Beth felt sick. She pulled the blanket tightly around her legs. “Perhaps we should be getting back.”
Ciaran turned to her. For a moment their eyes locked. She could see the pain in his – his dark lashes glistening with tears, his cheeks unashamedly wet. She had never seen him look so beautiful, or so broken.
“I love you, Ciaran. With all my heart and all my soul, I love you.”
He leaned over and took her in his arms, and they wept together.
Oh God … please help us. This is harder than we can bear. She smoothed his hair and buried her face against his neck. Please help him, Lord. Please show him what you’ve shown me. I can’t tell him anything right now – he needs to hear it from you.
____________
It was Saturday morning and Rosie was sitting in the living room at Oak Lodge with Beth and Ciaran. She’d arrived the previous night after a journey fraught with delays. By the time she’d finally reached the house, Beth had already gone to bed, and after a hot drink with Ed, Cassie and Ciaran, Rosie had done the same. It had felt good to fall into bed and lie there listening to the silence as she breathed in the lavender scent of the sheets. It had felt like coming home.
Now as she sat in front of the fire, it seemed that hardly any time had elapsed since her last visit. And yet, Rosie observed, Beth’s appearance had altered even in that short time. Her skin was slightly yellowed now, and the circles under her eyes were darker. She looked somehow older than her years, yet there was still a childlike brightness in her face.
“Missed you, Ros. It hasn’t felt right without you around.” Beth grinned. “Too quiet.”
“Funny.” Rosie pulled a face at her.
“How was the party anyway? Worth cancelling your trip up here, was it?”
She was only kidding and Rosie knew it. But she couldn’t help feeling a twinge of guilt at Beth’s question. She tried hard not to let it show. “It served its purpose,” she answered vaguely.
Beth frowned. “Meaning …?”
“Meaning it helped me see that Gavin really is the scumbag I always suspected he was.”
Ciaran gave a low whistle and rolled his eyes at Beth.
Rosie felt herself flushing. She’d said too much. “Sorry,” she muttered lamely. “Wrong time to vent.”
Beth was eyeing her with some amusement. “What’s up? Did he come on naughty with you – or blow you out for someone else?”
Ciaran gave a slight cough and hastily stood to his feet. “I’m gonna make a drink. Anybody want one?”
“We’ve only just had one,” Beth said teasingly.
“Well, I’m thirsty.” Ciaran strode out of the room and closed the door with a gentle click.
Beth smiled. “I think we embarrassed your brother.”
“Correction – you embarrassed my brother.” Rosie tried to give her a reproving look.
“Whatever. Anyway, come on – spill it. What happened?”
Rosie felt awkward. She shrugged as nonchalantly as she could, but she knew there was no way she was going to get out of this. “Let’s just say he wanted to take the relationship to a new level.”
“And you were happy staying at the level you were?”
“Something like that.” That’s it. Keep the answers vague and evasive.
“Did he get nasty about it?”
Honestly! What is this – twenty questions? “Let’s just say he wasn’t thrilled.” Why am I telling you this stuff? Come to think of it, why did I open my big trap in the first place?
“Shame, Ros. I thought we’d got you fixed up there.” Beth sounded genuinely disappointed. “Would have been nice to have met your future other half – y’know, while I’m still around.” She seemed to think the matter over for a moment or two, then shrugged resignedly. “Still, any guy that really cared about you wouldn’t try to pressure you into doing something you didn’t want to. Guess you’re better off without that kind.” There was an air of finality about her tone which puzzled Rosie. She’d expected at least a little more resistance at the news of her breakup with the delectable Gavin.
“Hang on, I thought you liked him. I thought you both liked him.”
“We did like him. He seemed an okay sort of guy. Like I said, I thought you were nicely fixed up there. All the same –” Beth stopped mid-sentence as though trying to picture Gavin in her mind.
“All the same what?” Rosie’s eyes narrowed.
“Well, I’m not exactly surprised, Ros. I should have seen it coming, I guess.”
“What d’you mean – you should have seen it coming?” Rosie felt suddenly irritated.
“Oh, I dunno. It’s just that Gavin doesn’t strike me as the kind of bloke that’s used to taking no for an answer – I mean, where women are concerned. Fellas that look like Gavin tend to get their own way. Good on you, girl, for standing up to him.”
Rosie felt slightly disconcerted. Beth was talking as though she’d been a fly on Gavin’s designer wall.
“A bit of bruised ego won’t do him any harm,” Beth continued matter-of-factly. “Might even learn from it. Bet you were something of a shock for him, Ros. The woman who refused to fall at his feet and adore.”
“Is that dubious distinction supposed to make me feel good?”
“Hey, don’t knock it.” Beth smiled wisely. “Perhaps he needed pushing off his perch. Any guy with Gavin’s looks can always use a humility top-up. What could be more annoying than a bloke who’s convinced he’s irresistible?” A shadow crossed her face in that moment and she leaned forward and rubbed at her leg.
Rosie frowned. “What’s up – you in pain?”
“Nah. It’s just this leg. It’s been a bit stiff these last couple of days.” Beth flexed the muscle a few times. “I might mention it to the nurse when she calls. Maybe they can up my pain relief. Still, a stiff leg’s the least of my worries, eh?” She grinned disarmingly. “Anyway, what were we saying before I so rudely interrupted myself?”
“You were talking about my irresistible ex.” Rosie shot her a sarcastic smirk, but she couldn’t help wondering if she should mention the leg to Ciaran.
“Ah yes … the gorgeous Gavin.” Beth nodded to herself. “Well, this is what I think when it comes to guys, Ros. If you have to sleep with him to keep him, you might as well wave him bye-bye.”
“You sound like my mother,” Rosie snorted humourlessly. Not that her mother had ever lived by her own advice. Life might have been a lot simpler for all of them if she had.
Beth shrugged. “I probably sound like everybody’s mother. But let’s face it, a girl shouldn’t feel obligated to give herself away to every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes along. Just ’cause most people these days do the premarital rounds without batting an eyelid doesn’t mean it’s the best way of going about things.”
“Now you sound like Sister Aloysius who used to teach us French,” Rosie mumbled disdainfully. She’d always got on well with the venerable sister, but listening to a nun giving dating advice had never quite cut it for her.
Beth seemed undeterred by this comparison. “Hey, I’m serious, Ros. Look around you. Folk everywhere searching for that special someone. Every new partner that comes on the scene is suddenly The One.” Air-quoting this last phrase, she spoke the words with mock drama. “That is, until things fall apart. Then it’s straight back out to find somebody else. Heartbreak to heartbreak … like a rollercoaster with its brakes jammed. C’mon, does anybody really want to live like that?” She shook her head as though needing no answer. “But I guess we’ve been programmed to think that’s the only way to go, eh?” She looked directly at Rosie. “I’m proud of you, Ros. It takes guts to say no. In this day and age anyhow.”
Rosie didn’t answer. She was too busy remembering Gavin’s thinly veiled insult from the other evening. There’s a name for girls like that, Rosie …
They sat in silence for several moments as the fire murmured in the grate. A sudden, loud crackle from one of the logs made them both jump.
&nb
sp; “Well, anyway –” said Beth, clapping her hands gently on her knees, “that’s what I think about it all. Don’t let anybody put you down for sticking to your principles, Ros. No one has the right to muscle in and pressure you into doing something you don’t want to.”
Rosie was loathe to admit that principles really hadn’t come into it. As for the last bit, Beth’s advice was just a little too late. About fifteen years late to be precise. She tried to stuff the subject to the back of her thoughts.
Unfortunately Beth seemed to be on a roll. “You save yourself, Ros. Somewhere out there is the right guy for you. And he’ll be worth waiting for.”
Rosie was annoyed to feel herself reddening. “Thanks, Mummy dearest. So nice of you to give me the motherly low-down on how to behave myself with boys.”
Beth grinned. “Take it from me, hun. You’re worth more than you realise. Wait for Mr Right and it’ll be sweet music all the way.” She winked provocatively. “Know what I mean?”
“Oh please –” Rosie burst indignantly, “I’m twenty-one not twelve.” She wanted to add – And just what makes you think I’m such a novice in these things anyway? – but decided against it. There were certain matters best left under wraps, and this was one of them. Better to keep quiet and be misunderstood than to open a can of worms and have the truth come wriggling out. “Let’s just change the subject, can we?”
Doing her best to look apologetic, Beth smiled innocently. “Actually, talking of sweet music –”
“Which we weren’t,” Rosie scowled.
“Well, we are now. I meant to tell you about something, Ros.”
Rosie’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Hang on. Has it got anything to do with men?”
“No!” Beth laughed. “Well, only one man. Your brother.”
“Go on.”
Beth took a deep breath and her face became serious. “You remember the day I came across the diary?”
Rosie nodded. How could she forget? Beth had been almost delirious with delight when she’d rung to tell her about it.
“Well,” Beth continued, “I don’t know if I mentioned it at the time, but there was something else with it. A piece of music. Just a basic little tune scribbled on manuscript paper. But I reckon it was Sam who wrote it. There was a title and it was in the same handwriting as the diary. Chant du Rossignol, he’d called it.”
“Rossignol?” Rosie repeated. “That’s nightingale, isn’t it?”
“Yeah – and Chant is song. Chant du Rossignol –” Beth tapped her head with a knowing smile. “My lightening-fast mind tells me that must mean Song of the Nightingale.”
Rosie was thoughtful for a moment. “Or Rosie’s Song.”
“Hmm?” Beth frowned.
“Rosie’s Song. Remember earlier in the diary? Sam said they nicknamed the nightingale Rosie – short for rossignol. It kinda stuck in my mind, me having the same name and everything.”
Beth’s eyes lit up. “Hey, Ros – you’re right! How cool is that? Rosie’s Song …” She seemed to mull the idea over in her thoughts for a moment. Then her face broke into a grin. “You could be on to something there, y’know. It’s like that ‘Annie’s Song’. Mum used to have it on an old tape.” She immediately burst into a raucous impersonation of John Denver.
Rosie covered her ears. “Okay, okay. Don’t kill the thing. Go on, carry on telling me about Sam’s tune.”
Beth stopped singing and was quiet for a few seconds. “The thing is, Ros, I’ve been working on it in secret. You know, trying to develop it – fleshing it out a bit. I’ve started adding some orchestration to it. Don’t know how far I’ll get with that. Don’t know how long I’ve got, do I? But I’ll keep at it anyway. It’s a simple little tune, but there’s something beautiful about it, Ros.” She paused and looked down at her hands. “I had this idea, see. I wanted to give it to Ciaran as a gift … something to remember me by.”
Rosie felt her throat tighten. “I don’t think he’s likely to forget you. You’ve no worries there.”
Beth smiled. “No, I know that. But I just thought a piece of music would be perfect. I know I’ve nicked the basic idea from Sam, but I don’t have a lot of time to play with. I’m sure old Sam would forgive me if he knew my circumstances.”
Rosie nodded slowly. “I’m sure he would.”
“I keep having a little practice when Ciaran goes out with Dad. I don’t want him to know about it just yet. I don’t think I’ll get it all finished, but I’ll do as much as I can for as long as I can, then I’ll give it to him.” She looked down at her hands again and shrugged. “I never managed to give him babies, Ros. I just thought this might be the next best thing.”
Rosie felt choked. She swallowed hard. “You always said you were gonna compose. I never doubted you would for a minute.”
“Y’know, Ros?” Beth turned and looked at her. “If I could have picked anyone in the whole world to be my sister, I would have picked you.”
For a moment Rosie was tempted to come back with a facetious comment. But looking at her friend’s face, she could see that she was entirely serious.
Chapter 21
Rosie had only been back at work two days, but after her weekend up in Yorkshire it felt more like a month. She’d just finished a particularly lousy session at the nursery. It seemed to happen every once in a while; some sort of weird, agitating group dynamic that made the kids fractious and stroppy, and left the poor, frazzled staff wound up to the hilt. At six o’clock she pulled on her coat and stepped, exhausted, outside into the open. A blast of cold evening air tore at her hair and she shivered.
“Hello, Rosie.” A familiar voice made her spin round. It was Dan.
“Oh … hi.” She tried to act cool, but being caught so off guard made it frustratingly difficult.
Dan smiled disarmingly. “I was hoping I might catch you. Mel said you were finishing at six, so I left her at the hairdresser’s and had a walk down here.”
Rosie’s mind reeled. He’s come here on purpose? “Look, if this is about Gavin …” Her face felt hot. If he thinks he can just send Dan round to do his dirty work –
Dan interrupted her speculations. “Rosie, how’s about we go for a coffee somewhere? It’s a bit nippy out here and I really wanted to talk to you.”
Rosie’s eyes widened slightly. Dan grinned. “Don’t worry, Mel’s fine about it. She trusts me.”
Who said anything about Mel? It’s me that’s not fine about it. But curiosity was fast getting the better of her.
Dan gave a reassuring smile. “Cratchett’s looked quiet as I came past, if you’re okay with that.”
Rosie tried hard to look disinterested. In truth, she was suddenly intrigued.
They ordered drinks in Cratchett’s and found a table by the window. Dan took off his jacket and hung it over the back of his chair.
Obviously means business. Wonder if I’m supposed to do the same. Rosie stared down into her coffee, her mind doing somersaults. Wish he’d get on with it and let me know what this is all about.
Dan slowly stirred around in his cup, a preoccupied expression on his face. At last he spoke. “I think I owe you an apology, Rosie.”
Rosie straightened. “Apology? How come?”
Dan didn’t look up. He continued stirring his coffee as though somehow it might give him inspiration. “I know you and Gav have broken up.”
“Good news travels fast,” Rosie said acidly. Wonder how much else you know. Is Gavin low enough to have filled you in with all the gory details …?
“To be honest, Rosie, I’m kinda glad you have.”
Rosie frowned in surprise.
Dan placed his spoon carefully on the table and looked directly at her. “Guess I’m laying my friendship on the line here, Rosie. But I feel I need to be honest with you about one or two things.”
Rosie’s heart quickened. This was beginning to sound ominous.
“The reason I said I owed you an apology,” Dan began, still looking at her intently, “is be
cause it was my idea to fix up the whole blind date thing right at the start.”
Rosie smiled awkwardly. “I think I can just about forgive you for that.”
Dan shook his head. “No. Looking back, it was a really bad idea. Gav was in a pretty poor way at the time, and well – Mel had talked about you a few times. I just thought it might cheer him up.”
“Didn’t it?” Rosie tried to sound light-hearted about it.
Dan breathed out slowly. “Rosie, has Gavin ever mentioned to you anyone called Kate?”
Rosie swallowed. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear this. “No. No, he hasn’t.”
Dan nodded sadly. “I thought not. When you first met Gavin, he’d just come out of a long-term relationship with her. They’d been seeing each other for nearly eighteen months. The whole thing was pretty serious.”
Rosie felt a stab of hurt. She steeled herself, determined not to let Dan see any reaction.
“A couple of months before you first met Gav, he’d bought Kate an engagement ring. For a surprise. She accepted at first. Then a few days later, completely out of the blue, she told him it was all over. No real explanation. She just said she wasn’t ready for marriage. The following week she got a job transfer and moved away. Gavin was blown apart by it all. Really devastated. I’d never seen him so low. The blind date thing – it was really an attempt on my part to stop him going into depression.”
“He didn’t strike me as being very depressed,” Rosie retorted, her eyes narrowing.
“He’s a smooth operator, Rosie. Even I was surprised how quickly he managed to pull round once you were on the scene.”
Rosie took a sip of coffee, her mind swimming with confusion. She wasn’t quite sure where this conversation was going. “Okay. So what are you saying?”
“What I’m trying to say is –” Dan took a long, deep breath. “You’re better off without him, Rosie. I’m not suggesting he will, but if he tries to start things up between you two again, I think I’d tell him where to get off. I’ve watched him do it to you before. Being absolutely blunt with you, I know for a fact that Gavin’s met up with Kate while he’s been seeing you – she’s been in town more than once over the last few weeks.” He paused and lowered his head. “If you want my advice, don’t even think about getting back with him.”
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