by Daya Daniels
“That I was dangerous, possessive, maybe even a little fucking maniacal at times. I don’t possess the same filters that most normal people do, Lily. You think I don’t know that!”
He stepped closer to where I stood, visibly angry. “Oh, come on, Lily, you just didn’t want to accept it. You ignored that gut feeling that you’ve been having ever since you met me—because you love me and you knew I’d never hurt you! The rest didn’t matter to you!”
I covered my ears with my hands and shook my head, hoping to drown out his deep voice.
“And you know what, Lily, the rest shouldn’t matter!” Gabriel roared. “Lily, you’d never admit it,” he snapped, running his hands through his hair. “But you suspected the truth, you’re just ashamed to admit that you accepted it or ignored it, because if you did, it would make you half the monster I am.” He laughed.
I gasped, feeling my tears as they dribbled onto my lips.
“The people I killed were all lowlifes. They weren’t anyone special that the world would ever miss…like those three in that hole up there.” Gabriel pointed a finger in the direction where we’d left the bodies. “I did society a favor. A lot of people are safer because those three are dead—because the people I killed are dead.”
Gabriel stepped closer to me. I backed away a step, still staring at the ground. I needed space. I lifted my gaze to meet Gabriel’s narrowed eyes, still backing away. There was only annoyance written all over his face. Instead of feeling remorseful, he was only angry—at me. This was unbelievable.
“Maybe I am a monster, Lily, but I love you! I fucking love you. I’d never let anyone hurt you!” Gabriel stepped closer. “If wanting to kill those men for what they did to you makes me a monster, then I embrace it. I fucking embrace it!” Gabriel yelled, digging his index finger harshly into the center of his chest.
I threw my hands up in the air, feeling the strands of my hair that covered my face in the breeze. “Why? Why didn’t you just leave me in the woods, Gabriel? Why save me to ruin me all over again? You should have just left me there to die!”
Gabriel’s eyes widened and he took a loud breath, looking at me. “Because I saw something in your eyes, Lily, when I first looked at you. You were so tired and beaten down, but still you were fighting to stay alive. I could see that when I got to you that day, you’d almost given up.”
I wiped the endless tears that fell from my eyes.
“Those blue eyes of yours are like deep pools that I can see straight to the bottom of. I saw pain in them, Lily, loneliness and a lot of disappointment.”
I covered my face with my hands, noticing how much they were trembling.
“You may not realize it but you’re the only one who sees me. You saw into me, Lily. You’re the only person that matters to me now. I just wanted to keep you safe. It wasn’t fair that you’ve had to do it all on your own, all these years. It wasn’t fair, Lily. It was just bad luck.”
Gabriel dropped his head to the ground for a long moment and wiped his eyes. “The day I found you, Lily, I knew I wasn’t ever going to let you go. I’m sorry.”
I kicked some snow beneath my boot, uncovering a rock. “What if I said I was leaving, Gabriel?” I asked in a small voice, meeting his gaze. “What if I didn’t want to be here anymore, with you?”
Gabriel let out a loud sigh, looking me over. “You know I can’t let you do that, Lily. I’m afraid I can’t let you do that,” he repeated in a whisper, shoving his hat back into his pocket. “Besides, that isn’t what you want. You do want to be here with me.”
I shook my head trying to focus. I wouldn’t let him distract me, using his usual tactics.
“The scars on you?” I pointed towards him.
“Bullet holes and stab wounds—from old jobs, old fights,” he huffed out.
I narrowed my burning eyes at him. “Did you kill Miles, Gabriel?”
“No, Lily,” he said firmly.
“Did you hurt him?”
“No, Lily.”
“But you wanted to?”
“Yesss,” he hissed. “But I didn’t, Lily—because of you. I knew you would be upset about it,” he said throwing his hands up in the air.
This was comical. I covered my face with both hands for a long moment, shaking my head. “Do you follow me, Gabriel? Did you ever follow me around on the ranch or in town while we were in Helena?
He laughed. “Yes, but never on the ranch, Lily.”
“Oh my God, this is unbelievable,” I muttered.
“Lily, I only did it for your own protection. Please understand.”
“How can you say you protect me, Gabriel? You just tried to shoot me!”
“Lily, no, please. You have it all wrong, baby,” he chuckled.
“Don’t baby me, Gabriel! I heard gunshots when I was running. You were shooting at me!”
Gabriel shook his head. “You told me you trusted me,” he said giving me a disappointed look. “There was a very large wolf trailing you when you left the perimeter. Where there is one, there are usually many. The gunshots scared them away. You can’t just run off like that around here, especially outside of the perimeter. You know this already, Lily.”
I shut my eyes, feeling like an idiot. Gabriel moved towards me, peering down into my face. “I’d never shoot you, Lily, or do anything to hurt you. I thought I already made all of this clear.”
“You did,” I whispered.
“Those dead bodies up there don’t change anything between us, Lily. Nothing. It’s just a hiccup. A small problem.”
A small problem? This was a major fucking problem. I couldn’t think. I was hyperventilating.
“Lily, I didn’t do this. Please believe me. I’ve told you the truth about everything else. I have no reason to lie about this. I. Did. Not. Do. This.”
I nodded. “What are you going to do now? With the bodies?”
I was lightheaded. The sky started to spin.
“I will get rid of them,” he said simply, right before I passed out.
I awoke in the den, lying on the sofa. The fireplace was lit and a dark green cashmere blanket covered me. My torn jacket and boots had been removed. I slowly sat up on the sofa and walked towards the far window of the room that overlooked the grounds.
Gabriel stood in the snow next to where the three dead bodies lay, holding a shovel and a large roll of blue industrial plastic wrap. He dug around the hole carefully, making the space wider and then jumped into it. He was wearing a silver hazmat suit with a face mask. I assumed Gabriel would simply bury the bodies, but instead he bent down and hoisted all three of the frozen bodies out of the hole and rested them on the plastic wrap that spread out on the ground.
Once all the bodies were removed from the hole, Gabriel wrapped them in the plastic and then dragged each one of them away into the tool shed, closing the huge doors behind him.
My throat felt like it was closing and my stomach started to churn. I scurried back to the sofa and sat down, hoping to stop the nausea. I was sweating profusely. I grabbed a glass that rested on the coffee table. It was half full with what looked like water. There was an almost empty bottle of club soda next to it and two pills that rested on top of a box.
I peered at the box closely—Gravol—Prevention and Treatment of Nausea, Vomiting and Dizziness Due to Motion Sickness. Gabriel must have put the medicine there before he left. I tossed the two pills into my mouth and swallowed them down with the club soda and leaned back against the sofa holding my hot forehead, gasping.
Nina was dead. Dawson and Green Eyes were dead. I felt like I was in the beginning of another nightmare. Or was it a dream? Was I supposed to be happy or sad? Neither one of them had my best interests at heart. They all wanted to hurt me, to use me. They all wanted me dead. The times Nina had been cruel to me during our friendship far outweighed the times she’d been kind. I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about Nina being dead. I needed to be indifferent about it but it still made me sad. She’d been my only friend for many ye
ars, which had to count for something.
In the far away distance, I listened to a high-pitched noise that was coming from the tool shed. It was the sound of a saw, followed by a loud repeated banging. I cringed. I went to stand back to the window to look outside. The sun started to set. The sky was a crimson orange and the white clouds moved slowly across my vision with the light breeze outside. Was I finally safe?
“Are you afraid of me, Lily?” Gabriel asked standing in the doorway casually. His hair was damp from the shower he’d just taken. I went to bed early and was now awake at some odd hour.
“No, Gabriel. I am not afraid of you,” I answered petulantly.
Gabriel smirked and walked towards me slowly. He’d changed out of his death disposal suit and was wearing only a pair of loose pajama pants. His chest was bare.
“What happened to them, Gabriel?”
I wasn’t sure why I wanted to know.
“Well your friend Nina looks like she’s been dead a while. Her throat was slit. Roberto was missing the entire back of his skull from a close-range gunshot and Dawson’s throat was cut open. There wasn’t much left holding his head on.”
“Oh.”
He placed his hands on my shoulders and began to massage me. Instinctively, I leaned into him.
“What time is it?”
“It’s just after eight o’clock. Are you hungry?” He checked his watch.
I scoffed. “I guess I am.”
He returned a few minutes later with a colorful salad. The ranch dressing sat on the side of the plate. There were carefully cut onions and tomatoes which sat on the top of the green iceberg lettuce.
Rocco did a few circles in a spot next to the bench in the bay window and plopped down on the floor making himself comfortable. Nate rested not too far from him.
He rested the salad next to me on the bed, running a hand through my hair softly. I leaned into his touch, then he placed a soft kiss to my lips.
“I’m sorry, Lily,” he said with a contrite look on his face. “This is who I am but you have to believe I’d never hurt you.”
“I know, Gabriel.”
“We cannot breathe a word of this to anyone. This goes to the grave. Lily, no one knows or needs to know what happened here today, ever.”
He continued to stroke my hair.
“I understand, Gabriel,” I whispered.
“I know you will keep our secret.”
I took a bite of the salad and chewed slowly, then took another. I gagged and covered my mouth quickly.
“Lily,” he said.
I looked up to meet his eyes, embarrassed.
“I think you’re pregnant.”
After taking three different pregnancy tests, it confirmed what Gabriel had suspected and what I hadn’t realized. I was pregnant. I immediately made a call to Dr. Gerard on Skype. Dr. Gerard said that it’s possible my IUD slipped out of place, which now needed to be removed permanently.
“Lily, do you want to keep it?” Dr. Gerard asked.
“I’m not sure.”
I hadn’t considered my options. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of raising a child. Gabriel stomped towards me and stood in front of the camera of the laptop.
“Yes, we are keeping it. Please don’t ask that again, Dr. Gerard,” he said in his deep voice.
“Okay, Lily. I might be able to fly up to the cabin at the end of the week. If the IUD isn’t causing you any discomfort it should be fine until then but it needs to come out,” Dr. Gerard said.
I ended the call and closed the laptop softly. When I looked up, Gabriel stood in front of me wearing an unreadable expression.
“You don’t want to have a child, Lily? Because I’m happy about this.”
I honestly didn’t know how to respond. He was a hitman. What did he expect my reaction to this news to be? Everything hadn’t sunk in yet.
“I don’t know. This is just all so sudden. I’m not prepared for a baby.”
Gabriel walked closer to me. “I see. It’s not the baby, is it? You don’t want to have a baby with me.”
“No, it’s not that, Gabriel!” I shrieked, attempting to pacify him, knowing my feelings were a jumbled mess.
“Lily, we are keeping this baby. Do you understand?” Gabriel’s brown eyes bore into me.
“Yes.” I laid my head on the table for a moment, feeling exhausted. “I don’t know if I can take care of a baby,” I sobbed.
Gabriel came closer and knelt in front of me, taking my face into his hands. “Lily, you will be a great mother. I promise you,” he said pressing a kiss to my lips.
It had been two months since leaving Helena and I missed Abigail. She was eight months pregnant. She and Jacob were staying with us for a week at the cabin. We knew this was the last window for travel that they could take advantage of before their baby was born.
The construction that added two new floors, three new fireplaces, and four new bedrooms to the house was finished. It was spring and much warmer but there was still a light snowfall in the mountains. At night, the temperatures dropped to almost winter levels.
The squirrels had multiplied and could be seen scurrying up the trees outside. I spotted two small foxes hopping around from the deck, looking for food.
I prepared dinner for the four of us. A roasted chicken with dill potatoes and turnips. Abigail rested in the den with her feet rested on the coffee table.
“I bumped into Cynthia and Madison before I came here,” Abigail whispered to me as I placed a cup of tea on the coffee table in front of her.
“They say congratulations, Lily…on the engagement.” Abigail crooked a perfectly shaped eyebrow.
I pasted a smile on my face. “Sure.”
Abigail laughed loudly. “They can be such horrible bitches, Lily. I’m sure you’re glad you won’t have to see them for a while.”
Gabriel placed some wood in the fire place.
“Why didn’t you tell me you write, Lily?” Abigail asked.
“It’s nothing, Abigail, just a hobby to clear my head.”
“These stories are good, Lily, especially for kids.” She smiled. “You might have something here.”
“Thanks, but I’m not sure,” I said shyly as I grabbed the folder from her.
I set the dinner table we hardly ever used unless we had guests and that was never. Jacob grabbed some of the silverware and began circling the table, positioning the forks and knives under the water and wine glasses with precision looking up at me. He froze and eyed me for a long moment and then smiled. In that moment, I think I realized how handsome he was and how much he reminded me of Gabriel. We continued to move around the table until we met halfway.
“I’m really sorry about your friend, Lily, but it was all for the best. I’m sure you understand that.” Jacob looked at me apologetically and wrapped his hands around my wrists.
“What?”
“Your friend Nina,” Jacob said firmly.
“Thank you,” I whispered, giving Jacob a small smile.
“You’re welcome,” he said, as he grabbed the pile of cloth napkins and finished placing them between the forks and knives on the table.
We sat around the dinner table a few minutes later. Jacob opened a bottle of red wine and went around the table and poured the liquid into each of the wine glasses. Gabriel and Jacob talked about work for a long while and the latest developments at the sawmill and at the ranch. Lee was now the full-time foreman at the operation. Miles still hadn’t been found.
“Lily, no wine?” Jacob eyed my untouched glass on the table.
“Lily is pregnant,” Gabriel blurted out.
“Why didn’t you tell us? When were you going to tell us?” Abigail shouted.
“I was going to tell you soon, Abigail, but I’m not quite three months yet, so I wanted to wait.” I laughed lightly.
Abigail leaned in to give me a hug. “You know Jacob found this really great baby place when he went up to Alberta a few months back. Lily, you and Gabriel should really c
heck it out. What was the name of that place, honey?” Abigail asked curiously.
Gabriel hovered over his dinner plate, giving the food an odd look.
“I think it was called Babies4Forever, or something like that. It was a huge place,” Jacob said taking a sip of his wine.
“We will definitely take a look, Abigail, maybe see if it’s online,” I said.
After dinner was finished, Gabriel helped me clear the dishes from the table and to load them into the dishwasher.
Abigail leaned against the center island, stretching her arms up to the ceiling. “I love what Gabriel has done with this place. It looks amazing,” Abigail complimented looking around.
“Yeah, I know. I think most people hear log cabin, especially up here and they think of a one-bedroom wooden shack with single window pane glass and no electricity or running water.” I laughed.
“Lily, I’m sorry but that’s usually what it is. But this place! This place should be featured in Architectural Digest!”
“I don’t think Gabriel would like that.”
“I know. Gabriel would be pissed. Ha!” Abigail laughed loudly.
The new master bedroom was spacious. It had direct access to the kitchen through a long hallway without having to cross the den. It also meant that we no longer needed to venture across the hallway to use the bathroom. It was now larger with his and hers sinks, a separate shower and a jetted tub.
After dinner, I decided to call it a night and went to take a shower. I stood in front of the large mirror that rested over the bathroom vanity and turned to the side to look at my belly which was still flat. There was a new roundness to my body. My breasts were larger and so was my ass.
Gabriel threw his arms around my waist pulling me close to him, turning me towards the mirror. He leaned me against him and squeezed my breasts firmly with his hand. When the bathroom steamed up, Gabriel quickly slipped out of his clothes and pulled me into the shower with him.