“Come on, Sam!” The young nurse checks his pulse again. “Come on – fight it! Think of all those back home who love you. Don’t die, Sam. Dear God, touch this man. Spare his life, I pray.”
The village band was on fine form today. They marched respectfully behind the little group of recruits, their instruments sounding glorious in the warm sunshine. It seemed that the entire village had turned out for the occasion. Fathers saluted proudly as the procession passed by, whilst mothers waved handkerchiefs and fought back tears. Little children clutched flags as they gazed admiringly at these brave young men who were off to defend their country, and village maidens twirled ribbons and smiled coyly, hoping to catch the eye of their favourite recruit. Of course, Sam only had eyes for Emily. He hadn’t seen her yet, but he was sure he would. Somewhere along the route, he knew she would be there. He caught sight of his own mother and father standing with a group outside the village church. They looked quietly proud, though Sam knew his mother well enough to know that this would be the hardest day of her life. Nobody was saying anything, but everyone was aware of the casualty lists coming back from the front. Sam heard a voice shouting to him from the crowd. His younger sister, Kitty, was blowing kisses to him in her unabashed, childlike way. For a moment, a lump came to his throat.
They walked out of the village and along dusty country roads towards the next settlement. The band still followed, and by now, several villagers had tagged onto the procession. They passed hedgerows, streams, and fields that stretched out as far as the eye could see.
“Look at that!” A young man at Sam’s side pointed into the sky. Hovering high in the pure blue was a skylark. The young man stopped and turned to the bandmaster. “Sir, could we lads listen to yon lark a moment? Perhaps in weeks to come it’ll remind us of what we’re fighting for.”
The bandmaster signalled to the players and they quickly fell silent. All that could be heard was a rich, chirruping song that seemed to fill the whole countryside as the bird soared higher into the sky. For several moments everyone stood still, mesmerised by the creature, each person lost in their own thoughts. By the time the lark eventually made its plunge to earth, a sense of contemplation had come over the whole gathering.
It was then that Sam saw Emily. She was standing by the roadside with a little group of folk from her own village, and her eyes were fixed on him. As the procession began again, Sam moved over to the edge of the road, an urgency gripping his heart. He stepped aside and looked into her eyes. “I’m so glad to see you before I go, Emily.”
Emily laid a hand gently on his arm. “I’m coming out myself soon, Sam.”
Sam frowned. How he wished these few moments could last forever. “I don’t understand.”
“As a nurse. I’ve applied and I’ve been accepted.”
Sam nodded slowly. “Be careful, Emily.” It was all he dared say, though his heart ached to say so much more.
“And you, Sam.”
Sam could see that the procession had left him behind. His mind was torn. Should he declare his feelings? It was hardly the place. For a few seconds he stood staring at her, his heart racing, his mouth unable to speak. Then the moment passed. He gave a brief smile. “Goodbye, Emily. See you when we both get home.”
As Emily smiled gently back at him, Sam turned and began to walk briskly towards his friends. He had to make sure he got home now.
“I think he might have turned the corner, Doctor. Would you be able to take a look at him?” The young nurse runs the back of her hand over Sam’s forehead. The raging fever has abated at last and the skin is cool.
The doctor seems pleasantly surprised. “Well done, Nurse. I was beginning to think we’d lost this one. I daresay it’ll be a good few weeks before he’s fit to go back out though.”
The young nurse inwardly sighs. What a shame to be sent back out at all, having just come through the fight of his life. What a senseless war.
Sam opened his eyes. Where was he? For a few moments he blinked as he tried to remember. He ran his hands along the sheets. Sheets? He was in a proper bed!
“Hello, Sam. How are you feeling?” The young nurse smiled down at him. She was plump and not pretty at all. Yet to Sam in that moment, she was one of the loveliest sights he’d ever seen.
“I’m alive …!”
“Yes, Sam, by the skin of your teeth you are.” She grinned at him. “You came pretty close. But God was smiling down on you.”
Sam closed his eyes again and tried to breathe deeply. His chest felt tight and sore. “Am I wounded?”
“No, not badly. You’ve been very sick with influenza. You were buried in a shell blast but your friends managed to get you out before you suffocated.”
Good old Boxer, thought Sam gratefully. Good old Jimmy – and the Twinnies. “What happens now?”
“Doctor Ross will see you in a little while and explain everything to you …”
Carlesands January 11th 1917
… That’s how I came to be here, Em, back home on extended leave. I’ve been ill for about eight weeks (spent Christmas in hospital, can you believe?) Doctor Ross said it was a miracle I pulled through. My chest was in a terrible way and I’ve lost so much weight, my poor mother nearly fainted when she first saw me. She’s been busy trying to fatten me up before they send me back out again. One of the nurses who looked after me – Milly Parker her name was – told me she prayed for me every day I was in the hospital. It seems that someone up there was looking out for me. Happily, I’m well on the road to recovery now.
Sitting here in the comfort of my home, it’s hard to believe the slaughter that’s going on just over the water. I think of my pals out there – and you, Emily, brave girl. I find I can’t bring myself to talk to folk here about what’s going on. Somehow I don’t think they would believe it. They would imagine our tales to be foolish bravado, or exaggerated nonsense. Sitting here by my fireside, I can almost pretend it to be so myself. But we know the truth, Em, don’t we? Whatever happens in the end, we’ll both know what really went on out there. There’s just one thing I regret. That day on the roadside, how I wish I’d told you how I felt. Having come so close to death, I now realise, more than I ever did, just how much you mean to me. You were in my every dream, my every restless thought … .
____________
Rosie filed the entries and went onto e-mail.
Hi Jonathon –
Just a bit more for you. Hope everything’s okay up there. Must confess, I’m still struggling to settle back into things down here. Yorkshire has a lot to answer for. Was it Samuel Johnson who said ‘When a man is tired of London, he is tired of Life’? I wonder if he was out of his mind.
Bye for now
Rosie
She sent the e-mail and closed her laptop. A solitary tear splashed onto its lid.
Out of his mind? Even if he wasn’t, I’m pretty sure I soon will be.
Chapter 17
“You’re what?” Rosie didn’t want to believe what she was hearing.
“Please, Ros. Make this easy for me.” Ciaran hung his head miserably and Rosie bit her lip.
“When did all this come about?” She forced her voice to be calm.
“We spoke last night. It was Michael Romily and some counsellor woman who primed me about it just before I went in to see her. She broke down when I mentioned it on the ward. I think she feels bad uprooting me and everything. But I’m past caring about anything like that.” Ciaran stared blankly out of Rosie’s bedroom window.
Rosie’s hands were trembling. Left down here without Ciaran and Beth? The thought made her feel sick to the pit of her stomach. “What about the house? Where will you live afterwards?” Afterwards? Flinching at her own insensitivity, she wanted to pull the words straight back into her mouth.
But Ciaran seemed not to have noticed the inference. “I saw Ed and Cassie this morning. They’ve offered to keep the house on for me – rent and everything. I’ll have to give up all my teaching for the moment. Guess the money w
ill dry up pretty quick.”
Rosie frowned. “And the orchestra?”
Ciaran shrugged. “I’m sure Emmett will save my place if I want it.”
“If you want it?” A shiver of alarm went through Rosie. “You can’t give up on your music, Kitch. Beth would never want that.”
Ciaran hung his head again. “The music’s fast going out of my life, Ros. Beth’s a far better musician than I’ll ever be, and look at her. She can barely play for five minutes now without getting exhausted.”
Rosie was at a loss as to what to say. The whole room seemed suddenly swathed in an atmosphere of despondency. It was claustrophobic, yet she knew it must be so much worse for him. “When will you go?”
“I dunno. I might get a chance to talk to someone this afternoon. I suppose they’ll have to get this infection thing sorted out first before she can travel. After that, I guess the sooner the better. If I only had four months left I’d want to make every minute count.”
Rosie nodded quietly, her jaws set tight. In that moment, she knew she’d have done anything to be going with them.
____________
Gavin was genuinely surprised to hear the news. It was Mel who spilt the beans when she went to meet Dan straight from the gym.
“Poor old Rosie, down here all on her own. She was pretty upset when she told me about it.”
Gavin was thoughtful. “I never did get to meet her brother and his wife. What sort of guy is he?”
“Oh, he’s really nice,” said Mel breezily, omitting to mention the fact that she’d never had more than the most fleeting of conversations with him. “Quiet, serious – y’know, the musical sort.”
“A bit like Robbie Williams, eh?” Dan teased, putting his arm around her shoulder.
Mel frowned, uncomprehending.
“Well he’s a musical sort.”
For a moment Mel’s expression was blank. Then she burst into giggles. “Have you heard him, Gavin? He’s sending me up.”
But Gavin was lost in his own world. Mel had given him food for thought.
Later that evening he called Rosie. “Hi, how’s things?”
Rosie was deliberately noncommittal. “Fine. And you?”
Gavin decided to come straight to the point. “I hear Beth and your brother are moving up to Yorkshire.”
Rosie was slightly taken aback. “Good news travels fast, eh? I only found out a few hours ago myself. Guess I have Mel to thank for telling you.”
“You weren’t planning to keep it a secret from me, were you?” Gavin pretended to sound hurt. “I would have thought this was the time to have friends around you.”
Rosie mumbled something to placate him and Gavin seemed satisfied.
“How’s about I pick you up tomorrow and we go and visit Beth at the hospital?”
“Tomorrow? Tomorrow’s Sunday,” Rosie spluttered, as though the day made any difference. This was all rather sudden. Since when had Gavin been bothered about wanting to visit Beth? She found herself trying desperately to think of a good reason to turn down his magnanimous offer. “Aren’t you doing anything else?” Like washing your hair perhaps, or dyeing your eyebrows.
But Gavin wasn’t about to be put off. “I haven’t had chance to meet them yet. I just thought it might be a nice thing to do before they go.”
Rosie’s mind was reeling. “Look, Gavin – I know what visiting times mean to Beth. I think it might be awkward if you were there for any length of time. After all, you are a total stranger. I don’t like the idea of her sitting there feeling self-conscious while we all try to make small talk around her bed.”
“Point taken.” Gavin’s voice was clipped.
Inwardly Rosie groaned. “Okay. How’s about this? We go to the hospital together. I go in and have half an hour with her while you go for a coffee in the restaurant. Then you come up to the ward. Just for five minutes or so, to give me chance to introduce you.” Rosie paused. “Then we go home.” Take it or leave it, sunshine. That’s as much as I’m bending on this one.
Gavin perked up at this idea. After making brief arrangements, Rosie managed to extricate herself from the phone call. But she couldn’t help feeling strangely irritated. Setting up her laptop, she sat drumming her fingers as it was loading. She hardly wanted to admit it, even to herself, but she was hoping beyond hope that there would be a reply from Jonathon. There was.
Hi Rosie –
Don’t like to hear you sounding so fed up. I saw Maisie earlier – she was asking about you. I think she’s quite taken to you.
Sounds like old Sam went through the mill in our last instalment, doesn’t it? Can’t wait to find out what happens next.
Try to keep smiling
Luv Jonathon.
As Rosie stared at the words, memories of her time in Ridderch Standen flooded her mind again. For a few brief moments, she could almost forget the oppression that was pushing in on her. Life had seemed so much slower up there – calmed to a nice, digestible pace. The sky had been open too. Open, vast and majestic – not like the dark, sullen sky that looked down on London. She tried to remonstrate with herself. She was being ridiculous. London was a great place; plenty of people thought so. She’d thought so herself only a few weeks ago. But, she now realised miserably, nowhere was a great place when your heart was somewhere else.
Carlesands January 15th 1917
Well, Emily, here I am just enjoying the last few days of my leave. I’ve finally been declared fit to return to the front, and though I never thought I’d say it, I’m almost glad. Somehow, leave is a difficult business. Small snatches of cosy normality do not sit easily with those who’ve been living in hell. It’s been rather hard fitting in at home. Lovely to see everyone of course – that goes without saying. But the war has done something to me. My eyes have witnessed things my own father could never conceive in his worst nightmares. Set against the backdrop of ordinary civvy life, our experiences seem almost unbelievably grotesque. Only in the trenches themselves do our stories fit comfortably. I fear that those of us who survive this thing will carry our memories, for the most part unspoken, to the grave.
A rather unpleasant experience yesterday, Em. Kitty wanted to go to the big town, so I accompanied her. She was looking in a shop window and I was standing a few paces back. Suddenly a young lady approached me, a strange expression on her face. To be polite, I smiled and removed my cap. Then she stepped right up to me, stared hard at me and said, ‘To think such a brave fellow as yourself is here gazing in shop windows when my own poor brother is buried with most of his pals at Beaumont-Hamel.’ Of course, I was in my civilian clothes, and she could hardly have known that I’d just been shipped home from Ypres having been within a hair’s breadth of death myself. Before I had a chance to explain, she turned on her heel and walked away almost in tears. I’ve never had anyone give me a white feather like some chaps have, but honestly, Em, she might as well have done it. I don’t think Kitty saw any of the business, but I know I was quiet on the way home. It left a rather unpleasant taste in my mouth.
I have to say, I’m very much looking forward to seeing my mates again. I hope they’re all in the pink. I’m being posted back to my old unit which is good news. After an episode like this, a fellow can be sent anywhere.
I called to see your family the other day, Emily. Your brother is recovering well from his wounds, though I don’t think he’ll be seeing any more action in this conflict. Your parents are terribly proud of you even though they miss you dreadfully. They’re not alone in that.
It will be good to be near you again, Em. Even though we’re stationed so far from each other, I know I’ll be closer to you on that side of the channel than on this. For my sake, you must stay safe. This war cannot last forever.
Attaching the diary entry, Rosie typed a quick message to Jonathon.
Hi Jonathon –
Life gets better and better. My brother has just broken the news that he and Beth are moving up to Oak Lodge. Beth wants to spend her last few month
s back there. Understandable I know, but I’m pretty miserable about it all. Guess I’m being selfish, but I’m gonna miss them like crazy. Keep an eye on them for me. You know how to get hold of me if you feel there’s anything I should know.
Bye for now
Rosie.
PS Tell Maisie I said hello.
____________
The next day on the ward, Rosie felt nervous. In keeping with their arrangement, Gavin had brought her to the hospital then gone off to the restaurant for a drink. Rosie had already forewarned Ciaran and Beth that he’d be putting in a brief appearance at some point. Beth seemed in better spirits today, and Rosie could only deduce that the thought of her impending return to Yorkshire had gone a long way towards bucking her up.
Beth seemed to view the prospect of Gavin’s visit with some amusement. “Wants to meet me before I pop my clogs, does he?”
Rosie smiled but said nothing. Beth was much easier company when her sense of humour was up and running.
“You will come and visit us some weekends, won’t you, Ros?” Beth looked at her directly.
It was an invitation Rosie had been secretly hoping for. “Yeah, course I will. If it’s okay with your mum and dad.”
Beth’s face broke into a smile. “Oh, there’ll be no problem there.”
Just before five, they heard footsteps in the corridor outside followed by a light tap at the cubicle door. It opened to reveal Gavin. It could have been an awkward moment, but Ciaran rose to the occasion. Extending a hand to Gavin, he introduced himself then gestured towards the bed. “This is my wife … Beth.”
Gavin shook Ciaran’s hand enthusiastically, then turned to Beth with a gentle smile. “Hello, it’s great to meet you. Rosie’s talked a lot about you both.”
“All good, I hope?” A sparkle of the old mirth lit up Beth’s pale face.
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