by L. M. Fortin
This set off a new firestorm of protest. Molluska stepped forward. "What gives you the authority to decide that?" There was a slight foreign accent to her voice. Callie wondered how Molluska maintained such a slim figure. Her arms were almost bony.
Well, the committee, thought Callie to herself. But she knew an outward statement of authority wouldn't work with this bunch, but instead would just make them more resistant to her management, so she tried deflection instead.
"I just had a tour with the theater's stage manager." Callie could tell although Wade had been perfectly apparent standing behind her, the queens had ignored his presence. That often happened with the behind the scenes staff. They didn't get acknowledged until there was a problem they were needed to solve. "And he let me know they have a small rodent issue on that level and he wants to ensure no one's costumes or persons meet up with the mice."
"They aren't up here, too, are they?" asked Queen Slugabeth nervously.
Wade shook his head and took up her story admirably. "No, they seem to be only in the lower level and mostly in the store room and not the dressing rooms. But we don't want to take any chances until they're gone. We have poison placed throughout the basement and the mice should be gone in a week or two." Callie thought his time line was conveniently chosen as the slug queens would also be gone by that time.
Callie didn't want them to dwell on the imaginary rodent infestation. "I have here a copy of the run of show and it would really help me out if we walked through this." The run of show was the document with minute by minute guidelines as to what would happen during the event. Each page was divided into two sections. The left half of the page gave the stage and audio visual directions, the right half gave the exact actions and script for what was taking place on stage.
"Do you have a copy of this?" Callie asked Wade.
"Yes, Polly gave me one before she left." Wade left the stage and headed towards the sound booth in the back of the theater.
"I'll go sit in the front row and act as announcer."
There was only so much Callie could do in practicing an event that would take place in a totally different venue with different audio visual support and staging. She thought the most difficult thing to replicate were the entrances to the stage. Here, there was plenty of space for the queens to hang out and walk gracefully from the wings. Callie had seen photos of the outdoor stage and the wing space really didn't exist there. The queens would wait at the bottom of a staircase and climb up to what was basically a large elevated platform. Callie hoped those queens who were men in heels could handle wobbly stairs.
Callie went down to the first row of chairs and was surprised to see someone already sitting there. "Mayor Felson, I didn't expect you."
"Please, call me Dot. I thought I'd come and see the practice. I've got a horse in this race, you know." Callie assumed she was referring to her husband.
"Of course. It's only fair you should get to share the fun with him." Callie sat down next to her.
For the next hour Callie had the queens walk on and off the stage for the various portions of the pageant. She had them practice using the wireless microphones. Even if the audio set up was different for the live downtown event, they could get used to correctly speaking and learn how to make themselves heard clearly.
Even though she dreaded it, Callie also thought it was important each contestant do a full run through of their talent portion of the competition. They had listed their talents on their applications and she wasn’t sure if they were serious about them or the talent portion was merely another parody of a beauty pageant. She couldn't test them on the Q&A session as those questions would be thought up on the spot by the Old Queens, but she could at least have them as best prepared as they could for performing.
Callie yelled the order in which she wanted them to perform. "We'll do this in the following order: Molluska singing, Queen Slugabeth and her poetry, Gastronia's one-man, er, one-woman band, Bella's lassoing and last Slimerita's flamenco dancing." There were outraged cries from backstage. Callie knew no matter what order she choose, someone would be unhappy, so she went with the order she thought would be most entertaining. If she interspersed the musical numbers with the non-musical ones, the program would not have any one section that was more upbeat than any other section.
Molluska came out first and had a CD in her hand. "Will you take this to the stage man? It is my music," she said in her slightly accented voice. The question wasn't so much as a request for Callie, but an order.
"I'd be delighted." Callie reached up as Molluska leaned down. How did a man get such good cleavage, wondered Callie as she got an eyeful of it.
As she took the CD back to Wade, she heard Molluska and Dot Felson speaking in low tones. Callie wondered what they had to talk about.
Callie gave Wade the CD. "Wait until I get back up to the front to press play. I don't want to miss a minute of this." Wade nodded.
Wade dimmed the lights and shone a spotlight on the stage. Molluska glided into it. Callie noted her hand was shaking as she held the mike, but Callie thought that was just nervousness.
As her voice poured out over "Willkommen" Callie and Dot looked at each other in amazement. Smooth as silk, warm as honey, her voice immediately transported Callie back to a smoky café, filled with the seedy dregs of the Weimar Republic. Molluska's voice was more than singing, Callie thought, she could really fill the words with empathy. Callie had seen a number of Broadway shows in her time and had even helped manage performances. She thought Molluska was among one of the best singers she'd ever heard live.
As the song came to an end, a chair appeared somewhere from outside of the spotlight and by the claw toed boot that appeared momentarily, Callie thought it was Gastronia Creepalot with the assist. Molluska went into a version of "Mein Herr" complete with some of the chair acrobatics Liza Minnelli had used in the film version of the play. The slit up the right side of her dress winked open and closed seductively as she moved through the song.
She closed with "Life is a Cabaret." Callie didn't think she'd ever seen it performed so well, and was willing to admit Molluska might even be on par with Liza.
As Molluska sang the last notes, Wade, with a fine sense of the dramatic, struck the lights. There was silence for a moment and then Callie heard applause from the wings and got up herself to clap enthusiastically for the performance. Wade brought up all the lights and Callie saw Dot next to her clapping rather desultorily. Well, thought Callie, maybe she wasn't a fan of Broadway.
Callie decided then that when the contest actually took place, she'd move Molluska to be the final performer. It would not be fair to the others to follow such a strong performance.
This thought was proven correct when Queen Slugabeth II took the stage. She began with a single word. "Gilgamesh.” She proceeded to lose Callie in a vast array of names and places that seemed to be describing the death of a monster in a cedar forest. Callie remembered Queen Slugabeth's application stated the poetry would bring tears to everyone's eyes, but it wouldn't be for the reasons she thought. Queen Slugabeth's reading was so dramatic, low intense words interspersed with loud booming cries that Callie thought the performer might be doing herself harm.
However, the loud cries reminded Callie of the argument she had heard before practice had begun. Upon reflection, she was now not certain if it was a woman or a man. Callie couldn't tell if that voice and Queen Slugabeth's were the same. The dramatic reading provided a good way to disguise a voice.
Finally, the poem ended and it was time for a musical act. The same chair used to such good effect by Molluska was put to a much more prosaic use by Gastronia Creepalot. Sitting in the chair, the audience was forced to stare straight at the green claw toed hip boots. They were incongruously holding a pair of cymbals at the knees. She held a guitar on her lap, topped by one of those metal devices that held a harmonica. Atop the back of her shoulders, was a small snare drum. Callie could see there was a lead attached to Gastronia's right heel and s
he assumed the drum would play when the heel was moved.
"Has he been doing this long?" Callie asked Dot as Gastronia continued to get situated.
"Doing what?" said Dot, as if neither a cross dressing husband nor being a one-man band were anything out of the ordinary.
"Playing all those instruments at the same time. He must be really talented."
"He can play guitar a little, but I'm not sure how he came up with this contraption," said Dot unenthusiastically. "In fact, I'm not sure where he came up with this whole idea of being in the slug queen pageant. It was all very sudden."
Callie just nodded. She did not desire to get involved in the mayor's personal life. Gastronia began to play. Callie hoped in the future, she was much farther away from the stage. Gastronia played like a novice. The cymbals and drum didn't seem to be able to set a consistent beat and she seemed unable to switch smoothly between the guitar and the harmonica. It took more than a minute of playing for Callie to finally recognize the song as "How Much is that Doggy in the Window?" Mercifully, Gastronia only played one song and didn't launch into a second. Callie stood and applauded, but wasn't sure if she was applauding the performance or only that the assault on her ears had ended.
As Gastronia stood and gave an awkward bow, her snare drum slid forward and hit her on the back of the head. "Ow!" She said in a distinctly masculine voice and walked slowly off stage holding the back of her head.
Bella Oozonia appeared on the stage from the left, carrying a lasso. She came to the front of the stage and holding out a CD said, "Can you please take this to the gentleman in the back?"
Callie took the CD to Wade. "I wonder what kind of music goes with lassoing."
Wade shrugged.
Although Callie had no real idea of what the music would sound like, she expected a vaguely western theme. Instead, the only thing Callie could think of when the music blared, was that it was the bump and grind of a strip tease.
And so it was. Bella started the performance by doing some routine tricks like circling the lasso around various parts of her body, stepping through it from both the left and right and doing some sort of complicated jump over the spinning rope reminding Callie of a saber dance. Then her clothes started to come off. Bella could lasso equally well with both her left and right hand, so she would undo a catch or a button and off would come first one shoe, and then the second. She left her socks on and then removed her camouflage pants revealing a pair of skin tight shorts below them. The shorts were still covered in the same camo pattern as the rest of her costume, but were enhanced by strategic applications of glitter. Callie thought that would impair any ability of the camo to fade into the background. Plus the fact that Bella seemingly had biceps and abs of steel, she'd definitely catch attention in this outfit.
Callie looked at the mayor. "Is this a family friendly show?"
"For Skinner, as long as she keeps on as much clothing as a bikini, we'll allow it in the competition," said Dot.
The next thing removed was her blouse, underneath which she wore a green and gold spangled bra top complete with tassels. Callie was amazed at Bella's ability to keep in time to the slow music while still moving the lassoing and removing her clothes. Finally down only to bra, shorts and socks, Bella did one final trick of doing a single hand stand, first on her left hand and then on her right all the while spinning the rope. She let the rope go and it spun in a graceful arc to a stop around her feet.
Callie jumped up and applauded as hard for Bella as she had for Molluska. This was another true talent, she thought to herself and I'd have a hard time choosing a winner of the talent competition.
Last to the stage was Slimerita Rivera. Of the three male contestants dressing as women, Slimerita was only slightly behind Molluska in looking feminine. Her glossy black hair was pulled into a high beehive in front of a Spanish hair comb sporting the same slug figures that crawled through her hair in the photos.
The top half of her dress fit tightly to her body before expanding into waves of gray and green lacy flounces pouring down to her feet. Her shoes were plain black and surprisingly solid. As she strode onto the stage, Callie realized from the sound that the shoes were necessary to help with the flamenco.
Callie expected to be given a CD from Slimerita as well, but was surprised when she took her place on stage, arms upraised above her head. Wade once again turned on the spotlight.
Slimerita began the dance very slowly, almost as if she were giving her audience a primer on the basic sounds of the castanets in her hand and the loud clacks of her shoes on the wooden stage. After several minutes of basic moves, she began to combine them in a way that was melodic. The two castanets each had a separate pitch and the shoes added a bass note. Faster and faster she went until the sounds between the castanets and shoes were so fast that one immediately followed the other. Then Slimerita began to spin and the rhythmic sounds she was making with hands and feet went even faster, until in a flurry of flowing lace she came to a stop with one last loud beat.
Again, Callie stood and applauded. Dot seemed more enthusiastic about Slimerita than the other performers and also clapped loudly. The lights came up.
Callie went up the stairs at stage right and gathered all the performers together. "Wow--you guys were great. I'm glad I'm not a judge. It will be very difficult to choose a winner amongst such talent." Molluska preened and Queen Slugabeth II smiled tightly, but Gastronia, Bella and Slimerita looked at Callie expressionlessly. Callie shrugged. "I'd like to practice again on Wednesday. Dot, who's the emcee for this?" Callie turned to the first row, but to her surprise, Dot had disappeared. "Ok, um, I'll find out who the emcee is and I'll have that person here. Then we can do a full run through without stopping, so it should go a bit faster than we did tonight." Practice had lasted over two hours. "Are there any questions?"
No one answered. "Well, thanks and I'll see you back here on Wednesday at five." Callie went back to her seat in the front row and began making a few notes. She was reviewing the queens application packets again when she heard a throat clearing in front of her.
"Callie?" It was Slimerita Rivera and although he was in costume, he was using his normal voice and not that of his slug queen persona.
Callie asked, "Would you like me to call you Slimerita or Sherman?"
He laughed, "Sherman will do while we're off stage. I just wanted to check with you that you would be ok signing off on my community service hours. The last pageant director, Polly, was good with it." He shifted nervously from foot to foot.
"As long as my signature is accepted, I have no problem with it. Seems like a creative solution to community service, if you ask me."
He nodded. "I'm not really the type to be working at a homeless shelter or gardening, although I'll have to do a little of that as I won't get two hundred hours out of this no matter how many times I practice the flamenco."
"You're very good. I wasn't being sarcastic or anything. There are a couple of you with genuine talent in the show. It should make for a very exciting pageant."
"I learned from my grandmother when I was a child in Mexico. She passed away a few years ago. I'm glad she was gone before I got into trouble with the law. Even if I don't think I'm to blame, she would have taken it hard."
Callie wasn't quite sure what to say. "In any case, she would be proud to see you dance."
"Thank you. I will remember that when I'm performing. I'll see you on Wednesday." He went up the stairs to the stage and in the direction of the dressing room.
Pulling out her laptop, Callie spent about ten minutes making some staging notes. She was being detailed because she wanted to make certain she had the event set in her mind so it would transfer easily to the outdoor stage. The more time she spent understanding it in here, the more she'd be able to successfully move it to a totally different venue.
She wondered who was providing the audio visual for the outdoor event. Callie thought she'd ask Wade. She wanted to find him to say good bye anyway.
She packed the slug queen applications back in her large leather bag and walked to the back of the seating area to the sound booth. However, Wade wasn't there. She went further up the aisle to the doors at the back of the theater and took a look out in the lobby, but it was dark and she didn’t see anyone. She remembered Wade’s comment about always finding him in his office when he wasn't anywhere else, and so trekked back down the aisle to the stage.
As she went from the stage to the wings on the left she could see a figure slide through the door at the end of the dark hall. She hoped it wasn't Wade. If he had gone downstairs she'd have to wait to talk to him as she didn't want to run around the whole theater in search of him.
She knocked on the door to the sound room/office and it creaked open, so at least it wasn't locked, she thought to herself. She stuck her head in the door, "Wade?"
The overhead light wasn't on, but the room was dimly lit with the yellow and green blinking lights of all the staging and video controls. The room was also somewhat lit by the glow from the screen of the laptop. However, the glow from the screen was obscured by a body hunched over it and not moving.
"Wade? Are you all right?" But Callie could see it wasn't Wade, and they definitely were not all right.
She stepped fully into the room. The person hunched over the computer could only be Molluska as the diamante on her green dress flickered in the low light. "Molluska? Alex?"
Callie walked over to the figure and touched her. There was no motion. Callie put her fingers on the neck of the body and felt no pulse, although the body wasn’t cold. There was a gash on the back of her head, although Callie didn't think it looked like a serious enough wound to kill someone. Callie thought that whether you were confused and didn't know to call her Molluska or call him Alex, there was no doubt you would call this person dead.