“I don’t know,” I said, wanting to avoid thinking about that. Adam had given me his reasons why it happened and whether or not I was satisfied with the answers he gave me, I never wanted to dwell on them.
“It wasn’t,” she insisted. “I knew that before it started and believe me, I knew it when it was happening. His mind and heart were always with you.”
“It doesn’t feel that way, knowing what happened.”
“I know and I’m sorry. But it’s true.”
The front door opened before either of us could say another word and Adam stepped in. He took his jacket off, his back to us, oblivious to the fact that Natalie was in the room. I wondered how she’d gotten here and if she’d driven why he hadn’t recognized her car.
“There’s a big storm coming,” he called as if expecting me to be in a room other than the living room. “Paul let us go early so we didn’t get stuck. Want to order something in for dinner?”
“Um, Adam?” He spun around, surprised by the sound of my voice. He dropped his car keys as soon as he spotted Natalie, Harper in her arms.
Chapter 42
“What are you doing here?” He demanded in a tone that made me glad I wasn’t Natalie.
“Adam –”
“What are you doing here?” He repeated, stepping forward before bothering to pick his keys up from the ground. “I told you not to come here.”
“You talked to her about this?” I asked, a familiar sense of dread forming in the pit of my stomach.
Natalie turned to me quickly. “I asked him if it would be okay for me to come talk to you and he said no.”
I turned to Adam, who looked downright furious. “I told you not to come here and mess with her head,” he said angrily.
“I’m not messing with her head,” Natalie insisted.
“She’s not,” I agreed, surprised to hear myself speak. “We were just talking.”
His eyes landed on Harper and he quickly stepped forward and took her from Natalie’s arms. Harper cried out in protest at first but seemed to sense Adam’s mood and didn’t say much else.
“Leave,” Adam said and Natalie stood up.
“Wait,” I said quickly. “You don’t have to. Adam, we were just talking. She hasn’t done anything wrong.”
He searched my face as if looking for a clue that I was lying and not finding one, he nodded. “Alright. I’m taking Harper back to her room.”
Neither of us said anything while he turned around and headed back to the nursery. Natalie turned to me, a look of gratitude on her face.
“Thank you. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think he’d react that way.”
“He knows I don’t trust him still,” I admitted. “He was probably afraid if you showed up I’d think you were together again.”
“We’re not,” she reassured me. “I would never do that again. I was being selfish before. I didn’t think of what it could lead to.”
“We’re all selfish sometimes,” I told her with a small smile.
Adam reappeared and immediately stood next to me, putting an arm around my waist. “Why did you come when I told you not to?” He asked Natalie. There was still anger in his voice but I could tell he was trying to calm himself down.
“I wanted to apologize for everything in person,” she replied. “I know you said everything was worked out but I still wanted to do it myself.”
“It’s really okay,” I told Adam, putting my arm around him and squeezing gently. “I wouldn’t tell you it was if it wasn’t.”
He nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off Natalie’s face. I knew that no matter how much Adam loved me, I could never erase Natalie. It hurt but I had to be okay with that. Because no matter how much I loved him, he could never erase Nolan and the complex feelings I still hadn’t resolved towards him.
“I think I should go,” Natalie said with a small smile. “Thank you so much for talking to me, Lainey. Maybe someday we’ll talk again?”
I nodded. “I’d like that,” I agreed.
She turned to Adam as if she weren’t quite sure how to say goodbye to him. “I’d say I’ll see you around, but I’m planning on enrolling back in college for the summer semester so I probably won’t be making it back here anytime soon.”
“Okay,” he said and looked like he wanted to say more, but held it in.
“Goodbye, Adam and Lainey. Say goodbye to Harper with me when she gets back up, okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed and tried to follow her to the door, but Adam held me back. I watched as she stepped outside and closed it behind her and wondered if we’d ever see her again. I wondered if I would ever want to.
“She isn’t that bad,” I said and laughed nervously at what a thing that was to say, considering the situation.
“Nah,” Adam agreed with a small smile. “But she’s not you.”
I pushed him onto the couch and climbed onto his lap. He smiled, surprised. “You haven’t been home this early in forever,” I commented.
“Nope. Sometimes storms come in handy.” He reached up and brushed hair from my face. I closed my eyes briefly at his tender touch and wondered if I would ever doubt his love for me again.
“I think this past year has been a storm.”
“Yeah,” he agreed with a chuckle. “Maybe a little.”
I kissed him and felt my body melt into his. After I’d found out about Natalie being the girl I’d seen those two times, I’d worried that I would feel a need to prove something to Adam. But I didn’t feel that way, not at all. If anything, I felt just a little more secure in his love for me than I had before.
Because in the end I’d been the one he’d chosen. It wasn’t because of Harper, not directly. Even if he’d chosen Natalie, he’d always be Harper’s father; there was nothing that would ever change that. He chose me because in the end because I was the one he loved. And I’d chosen him for the same reason.
I didn’t know if Adam and I would make it through every obstacle. We still had our youth working against us, our inexperience. I didn’t know if we would get our forever, the way we’d wanted and hoped for all those months ago on that beach that had become ours.
We’d moved quickly in this relationship, forming a bond and then a child and we hadn’t taken enough time to stop and just enjoy each other. I wanted to change that and I knew he did, too. I knew that nothing in life was guaranteed, but that if we tried hard enough, maybe we’d survive the storm. Maybe in the end our greatest reward for everything we had to go through would be each other. Maybe that really was enough.
If there was anything I’ve learned in my seventeen years, it’s to never give up hope. No matter what life throws at you and no matter what obstacles you’re give to overcome, simply believing in yourself and those you love could prove enough to get you through them. I still wasn’t sold on fate, but hope is a good thing to believe in.
We were on our way to be closer than we had been in months, our lips colliding against each other and holding on as tightly as possible when Harper began to cry again. I pulled away, hesitantly at first, my eyes connected with Adam’s.
“She’s worried she won’t be an only child much longer,” Adam said, reaching up and stroking my cheek.
“She has nothing to worry about,” I said with another laugh. “I love Harper more than anything but no more for a long time, please.”
“I’ll try my best,” he promised, kissing me.
I slid off his lap and headed towards the nursery, feeling his eyes on me as I walked away. Part of me wanted to go right back and lose myself in another kiss, but my baby needed me. And as much as I loved Adam, it would never compare for the love I felt for the life we’d created together.
June 15: Harper’s 1 Birthday
“Dada!” Harper shrieked, picking up Otto the Octopus and throwing him. He didn’t get very far, but she turned to me with a look that could only be described as smug.
“Harper, no,” I said gently. “Don’t throw Otto.” I picked him up and placed him
in front of her again, only to receive the same reaction.
“Harper,” I warned, but she wasn’t hearing it.
“Dada,” she insisted.
“Daddy will be home soon,” I reassured her. “He went to go get your cake. Can you say cake?”
“Dada.”
“I guess not.” Sighing, I scooped her up and opened the sliding glass door that led to the Montgomery’s patio.
“Is she still being fussy?” Julia asked, turning to me from where she was arranging plates and plasticware on a table.
“She wants Adam,” I explained. “I should have just let him take her with him. It’s not like she’d understand she was seeing her birthday cake, anyway.”
“Oh, you’d be surprised with what she understands,” Julia said with a smile. “Babies are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. Do you want Nana?” She asked, outstretching her arms.
“Dada,” she replied and I could tell by the change in her tone that she was getting ready to unleash the waterworks.
“I’m going to go call him,” I said, handing Harper to Julia and placing a quick kiss on her forehead. “I’m going to go find out what’s keeping your Dada, okay?”
She turned away from me, all smiles for Julia. I rolled my eyes and smiled. Maybe Mason was right about her turning out to be a handful, after all.
I walked back into the cool air conditioning of the kitchen and hit Adam’s speed dial. He answered after the first ring.
“I’m outside,” he said with a laugh.
“I was just out there.”
“I know, I saw you walk into the house.” I turned to the door and saw him smiling at me through the glass. I hung up the phone and slid the door open, accepting the huge cake from him.
“Did we really need one this big?” I asked incredulously.
“Harper’s pretty popular,” he replied, kissing me quickly on the lips. Harper had already spotted him and was reaching out, getting herself worked into a frenzy.
“Oh, I know. But you’d better get to her before she knocks your mom over.”
“Oh boy,” he grinned at me and walked over to Harper, taking her from Julia and bouncing her on his hip, finally settling her crisis.
I smiled as I walked over to the fridge and put the cake in. I almost couldn’t believe that it was June 15 again. One year since the day Harper was born and two since Adam and I met on the beach outside Nolan’s house. Time had never passed so quickly.
“That’s a pretty big cake,” a voice remarked from behind me. “Way too big for a one year old. How about you cut it in half and sneak the bigger half into the freezer so I can steal it later?”
I spun around, staring at Hannah in shock. “What are you doing here?” I practically screamed. She grinned.
“Did you really think I’d miss out on my only niece’s very first birthday party?”
I threw my arms around her, nearly knocking her over. “Oh my God!” I exclaimed. “Where did you come from?”
“Upstairs,” she said calmly, laughing and extracting herself from my grip. “I’ve been here since last night. I made Adam promise not to tell you.”
I felt tears spring to my eyes but quickly blinked them back. I hadn’t seen Hannah since the funeral and even then we hadn’t spoken. I’d sent her a birthday present and card back in April, but that was the last time we’d really had a conversation that lasted more than a few text messages.
“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” I whispered and suddenly all of the emotion I’d been holding in came crashing through. It was my daughter’s first birthday and two years since I’d kissed her father for the first time. Adam and I were together and stronger than ever, after almost ending it all a few months ago. Nolan was gone, but long from forgotten. And now, standing right before me was the person I missed most.
“Well, you’d better get used to it because I’m not going anywhere again anytime soon.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, leaning against the refrigerator to better balance myself.
“I’m moving back to Haven,” she replied and I threw myself into her arms again, unable to help myself.
“Seriously? When? How? Why?”
Hannah broke into laugher and pushed me back again. “Calm down! I can only answer one question at a time. So yes, seriously I’m moving back. I guess I already have but my stuff won’t be here until later in the week. My dad’s going to drive it up for me since I flew in. And I don’t really know how to answer the how question so I’ll skip that. As for why, this is my home.”
“But what about your dad?” I asked. “I thought you loved living with him?”
She shrugged. “I do. Tracy is really cool and Alex even grew on me a little. But it never felt like home, you know? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m so glad to have my dad in my life and know he actually always loved me and cared and I love that part of the family but it was just too weird, trying to get used to a new town all over again and I missed you like crazy. Plus, I don’t want to miss another full year of Harper’s life. I feel like I’ve barely been in it.”
“That’s okay,” I quickly reassured her. “She’s not even going to remember any of this anyway.”
“I know, but I will. And I want to remember everything!” A sad look crossed her face and she reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly.
“I never told you this, but before Nolan died I’d decided not to move to South Carolina. I knew my mom wouldn’t actually take Michael to court over custody because my dad has a lot of money and he already offered to pay for a lawyer to fight on Michael’s behalf, so I decided to stay. But then Nolan died and I just couldn’t stand the thought of staying here anymore.” She paused and took a deep breath.
“I blamed you, even though I shouldn’t have. I was so upset and confused and angry that you got to spend the last few days of his life with him and I didn’t. All I could think about was when we broke up and how cold I was to him, and now much he probably hated me for it. I know now that he didn’t. That maybe he understood even though I never gave an exact reason but I was just really confused back then, with you being pregnant and having a new life without me at all.” She smiled sheepishly. “At least now I know a little bit more what that’s like.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered and she squeezed my hand and gave me a look that told me not to start crying.
“I am too. I moved to South Carolina to run away and maybe that was the one time it was okay to run away, because I feel better now. I still miss him like crazy, but I always will. I loved him so much, Lainey, and I never got a chance to tell him. But I’d like to think he knows, somehow.”
“He does,” I reassured her. I wasn’t sure if I believed much in an afterlife or what happened after we died, but I was sure that wherever Nolan was, he knew we missed him. I always liked to believe that he’d do whatever he could to keep us safe and seeing Hannah in front of me now I believed that more than I ever had.
Hannah wiped at her own eyes then shot me her mischievous grin. “We’d better get outside before Adam eats all the good stuff.”
“Or Harper,” I said with a laugh. “She finally likes real food now.”
“Uh oh,” she said and slid her arm around my shoulders as we headed towards the door. “Don’t tell me she has Adam’s appetite.”
“Yep,” I smiled. Everything was finally falling into place. I stopped before we reached the door.
“Wait, are you moving back to Bella Vista or are you staying here?” I asked, realizing I’d never asked her. She shook her head.
“Neither. I’m moving in with Scott.”
My eyebrows shot upwards. “What? Why? Are you two…?”
“No,” she said with a disgusted face. “No way. He’s still with his girlfriend and she’s crazy, I swear. But back when my mom and Michael were getting divorced, Erin offered to let me move in so I wouldn’t have to stay with Michael and when I realized I wanted to come back, I asked her if the offer was still on
the table.”
“Where are you going to stay?” I asked, remembering that the Foster’s house was only three bedrooms.
“Morgan’s old room. She and one of her college friends got an apartment just off campus so she’s only going to be coming back for a few days at a time. We’ll have to share a room then, but it’s okay. I’m staying here for the rest of the week, though, since they’re still in Georgia.”
I nodded, letting all the information sink in. Hannah was really coming back. I smiled back at her and we started our walk through the sliding doors and onto the patio.
Adam was still holding Harper, which made it difficult for him to set up the grill. Greg was standing next to him, trying to instruct him on what he was doing wrong while sipping a beer. Harper must have smelled it, because she was shooting him disgusted looks.
“Greg’s pretty cute,” Hannah remarked with a grin. “Maybe we’ll end up sisters again before we know it.”
“Don’t even go there,” I laughed. “He’s only cute because he shares the same genes with Adam. Believe me, there isn’t much under the surface. And besides, we never stopped being sisters.”
She shot me a grateful look before heading over to Julia, who was calling for her. I walked over to Adam and extracted Harper from his arms. “Daddy has to cook dinner,” I informed her. “You want to try your first hot dog, don’t you?”
“DADA!” She screamed at me. My eyes opened in surprise and I had no response.
“I swear she knows more than one word,” I said to Greg helplessly. He blinked at me, uninterested. I should have figured as much.
“Let me see the birthday girl,” Ned spoke up from behind me and I handed her over. She glared at him for a moment before finally smiling.
“She’s going to be a handful,” he remarked.
“I’ve been telling her that since day one and she never believed me.” Mason spoke up, stepping up onto the deck and grinning. Cynthia was at his side.
“Cynthia!” I exclaimed, hurrying over to her and wrapping her in a hug. “I’m so glad you were able to make it!”
“Oh, like I’d really miss it,” she said with a smile. “I was there the day she was born. There’s no way I’d miss out on her very first birthday.”
The Heart of a Girl (The Haven Series) Page 25