’ Stretching out her chubby arms, she clasped Judy in a firm embrace. ‘Oh, me little darlin’, it’s lovely to see you, so it is.’ Holding her at arm’s length, she smiled into Judy’s eyes.
‘It’s lovely to see you too,’ Judy replied, and that was the absolute truth.
But Kathleen gave no answer, for she had seen something that alarmed her. ‘What have ye done to yer pretty face? Sure it’s looking a bit bruised – have you had mishap of sorts, pet?’ All manner of suspicions ran through her mind.
Taken aback by Kathleen’s remark, Judy retreated into the shadows. ‘It’s nothing,’ she lied, ‘I tried out some new face powder and it’s caused my skin to go a bit blotchy, that’s all, but the blotches have almost gone now, thank goodness.’
Visibly shaking, she handed the balloon to Tom, who had been hopping up and down impatiently. ‘There you are, sweetheart.’ Then she mumbled to Kathleen, ‘I’ve been looking at sofas but they don’t have what I want, so I’d best be off now.’
Afraid that she had frightened Judy away with her comment about her bruised face, Kathleen took her by the hand. ‘You’re not here just for a sofa, are you?’ she asked caringly.
‘Why do you say that?’
Kathleen gave a wink. ‘You came here to get a peek at Harry, did you not?’ Her quick smile was encouraging.
Judy had an urge to deny it, but instead she nodded. ‘Just a peek,’ she whispered. ‘Nothing more.’
From across the room where Harry was just finishing with the couple, he was surprised to see that Kathleen and Tom were still in the store. ‘Can you deal with these customers?’ he murmured to Amy. ‘They’ve decided on the curtains that are out on display.’
‘Right away,’ Amy said, and to the customers: ‘We’re not allowed to get the curtains down off display, so while we’re waiting for one of the men to fetch some from the warehouse, would you like a cup of tea?’
Harry was straining his eyes to see who Kathleen was talking to. There was something about the slim young woman with the shoulder-length fair hair … Somewhere in his deepest memory, an image emerged, of a girl named Judy.
He dismissed the feeling as ridiculous, but it was deeply unnerving.
The truth began to dawn on him when Kathleen turned to look at him in a particular way, with a proud little grin on her face that said, ‘Look who I’ve found – it’s our Judy, come to see you.’
At first he dared not let himself believe it. ‘It can’t be!’ he whispered. But somehow, he knew it was her. He just knew! And every nerve in his body was screaming with excitement, and terror. ‘Judy?’ he murmured. Her name fell so easily from his lips.
Almost in a daze, he started towards her.
As he came nearer, her smile wrapped itself around him, until he could hardly breathe. Observing her, he took in every little detail. She had changed, and yet she was the same. Slightly taller and slimmer, she seemed so delicate, and he did not know what he would say to her.
Judy stood motionless, watching him, loving him, and willing him towards her. Then she glanced at the door. Remembing what Phil had done to her face, she began to panic. There was bad blood between Phil and Harry, and there was no telling what a madman like Phil would do if he saw her talking to the ‘enemy’.
‘Tell Harry I’ll see him again – sometime,’ she told Kathleen. ‘I have to go.’ In a lower voice she confided, ‘Phil’s waiting outside.’
Thankful that Harry was suddenl
y intercepted by another customer, Judy hurried towards the exit.
Harry saw her, and quickly excused himself from the customer. ‘Wait! Judy!’
Already on his way back inside, Phil heard someone call Judy’s name and hurried to see who it was. As he came in through the door, Judy crossed his path. ‘Let’s go!’ She tried to sound calm, but she was in a state of panic. ‘The sofas are all the same,’ she gabbled. ‘Cheap and nasty. We’d best go elsewhere, or stick with the one we’ve got for now.’
Suspicious, he grabbed her by the shoulders. ‘Just now, I heard a man call your name. Who was it, eh?’
‘It was the salesman – he saw me looking at the sofas. You know what they’re like … they won’t let you escape if they can help it.’ She managed a nervous little laugh. ‘You were right anyway, Phil. We really don’t need a new sofa.’
‘LIAR!’ Incensed, he blocked her way. ‘I’ve never known a salesman who would call out like that, and how does he know you by your first name? Something’s not right here.’
‘Listen to me, Phil. You’re imagining things.’
He gave her a spiteful shove towards the car. ‘In the car – now!’ When she still hesitated, he leered at her. ‘Unless you want trouble?’
Hoping that if she got into the car, he would go with her, Judy nodded, ‘All right! Let’s go home. We should never have come here.’ Then realising his intention to go back inside the store, she was panic-stricken. ‘Phil! Leave it!’
His words echoed back to her. ‘I’ve told you! Stay where you are!’
Inside the store, Harry was quizzing Kathleen, who was using every ploy possible to waylay him, to keep him from following Judy outside. ‘You’ve got it wrong,’ she insisted. ‘That was a young woman I met in the doctor’s surgery last week … she was just asking after my health.’
She was not in the habit of lying, but she dreaded the outcome if Phil and Harry ever crossed swords. When they were young there had been a healthy rivalry between them. Now the stakes were higher, and if Harry should see those badly-disguised bruises on Judy’s face, he would want to know who was responsible. Kathleen though, had her own suspicions.
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