The Heart of a Girl (The Haven Series)

by Kaitlyn Oruska

  “Oh honey, stop worrying about that. And even so, you should make sure you’re in your best shape possible, because Harper can sense when you’re not. Trust me on that. We might have maternal instinct, but babies have an instinct all their own.”

  I couldn’t argue with that. Harper was very in tune with my emotions, crying hysterically whenever she sensed I was upset. Due to that, I tried to keep my feelings in check at all times, no matter how intense they might feel at the moment. I was doing a pretty good job at it. Then again, my hormones had calmed down significantly since she was born. A few weeks after, I’d been an emotional wreck. It was scary.

  We headed into the diaper aisle first and I grabbed two big boxes to try and avoid a mid-week shopping trip for more. More formula and that was it, except for maybe a few frozen pizzas. Adam hadn’t gotten home until two hours after he’d left the night before. I hadn’t questioned him on it, just pretended to be asleep when he crawled into bed beside me but maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stock up and try to prevent him from leaving for that long again.

  Or maybe we could just try and talk about whatever’s been going on, I thought to myself, but ignored it. There was nothing going on. We were both stressed out, and it was taking its toll on both of us. Everything would be fine. We’d be fine.

  Sylvia and I turned a corner and nearly bumped into a young woman a few years older than me. She had long, pin-straight blonde hair and wore sunglasses.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, dear!” Sylvia exclaimed, placing a hand over her heart as she always did whenever she was startled. It was so grandmotherly; I wanted to hug her every time I saw her do it.

  “It’s fine, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” the girl said, pulling her sunglasses down to reveal pale blue eyes. They were focused on me even as she spoke to Sylvia.

  “How old?” She asked, and for a second I had no idea what she was talking about. And then I realized it was Harper she was referring to.

  “Ten weeks,” I said with a smile. The girl nodded.

  “She’s beautiful.”

  “Her name is Harper.”

  She nodded again, and something about the expression on her face made me believe she somehow already knew that. But that was crazy. I was pretty sure I’d never met her before, and in a town as small as Haven, you tended to know everyone whether you wanted to or not.

  “I’m sure you love being a mom,” she said softly, smiling. “She has such beautiful dark hair.”

  “Thank you.”

  “No problem. I’ll um, see you around I guess.” She flashed another quick smile and walked around us. I turned, watching her disappear down another aisle.

  I frowned at Sylvia. “Do you know her?” I asked.

  “No, I don’t think I do but I feel like maybe she knew me.”

  “She seemed sad,” Sylvia remarked. “Maybe she’s just visiting and doesn’t want to go back home again.”

  “Maybe,” I agreed, even though the sadness in her eyes seemed a little too strong to be related to something as simple as that.

  We’d just gotten to the formula aisle when my cell phone rang. Expecting it to be Adam wondering why I was gone for so long, I answered it without checking the caller ID.

  “I’ll be home in a little bit,” I said.

  “That’s great but I think you should stop back here first.”

  I frowned. “Mason?”

  “Yeah, who else?”

  “Sorry, I didn’t check before answering. What’s going on? You sound weird.”

  “Yeah, well I feel a little weird. Can you get Sylvia to drop you back here before you go home? It’s kind of important.”

  “I guess, but I bought some frozen stuff.”

  “Put it in the freezer here or ask her to drop it off at your house. I wouldn’t ask but it’s really important, Lainey.”

  I felt my blood run cold. I’d never heard Mason sound this anxious before. A million thoughts ran through my mind. A plane crash. Hannah drowning. Nora killing both of them in a fit of rage.

  “Okay,” I managed to choke out. “I’ll be over as soon as I can.”

  Chapter 4

  Sylvia offered to take Harper home with her but I declined. She would get upset if she saw me leaving without her and it wasn’t worth it. Whatever Mason had to say, maybe it wouldn’t take too long.

  I hoped not. A million thoughts continued to run through my mind, a million possibilities, all bad. I’d never heard him sound that way before.

  I said a quick thanks to Sylvia as the car stopped in front of Bella Vista. I jumped out, opened the back door, and scooped Harper out, car seat and all. She looked irritated, if it was possible for a ten week old baby to look irritated, and I muttered a brief apology.

  “Do you want me to come back and get you in a bit?” Sylvia asked, looking concerned. I shook my head.

  “No, I’ll just call Adam. Thank you, though. Sorry I had to cut this short.”

  “Don’t worry, dear. I just hope everything is all right. I’ll see you later on.” She waved to Harper then pulled away, heading in the direction of the Montgomery house.

  I stood in front of Bella Vista for a few minutes, staring at the front door and dreading whatever I was going to find when I entered. I knew whatever it was had to involve my dad and Nora and possibly even Hannah. Never had a building looked so imposing.

  I found Mason in the office resting his head on one hand, the other using a pen to tap consistently at the desk. He glanced up when I walked in, but his facial expression didn’t change.

  “What’s going on?” I asked nervously, setting Harper’s car seat down on the couch and sitting beside her. She began to fuss and I placed a hand gently on her stomach, hoping that my touch would calm her down. Sometimes it worked, other times not.

  “Dad called,” Mason said, and the dread grew more intense. Somehow having this directly involve our dad made it all the scarier.

  “What did he say?” I asked, not sure I really wanted to know but feeling obligated.

  “He’s coming home tomorrow.”

  “Isn’t that good?” I felt a little confused. I knew Mason wasn’t looking forward to leaving Haven behind but at least it meant being reunited with Cynthia again. I’d thought that would override any hesitation he felt about going back to Delaware.

  “He’s coming back alone.”

  The world stopped. Out of all the things I’d pictured, somehow this hadn’t been one of them. Coming back alone? I knew things between him and Nora weren’t great, hadn’t been for a while, but I hadn’t thought they were that bad.

  “Why?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

  “He didn’t go into details. All he said was that he and Nora got into a really big fight and she got on a plane to Raleigh.”

  “A fight about what?” I asked, though I was sure it didn’t matter. It could be anything. Nora had such a short fuse as it was, especially when it came to him. Maybe she found out about Teagan. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she’d just gotten tired of the way he acted, the way he looked at life and treated the people in his.

  “Again, he didn’t say. All he said was he was catching a plane at noon and would be here sometime tomorrow. He gave me the flight information so I’m going to get online and see what time it actually arrives since he didn’t bother to check for himself.” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice and I couldn’t blame him. Mason hadn’t had to take care of our dad the way I did before Nora came around, but he was getting a taste of it and it definitely wasn’t something you’d want more of.

  “What about Hannah?” I asked, although I was afraid to know the answer. Logically, I knew she must have left with Nora. Nora was her mother, my father just a stepparent. They’d never gained legal rights to either of us. My dad would have no way of bringing her back to Haven.

  “He didn’t say,” Mason replied. “But I wouldn’t count on her coming back, at least not yet. I’m sorry.”

  I nodded and swallowed against the tears that
were threatening to pour out. Crying right now would be a bad idea. Harper was already frustrated by the busy day we’d had so far and witnessing me crying wasn’t going to help matters.

  “I should have known something like this would happen,” I said instead. “The only way I’ve been able to accept having you leave is knowing Hannah would be back. I can’t do this alone, Mason.”

  “You’re not alone, little sis,” he tried to comfort me. “You’ve got Adam and the Montgomerys. And Sylvia. You’re going to be alright.”

  I shook my head, not believing it. “And what about Hannah? She practically hates Nora. How is she going to be able to deal with living in Raleigh with her and her grandparents? She’s going to lose it, Mason.”

  Mason sighed. “I don’t blame her,” he admitted. “But Lainey, we’re assuming too much. Dad and Nora got into a fight, and she ran home to her parents. That’s all we know. Chances are, they’ll both get over whatever they were arguing about and get back together and everything will be fine. Try not to assume too much based off of the little bit we know.”

  I nodded, but it was hard to follow that advice. All I could picture was a Haven without Hannah and it was such a scary, depressing image.

  We sat in silence for a few more minutes until Harper’s fussiness became more prominent. “I’d better get her home,” I said with a sigh. I’d forgotten her diaper bag in Sylvia’s car in my haste to get inside and get this all over with. “She needs to eat and take a nap.”

  “Want me to drive you home? I don’t have many guests here right now. It should be fine.”

  I shook my head. “No, I’ll call Adam. I don’t think he’s doing anything.” I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Adam’s number. It rang for what felt like an eternity before he finally answered.

  “Yeah?” I could hear music in the background.

  “Where are you?” I asked, frowning to myself.

  “Brad’s. Why?”

  “I need you to come pick me up from Bella Vista.”

  “I thought Sylvia was doing that on her way to the store?”

  “We already went to the store. I had to come back. It’s a long story.”

  The music in the background became muffled, and I could picture Adam holding the phone away from his ear, covering the mouthpiece with his hand. He came back a few seconds later, sounding annoyed.

  “Can’t Mason drop you off? I just got here and I told Brad I’d help him get ready for the barbeque tonight.”

  “What barbeque?”

  “The one he decided to throw last minute. Want to come?”

  I couldn’t imagine anything I’d like to do less. Brad was one of the guys Adam worked with and they’d become fast friends sometime before Nolan went to California. He was Nolan’s replacement as far as I was concerned, and not a very good one. For all Nolan’s cockiness and over assurance of himself, at least he had a good part to him, a side that seemed almost sensitive at times. Not Brad. He was twenty-five, had a son with a girl he was no longer with and never had anything nice to say about and lived in a rental property near the beach.

  “No,” I said, and got a sigh in response from Adam. He was always telling me I needed to give Brad and the other guys a chance, that they were his friends now. Everyone he’d known in high school had gone off to college, so it wasn’t like he had much of a selection.

  “Why?” He asked. “It’ll be fun. My mom can watch Harper for a few hours. You might actually enjoy yourself.”

  I highly doubted that. “I’m tired and stressed out, Adam. I don’t feel like spending time at a barbeque with people I don’t like. You go and have a good time, okay? And don’t worry about picking me up. I’ll just ask Mason to do it.”

  “I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he said, and I could tell from the sound of his voice that he was clenching his jaw. I hung up the phone and squeezed my eyes shut.

  “Trouble in paradise?” Mason asked, sounding sympathetic.

  “I wish I knew,” I replied.

  Chapter 5

  Sunday came and went the way every Sunday had all summer. Adam hadn’t gotten home from the barbeque until late the night before, smelling like charcoal and beer, and slept in long after I’d gotten up and started Harper’s day.

  I wasn’t angry about it. Some part of me still felt guilt over all this, like it was completely my fault that our lives had changed and we weren’t really teenagers anymore. If going to barbeques thrown by people that were hardly likeable and drinking too much were how Adam wanted to spend his Saturday nights, then so be it. Too much of me knew that I was lucky he was even still around, that he supported Harper and me both financially and sometimes emotionally. As untraditional a life as Harper might end up having, at least she’d always have her dad around. The same couldn’t even be said for me.

  Adam woke up around noon, showered and left again around three. He promised he’d be home for dinner but then called back around five and said there was a change of plans. He’d gone back to Brad’s and apparently some of their other work friends stopped by with pizza. I didn’t mind. I hadn’t actually started cooking anything anyway.

  The anxiety started to hit around six. This wasn’t like every other Sunday of summer. This was the last Sunday of summer. Tomorrow school officially began again. I’d have to wait until the end of the day before I could find out about any upcoming assignments, but still. It meant there was a change coming, more things added to my ‘to-do’ list. I wasn’t looking forward to that.

  I was pretty sure Scott had gotten home sometime that weekend but refrained from calling his house or cell phone to find out. I told myself he’d contact me when he wanted to, if he ever wanted to. We’d gotten back on good terms before he left but he hadn’t been around when Harper was born and I had no idea where we really stood. If you were friends before you were anything else, then broke up, could you ever really go back to being just friends? I had no idea and no one to really ask about it.

  Mason called earlier in the day to let me know he’d heard from our dad again and had a set time to pick him up, but I hadn’t asked what time and told myself I didn’t care. My dad being back in town was meaningless and I wasn’t going to let myself worry about it. The more I thought about it, the more unlikely it seemed that Hannah would be with him and she was the only one I really considered family anymore. Just her and Mason and of course Harper and Adam, but that went without saying.

  As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I kind of liked having the day to myself, with Adam gone. Spending the entire day together, just the two of us. Giggling turned out to be her newest development, and she seemed to enjoy doing it. No matter what I did to her, she responded with a giggle whether it was a tickle, a touch, or a kiss. It warmed my heart in ways I never imagined possible.

  “Are you going to stick with me when you get a little older, or are you going to be a Daddy’s girl?” I asked her around seven, after her bath as I was dressing her in her pajamas. She giggled in response, so I took that to mean she was going to stick by me.

  I scooped her up and took her over to her rocking chair, sitting and rocking slowly, murmuring little things to her. I could feel her relax in my arms, her eyes growing heavy as I whispered. I wondered if my voice was always familiar to her, if she knew it before she had been born. It was a pretty amazing thing if you ever sat down and really thought about it, the bond between mother and child. She was the only person in the world that knew what I was really like on the inside. I’d carried her within my own body for close to a year and for that time period we were one and the same. I couldn’t imagine any other relationship being quite so intimate.

  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I whispered to her and meant it. It wasn’t the first time I’d come to that realization. As stressful as the first few weeks of her life had been for me, I think I’d felt it the first time I held her in my arms. All the hardships, all the struggle, anything we would have to face in the future was all worth it.


  Someone began knocking on the door close to eight and I cringed inwardly at the sound. It was probably Julia, coming to check up on me. I hadn’t really seen much of her all weekend or all week, for that matter. I felt bad about it, but sometimes I just felt a need to put a little bit of a distance between us. She meant well, but she was too full of helpful suggestions on how to take care of Harper. I hadn’t thought of a nice way yet of telling her that some things I just wanted to find out on my own.

  Harper was too deep asleep by then to care much about our visitor, so I kissed the top of her head and placed her in her crib, standing there for a few more seconds to make sure she remained asleep. Whoever was at the door was quickly growing impatient, their knocks becoming harder and more persistent.

  “I’m coming,” I hissed, no longer convinced it was Julia. I threw the door open, and nearly fell over in surprise.

  “Hannah?”

  She grinned at me. She was different, at least a little bit. She’d cut her hair though it was still much longer than mine, and there were two very big, very bold purple stripes on the side. She wore black eyeliner, something she hadn’t really been a fan of before and a purple shirt that perfectly matched her hair. She’d lost a little bit of weight without losing the curviness that made her turn heads in the hallway at school all last year.

  “Bet you weren’t expecting to see me,” she said, still grinning.

  “No,” I admitted, and got out of my shock long enough to throw my arms around her. All that worrying for nothing. I didn’t know how I could have ever doubted that Hannah would find a way to end up back here. Haven was her home.

  “Come in,” I said, ushering her into the house and closing the door behind her. “When did you get here? How?”

  “Like, two hours ago but you know how the airport is. I flew in with Michael. He was going to come by with me but I made Mason drop me off on the way to Bella Vista. I figured you might not be ready to see him yet.”