by B. B. Hamel
I shake my head. “I got him. You enjoy.”
She sighs. “It’s good having you home.”
I grin at her then head into the back nursery. Noah is sitting up in his crib, crying because he’s hungry or because he just wants to see me, but it doesn’t matter. I lift him up, kiss his cheek, and carry him over to the changing table.
I didn’t know about Noah until after he was born. My ex-girlfriend Jen planned on giving him up for adoption, and nearly did it until Alice found out. I begged her to let me have him, and she agreed but on one condition.
I had to leave the SEALs and never look back.
It was the hardest choice I ever had to make. I spent the majority of my life, from eighteen until thirty, serving as a SEAL. I was fighting overseas in Syria, and that was my last tour. As soon as my time was up, I was honorably discharged, and I came home.
Noah was only a month old but I got him. Alice was raising him for me and I knew she was relieved when I got back to help. It was hard at first, but he’s nearly a year old now and it’s getting easier every day.
Jen doesn’t see him and I wouldn’t let her if she wanted. I can’t trust a person that would give up their child, no matter what their reasons. We only dated for a little while, really just a month while I was home on leave, and that’s when she got pregnant. Fortunately, it was at the very end of my tour, or else I’d be stuck in Syria still and my son could have gone anywhere.
But none of that matters now. I change him, clothe him, and carry him out to the kitchen. Alice fusses with him while I get his breakfast together. She helps feed him while I eat, and the morning goes pretty smoothly like that.
I never thought I’d be a father. The idea just never occurred to me. Other men got married, had wives, had kids, had real lives, but that shit wasn’t for me. I was a fighter, a SEAL, a fucking warrior. I was going to live overseas and fight America’s enemies until the day that I died.
That is, until Noah showed up in my life. As I drive him to daycare, I can’t help but reflect on how things have changed.
It’s not just about me anymore. I have to live my life based on his schedule. It’s harder than I thought it would be but also more rewarding. I have a job at Alice’s flower shop, and otherwise I don’t know what I’d do for work. Fitting back into civilian life is hard as hell.
I kiss Noah goodbye, drop him off, and head to work. Alice waves as I show up and head into the back, getting my stuff together.
“I’ve got a task for you,” she says just as I’m putting on the stupid and embarrassing apron she makes me wear around the shop.
I pause. “Can I take this off?” I ask her.
She grins. “Yes, you can.”
“Let’s hear it,” I say, pulling the apron off as if it were burning hot metal.
“We got a big order this morning, some wedding over on Turner. I need you to get us some wildflowers from the nature preserve.”
“I think I can handle that.”
“They don’t usually sell flowers, but they’ll let you pick them. Just tell them I sent you.”
I grin at her. “Is this legal?”
“Basically.” She grins back at me. “Legal enough.”
“Works for me.” I grab my keys again and head toward the door.
“Hey, hold on.” She walks over to me and gives me a big hug. It takes me off guard a little bit but Alice is always doing stuff like this.
“You’re doing great,” she says, pulling away. “Keep it up. Noah’s a good kid and you’re a good dad.”
“Yeah, well, thanks.” I’m not great with emotional stuff. “See you later.”
“Good luck.” She waves as I head out.
Life back home isn’t easy. Getting used to being a civilian again isn’t a simple thing. I’ve been back for about ten months now but I still don’t feel like I belong. I barely have any friends, since they’re all either still in the service or they moved away from this shitty little town we grew up in, and I spend all of my time raising Noah. It’s exhausting and difficult and sometimes I feel like something’s missing from my life.
But I wouldn’t go back and change it. I made this choice, I decided to come home and raise my son, because that’s the kind of man that I am. I’ll keep on sacrificing for Noah because I don’t know any other way.
I start the engine and head off, driving out to the edge of town. Asherwood is a small town in the heart of Virginia, basically a bunch of farms and one little downtown area where the flower shop is. The nature preserve is out on the edge of town, in the middle of nothing, which makes it in the middle of the middle of nothing to be exact.
I have no clue that soon, this middle of nowhere is going to become the center of my world.
2
Mia
My alarm blares at the crack of dawn, just as the sun’s starting to rise. It pulls me from my deep sleep and, as much as I want to go back to sleep, I know that I can’t.
I fall into my morning routine. I brush my teeth, shower quickly, and then head into my father’s room. I help him out of bed, brush his teeth, help him use the bathroom, and finally I bring him into the kitchen.
He’s pretty calm today as I make us both breakfast. I have to be at the nature preserve in a half hour and the nurse is coming soon, but I like making him breakfast. When I’m finished, I sit down and help feed him while I drink my coffee.
My father has late stage Alzheimer’s. He can’t take care of himself anymore, and most of the time he has no clue who I am or where he is. It’s heartbreaking, but he’s my father and I’ll do anything for him. He’s in his late sixties, which is pretty young for Alzheimer’s this advanced. I’m only twenty and couldn’t go to college because of his illness.
I don’t regret it. I like living in Asherwood. Mom died five years ago of cancer and I’m all my dad has left. I have an older sister, but she’s ten years older and living out in California. She has a family, a husband, and she can’t just uproot herself to come back and help. Truth is, she doesn’t know how bad Dad is, and I don’t want her to find out. We’re not that close, since we practically grew up in two different houses, but I still feel protective of her anyway.
I can handle this. I’ve been handling it. I take care of Dad and I pay the bills. I work at the nature preserve and Dad gets government assistance which pays for the nurse. Plus there’s his pension from when he worked as a federal employee for so long. We’re comfortable financially. We’re not rich, but we’re getting by.
I was my dad’s little miracle baby, or at least that’s what he always called me. The doctors said my mother was way too old to have me, but she did anyway. I was close with my dad growing up, really close. My mom used to say that I softened him, that he was a harder man before I came around. My sister said the same thing. I only ever knew the doting man that always gave me everything I ever wanted and asked for nothing in return.
I’m paying him back now. I take care of him the best I can. I have the nurses to help me, which means I can have something resembling a life, but for the most part I take care of him and I work. It’s not glamorous, and sometimes I wish I could get out of this town and see the world, but I’m content enough.
The nurse comes about fifteen minutes later which gives me just enough time to make it into work. I head out to the preserve on the edge of town, parking in the back lot, and hurrying into the main visitor’s center.
“Good morning, Momma Mia,” Laura says as I walk through the door. She’s been my boss for the last three years. She’s around my mother’s age, or at least how old she would have been if she hadn’t died. She’s one of the nicest, sweetest people I know, with long dark hair going gray and light blue eyes. She’s been working at the preserve for as long as I’ve been alive and more, and she’s basically the only person that knows how to do anything around here anymore. I’m learning a lot from her, and I honestly love my job.
“Morning, Laura,” I say, coming behind the front desk. She stretches slightly and s
miles.
“Coffee’s on, if you want some.”
“Thanks,” I say, going through the mail from last night. “Anything special this afternoon?”
“Actually,” Laura says, turning toward me, “there is something you can do for me.”
I raise an eyebrow at her and stop what I’m doing. “What’s up?”
She clears her throat a little bit. “I’m feeling under the weather today, actually, and there’s this . . . favor I’m doing for someone.”
I frown at her. “What is it?” I ask her.
She looks a little sheepish. “Truth is, dear, this is a bit, ah, under the table. If you understand what I’m saying.”
“So you want me to do something illegal?”
She laughs and shrugs. “Caught me.”
“How illegal are we talking?”
“Not very, truth be told. Alice Baker over at Baker’s Flowers needs some wildflowers for a wedding and I said we could get her some, for the right price.”
I sigh, shaking my head, and can’t help but grin a little bit. “Even though picking flowers and any foliage of any kind at a nature preserve is totally illegal.”
“Totally,” she agrees. “It’s not like we don’t have a ton of the stuff. Besides, I go way back with Alice.”
I lean up against the counter, smiling at Laura. “Well, are you going to cut me in on the deal?”
She laughs, loud and deep. I love the way she laughs and it’s pretty infectious. I can’t help but smile wider.
“You cheeky little thing. Okay then, I’ll give you twenty percent.”
“Twenty-five. I’m doing all the hard work, after all.”
“Okay. You have a deal.”
We shake on it and I grin at her, excited. “So, when do I start?”
She checks her watch. “Alice’s stepson should be coming by shortly. You might know him, I think he’s your sister’s age.”
“Baker?” I ask, shaking my head. “Name doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Lucas Baker. Joined the military, been overseas for a while.”
I shrug and go back to sorting the mail. “Never heard of him.”
“Well, you’ll meet him soon.”
“Guess so.”
“Thanks, honey.” Laura gives me a quick little hug. “Now, I’m off to nap in the office. Wake me only if the preserve is on fire.”
“Understood.”
She gives me a little smile and retreats back into her office. I shake my head and go back to work, setting up for the morning.
This is so typical Laura. She’s not exactly a rebel or a criminal, but she’s not above bending stupid little rules if it helps out a friend. I don’t mind doing it for her since she’s done so much for me. My hours are flexible because she knows about my father’s condition, and she’s let me skip so many days on his account I can barely keep track, most of them paid. I come and go on the preserve basically however I want, and I pay her back by doing the bulk of the work around this place.
Truthfully, I love it out on the preserve. It’s about five acres of pristine local wild lands, and technically it’s not allowed to be bought or sold for any development purposes. There’s always a vote every year in the local council to shoot down developers that want to try and build on the land, and every year Laura has to mobilize the local community activists, but we’ve been comfortably safe for a long time now.
I finish up my routine morning tasks then hit the trails. I like to take a short hike up around the preserve, through my favorite meadow, and across the little stream. I’m checking for trash and anything like that, or at least that’s what I say if anyone asks me.
Mostly I’m just enjoying myself. The sun is shining and it’s oddly warm for an early spring afternoon. I breathe deep of the fresh and perfect forest air, getting a deep scent of piney goodness as I strike out into the trees.
This is what I live for these days. I have friends and I go out as much as I can but this preserve, these trees, this land, it’s what I really love. We have issues from time to time with people trying to cut down parts of the forest for firewood and once we had to chase a bear away from some campers, but stuff like that is rare.
Mostly people come out here and enjoy it. We’re supposed to be strict about people getting passes and paying to use the trails and all that, but mostly we turn a blind eye to it. Most folks pay up, but we don’t care either way. We have enough money to keep going and that’s been good with Laura for a long time now.
It takes me a couple hours to do my slow, lazy loop through the trees. I take my time, enjoying nature, really soaking it in. I stop to watch a squirrel building his nest high up in a branch, and I even catch a glimpse of a small herd of deer. By the time I head back toward the main building, the sun is climbing up through the sky.
I’m sweating slightly, and so I pull off my long sleeve shirt and tie it around my waist. As I head toward the office, I catch sight of a truck coming up the driveway.
For some reason, I pause and watch as it comes toward me. Normally I’d just go back inside and keep busy, since I don’t really need to deal with every visitor, but for some reason I’m rooted in place. The truck is older, a little beat up, but still running. It pulls up and parks in the first spot, and out climbs one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen.
He’s tall and muscular with tan skin and tattoos running up his arms. His eyes are deep blue and his hair is thick and dark, pushed back along his scalp.
He smirks at me and runs his hand through his hair as he approaches. I should stop staring at him, but my heart suddenly beats faster in my chest. His face is covered in slight stubble and he’s probably thirty at most, though he looks rugged and experienced. He’s tall, easily dwarfing me, which sends a thrill down my spine.
“Hey,” he says. “I’m looking for, uh, Laura Wells?”
I cock my head at him, the spell somewhat broken. “Oh, she’s laying down. Are you from the flower place?”
“Yeah,” he says, smiling at me. His teeth are straight and white. “Do you work here?”
I nod once. “I do. I’m Mia Hayes.” I hold out my hand.
He takes it and for a second, I feel something fast and sharp in my stomach. It’s like butterflies, but more intense.
“Hayes?” he asks, frowning at me. “You got a sister?”
“I do, her name is Linda.”
He laughs a little bit, releasing my hand. “Lindy,” he says. “That’s funny. I knew her in high school.” He watches me for a second before something dawns on his face. “Holy shit, you’re little Mia.”
“I guess so,” I say, smiling a little bit.
“You probably don’t remember me,” he says. “You were what, six years old? Less? Anyway, your sister and I were pretty good friends for a while back then.”
“Really?” I ask, laughing a little. I think back and try to remember him, but I have a hard time. I was never close with Linda back then, and she mostly kept me from her friends. But then again . . . “Did you play football?” I ask him suddenly.
“Sure did.” He grins. “Remember me now?”
I nod suddenly, excited. “I think I do! You were always driving this old, beat up truck, and you had your jacket on all the time.”
“You mean, this truck?” He nods at his vehicle.
“No way,” I say, laughing. “You’re kidding?”
“Still running after all this time.”
“Wow. That’s impressive.”
“Takes some work, but I can handle it.”
“What a small world,” I say. “So you’re back home, working for your stepmom?”
He nods, crossing his muscular arms. “Sure am. Never saw myself as a flower guy, but it pays the bills.”
“Nothing wrong with being a flower guy,” I say, laughing. “Come on, the meadow isn’t too far away. We can take a look at what you need.”
I head out with Lucas by my side. I feel a little strange walking with this man who I haven’t seen since
I was a child. Truth is, he was a child back then, too, but we’re not children anymore. He’s a man now, with scars and tattoos and muscles, and I’m a woman. I’m suddenly acutely aware of my slightly damp skin and my bare arms, but I keep walking, not letting myself be deterred.
We chat about our lives as we go, catching up. He asks about my sister, and I tell him as much as I can and promise to pass along his hellos. He tells me about moving back home and about the military. He’s funny in a dry kind of way, and I find myself talking with him so easily and comfortably that it surprises me. I’m not usually great at small talk and find it unbearable sometimes, but with him it’s easy. I feel like I’ve known him all my life instead of briefly a long time ago when I was still a little kid.
We reach the meadow in about fifteen minutes. He follows me out into the high grass, the flowers dotting the space.
“This is beautiful,” he says after a short silence, which surprises me. He doesn’t seem like the type of man to talk like that. Truth is, Lucas seems like a very hard man, but maybe there’s more to him than I think.
“It is,” I agree. “This is one of my favorite spots.”
The meadow is ringed by trees on all sides. For some reason, nothing grows too tall in this space, except for the grass and the wildflowers. They’re everywhere, growing thick here, some brightly colored, some dull and muted. It smells amazing as we walk across the grass, and I can’t help but trail my fingers along the tops of the flowers.
“If I’m being honest, I don’t know what I need,” he says, laughing a little bit. “Alice sent me, but I’m not exactly great with this sort of thing.”
“That’s okay,” I say. “Report back to her with what you see and she’ll let you know what she wants.”
He stops for a second, cocking his head at me. “If you were to have a bouquet from here, what would you want?”
I stop and look at him for a second, biting my lip. “I don’t know,” I say.
“How’s this?” He picks a few blue flowers, some short and white ones, and mixes in a few tall green stems. When he’s finishes, it’s a nice little bouquet actually, surprisingly nice.