by Lyn Andrews
‘You’ll never know just how much, Maggie. Well, standing here crying over spilt milk isn’t going to help. I’ve a lot of work to do.’
‘Will you go and see him?’ Maggie asked tentatively.
‘I suppose I’ll have to. Do you know when visiting is?’
‘Half past seven to eight and they’re terrible strict about it too. Only one visitor at a time, not that there’s been many who want to go and see him. He hardly spoke to a soul around here. He’d fallen out with just about everyone, the bad-tempered get!’
Mary sighed. ‘How did it happen, Maggie? Nellie just said he fell.’ It was the first time she had even been able to bring herself to think about it in any depth.
‘Some fool left a hatch cover half open and he tripped. Fell the whole way down into an empty hold. He’s lucky to be alive.’
‘He won’t think so, knowing Frank.’
‘Well, the doctors won’t take kindly to an attitude like that! Not after all their hard work. Now, I’d better get on with the laundry, I’m a bit behind this morning and, as usual, I need the money.’
‘When I’m organised I’ll give you a hand again, Maggie. I’m going to need money too. I’ve a bit saved but it won’t last for ever and then I’ll have to find some kind of work to keep us.’
‘There’s nothing much, Mary, you know that.’
She nodded. ‘I’ll have to take what I can. I’ve worked in a flour mill so I suppose I can say I’ve a bit of experience of factory work, and I can go out scrubbing floors.’
‘We’ve all had plenty of experience of that!’ Maggie said flatly.
Mary took off her jacket. She had better make a start and then tonight she would have to go and see Frank, no matter how much she hated the thought. After all, he was the reason she’d come back.
Chapter Twenty
MARY HAD LEFT THE children with Nellie and had caught a tram to the grim red-brick hospital in Pembroke Place. She had tried to prepare herself for seeing Frank again after so long. She wouldn’t be bitter or hostile, she would try to be pleasant and sympathetic and practical; she would also try to see someone who could tell her exactly what his injuries were and the type of care he would need when he came out of hospital.
The ward was long and narrow and tiled from floor to ceiling. Tall, barred windows were set high up in the wall which lent the place a depressing air and reminded her forcefully that it had once been a Workhouse. The beds, covered with white cotton counterpanes, were set in two long rows down each side and a nursing sister sat at a table in the middle of the room. She was a thin-faced, officious-looking woman whose heavily starched cap and apron made her appear even more stiff and unbending.
‘I’ve come to see Mr Frank McGann, please.’
‘And you are?’ the woman demanded.
‘Mrs Mary McGann. I . . . I’ve just returned from Ireland. I haven’t seen my husband since he had the accident.’
‘So you’ve turned up at last then!’ The sister’s voice was heavy with disapproval.
‘I came as soon as I could,’ Mary replied sharply. How dare she speak to her like that? She knew nothing of how Frank had treated her.
‘He will need constant care when he goes home. His injuries are very serious. He is paralysed from the waist down. I presume you do understand exactly what that means?’
With a sense of horror Mary suddenly realised exactly what that meant. He had no movement at all and therefore no control over his bladder or his bowels. She managed to nod.
‘He’s in the next-to-end bed on the right-hand side. Please don’t over-excite him,’ the sister instructed, turning back to her notes.
His eyes were closed. Mary walked on towards him, her footsteps faltering as she made out his appearance. He looked older, much, much older, and thinner. His hair seemed to have receded and his skin looked taut and waxy.
‘Frank. Frank, it’s me. Mary,’ she said quietly, sitting on the hard upright wooden chair beside the bed.
He opened his eyes and turned his head towards her. ‘What do you want? I never sent for you.’ His voice was cold and a little rasping.
It wasn’t what she had expected. ‘I’ve come to see how you are.’
‘You can see that! I’m a cripple! A bloody cripple! I suppose you’ve come to gloat!’
She stared at him, shocked. ‘No! I came back because I thought you needed me, to look after you when you come out.’
‘I wish to God I didn’t! The last thing I need is your pity! In fact I wish to God I were dead!’
‘Frank, don’t say that. Not after the doctors have worked so hard. You’re alive, you should be thankful.’
He turned his head away.
She tried again. ‘Are you in any pain?’
‘I’ve just told you I’m bloody paralysed!’ he snapped. ‘Don’t you understand?’
‘I do. I just thought . . .’ She had to try to move the subject away from himself. ‘Don’t you want to know how the children are?’
‘How are they?’ he asked, expressionlessly.
‘They’ve grown. Tommy isn’t half the hooligan he used to be. He’s become very useful around the place and he can drive both a trap and a cart. Katie’s quite the little housewife and Lizzie, well, Lizzie’s come on in leaps and bounds.’ Oh, how it hurt her to think of how miserable they all were but she tried to keep her voice cheerful.
‘Then they won’t be very pleased about having to come back, will they?’ He sounded very bitter.
‘They’ll settle down when you’re . . . back.’ She couldn’t bring herself to call the house in Newsham Street ‘home’.
‘You’d better get back to them, Mary.’ He closed his eyes.
She could find nothing else to say. She got up. ‘I’ll be in again tomorrow night. Is there anything you want?’
‘I want to be a whole man again but seeing as you can’t do anything about that, you don’t have to bother coming.’
She bit down the retort that sprang to her lips. Whatever she had expected of him it wasn’t to be treated like this. ‘I’ll be back tomorrow. Perhaps by then I’ll know when they are going to let you out.’
His eyes snapped open. They were full of venom. ‘ “Let me out” just about sums it up. I’m like a bloody prisoner and always will be now and with you as my jailor!’
She walked away, tears stinging her eyes. Why had she come back? Why had she left everyone and everything she loved to come back to him? But she knew the answer. With a heavy heart she made her way along Scotland Road towards Nellie’s. She was just turning a corner when she almost collided with a man.
‘My God! Mary McGann!’
‘Richie Seddon!’
He grinned at her and she immediately thought that he hadn’t changed.
‘You’ve come back. I heard you might. So, how was life in the Emerald Isle?’
‘Much better than it is here. How are you? Married yet?’
He laughed. ‘Mary, you should know better than that!’
‘Don’t you dare say you’re waiting for me!’
He looked startled. She was smiling but there had been a hard edge to her voice. ‘Mary, you know how sorry I am about all that,’ he said quietly. He dearly meant it.
‘I know, Richie, and in a strange way it wasn’t all bad, me leaving Liverpool.’
He looked at her closely. She still looked beautiful. She was well dressed but there was something else. ‘You found someone else, didn’t you?’
She was too heart-sore to deny it. She nodded.
‘And yet you came back to him?’
‘I’ve been asking myself why all night. He wasn’t very pleased to see me.’
‘Then go back and leave him alone, Mary. He doesn’t deserve you; he never did. Nellie always said he’d get his come-uppance and he has.’
‘He didn’t deserve this and I made a promise, Richie, to God.’
He shook his head sadly. ‘I’d never be put in a position like that, Mary. It’s one of the reasons I�
�ll never get married. I look around me and think: What the hell is it all for, is it worth it?’
She smiled at him. ‘With the right person it is, Richie, and one day you’ll find her, believe me, and then I’ll come and dance at your wedding. Now I’d best be getting to Nellie’s to pick up the children.’
‘I’ll see you around then, Mary, and if there’s anything I can do to help . . .’
‘Oh, Richie, I wish there was!’ she said sadly before walking away.
The following morning she went with Nellie and Maggie to see the doctor at the hospital. She’d sent the children to school, although Lizzie had cried and dragged her feet and Katie had almost had to pull her out of the door. Katie hadn’t wanted to go herself.
‘You’ll have to make an appointment, this is most irregular,’ the sister at the desk said, looking annoyed at this deputation.
‘Then we’ll make one now,’ Mary replied.
The woman opened a large book and flicked through the pages. ‘There might be something next week.’
Nellie was outraged. ‘Next week! She’s come all the way back from Ireland, left a good position and everything, and you say next week! We’ll stay here until you find something sooner than that! What’s she supposed to be thinking and worrying about until then?’
The woman glared at her.
‘Please, my friend didn’t mean to be disrespectful, but I have left a very good position as housekeeper at Ballycowan Castle in King’s County to come back to nurse my husband. I would be very grateful if an early appointment could be found,’ Mary said.
Her quiet tone and deferential yet confident manner impressed the woman.
‘Very well, if you would care to take a seat I will make some enquiries. It might mean a long wait. Hours even.’
‘Thank you, I don’t mind at all. I’m sure you will understand that I want to know exactly how things are, when he will be discharged and so on.’
The sister indicated a row of wooden benches and the three women went and sat down.
‘The flaming nerve! A week!’ Nellie grumbled.
Maggie glanced at Mary. She’d changed in the short time she’d been away. She looked better, more sure of herself. She looked as though she was used to better things now. How would she cope with the life that lay ahead? It wasn’t going to be easy.
They waited for nearly four hours before finally the sister beckoned Mary to the desk.
‘Mr Copeland will see you now. Nurse will take you to his office. He can spare you ten minutes.’
‘Thank you, sister. I’m very grateful,’ Mary replied and then followed the nurse down a long corridor to a small office.
Mr Copeland was a tall, grey-haired man in his fifties with a pair of spectacles perched on the bridge of his long, thin nose.
‘Thank you for seeing me so soon, sir.’
‘Please sit down. Sister informs me that you have just returned from Ireland and have no knowledge of your husband’s medical condition.’
‘That’s correct, sir. All I know is that he had a bad accident and that he’s paralysed. How bad is he and how soon will he be able to leave here?’
‘There’s no use me blinding you with medical terms, Mrs McGann. In simple language he’s broken his back. He will need help with almost everything and I cannot give you any assurances that there will be no more medical problems. He may or may not live to middle age. As for being discharged from here, it will be some time yet.’
‘Weeks or months, sir?’
‘If all goes well I would think in about three to four weeks. You have work, Mrs McGann? Is there anyone in the family who can help out financially?’ he asked with some concern. There would be no compensation for the man from his employers. The family would have to live as best they could without his wage.
‘Not here, sir. I was employed as a housekeeper in Ireland but I will be needed in my own house now. I have a little money saved but I will find work of some sort when I have to.’
‘You have children?’
‘Three, sir. They are too young to work.’
He shook his head. Life was very hard for so many of the people he treated. He admired her courage. ‘Then I wish you luck, Mrs McGann.’
Mary stood up. ‘Thank you, sir, you have been very kind and considerate.’
‘Well, what did he say?’ Nellie asked as they left.
‘Only what we already knew but he won’t be out for another four weeks. At least that gives me time to get the place looking decent again.’
‘You’re going to need extra stuff, luv,’ Nellie said.
‘I know. Bedding, towels.’
‘There’ll be plenty of washing too, but at least I can help with that,’ Maggie added.
‘I know, but I can’t ask you to do his washing, it will be very . . . messy. Still, I managed to save a bit of money. It will tide us over.’
‘Go and see Uncle, he’ll have sheets and towels and he’ll let you have them cheap. Don’t go buying new stuff,’ Nellie advised.
‘I will.’ She suddenly thought about her wedding ring. Did Mr Dalgleish still have it? Did she want to buy it back?
‘Well, come on home and we’ll have a cup of tea, I’m spitting feathers we’ve been in that place for so long!’ Nellie offered. ‘And the rest of them will want to know how you got on.’
That afternoon she made a start on the neglected house. It would take her a couple of days to get it into shape, she thought, trying not to think of the large and well-furnished rooms she’d grown used to. All through the hours she had similarly been attempting to push from her memory what Mr Copeland had said about Frank maybe not living to middle age. It was wrong, it was wicked even to harbour a hope that she would one day find her release. It was her duty to do everything to ensure that he lived for as long as possible. How could she ever hope for any luck in life if she harboured terrible thoughts like that?
By the time the children came home Mary had given the kitchen a thorough clean and had a pie baking in the oven. Queenie had done some shopping for her that morning while she’d been at the hospital and she’d been very grateful.
‘I’m just going to Uncle’s. Stay out of mischief until I get back. I’ll take Lizzie with me. He’ll be glad to see her,’ she announced. She didn’t need to go so soon but she thought she’d better get it over with. She’d realised that it wouldn’t be deemed respectable for her to be living with Frank again without his ring on her finger.
‘Mary, I heard you were back! It’s good to see you again,’ Mr Dalgleish said warmly. ‘How is he?’
‘As well as can be expected, I suppose. He . . . he’s finding it very hard to accept it.’
‘I can understand that. And hasn’t she grown!’ he exclaimed, leaning over the counter and smiling down at Lizzie. He offered her the bag of sweets.
Lizzie smiled, took one and then made some rapid movements with her little hands.
He looked puzzled.
‘It’s her way of saying thank you. Mr O’Neill, my recent employer, was very good with her. He taught her a lot of things. She can write now.’ She tried to keep her voice steady. It was the first time she had mentioned Richard since she got back.
‘He must have been a very gifted and patient man.’
‘He was and very kind and understanding.’
‘I still have your ring, Mary. Is that why you’ve come?’
She nodded slowly. ‘I’m still married to him.’
He thought he detected a note of regret in her voice but said nothing. He turned and opened a small black safe and took out a box. ‘Here you are, safe and sound like I promised.’
She passed over the two guineas and slipped it on her finger. She hated it. It was a symbol of her misery but she was married, and no decent wife went without one.
‘Will I be seeing you regularly? He won’t have much need of his good suit now.’
‘He won’t, though if the rest of his things are anything to go by it won’t be in a reasonable state.’
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‘I can still give you a few shillings for it. Will he be needing his boots?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Maybe later on some of his mates will carry him outside to sit for a bit so he can see what’s going on in the street. Chat to people who are passing.’
‘I can’t see him doing that. You know Frank, he’d be bound to feel humiliated.’
‘Well, then you’d better bring the boots. If he changed his mind you could always tuck a blanket around his legs and feet.’
‘I will need other things. Bedding, towels. I do have some savings.’
‘You’ll need them, Mary. I’ll see what I’ve got and make a bundle up for you and we can come to some arrangement over them and the things you won’t need.’
‘You’re always so kind. Thank you.’
‘I wouldn’t do it for everyone, you know that, and you also know that I for one wouldn’t have blamed you if you hadn’t come back. He doesn’t deserve such loyalty - he gave you none.’
‘How could I do otherwise?’ she said simply.
‘Knowing you, Mary, you couldn’t.’
She had to turn away so he wouldn’t see the tears.
Chapter Twenty-One
LIFE SETTLED ONCE MORE into the dull routine of drudgery: cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing, shopping in the markets for the cheapest of foods. She’d heard ping in the markets for the cheapest of foods. She’d heard all the local news, including the fact that Violet was expecting a baby in a few months. She’d been surprised and startled, however, when young Nora Phelps had sidled into the kitchen a couple of days after she’d got back. Nora had looked very shamefaced and had picked nervously at the frayed edge of her blouse cuff.
‘What is it, Nora?’ Mary had asked quietly, remembering the part the girl had played in the disasters that had overtaken her.
‘I . . . I just came ter say sorry, like. I never meant ter cause so much trouble, honest, Mary, I didn’t!’
‘But you did, Nora, and you knew I’d done nothing wrong.’
‘I know all that, Mary, and me mam belted me somethin’ shockin’ and I’ve never even spoken ter that Richie Seddon since! I ’ate him! I’m really sorry, Mary! I was just so jealous and stupid!’ She drew her sleeve across her eyes, wiping away the tears of remorse and humiliation.