by Amy Lillard
His gaze flickered down to her lips, and she licked them nervously. She had seen that look before. He wanted to kiss her. And she wanted just as much to feel his lips on hers. She had been kissed before, but never had the anticipation made her heart thump painfully in her chest. Never before had it turned her brain to mush, her breath tight.
He cupped his hands on either side of her face, and she was helpless to move away from him. Not from his hold. Nay, his touch was gentle as a babe. But the power of his gaze pulled her to him in a way nothing else could.
He lowered his head toward hers. She waited, her breath trapped in her throat. The fire cast shadows across his features, but there was enough light for her to see the yearning on his face. She feared her own expression reflected the same.
What difference did it make? He was with her tonight. He might be leaving soon, but for tonight he wanted to kiss her. And she wanted him to kiss her. She would sort out the details later.
Her gaze flickered to his mouth. Her lips parted in anticipation, and his sweet breath brushed against her lips. He smelled of coffee and pie and all things good.
Her eyes fluttered closed.
A loud knock sounded, exploding the atmosphere and destroying the moment. Katie Rose jumped, instinctively moving away from Zane. She pulled in a steadying breath, her gaze darting about the room, trying to locate the disturbance.
The knock sounded again. Only then did Katie Rose realize that someone was at the front door. She couldn’t look at Zane, her hands automatically smoothing down her skirt.
She shook her head. What had she been thinking? She hadn’t been. She had been caught up in the beauty of the night, the magic that was Christmas. She had been taken in by Zane, his handsome smile and unexpected carin’ ways. Ei, yi, yi, she couldn’t blame him for her slip. That was hers. She just had to make sure something like this never happened again. It would be all too easy for her to lose her heart to the handsome Englischer.
A third knock sounded before Katie Rose made her way to the door. She took a deep, steadying breath, hoping she didn’t look as guilty and flustered as she felt. She ran her palms over her cheeks, hoping they weren’t as red as the heat emanating from them, and opened the door.
A gasp of shock rushed from her lungs. Of all the people she had expected at the door at this time of night on Christmas Eve, there before her stood the last person on that list.
“Katie Rose.” His voice was the same as she remembered, his eyes just as blue. Until he spoke, she’d wondered if she had somehow imagined that he was there. His voice, however, proved that theory wrong.
After all these years, Samuel Beachy had returned.
13
Jealously cut through Zane. Samuel Beachy. Katie Rose’s long-lost love.
“I, uh . . . come in.” Katie Rose stood to the side to allow the man entrance into the house.
As wary as a lion eyeing another male entering his territory, Zane watched him step over the threshold. So this was the man who’d broken her heart, who’d pledged his love, and turned away. Every muscle in Zane’s body tensed.
He wanted to get up and smash Samuel Beachy’s face.
But what would it prove? How was he any better than the man before him? He’d been about to kiss Katie Rose, and that was wrong on so many levels. She wasn’t like the English girls. She didn’t flirt and tease. She was good and honest and wholesome, and he’d been about to toy with her emotions, whether that was his intent or not. He was no better than the man who now stood in her parents’ living room, dressed in English clothes, sounding all the more like a proper Amish man.
Slowly Zane relaxed, but remained alert. He might have only known Katie Rose for a couple of months, but he’d toss this Samuel Beachy out on his ear if he so much as blinked wrong at her.
Katie Rose watched him, her emotions masked. “What are you doin’ here?”
“I came back this morning. I wanted to come see you right away, but I wasn’t able to get over here before now.” He took her hands into his own, staring into her eyes much the same way Zane had done moments before. “Ach, Katie Rose. I have missed you so.”
She didn’t ask him if he was staying. Maybe that was the question she had planned to ask when she opened her mouth, but the words never left her lips.
Abram made his way down the stairs. “Gut himmel! Samuel Beachy.”
Zane faded into the background, now more than ever aware that he wasn’t a part of the family, the community.
Abram took Samuel Beachy by the shoulders and pulled him close. He slapped the younger man affectionately on the back. “I knew you’d come back. Though I thought it’ve been before now.”
At least Samuel had the decency to blush. Dressed in a Carhartt jacket with jeans and boots, he didn’t look much different from any other English man. Samuel was tall with dark, wavy hair and piercing blue eyes.
He looked to Katie Rose but before she could say anything, Ruth came down the stairs holding onto her pink ribbon bandana with one hand and the banister with the other.
“Samuel Beachy, is that really you?”
The man had the decency to look surprised to see Ruth in such a state. “Dat told me what had happened with your cancer.”
“She’s done with all that now,” Abram boasted. Zane couldn’t help but notice that neither he nor his wife looked at the other.
Zane glanced to Katie Rose. She wore a dazed look as if about ready to pinch herself to make sure she was awake. He would like to think that the mere idea of kissing him had sent her into such a dreamy state, but he knew better. Samuel Beachy’s return would be talked about for days, even weeks, to come.
Annie picked that moment to find her way down the stairs. She looked from one of them to the other trying to piece together the story on her own.
Samuel solved the problem by stepping forward. He held out a hand for her to shake. “Good evening. I’m Samuel Beachy.”
Annie cut her violet eyes to Katie Rose, then back to Samuel. “I’m Annie Hamilton.”
“Gideon’s Annie.” Samuel smiled. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Annie smiled in return, looking a bit confused. She glanced at Zane. He tried to look unaffected, perhaps even uninterested, but knew he failed miserably.
“I know it’s late,” Samuel started, nodding to each of them in turn. His eyes lingered on Katie Rose, and Zane had to suppress the urge to strangle him. “I didn’t mean to disrupt the entire household.” He stepped toward Katie Rose and took her hands again.
Zane had to remind himself that once upon a time they were going to get married. Katie Rose was a grown woman. If she didn’t want him holding her hands, she could pull away. She didn’t, and as far as Zane was concerned, that said it all.
“I just had to see you tonight. It’s been so long, and I just . . .”
“I think I’ll . . .” Abram started back toward the stairs, then he stopped and doubled back, shaking Samuel’s hand once again before bidding everyone good night.
Ruth followed Abram up the stairs. “Don’t stay up too late. Christmas morning comes mighty early.” Zane vaguely registered that they didn’t speak, hold hands, or even acknowledge the other as they made their way back to their bed. Something was up between the two of them and he was afraid that, unlike the cancer, it could never be healed. He made a mental note to add them to his prayer list.
He turned his gaze on Katie Rose. “I guess I should be . . . going . . . to bed as well.” Zane backed toward the staircase not wanting to leave, but knowing this was for the best. He had no business trying to kiss the beautiful Kate. This had to be divine intervention. He wasn’t supposed to kiss her. She was supposed to be with Samuel. He was the answer to all their prayers. He had come back for his one true love, and it was for the best.
So why did his heart feel like a rock in his chest?
He had promised Katie Rose that he would take her back to her house in the buggy. Before he could utter one word on the matter, Samuel jumped in. “I can take you wherever you need to go.”
“Danki, Samuel,” Katie Rose said with a slight curtsy. “I stay with Gabriel and his children now.”
Samuel nodded, and Zane felt more and more like a third wheel. “Dat told me about Rebecca. So sad.”
Katie Rose nodded. “I need to get home to help get the children all tucked in for the night.”
Zane inched toward the stairs. He’d never found himself in this situation: about to kiss a girl in the middle of the night, and then having to give her up for an ex. Nope, that had to be one for the record books.
“Zane.” She spoke his name, her voice stopping him before he could reach the stairs. “Good night.”
He nodded, pushing his crazy emotions to the back of his mind. “Good night.”
How many times had she ridden in a buggy with this man at her side? Too many to count, that was for sure and for certain. But when she walked out onto the porch, there was no shiny black buggy and waiting horse. Instead, a shiny black car gleamed like sin in the moonlight.
She stopped. “You want me to ride in that?”
“Isn’t she beautiful?”
“She?”
Samuel sighed. “I suppose I’ll have to give her up to come back and join the church, but my other interests are more than worth it.”
Katie Rose blinked, trying to decide if he was talking about her or something else, and if there was any way out of riding in that sinful black car with him.
Samuel cupped a hand over her elbow and urged her down the steps toward the little automobile. There was no way out. He opened the door and nodded for her to get inside.
She was sure that Samuel was a much better driver than John Paul, but it still made her nervous. She could count on one hand the number of times she’d been in a car. She’d never gotten used to the feeling of travelling faster than the good Lord intended.
But tonight she didn’t have far to go. It was less than half a mile to Gabriel’s haus.
The windows were rolled up, tinting the world darker than midnight, still Katie Rose held tight to her prayer kapp as if it might fly off from the speed.
Samuel talked about what he had been doing for the last six years, but Katie Rose could barely listen. She was still too stunned that he had returned. And for good, if she was to understand what he’d been saying about his car.
He pulled down Gabriel’s drive, and Katie Rose was thankful the ride was over. She would have much rather ridden with Zane in the buggy, swaying against him as the horses rocked them home. Maybe shared a kiss at the door, the first taste of his lips. The thought jolted her. That wasn’t what she wanted, was it?
Samuel turned off the car, cooling her thoughts. He came around to her side and opened her door. It was a gut thing, too, because she couldn’t tell which of the crazy levers on the door actually opened it.
“Good night, Samuel Beachy,” she said as he walked her up the front porch steps. She should say how gut it was to have him home and how happy she was to see him after all these years, but she couldn’t find the words. And she was terribly uncertain as to their truthfulness.
“I’ll come by tomorrow, after supper. We’ve got so much to talk about.”
“Jah,” was all she could manage.
He reached out a hand, running the backs of his fingers down her cheek.
Katie Rose ducked inside and closed the door behind her, hoping she didn’t appear too much like a frightened bunny running from a bloodhound, and praying that God would keep by her side through this crazy situation she’d found herself in.
She pressed her back to the door and didn’t move until she heard Samuel Beachy’s fancy Englisch car start up and drive off into the night.
14
The buzz of excitement hung in the air as Zane made his way down the stairs. It was Christmas morning, and all the English boys and girls were getting up to see what Santa had brought them. Well, a lot of them were. He was pretty sure his family wasn’t the only one that didn’t celebrate the holiday.
His parents and all the other families in the cooperative hadn’t celebrated Christmas at all. Most of their holidays, if a person insisted on giving them a name, were more about the stages of the sun, the vernal equinox and the winter solstice, that kind of thing. Once he’d gone to live with his uncle, he hadn’t celebrated anything except birthdays. If having his uncle hand him an unwrapped gift across the breakfast table could be called a celebration. Still, he had heard other children talk of their Christmas traditions. He’d been jealous of what these other children had, but he knew that life didn’t belong to him. Long ago he’d tamped down those feelings of want, believing they had died of starvation. But this cool December morning those longings came rushing back.
These thoughts gave him something to think about other than almost kissing Katie Rose the night before. He couldn’t say that it was better this way, to be interrupted and not to have experienced Katie Rose’s lips beneath his. But to be interrupted by Samuel Beachy, the man Katie Rose had once loved . . .
Her expression, however, had been guarded, and he considered that a good sign. Samuel Beachy might win her love all over again, but at least she wasn’t going to make it easy for him. Not that any of it was his business since he was leaving in a little less than a week.
After he and John Paul had fed the chickens and milked the cows, they walked silently back to the house. John Paul hadn’t said one word to Zane since Taco Night, two days ago. Zane wasn’t sure if he was mad, or just didn’t have anything to say. Besides, he had only seen the younger man for a few minutes each day. John Paul had taken to working more and more. How he had explained his absence to his parents, Zane didn’t know.
He glanced at the younger man. “You’re uh . . . not still mad about the salsa, are you?” Zane’s breath turned foggy in the winter air. The sky looked heavy with clouds. If he’d been in Chicago, he would have guessed that it might snow, but Oklahoma weather was as unpredictable as it came.
“Nay, it’s . . .” The young man pulled in a deep breath and looked at the sky as if the heavy clouds held an answer.
He stood that way for so long Zane was glad that he’d worn his heavy coat. Something was bothering John Paul, and it had nothing to do with tacos.
“A girl.”
“Jah. Bethany.”
Zane shoved his freezing hands into his pockets and waited for John Paul to continue. He could sympathize. Katie Rose had him tied in knots. The need to be close to her, when he knew that nothing could ever come of this attraction that seared him.
“She wants to marry, for me to give up my job and my rumspringa and join the church right now.”
“You’re only seventeen.”
John Paul continued. “It is not uncommon for Amish to get married young.”
Zane couldn’t imagine himself married at such a young age. He’d been hopelessly immature as a teen. But the Amish were different. John Paul, for all his fun-loving attitude, was a much more mature young man than Zane had ever been. Amish youth took on responsibilities, helped in the community, and did much more in any given day than most English kids in a week. It made them strong, steady, and dependable. Perfect spouse material. Still, there was no sense in rushing it. “I take it you’re not ready to get married.”
He shrugged. “I know I’m goin’ to join the church, but I’m enjoyin’ the Englisch world. I love goin’ to movies and listenin’ to rock and roll.”
Some of the same things Zane would miss if he stayed. He pushed those thoughts away. Staying was not an option.
“I like goin’ to work outside the farm.”
“If you join the church, will you have to give up your job?”
“Jah. I won’t have a way to get there. It’s too far to walk or take the horse and buggy. I’d have to give up my car, and the job would follow. I’m afraid that if I give in to her demands that I’ll regret it always. I love Bethany. I have since we were in school, but I don’t want our marriage tainted by unreasonable demands.”
Zane thrust his hands into his coat pockets. “Are you asking for my advice?”
“Nay. I know that I have to enjoy my rumspringa, that this is what the time is set aside for.”
“If she loves you, she’ll wait. Don’t you think?” As he said the words, his mind flashed back to the night before. Katie Rose had never married, even though Samuel Beachy had been gone for six long years. Had she been waiting, or had this been just the way things turned out, like she said? Zane couldn’t shake the feeling that love had its hand in Katie Rose’s choice not to marry someone else. He sighed. Samuel Beachy’s return was for the best.
“Jah. Weibs leit.”
He said the word in Deutsch, but Zane understood the tone perfectly. Women.
The smell of coffee greeted them as they stepped into the house. There were no decorations like all in the English world. No red and green wreaths, no Christmas tree. Not even a stack of presents. Zane had all his wrapped and hidden under his bed upstairs.
Annie was at the stove flipping bacon like a short-order cook. Ruth sat at the table, a coffee mug in front of her, as she sliced oranges to go with their breakfast.
Zane and John Paul hung their hats and coats on the pegs just inside the door.
“Shayna Grischtdaag,” Annie called.
“Shayna Grischtdaag,” they echoed. Nice Christmas.
“Breakfast will be ready shortly,” Ruth added. “Go on and get washed. Everyone will be here in a while, and we’ll exchange our presents then.”
John Paul poured himself a cup of coffee and joined his mother at the table.
Zane couldn’t account for his excitement. He felt like a kid, knowing that he’d get to see Katie Rose again. He also couldn’t wait to give everyone the gifts he’d bought on his first ever Christmas shopping spree.