“That must be a shit job,” whispered a giggling girl in the back row to her neighbour.
“I wouldn’t mind it if I had him sharing it,” replied her neighbour.
There were further pictures of the staff village at Skukuza, and the rest camp with the visitors’ bungalows and cottages. There were coos of admiration for the thatched rondavels, and they were surprised to learn there were churches, schools, a gym, an internet cafe, restaurant, and even a nine-hole golf course.
But the next picture was one she’d forgotten was there. It was of her and Ruan standing next to the swimming pool. She was in his arms and it was obvious to everyone that he was more than just a mentor. Lisa saw a momentary tightening of Adam’s jaw.
“Is he your boyfriend, Miss?” asked a cheeky girl in the front row, who was asking for all of them.
Nicole’s mind whirled with the implications of her answer. As far as Ruan was concerned he was very much her boyfriend. They’d been together for over a year and she knew it would take very little encouragement for him to ask her to marry him. If she said he was no longer her boyfriend it wouldn’t be fair to Ruan. She hadn’t broken off their relationship. It might also make Adam think that she’d assumed she was now his girlfriend and that would be presumptuous as he’d made no claims on her.
She took the coward’s way out and smiled and said nothing.
But a girl in the front row with an unfortunate outcrop of spots made more noticeable by concealer too thickly applied, insisted on asking, “Have you finished the elephant project, or are you going back to South Africa?”
She dare not look at Adam knowing that it all depended on him. Would he ask her to stay? Was there any chance for them to have a future together? “I can carry on while I still have a grant, but circumstances will dictate how long I stay,” she finally answered.
The bell rang for the afternoon break while the girls were still asking questions and some of them stayed behind to talk to Nicole, until Adam prised her away to join the teachers in the staffroom.
He’d taken an extra chair through and was straddling it while Nicole sat in the chair next to him. Lisa wondered if it was intentional that their feet were touching. She also wondered if she was the only one who’d noticed that he was no longer wearing his wedding ring – and if it had anything to do with Nicole.
“Congratulations,” said Eleanor Stannard. “I think you’re a natural. I’m sure the animal lovers appreciate that there is a wide variety of options to working with animals and not just dogs, cats and rabbits.”
“Thank you,” said Nicole, on a high of relief that it was over and had apparently gone down well.
After the break she strolled through the foyer while she waited for school to finish, looking at the other career choices and recalling the years she’d spent at the school with Michelle. It was ironic that she had often stood outside the head’s office trembling in fear at the punishment that might be meted out for the minor misdemeanour of forgetting a homework book, and now the head made her tremble in other, more welcoming ways.
She still felt on a high when he drove into the garage and switched off the engine and she was brave enough to ask the question that had been on her mind.
“Adam, remember the night before my operation?”
“Yes,”
“You said there was something you had to know. What was it?”
He sighed and turned to look into her eyes for a long moment. “If you hadn’t come home for the operation and we hadn’t slept together, would you have married Ruan?”
It wasn’t the question she was expecting and she stalled for time to think, “Why do you need to know?”
“It’s important to me.”
She returned his gaze and thought carefully before replying. He deserved a truthful answer.
“Honestly - I’m not sure. The Kruger Park is Ruan’s life and he wants to make a career of it. I can’t see him living anywhere else. I enjoy being in the bush and working with the animals, but even with its vastness it sometimes feels strangely claustrophobic. I need the openness of the sea, to hear the crashing waves. Even if I rarely go into the surf, or sail on it, I have to know it’s close by.” She took his hand. “Adam, I’ve spent my whole adult life comparing boyfriends with you, even when I knew you were impossibly out of my reach. Ruan came the closest, but I’m not sure that I could spend the rest of my life in the bush.”
“You remember those romance books you used to enjoy so much as a teenager?”
“Yes, and you used to laugh at me.”
He gave her that teasing lop-sided grin, but then became serious. “You’ve built up a romanticised image of me, but I’m not a hero from a romance novel. Sooner or later you’re going to realise that.”
“Believe me, the sex is a hundred times better than anything my imagination conjured up.”
“But what happens when the passion dies?”
“You forget that I loved you long before we slept together.”
“But you don’t really know me.”
She laughed. “If you recall, I have seen you at your worst. Remember when I was staying with you and Michelle and she was pregnant with Sean and you had a bad dose of ‘flu and didn’t want her near you in case she caught it? Who was it who nursed you and brought you chicken soup and put up with your bad-tempered complaining? Who changed the sweaty sheets when you had a fever? Michelle said the most testing time of your marriage was when you had ‘flu!”
He looked crestfallen. “Was I really that bad?”
“Yes, but I did it willingly - and I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” she said, searching his face for a clue to his true feelings for her.
But all he said was, “It seems that you’ve got a lot of unfinished business in South Africa. When do you think you’ll go back?”
All the elation she’d been feeling suddenly evaporated. Had the past few weeks meant nothing to him? Had his lovemaking simply been for her benefit, to buoy her up when she was going through a troubling experience? But she couldn’t blame Adam, she was the one who had instigated it – and now she had no right to anything further. It was obvious she was not in his plans for the future. Had he been hinting at that by asking her about Ruan? Was he trying to let her down gently and intimating that she should marry him? “Soon, I expect,” she said, trying to keep the misery out of her voice.
“We’d better go in,” he said. “Polly and Jack will be anxious to know how your presentation went.”
She followed him in, setting her face into a cheerful smile for her parents. She couldn’t let anyone know her heart was breaking – they’d warned her, and now she was paying the price, a price heavier than she’d ever expected.
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
Within a week she had booked her flights. She could hear the excitement in Ruan’s voice when she told him she was returning. He was full of enthusiasm for the elephant project and anxious to fill her in on the progress. He would take the day off to pick her up at Kruger International. She suddenly felt a dreadful guilt that she’d been cheating on him with Adam. He didn’t deserve it.
With a heavy heart she packed her suitcases. She would be travelling by train to Heathrow and then flying to OR Tambo and catching another flight to the Kruger International at Nelspruit.
She spent the night with Adam in the cottage and when they made love in the morning it was bitter-sweet knowing it would be the last time. She had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying. Why couldn’t he love her like he’d loved Michelle? As she hugged Romper goodbye she buried her face in his silky hair and slow tears squeezed from her eyes. As if he shared her misery the little dog gave her a comforting lick.
Adam drove the family to the station, all of them full of false bonhomie. They were waiting for Adam to say the one word to Nicole that would change all their lives - ‘stay’. But it never came. There were tearful farewells between Polly and Nicole, and even Jack was seen to brush his hand over his eyes. Only Adam remained stoic. “I’m
going to miss you,” he said, hugging her. “Be good to Ruan, he sounds like a great guy.”
She spent the train journey with wet, shiny eyes, constantly checking her phone in case he called and said ‘please don’t go.’ But it was only as she was about to board the plane that her phone rang. She answered it immediately. “Have a safe journey. Look after yourself – and watch out for ticks!” He hadn’t even asked how long she would be away. He obviously wasn’t expecting her to return. She’d have to plan a future without him. She examined her feelings for Ruan. Perhaps she did love him – but was she ‘in love’ with him? No, she was and always would be, in love with Adam. Was that how Adam felt about her – he loved her, but wasn’t ‘in love’ with her the same way he’d been with Michelle? But if she couldn’t have Adam, should she settle for second best? Would that be fair to Ruan?
Ruan was at the airport to meet her, excited to have her back and to tell her about her project and all the latest news. “There’s been a new intake of students and one of the girls, Thembisile, is very keen to assist you. She’s already gone over your data, and she can help when you give talks to the visiting schools. Zulu is her home language.” Nicole felt guilty that she only spoke English. Ruan had a working knowledge of Zulu and Xhosa, as well as being fluent in Afrikaans.
She couldn’t help being swept up by his enthusiasm, and as they drove into the staff village at Skukuza, he stopped to allow a small herd of impala to amble across the road. She smiled to herself at the old joke of ‘stop at the zebra crossing’. As he turned into the entrance of his house a kudu was grazing near the gate and they waited patiently for it to finish, but when it showed no sign of moving he pipped the horn gently and startled, it bounded off, but stopped a few metres away and turned to give them a haughty look, like an indignant maiden aunt cheeked by a nephew. They laughed as they drove in, but when Nicole saw the yellow ribbon tied round the knob-thorn tree in the middle of the garden her eyes misted. “Welcome home,” he said. “Sorry it couldn’t be an oak tree.” Tears pricked her eyes. Home. Could she make this her home? Why couldn’t she love Ruan the way she loved Adam?
“That’s so sweet of you,” she said, squeezing his arm.
He’d organised a celebratory home-coming supper for the two of them and after they’d eaten they moved onto the veranda and sat in the sagging chairs and listened to the ticking of the corrugated iron roof as it cooled. Darkness fell quickly in Africa, like a black velvet curtain coming down on a stage. The bush was a busy place at night and there were myriad sounds that she’d almost forgotten about. In the stillness they could hear the night creatures foraging in the dry grass, and insects chirruping close by. Frogs and toads called from the dam, and there was the ping ping of the bats echolocation. A pearl-spotted owl called "feu-feu-feu-fue-feu" and after a short pause "peeooh peeooh". In the distance came a muffled warning roar from one of the big cats, and the laughing bark of a hyena. They often heard the hippos in the river, and elephants breaking branches and feeding nearby. “Listen,” said Ruan, “There’s a fiery-necked nightjar.”
“Is it really calling ‘good lord deliver us’,” said Nicole.
“That’s why it’s also called ‘the litany bird’,” said Ruan, always keen to impart knowledge, and then asked quietly, “Are you glad to be back?”
“Mmm,” she murmured, unsure of how she really felt. Working here with the animals was a dream job, and having Ruan beside her should have made it paradise.
A thick-tailed bushbaby the size of a small cat crept shyly onto the veranda, its big orange eyes looking at them expectantly. It was shortly followed by another. Ruan went to fetch some bananas and they were soon feeding out of their hands. The bushbabies child-like cries had been known to alarm visitors and even accuse the staff of child abuse. She smiled at the contentment she saw in his face as he fed another banana to the bolder of the bushbabies, and imagined what it would be like to raise children here, to have them accept as normal an elephant wandering by, as she had once watched the cows being herded past her home on the way to the milking shed. The children would go to school here amongst the wildlife, and her parents would come for holidays. There was even a golf course for her father. She would miss the sea, but they could always go to Cape Town or Durban for their holidays, where Ruan had relatives.
“I’ve missed you,” he said, taking her hand and drawing her to her feet. He took her in his arms. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come back. That you might find someone else while you were away.”
She buried her head in his chest, guilt and shame robbing her of a reply.
He led her inside and through to the bedroom. Perhaps it was time to abandon her teenage dreams of Adam and accept her adult reality of Ruan.
The following Saturday Adam was having his usual breakfast with Polly, an exhausted Romper sitting at his feet. She put Adam’s breakfast in front of him and sat opposite pushing her food round her plate.
“Come on, what is it?” said Adam. “You’ve got that look on your face.”
“What look,” she said.
“The one that says ‘I don’t want to pry, but there’s something I need to know’.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“It is to me, who’s seen it many times before.”
“I’ve no right to ask,” she said.
“If it’s about Nicole, you’ve every right. She’s your daughter.”
She placed her hand on his. “Have your feelings for her changed?”
“I care for her very much.” He looked levelly at Polly before confessing. “I think I’ve fallen in love with her.”
“Why didn’t you tell her? Why did you let her go back to South Africa thinking you didn’t care? You know she loves you.”
“Polly, Nicole fell in love with me when she was a teenager reading romance novels. But what she fell in love with was an image of me she created in her mind. Our relationship now is filled with the passion and excitement of her fantasy, but it will fade. I don’t want her to be disappointed when she discovers the real-life me. Ruan can offer her a long-term relationship. She deserves to have a chance of a life with him. I want her to have time to sort out her feelings.”
“Adam, are you trying not to fall in love with her?”
“I’m trying not to ruin her chances of happiness with someone her own age.”
“Remember that Jack is ten years older than me and it didn’t harm our relationship, in fact it probably helped. Nicole needs a strong male figure – someone she can’t walk all over. She knows what she wants, and what she wants is you – good or bad.”
“If she leaves Ruan of her own accord, then I’ll know I haven’t come between them.”
“I won’t interfere, and I’m not going to tell you what to do, even though I see two people who love each other dearly possibly destroying both their lives. But remember, mostly it’s better to go with your gut instinct and think less when it comes to important life choices. If you keep digging up a plant to see how the roots are doing you’ll eventually kill it,” said Polly.
“Thanks for the homilies,” said Adam, laughing. “I’ll keep them in mind.”
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
The end of term heralded Sport’s Day and weather predictions looked promising for a dry day. The girls had spent the term practising for their chosen sports and team selection had been intense. But the highlight would be the traditional teachers versus girls’ netball match that would take place the following day. Adam protested that he couldn’t take part as he played basketball and didn’t know the rules for netball, but he was persuaded that they needed him to make up the team, and Dee Taylor would give him a crash course on the rules.
When the girls realised that the teachers would have an advantage with two tall players in Adam and Jenna they complained to Dee Taylor. She suggested they toss a coin to see who would play for the girls’ side. When the coin fell tails up it meant that Jenna would move to the girls’ team.
The match was scheduled for the
Friday morning and the July weather played its part in being sunny and warm. The netball court was in the centre of the schoolyard and as each class filed out they were directed where to sit by the head girl whose sporting prowess did not match that of her academic achievements and so was not part of the team. The girls jostled for places close to their friends before sitting cross-legged on mats brought from the gym and in giggling anticipation as to how ‘Sir’ would perform on the netball court. Lisa, also anxious to see how Adam would fare, watched from the sidelines having transferred the landline calls to her phone, ready to return to her office should the need arise.
Dee Taylor emerged from the gym with the players’ bibs that showed their various positions on the court, followed by the girls’ team, including Jenna Murray, in their uniform of burgundy shorts and yellow T-shirt with the school badge. Her long legs were tanned from spending weekends hiking in Wales with Andy searching for that perfect photograph. She’d let her hair down, but wore it in a loose pony tail and if it hadn’t been for her height would have easily been mistaken for one of the school netball team. As they began warming up the girls watched Jenna’s graceful, natural moves enviously.
The staff had chosen to wear the school’s burgundy track suits. But they did not come in a size large enough for Adam’s long legs, so he was clad in his white tennis shorts and shirt. Lauren Mathews was giving him pointers on the footwork rule, “Remember, the landing foot can only be moved to pivot on.” And Barbara Crook reminded him that she was Goal Attack and would be working with him to score goals. When they started warming up it was clear that Adam’s basketball prowess was going to be an advantage as they watched the ball sail over the heads of the other players and land in the net with seemingly effortless ease.
Eleanor Stannard was the umpire, and they’d brought out the bottom layers of the gym vaulting box to act as a ‘penalty box’ or ‘sin-bin’ where she would send transgressors of the rules.
With the Headmaster's Approval Page 17