by Skye Warren
He kisses me back. His hands are tangling in my hair. And my body is going crazy, like I'm being electrocuted.
I don't ever want it to end.
But it does.
Colt pulls away and shoots up from the bed, putting some distance between us. I'm breathing hard, and my hair is a mess and I have no makeup on.
But still, he doesn't take his eyes off me. And when they move lower, towards my chest, his are dark and hot.
I glance down too, realizing that my nipples are hard and I don't even have any pajama pants on. Only a pair of panties, which aren't even my best.
Embarrassment flames my cheeks as Colton turns around.
"You should probably... uh..."
"Right," I cut him off as I bolt up and throw on a bathrobe.
And that's when I notice it.
My room.
The center is filled with boxes of decorations. And a miniature Christmas tree. A real one. That looks like the one on Charlie Brown.
"What is this?" I ask.
Colton turns around and gives me a sheepish grin.
"You always complain about the decorations here," he says. "So I thought this year, we could decorate together."
I take a minute to look over the decorations he brought. They aren't store-bought. They are from his house. From his family. They are real. With years of wear and love and happy memories.
My eyes are glassy, and I give him a nod, because it's all I can manage.
Colt looks slightly uncomfortable but pleased with my response. So he grabs my hand and leads me over to the tree.
We decorate together, in silence. Until I've managed to compose myself at least somewhat.
Christmas at my house has always been nothing more than a show. For my father's friends from old money. The rich and powerful. The same people who he couldn't trust if he turned his back for a mere second.
That's the life of a politician.
And it's one of the reasons I like to spend so much time at the Nass house. They aren't like those people. They aren't fake. Or dishonest. And they aren't putting on a show.
They might not have the nicest house, or the best clothes or cars. But they have each other. And the love they have is real and honest. A real family.
The kind that I've never really had.
Colton knows this. But somehow, I'd thought he'd forgotten over the last two years. Because he's kept himself at a distance. He's acted as though he's outgrown our friendship, though I could never understand why.
And I haven't allowed myself to admit just how much I've missed him. Until he's sitting here beside me now, doing something like this. Just like old times.
"Why do you love Christmas so much?" I ask him.
"I don't know." He shrugs. "I just do. Everyone's happy. Well, almost everyone."
He smirks at me and I smile back.
"I'm happy," I lie. "It's boring here though. I wish my parents would just let me come to your house for Christmas. It's not like they'd even notice I was gone."
"But you have to impress the masses," Colt teases. "They want to show you off."
"There's nothing to show off."
My voice has dropped an octave, and that sadness is creeping back in again. It can't be helped.
Colt reaches over and takes my chin in his hand. His touch is gentle, but his words are firm.
"Don't talk about yourself like that, Pepper."
"It's true," I say.
"You just don't see it."
He shakes his head and looks disgusted. But I can't tell if it's with me, or something else.
"See what?"
When his eyes meet mine again, they are open. And for a split second, there is nothing else between us. No lies. No pretenses. Only honesty.
"You don't see..." he says softly. "That you are everything."
Chapter 6
Today is the day of the Nass family’s annual secret santa draw and Kristina’s combined wedding shower.
And since the party is being thrown at the Nass house, that means I have to see Colton again.
I'm putting the finishing touches on my outfit, a simple sheath dress that I got on sale last year, when Paisley walks up behind me and smiles at my reflection in the mirror.
"You look so pretty, mama," she says.
I turn around with the same emotion in my throat I get every time she says something like that to me.
"You're the pretty one," I tell her. "Now come here."
She does.
Her blonde hair falls in a wild mess of curls around her shoulders and her bright blue eyes have an innocence to them I almost hope she never loses. That nobody will ever steal from her or dim.
"You going to be good for Mrs. Williams?"
She purses her lips and gives a small shrug. "I guess so. If I can't go."
"I wish you could," I tell her. "But remember how I said we have a lot to do to help Kristina for the wedding?"
"Yes."
"Well, this is part of that. So I need you to spend some time with Mrs. Williams today and then when I get home tonight we'll go see that movie you wanted."
"Really?" she beams.
"Yes, really. Now scoot. We're going to be late if we don't leave now."
The Nass house is already filled with a few overeager aunts and cousins when I arrive to help set up.
I want to say that I'm not in the least surprised to see Colton sitting at the kitchen island with his father, taking it all in. You would expect them to have disappeared long before the army of women descended, but I guess they've decided to brave it out.
Colt doesn't say anything when I walk in, but I can feel his eyes on me as I set up the decorations.
It's only when I walk into the garage to grab another box that he decides to corner me. Again.
"We need to talk, Pepper."
"Do we?" I ask. "Did you have a suggestion for the secret santa draw? Or maybe Kristina’s shower?"
He glares at me and crosses his arms over his muscular chest, shaking his head. As though I'm the one being ridiculous. As though it's totally okay that he just waltzed back into my life after five years and expects me to drop everything to rehash ancient history.
"Why are you living out here?" he asks. "I would have expected you to be in a penthouse downtown by now."
Anger and panic rise up inside of me that he knows where I live. And I have to wonder what else he knows. And who told him.
"Again, that is none of your business," I snap.
"What about your family?" he presses. "I notice they don't live in your old place anymore either."
"They moved," I answer. "A while ago."
I can tell there are more questions on the verge of his lips. But I cut him off as I move towards the door.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a shower to attend."
Chapter 7
Colton has started sneaking inside my bedroom at night.
Ever since that day when he helped me decorate my Christmas tree. He's been coming back. There's never any notice or particular pattern to his visits. And I can never really figure out what he wants from me.
He's acting like nothing has changed. Like we are just the same old friends that we always have been.
But I feel like he’s under a lot of pressure from his friends. They are always trying to get him to do stupid stuff. Colt's always doing it too. Getting into trouble. I can never understand why.
That isn't him.
But he acts that way to appease them. And at school, it's like I don't even exist.
Then he comes here at night and sneaks into my bedroom window and just talks to me. The way we've always done. Like we can tell each other anything.
He told me two nights ago that he wished things were different. But he didn't say what. And he looked so sad at the thought, all I wanted to do was hug him.
But since that first kiss, he's made sure to keep his distance.
And now here he is, lying on the bed next to me.
I like it whe
n he does that. Because then my pillow smells like him too.
He isn't talking tonight. He's quiet. Deep in his own thoughts. So I don't talk either. I think him just being here is helping him somehow. In some way.
Or at least I'd like to believe so.
He rolls over on his side and props his head up on his shoulder, watching me.
"You’re the only one who knows the real me," he says quietly.
“Sometimes I don’t know,” I tell him. “You seem so different now.”
"Pepper,” he sighs. “You have to know… that isn’t me. I don’t want it to be this way. I just don’t know how to fix it.”
I don't get a chance to ask him what he's talking about, because the door to my room swings open unexpectedly. And there in the threshold, with his mottled red face, is my father.
In all his horrifying glory.
"Colton," he snarls the word in a tone that I've never heard from him before. "What the fuck do you think you are doing with my daughter?"
Colt closes his eyes and releases a breath before glancing back at me. Panic is rising up in my chest, and I don't know what to do. The words are there, and I'm trying to get them out. To explain to my father that it isn't what it looks like. But I don't get a chance.
Because Colton is looking at me apologetically. Like what we had has really come to an end.
"I'm sorry, Pepper," he says. "I fucked up."
Chapter 8
It's the night of the tree lighting in the city. Which Kristina and Brenton decided was going to be their combined night out with the wedding party.
It’s a great idea, but it also means I have to see Colton. Again.
And to pretend like he doesn't mean anything to me. Again.
It's getting harder to keep up with this charade. It's getting harder to determine if I'm really doing the right thing by keeping my mouth shut. About Paisley. About everything.
I would like to believe that he's changed. But reality and fantasy are two very different things.
And when I show up and see him standing across the room, with one of the other bridesmaids, the anger that burns inside of me provides some validation.
Colton is the same man that he's always been.
That's what I tell myself when I stride up to Vincent and give him my polished smile. The same one that my mother made me practice in the mirror until the point of exhaustion when I was younger.
Colt knows it too. And I hate that. When I see him watching me, frowning. Because he knows it's fake.
He knows everything about me. And I can pretend as much as I want, but there is no fooling him.
Apparently, there is no fooling Vincent either.
Because he's glancing between the two of us now, Colton and I, as though everything suddenly makes sense.
I look at the ground and hate myself a little for that.
"I'm sorry," I tell him. "It's complicated."
"Is it?" he asks. "Because it seems pretty straightforward to me. You have history together."
"Yes," I answer.
"So I guess the question is," Vincent says, "will history repeat itself?"
"No." I shake my head emphatically. "Definitely not."
Vincent sighs, like I'm deluded. He's probably right.
"I really like you, Pepper," he tells me bluntly. "I think I've made that pretty clear by now. But I knew something was holding you back. And if this is the guy, then I think you need to figure out if there's really something there. So that you can either be happy, or you can move forward. You deserve that much."
"I wish it were that easy," I reply.
"It is," he tells me. "Women like to complicate the hell out of everything. But if you want to know if there's still something there, there's only one way to find out."
"What do you mean?"
He pulls me in for a hug and holds me much longer than could be considered friendly. His hands are on my lower back and his lips at my ear. And somehow I just know, he's looking over my shoulder, making eye contact with Colton, while he whispers into my hair.
"Definitely something there," he tells me. "Now let me lay the rest of the groundwork."
For the rest of the night, Vincent does as promised.
While we are at dinner, he's constantly touching me. Whispering in my ear. Reminiscing about times we had that are fully blown out of proportion.
But whatever he's doing, it seems to be having the intended effect on Colton.
He's broody and pissed.
And he hasn't taken his eyes off me all night.
Before the actual party, the women converge in the hotel suite Kristina booked in the city and get dressed up in the requested attire.
At Kristina's insistence, the entire wedding will be Christmas themed. Which means tonight she and Brenton will be dressed as Mr. And Mrs. Claus while the rest of us dress as Santa's little helpers.
We're heading down to watch the lighting of the tree and from there we'll take a limo to several stops along the city. At least, that's the plan.
Before we even manage to do any of that, Kristina pulls me aside.
"So you and Vincent, huh?"
I shift uncomfortably, and Kristina doesn't miss it. The silence stretches between us, and I'm not really sure what to say to her.
"Colton has been acting strange too," she notes.
My eyes fly up to hers, and she doesn't miss the panic on my face either. I’ve managed to hide a lot from her over the years, but now there is full-blown suspicion in her eyes.
"Did something happen between you two?" she presses.
"Kristina..."
"I always wondered," she cuts me off. "Why he hasn't so much as even asked about you in the last five years. Why he hasn't visited with you."
I know it isn't her intent, but her words cut me. Reminding me that it really is true. There was always some small part of me that had hoped he’d at least asked about me. That he had wondered about me.
But now she's confirming what I've always known to be true.
He hasn't cared at all.
Until now. When there's another man. Then he thinks he has the right to act like he cares.
"Pepper?" Kristina presses. "Are you going to answer me?"
"I don't know what you want me to say," I snap. And I immediately feel guilty for it.
I try to think of something to salvage this conversation, but the damage is done. Kristina can already tell I'm hiding something from her.
"Is it because of that guy at the party?" Kristina asks. "Because you hooked up with him and got pregnant?"
"No." I shake my head.
That's the lie I told her. The lie I told everyone. That Paisley's father was just some random guy who I'd never met before. Which was better than the truth. That it was her own brother. The same guy who I loved my whole life. The same guy who walked out on me just as soon as he'd finally acted on the feelings between us.
"I always knew Colton liked you," Kristina says. "It would make sense if he got pissy about it. But really, what could he expect? It's not like he ever did anything about it."
"Right," I lie. "But I really don't think it's anything to do with that. I'm sure he's just being a guy. You know, these parties and stuff, it's not really their thing."
"I guess." Kristina shrugs. "But he's been acting weird since he came home."
She looks sad, and I feel guilty. So I grab her by the hand and shake her from her thoughts.
"Hey, this night is supposed to be all about you," I tell her. "So let's go out there and show these boys the cutest costumes they've ever seen."
Kristina looks at her reflection in the mirror and nods.
"Right? We do look exceptionally cute."
"Brenton won't know what hit him," I tell her.
"Neither will Colton or Vincent." She winks.
Chapter 9
It’s the night of Colton’s high school graduation.
And my heart is heavy when Kristina tells me about the party they are having.
> My thoughts immediately drift to who Colton will be spending the night with. Who he will be kissing and touching and whispering his thoughts to in the dark.
The way he did with me.
Before my father caught us. And everything went back to being bad again.
Colton hasn’t been around for months. He will barely even look at me.
There’s a part of me that wants to believe it’s just because his father’s hours got cut back at work and Colt had to get a job himself.
He’s been busy with work and school and life. I know this.
But I also know that he will be going to college soon. In only a few short months.
And I worry that this is it.
That I’m really going to lose him for good this time.
“We should crash it,” I blurt.
Kristina looks at me in the reflection of the mirror, where she is adjusting her headband and glossing her lips.
“You read my mind,” she says with a devious smile. “It’s about time you started to live a little, Pepper.”
The party is in full swing when we arrive.
There’s a lump in my throat as I scour the entire house for Colton. I half expect to find him hooking up with someone else, but that isn’t what happens.
Instead, I find him in the backyard, sipping from a cup as he stares into the darkness.
His profile in the moonlight is haunting, and he’s never looked as sad as he does right now. Without really thinking too much about it, I move towards him.
The sound of my footsteps draw his attention towards me.
“Pepper?”
He sounds surprised and slightly irritated.
I ignore the urge to bolt and leave him be, wrapping my arms around my chest protectively.
“Are you alright?” I ask.
“What are you doing here?” he growls. “You shouldn’t be here.”
I stare at the ground, and my eyes are glassy. I try to blink away the feelings inside of me and keep the tears at bay.
“Do you hate me?” I ask, my voice wavering as I desperately attempt to hold my composure.
“Hate you?”