Kalino made an angry sound, and then faced front again, “If I weren’t flying this plane, I’d shake you for saying something so stupid. Your parents loved you, and Kevin, so much.”
Becca fell silent, Kalino’s threat sliding off her shoulders as if it had never been uttered. She wasn’t afraid of him, but he seemed very angry over her perception of things.
Kaillar wasn’t quite so ready to let the subject drop. He felt the conversation needed to continue, so he pressed, “What’s he talking about?”
“Remember that whole, I don’t want to talk about this right now, conversation we had just a few short minutes ago?” When he nodded, she continued, “That’s what he’s talking about.”
“The conversation you never had with anyone.” He stated it as fact, not a question.
Becca sighed, “Yeah. That one.”
Kaillar looked at her, and then spoke to Kalino, “Do you know what happened?” He tried not to notice the look of defeat on Becca’s face. He needed to know what he was walking into, and since she wouldn’t tell him, he’d ask someone else. Someone who seemed to be intimately acquainted with the entire situation. Whatever the situation was.
Chapter 7
Kalino looked at him and asked, “The day her brother died?”
Kaillar nodded, “I think that’s the day I’m talking about. The day that she isn’t.”
Kalino gave Becca a sad look. An apologetic look that said he was sorry, “You let them all believe the worst, didn’t you?” He was remembering the bruising on her cheek and around her throat. No doubt, she had allowed them to assume the worst. “Tell me you didn’t protect him,” he demanded, even this many years later, he was not willing to give Dagan a pass on his deplorable behavior.
“I didn’t have to, no one asked. They automatically assumed.” She answered him woodenly, her gaze fixed out the small window.
“What, that you’d let him have his way with you? How did you explain the bruises around your throat?” Kalino demanded, trying to calm down so he didn’t crash them into the ocean below. The emotions of that day were bubbling up, and he strove to keep them in perspective. Something Becca obviously hadn’t done.
“My mom was the only one who seemed to notice them, and her looks said it all. Whatever had happened was entirely my fault, and mine alone. She’d warned me about Dagan…”
“Wait a minute!” Kaillar interjected, his mind scrambling to keep up with the conversation. He turned to Becca and demanded with his eyes and his voice, “Bruises around your throat?”
“It’s not what you think…,” she tried to calm him down, looking at him with a haunted look in her eyes that was a knife to his heart.
“That’s good, because I’m thinking this Dagan character deserved to be beaten to a pulp.”
“The ocean did that for you. Thanks,” Becca told him sarcastically before turning her head away once again. She was tired of this conversation, because it was getting nowhere. The facts didn’t change the outcome. Her brother had blamed Dagan for her condition, and gone after him. She’d not been able to stop him, and both of them had lost their lives.
Kaillar watched her shields come up, and mentally kicked himself. Kalino met his eyes briefly, and then began to tell him about that day’s tragic events. By the time he was finished telling the story, Becca had tears running down her face, and Kalino was speaking to the tower at the Hilo airport in preparation for landing.
Kaillar reached over and grabbed her hand, holding on tight when she tried to tug it away. “Shush. Becca, I don’t know what’s been going through your head, but as soon as we can, you need to call Gracie and talk with her about this. You’ve been hiding for four years from something that should have been dealt with immediately. I’m sorry that the people in your life let you down.”
Becca took a shuddery breath as she struggled for control, “No, you have it all wrong.” She looked at him, and the sadness in her eyes broke his heart. “I let them down. I was older, and should have taken steps to protect Kevin. I should have never gone down to the beach. He was only fourteen and…”
“It doesn’t matter. You should have had someone in your life you could talk to about what Dagan did. He hurt you, and if you never say what happened, he gets away with it.”
“He’s dead! He’s not getting away with anything!” she insisted.
Kaillar shook his head, “That’s where you’re wrong. If you don’t explain what happened, at least to one person, he does get away with it. In your own mind, he gets away with it because it’s a secret you have to keep locked away; along with all of the bitterness and pain it brought to your life.”
Becca shook her head, “I tried that. The counselor was kind enough to affirm that my guilt was right where it belonged. I’d acted without a care for my own well-being, leading Dagan on, and the aftermath of that decision cost my brother his life.”
Kalino was furious that anyone would dare to let her believe that the events of four years ago were her fault. She was the victim! But he couldn’t have this conversation with her, because the tower was responding and they were getting ready to land.
He clenched his jaw for a moment, and then let out a breath, “We’re landing. Hang on,” Kalino called from the cockpit.
Becca was grateful for the interruption, but as they landed and retrieved their luggage, Kaillar’s words kept replaying in her mind. Had she really let Dagan off the hook by not telling anyone what had really happened? In effect, she’d protected his memory from being tainted by his horrible actions. She’d saved others from having to face the reality that their friend and family member wasn’t honorable or the cool guy they’d idolized. He was an abuser, and she had no doubt in her mind that if the park ranger hadn’t arrived when he did, he would have been able to add rapist to his list of crimes.
Kaillar watched her, as did Kalino, but neither of them said anything more on the subject. She was left to muddle through her own thoughts; trying to make sense of what was real and what was the result of hiding the truth for so long. Would speaking the truth to someone about that day be what she needed to finally heal? Someone who wasn’t there to judge her, but just listen and possibly, maybe…agree that she’d been the victim? Kaillar and Kalino thought that way. Well, they sounded as if they thought that way, but then again, they didn’t know all the facts. They didn’t know that she’d willingly gone with Dagan. That would change everything.
She had no doubt in her mind that Gracie would feel the same way. Gracie had told her time and again that the attack in the parking garage wasn’t her fault. That she was the victim. But the counselor… Who was right?
She wanted to move on with her life so badly, but she’d only ever made it so far. Maybe Kaillar was right, and she needed to call Gracie and confide in her. She couldn’t confide in either Kalino or Kaillar. It wasn’t because she didn’t think they would understand, it was simply her own fear of judgment from that quarter. She didn’t think it would make things any worse, but she was beginning to really like Kaillar, and didn’t want to jeopardize that by showing him how stupid she’d been.
If she was going to put herself back out there and risk judgment again, she’d choose the source she was almost positive would be supportive. She couldn’t trust a stranger to do that. Not again.
No, she’d talk to Gracie, and that would be the end of it. She wasn’t sure when that would happen, but if today was any indication, she needed to make the call sooner than later.
“So, you two want a ride to Opihikao?” Kalino asked after following them into the terminal.
Becca shook her head, “No. We’ll take a taxi out. Thanks for the lift.” Kalino had told her that he lived on the opposite side of Hilo, and she didn’t want to take him any further out of his way.
“You don’t have to thank me,” Kalino told her, pulling her close for a hug before releasing her. “E komo mai. Welcome home, sister. Welcome home.”
“Thanks. Come by later.
I’m sure mom will be happy to see you.”
“I will. Kaillar, it was good to meet you. Take care of her, and don’t let her take too much on those tiny shoulders. Guilt is a horrible thing to wrap around one’s neck. Just remember that, Becca.”
She walked away, stepping out of the terminal to hail the first cab she could find. She was done discussing the past, and trying to focus on the difficult task that lie before her. Hopefully, the community had gathered around her mother to make the funeral preparations easier. There would be a burial ceremony, but the feast and party afterwards would be the hardest for both of them to bear. Becca didn’t want to hear the drums beating happily along, or hear the people laughing as they danced and ate the food so soon after he father’s body had been placed in the ground. She understood about celebrating a person’s life, but somehow she would much prefer a more quiet remembrance than a party type of atmosphere.
She knew without asking that his body would not be cremated. He came from a very staunch Hawaiian ancestry that believed the bones of a human carried with them divine power. To cremate them would be to disrespect that power and intolerable. His body would be carefully preserved, and placed in a casket before being buried in a traditional gravesite.
While some Hawaiians would have a burial at sea, she knew her mother would never allow that. The sea had already claimed her son; she wouldn’t willingly give it her husband as well.
Becca might have been gone for four years, but she still knew her mother. And that was part of the problem. Her mother had always been opinionated, and the last few weeks before the tragedy, she’d been short tempered with Becca’s insistence on following Dagan around. She’d warned her daughter that the man was nothing but trouble, and she’d been right. Becca should have listened to her.
Chapter 8
“Becca?” Kaillar touched her on the shoulder, bringing her back to the present.
She blinked, and then realized a taxi was parked directly in front of her, the back passenger door open and awaiting her arrival. “Sorry. I guess I got sidetracked.”
She slipped into the taxi, and gave the driver the address to the resort. She watched out the window as the vehicle made its way out of the airport and began the drive along the coastal road. When she began seeing the warning signs about the slow moving lava tubes, she couldn’t resist asking, “How close are they to the location I gave you?”
“About two miles, miss. They have everyone on standby alert, but I wouldn’t worry while you’re here. The tube hasn’t really moved much in the last month or so.”
“Really? That’s good news.” Becca breathed a sigh of relief. She’d seen the coverage on the national news, and she’d been relieved when they’d put up the map and she’d realized her childhood home wasn’t in the direct path of destruction.
“It is,” the driver agreed. “My family’s home is in the evacuation zone, and we’ve already moved my grandmother to another place, and removed the furniture and keepsakes.”
“I’m sorry,” Becca told him.
“No, do not be sorry. It is as my grandmother say. This land was birthed from the volcanoes, and eventually everything circles back to its origin.”
“Dust to dust,” Becca nodded her head.
“Yes.”
“Lava tubes? Are we talking about molten rock here?” Kaillar asked.
Becca smiled at him, glad for something to talk about that didn’t include her family or the past. “There are three main volcanoes on the island. Kilauea is the smallest of the three now…”
“Now?” Kaillar asked.
“Yes. She blew her top back in the 80’s, and is only about four thousand feet above sea level right now. The other two mountains you saw as we flew around the island were Mauna loa and Mauna kea. They are both just short of fourteen thousand feet, but neither of them are really active. Mauna loa erupted back in the 80’s as well, but doesn’t seem to have much activity since then. Kilauea is a different story. She hasn’t ever stopped erupting, and the crater rises and falls over time.”
“When you say erupting, you mean like explosions and such?” Kaillar asked.
“Sometimes,” Becca offered him a small smile, and then she looked out the window and her smile broadened. “We’re here.”
Kaillar looked out the window, and saw what looked like a little piece of paradise. A large two story building with wrap around porches on both levels stood behind a large expanse of green foliage and grass. Palm trees, flowering hedges, and a plethora of large leafed plants bordered the property.
To the side of the main house, small bungalows were connected by a covered walkway, painted white and enclosed here and there with lattice boards.
“You grew up here?” Kaillar asked, thinking that it looked like something one would see on a postcard.
“I did,” she told him, watching him and liking the joy she saw on his face. That was something she’d noticed about Kaillar, his ability to take joy in his surroundings. If was infectious, and more than once since meeting him, she’d been jealous of his ability to enjoy his life. That was what she wanted most – to just enjoy being alive and not feel as if she didn’t have the right to do so.
“It’s absolutely gorgeous.”
Becca nodded, but before she could reply, her attention became focused on the small woman with the graying hair who had come out of the house to greet her visitors. Becca knew the exact moment her mother recognized her. She tossed down the dishtowel in her hands, and started crying even as she ran towards Becca.
Becca felt tears start, and was helpless to stop them as she met her mother in the middle of the yard and felt those slim arms surround her for the first time in over four years.
“Becca! My sweet girl! Welcome home!”
Becca held her mom close, the feeling of being held in her mother’s arms one that completely broke down the rest of her defenses. She held on, sobs coming from a place deep within her. Her mother simply held her and cried with her.
Becca had no idea how long they stood there on the grass, but she sensed Kaillar behind her, and slowly pulled away from her mother. Not sure what to say regarding what had just taken place, she opted for making her introductions.
She wiped her cheeks, and then stepped back so that her mother could see Kaillar, “Mom, this is Kaillar Donnelly. Kai, my mother, Stacie Kahoalani.”
Kai stepped forward and shook her mother’s hand, “Ma’am. Your place here is amazing!”
Stacie offered him a soft smile, “This is your first trip to the islands?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Kaillar’s smile was easy, and compassion shown in his eyes when he took her mother’s hand in his own and softly told her, “I’m very sorry about your husband.”
“Thank you.” Stacie looked between the handsome man and her daughter, and then she stepped back, “Come inside.”
Becca had seen the speculative look in her mother’s eyes, and knew that at some point her mother was going to want answers about…everything. After her crying jag, her eyes felt puffy, and her throat was clogged with unshed tears. But she felt better. Almost as if the load she carried was lighter.
Stacie led them into the main house, leading them directly to the large sitting room at the rear of the property. It overlooked a private salt water pool and a large patio where guests were welcome to barbecue and enjoy the sunshine away from the crowded beaches.
“I’m so glad you came. When I didn’t hear back from you, I got worried,” her mother told her.
Becca started to answer, but Kaillar came to her rescue. “I’m afraid that’s my fault. Your news was so shocking to Becca she fainted. Once her friends and I figured out what had happened, it was only a matter of a few hours before we were boarding a plane in Denver…”
“Denver?” Stacie asked, turning to look at her daughter. “Is that where you’ve been these many years? I saw the postmark on your yearly cards, but the town never made much sense to me.” Seeing Kaillar’s
confusion, she explained, “Becca has sent a post card every year just before Christmas, but it was always postmarked North Pole. Her father and I were afraid she’d moved to the top of the world.”
Kaillar smiled and then asked Becca, “You drove to the North Pole to mail your cards?”
Becca nodded her head, “It wasn’t much of a drive, and I actually enjoyed being there every year during the holidays.”
Becca turned to her mother, “Yes. I’ve been living in Colorado. North Pole is a small town about an hour’s drive from Denver.” She paused and then added, “I just finished college.”
Stacie smiled at her daughter, “Your father would have been so happy to hear that. He…” She paused, glancing at Kaillar, uncomfortable with discussing family issues without knowing his connection to her daughter.
“It’s okay mom. Kaillar knows what happened.”
“Does he?” her mother asked with a raised brow. “Then maybe you could fill me in as well.”
Becca shook her head, “You know what happened. You were there…”
Her mother was quiet for a moment and then sighed, “I saw what you wanted me to see.”
Becca hadn’t a response, and finally she changed the subject. “What do you need me to do for tomorrow?”
“Nothing. Everything’s already been taken care of. Your presence is all that is required.”
“Fine. Dress?”
“Traditional white. Did you…”
“I brought something appropriate with me. I’m going to go get Kai and myself settled. Any guests?”
“No. Julia cancelled everyone’s reservations for me,” she offered, referring to the older woman who helped her mother manage the cooking and cleaning tasks for the guest rooms. Julia was about the same age as her mother, and had been a figure in Becca’s life for as long as she could remember.
“I’m glad Julia’s still helping you out.” She didn’t wait for her mother to say anything else; she stood up and headed for where Kaillar had stacked their bags by the door. “Ready?”
Three Brothers Lodge - The Complete Series Box Set Page 23