Two weeks after his initial visit to Robin’s bedside, Gary now found himself once again moving down the hospital corridors toward her room. This time with the aid of a cane and soft cast wrap on his leg. He limped along with an odd gait, but was so grateful to be walking again at all, that he ignored the stares of others as he hobbled along. Nearing her door, he noticed a nurse was giving Robin her medications while discussing her therapy options. He leaned up against the wall for support and waited for the nurse to leave. As he stood there, he rehearsed in his mind all the things he planned to say to her and the things he would not say at first. He would try to learn more about her from their conversation and gathered clues as to how to help in her recovery. Once the coast was clear, he walked in bolstered by a false sense of bravado he didn’t really feel. Robin looked up from the book in her lap to see who was coming, and looked puzzled so he smiled and said hello as he inched toward her bed. She cocked her head to one side with a suspicious look on her face; it was as if she knew him, but couldn’t quite remember from where or when. Then it came to her, he was the man in a wheelchair beside her bed that late afternoon when she first opened her eyes. Yes, this was the first face she had seen and then he had disappeared without a word and was gone. At first she wondered if she had imagined him, but as time moved on his image faded and he was forgotten. Now here he was again, this time without the chair and slightly unsteady, but none the less here. Before she could say a word he told her his names was Todd Harman and that he’d heard about her terrible accident during his own hospital stay. Being somewhat banged up himself, he wanted to come by to wish her well and see how she was doing. Her soft, brown eyes looked him over as she wondered why this perfect stranger would know of her accident and care enough to make two visits to check on her.
Gary realized he must keep his true identity a secret for the time being, or risk loosing further access to Robin. He of all people would be an unwelcomed guest in her room, so he created a new identity as he moved along. He described for her, in the vaguest terms, a fictitious motorcycle accident that put him in a ditch with the motorcycle on top of him, due to a skid out on a slick road. Something like what had actually happened to his cousin Jerry last year. He then turned a concerned look on Robin and asked how she was coming along. Somewhat hesitant, she told him of her overall medical condition, and shared her hopes and desires for a full recovery, while accepting the reality that it may take some time. He encouraged her to describe the accident as she remembered it, surprised to discover she had never even seen him coming as he sped through the intersection ; she was there one moment and then she wasn’t. All she knew about the accident had come to her second hand through her parents and the medical staff. As they visited, Gary made every effort to be engaging, his sincere wishes for her well being were made clear. He tried to lighten the moment with silly jokes about bad hospital food and the difficulty of moving around to take care of necessaries while hooked up to an IV bag on a stand; a badge of courage for any recovering medical patient. He studied her face for any faint flicker of a smile or raised eyebrow, looking for the remotest sign that he was connecting with her. Just then Robin’s parents entered her room surprised to see a strange visitor there. Robin introduced Todd Harmon as the mystery man at her bedside the afternoon she had awakened. With a nod of recognition her parents recalled that day and apologized for not taking him into account. They explained how overcome with exhaustion and emotion they were when they saw their daughters eyes open. As Robin explained to her parents the reason for Todd’s visit, Mr. and Mrs. Walker thought it was very kind and thoughtful that this man who obviously had a heart for people and an easy congenial manner would take the time to inquire about their daughter who was now smiling. Gary, looked at Robin and said he should go; for he didn’t want to tire her out but wondered if he might pop in again sometime, for his office was down town near the Hospital. Yet another lie he would need to flesh out at a later date. Surprised at this Robin said “Yes”. Gary reached for Robins hand and gave it a quick pat as he looked deep into her eyes and spoke of her courageous spirit that wanted to live and that he knew with certainty God had his eye on her. The warmth of his smile and glimmer of moisture in his eyes touched Robin’s heart and at that very moment a tender bond was formed. With goodbyes all around, Gary moved toward the door turning one last time for a quick wave and was gone. Now limping down the hall, he felt as if his heart was pounding out of his chest; as his head reeled from a flood of converging thoughts and feelings.
In the next few weeks Gary visited Robin often. Watching her flower unfurl as she became stronger, her internal damage slowly mending, tissue and bone knitting back together, some bodily functions now willing to work on their own. During this critical time of restoration, two battered hearts and souls tentatively reached out to one another and ultimately found safe harbor; as a tight bond was formed out of the wreckage of their lives. During Gary’s visits they cautiously shared their personal anguish about the damage done to their young bodies, hoping it could be overcome and their lives could be put back together. The fears, hopes and dreams each had in the days before them were openly discussed and pondered. As the ease and the trust of their friendship grew, there came moments of actual laughter and the discovery of joy in the moments that transcended circumstance; a healing balm lifting their spirits, opening a new vision of possibility that lay in waiting. Gary’s visits often coincided with other friends and family members with whom he became acquainted and was soon taken into their inner circle. Robin’s parents in particular noticed the positive effect Gary’s friendship had on their daughter’s recovery and were delighted to see him each time he appeared. They also noticed Robin’s room was now filling up with flowers, funny cards and the occasional balloon sporting a smiley face or some snappy retort to make Robin giggle. Looking back to the fateful day of their accident, one would have never dreamt those two strangers, who collided in such a death defying moment, would emerge from that devastation, to become a life raft for one another, a way home from the edge of a dark chasm that had nearly devoured them.
* * *
Gary arrived late one afternoon to find Robin’s parents in a huddle around their daughter, who now sat in a wheelchair near the window, the pale light casting long shadows across the room. As they murmured to one another, Mrs. Walker kissed her daughter’s cheeks and wiped at her tears that now came in deep, uncontrollable sobs, catching Robin’s breath as she shuddered in her chair. Mr. Walker knelt in front of Robin, holding her small hands in his own while speaking soft, reassuring words of encouragement. As Mrs. Walker looked up, she saw Gary standing in the doorway taking in the scene, a look of concern washed his face. Gary moved across the room slowly, as Mrs. Walker explained to Robin that Gary had come and that they were going to step out for a moment so they could visit. With one last tender hug from her father, Robin adjusted herself in her chair, while wiping at her face now red from crying. As the Walkers made for the door, Gary and Robin’s dad exchanged a knowing look, as they clasped each other’s shoulders at passing. Initially, Robin looked away, out of the window, wishing she could escape, fly away from her life, her chair, and the scrutiny of Gary’s eyes as he put down his cane and settled in beside her. At first, they sat in silence for a while, neither saying a word, as the sun sank beneath the horizon, leaving them fixed in their private thoughts, now bathed in twilight. Finally, Robin turned her gaze from the window and sought Gary’s eyes, while trying to speak through trembling lips that were hesitant to utter the awful truth held secret, for once released it would become a nightmare reality to be dealt with. Once again, her face crumpled as her pleading eyes looked at Gary, searching for relief from the words that choked her, that could find no voice. At that point, Gary reached out for her, as she leaned forward and collapsed on his chest. This was the second time he had ever touched her, other than a pat on the hand a few weeks ago, and now he stroked her head and held her in his arms as best he could, letting her emotions dra
in, absorbing the blows to her battered body and soul that were, in fact, his own. The bitterness of her anguish swept over him, the cause and effect of a careless moment. Eventually, Robin lifted her head and told Gary she had been with her doctors that afternoon, and undergone extensive testing that determined she would never walk again.
For the next two weeks, Robin rode the roller coaster of emotions that all patients go through when forced to grapple with life-changing realities that can no longer be denied. She exhibited all of the stages of mourning for her past life, now marred and gone forever. Her adamant denial that her wheelchair was indeed going to be a lifelong appendage she could not function without, made her seem irrational at times, followed by accusing fits of rage against God, fate, and life in general, that when over, left her limp, totally spent, and feeling helpless. Then there were the days of muted depression, when she did not speak or eat and tears ran in silent streams down a face, devoid of any signs of expression or emotion, when she was trapped in the bottom of a deep, dark pit, unable to muster the will to climb back out. Gary, along with Robin’s family, was highly concerned for her ultimate well-being and struggled to keep a positive spin on her future, as they worked through the very real issues of validating Robin’s pain and suffering. The precarious balance between compassion and hope was a tightrope they would collectively march across together. Gary was a witness to, and participant in, all of these transitioning episodes Robin went through. At every turn, he had been there, by her side, to empathize, strategize, and cajole her along to a rational, realistic acceptance of her situation, for only then would come the true and sustainable healing of her body, mind, and spirit. On one such morning, Gary arrived at the hospital to surprisingly discover a quantum leap had been made in Robin’s psyche. She seemed to be reinvigorated with a new sense of self that was not going to let a wheelchair define her. The anger she had once exhibited, now turned into a fire-in-the-belly kind of determination, to take back her life even if she had to do it on wheels. Acceptance and resignation had finally come, the desire for life, on any terms, had won out over the acquiescence to fear and despair. Gary, reeling from the sly smile now seen on Robin’s face, was born again into the hope of a future he had only prayed would be possible for Robin and, now, he could not separate himself from that future, for out of the darkness and horror of the accident, and all they had shared since then, had evolved an abiding trust at such a deep, personal level of intimacy, that their hearts now beat with one accord. They had fallen in love. Her willingness to now look forward was truly a godsend, a corner turned that now led to a path of hope, renewal, and, yes, even gratitude.
During the weeks of concern and caring for Robin Walker, Gary had also dealt with the death of his own marriage to Sheryl, an inevitable conclusion to their deteriorating relationship that left them with the inability to even have a civil conversation, their divorce ultimately brokered by their two attorneys. The final disillusion of the marriage had come in the wake of Robin’s collapse over the news concerning her permanent paralysis. The combined weight of these concerns bore down on Gary, as he also struggled to get back on his feet at work, while maintaining his false identity with Robin. The many complications of his life were bittersweet on many levels but, through it, he had emerged a better man with a new sense of purpose that guided him mostly by intuition, toward an uncharted destiny, aided by the compass of his own heart to help him find his way.
The largest obstacle in Gary’s immediate future was to find a means to bridge the gap between his longing to be with Robin the rest of his life, while reconciling the past by telling her and her parents of his real identity. As he paced up and down on the deck in his sunny garden one morning, he held to the rail for added support, his nervous energy set on full throttle by the three cups of coffee he had consumed on an empty stomach. Back and forth, he went pondering his demise. He wondered if what he and Robin had built between them could withstand a betrayal of this proportion. He just didn’t know. He did, however, know one thing for sure, if he had confessed who he was at first, he would never have been allowed to see Robin again, and that just wasn’t an option he could accept. How could he make Robin and her parents understand the total devastation and fear he felt when he had first seen Robin laying there in a coma, barely clinging to a life he had nearly destroyed? How could he adequately explain the sense of responsibility he felt that would not allow him to just turn and walk away, and then with all they had shared over time, turning into love and appreciation for this remarkable woman that had been placed in his life. Plopping down on a deck chair, Gary gazed out over the yard, watching the birds skitter under the sprinkler then dash off to fluff their feathers. If he could only shake off these feelings of indecision as easily, he would be so relieved. But the moment of truth had finally come, and he had no choice but to move forward.
The family initially decided Robin might do better adjusting to her new situation at her parent’s home, where she could receive help and support as she learned to live with the new parameters of her disability. She returned to her childhood room in the rambling Spanish, stucco home in Tampa, where she had grown up and knew every nook and cranny by heart. A health-aid worker came to the home and taught her some new maneuvers with her chair that would accommodate the necessary routines of living, hygiene, and movement from her chair to her bed. As she practiced the regimen each day, she became stronger and more confident. On a clear, warm night, steeped in the fragrance of bougainvillea that grew by the pool, Gary found Robin on the veranda with a tumbler of iced tea in her hand, and a fat cat on her lap. She looked up and smiled, waving hello, as Taffy, a striped tabby, jumped up and made a mad dash for cover in the nearby bushes, having never been fond of strangers. As Gary greeted her with a sweet kiss, she threw her arms around his neck to steal another. While pulling up a chair closer to her’, Gary let out a relaxed sigh, as he sat down and reached for her hand, asking about her day. For the next two hours, they sat talking, laughing, and teasing each other. It came so natural and easy between them, a comfortable fit that had never been forced or contrived. It was on this perfect, warm, summer evening that Gary turned to Robin and said he loved her more than he thought it possible to love another, and that he would have no life without her in the center of it, and would she, please, consider a proposal of marriage as his total commitment to her and the feelings he hoped she shared. As the big, yellow moon rose over the tree tops, beyond the rippling pool, tears filled Robin’s eyes as she looked at Gary with mixed emotions. Oh, how she had come to love him for the selfless way he had made her troubles his own, and never failed to show up and cheer up a bad situation when she needed a lift. But, what about him? Didn’t he deserve a whole person as a wife and partner through life, someone who could offer him all the normal things he needed and desired that she could not deliver? She couldn’t bear the thought that he just felt so sorry for her that he was willing to throw away his own life on someone so needy. As she tried to express these sentiments, Gary would have none of it. He moved his chair to face her and taking both of her hands in his own, he implored her to never misinterpret his love for pity, and that he had fallen head over hills for a whole, beautiful, sweet, intelligent woman that he needed by his side, no matter what the future may bring. By now, the tears she had tried to restrain ran freely down her cheeks, as she opened her arms to return his embrace and said “Yes.”
In the weeks following Gary’s proposal, wedding plans were discussed with the usual excitement and anticipation. Robin’s parents seemed delighted with the prospects of expanding their small family circle to include a son-in-law, especially as they had come to know and love Todd Harmon for all the care and tenderness he gave their daughter during the most critical juncture of her life. An engagement party was being planned to announce the coming nuptial. The celebration was to be held at a local neighborhood restaurant with a small number of family and friends in attendance to share a special meal and Champaign toast to the happy couple. As
the long warm days of summer lingered, now June, soon to be July; the balmy weather seemed perfect for a beautiful, garden ceremony at the Walker home in Tampa, scheduled for the first weekend in August. And so it was that plans were laid in joy, with everyone looking forward to a day all would have considered lost only a few weeks ago. Gary was amazed how quickly things were coming together, and he too looked forward with longing to the day he would have Robin all to himself; to freely plot their course, secure in the love and warmth of their unique friendship now in full bloom. But amid the up and coming festivities remained the looming issue of a truth untold. Now with the full assurance of Robin’s committed love and her parent’s acceptance of their pending marriage; Gary fought with himself over how and when to unveil his secret. A secret that had the power to derail and totally destroy forever, all he now hoped for. God had been gracious by giving him and Robin a second chance at life; would he now also manifest a miracle of forgiveness? Could love and restoration be sustained in the face of falsehood, regardless of the motivations? Could the ends justify the means in this case? Character and honor were two virtues Gary had been taught in his youth, especially as they affected the lives of others. He knew he would never have inner peace or freedom in his soul while he lived a lie.
Bridges Page 4