by Fish, Aileen
“Mama, he’s not interested in marrying anyone, much less me, at the moment.”
“You’ve discussed marriage? That’s wonderful! A long engagement would be fine, just secure him with a proposal.”
If Mama was encouraged that marriage had come into the conversation, she’d start planning a wedding date if she knew how much Mattie and Markham talked about kissing.
Yet, for all his questions, he never hinted at wanting anything more than friendship.
“I’ll ask Her Grace to seat you two together—
“No! You won’t involve her in your matchmaking. Especially since we’re here to celebrate her daughter’s wedding. Please, Mama, do not do anything to embarrass me. If Lord Markham wanted a match, he would have asked me long before this.”
“Sometimes a man needs a nudge to realize what he wants. This is the perfect setting for nudging, the romance of it all.”
“I will die of embarrassment if you say anything more to anyone. Markham heard you and Papa. He was gracious about it, but if you say anything more, I could lose his friendship. Please, stop.”
“You’ve always been such a foolish girl. The man is heir to the duke. You can’t find a better husband.”
With her face burning and tears welling, Mattie waved away the maid, having little hope she wouldn’t discuss the matter with all the other servants. Being humiliated in front of so many was bad enough, but wondering who knew and how exaggerated the gossip had become would be so much worse.
“All I want of a husband is that he loves me, and wants a large, happy family as much as I do,” Mattie announced.
“You know better. Love won’t feed you and give you a fine home, a fashionable wardrobe—”
“Mama, stop! I refuse to discuss this anymore.” Her voice broke.
Her nose stuck in the air, Mama snapped, “I will always do what I feel is best for you. In the end, you’ll see I was right.” She turned and marched out the door.
Burying her face in her hands, Mattie let loose the emotion that had caused a knot in her throat big enough to make it difficult to breathe. Poor Markham. Mattie had drawn him into this with her flirting, and now she was powerless to end the mess she’d created.
Markham would never forgive her. She’d never forgive herself. He didn’t deserve to be treated this way. If people blamed him for putting Mattie in a position to be the object of such gossip, it would only add to his reputation as a miscreant.
The door opened and Lavinia entered. “I just passed your mother in the hallway. What has her—Oh, dear. What happened?” She rushed to Mattie’s side.
“It’s such a mess. I wish I could go home.”
Lavinia tugged on her arm. “Come, let’s sit somewhere more comfortable.” She led Mattie to the bed, where they sat on the edge.
Mattie leaned into her friend and cried even harder. Not only was her heart broken knowing what was going to happen between her and Markham when Mama finished with him, but the situation could come between Mattie and her friend.
Running her hand down Mattie’s back, Lavinia made comforting noises until the tears slowed. “There, now. That’s better. Can you tell me what happened?”
“Mama’s determined to marry me to Markham.”
Lavinia laughed lightly. After a bit of silence, she asked, “She’s not serious, is she? You’re friends, but nothing more.”
Mattie hiccupped with tears still threatening. “Yes, and yes. She’s misreading every moment I’m near him.”
“Well, you two were missing for quite some time this afternoon…”
“I was tilting—I mean, I was enjoying the garden. The swing, mostly. I’d forgotten how much fun it is to float in the air with nary a care.”
“I hear my brother was there with you. If you want to deflect rumors, that’s not the way to do it.”
“Neither of us wanted to play charades.”
“There are so many other activities you could have found that didn’t involve him.”
Mattie sat up. “Are you telling me not to speak to Markham?”
“Of course not. I would have assumed after last night, you wouldn’t want to draw more attention to the two of you.”
“It’s not fair. I enjoy his company.”
Lavinia lifted Mattie’s chin and forced her to meet her gaze. “How long have you loved him?”
Pulling away, Mattie shook her head. “Don’t talk nonsense.”
“I’m not. Oh, dear, you’ve set yourself up for so much heartache.”
“Why? Am I not deserving of love? Is it so impossible for a man like him to care for me?”
“He’s not ‘like’ anyone, he’s his own man. But I can’t imagine him wanting to marry anytime soon. How long have you cared for him?”
“How long have I not? I didn’t mark the date and time in a journal. It grew slowly and bloomed one day.”
Lavinia pulled her into her arms again. “I hope you recover, soon. At least accept the fact you might never be more than friends. Now, let’s go down to dinner.” Lavinia stood.
Wiping her cheeks, Mattie shook her head. “I can’t bear to see anyone. Nor to hear what my mother will say with everyone there. Forgive me, please?”
“Very well. You rest. You’ll be yourself again by morning.” Smiling, Lavinia glided across the room and left.
Of course Mattie would be herself by morning. She was herself now. She’d kept her feelings hidden so long no one really knew her, but she was trained in proper behavior and would maintain her proper façade.
***
Early the next morning when Markham returned from his ride, he found his sister waiting for him outside the side entrance to the house.
“We must talk.”
“Can it wait until I change clothes?” he asked roughly.
“It won’t take long. It’s regarding you and Mattie.”
“Not you, too. There’s nothing between us.”
“There is, but you haven’t noticed.”
“Only in the eyes of her parents.”
“No, in Mattie’s eyes…in her heart, too.”
His first thought was that Lavinia had joined in the matchmaking scheme, but she wasn’t like that. If she’d refused to let his name be entered in their kissing scheme, she’d never encourage marriage to one of her friends. “We’re comfortable because we’ve known each other so long. We think alike on many things.”
“Now you sound like you’re explaining why you care about each other,” Lavinia said.
“Don’t be silly. I’m sorry if she misread our friendship and hopes for something more. It’s probably the romantic setting of your wedding.”
“You didn’t see her last night. Her heart is broken.”
“How am I to be blamed for that? I did nothing to encourage her.”
“You’ve done nothing to discourage her, either.”
Markham wouldn’t allow anyone to dictate who he could and couldn’t talk to. He’d done nothing improper. In fact, they’d taken pains to behave in a way that no misinterpretation could be have. “So I’m to not speak to her anymore? Do I come right out and tell her I don’t love her?”
“No, of course not. You’re being unreasonable. You know perfectly well how to behave in a manner so that a woman isn’t reading something more into your actions.”
“Thank you for making me aware of the problem. Now I must clean up before joining everyone for breakfast. With everything that’s being said about me, I don’t want to add poor grooming habits to the list.” He stepped around her and went inside.
Instead of joining their guests in the dining room, he sent his valet for a plate to eat in his room. By the time he changed, his breakfast was there, and by the time he finished eating, Ringley appeared.
“You’ve gotten yourself in a pickle,” Ringley said.
“Do I need to ask what you’re referring to?”
“I doubt it. I’m sure Lavinia spoke to you the same as she did to me last night. You’re on her bad side.”
Markham forked his fingers through his hair and exhaled in exasperation. “I haven’t done anything.”
“Somehow, the ladies have taken that as a declaration of love.” He shrugged. “You know how I became engaged to Lavinia, so I’m no expert in the workings of the female mind. What do you plan to do?”
“According to Lavinia, anything I do will be the wrong thing.”
“You need a clear head to find the right solution. Let’s go for a ride.”
“I just returned from riding.”
“Your father owns more than one horse, doesn’t he? Your other option would be to find what the guests are doing.”
Markham shook his head and raised his arms as if pleading to the ceiling would help. “Very well, I’ll change again.”
Chapter Five
Markham managed to avoid guests the rest of that day and the next, but he couldn’t miss the ball without incurring his mother’s wrath. Father would rail at him, too.
Aside from his duty, he’d never be so rude to Lavinia and Ringley. This was a grand celebration of their future together. After the wedding tomorrow, there’d be a wedding breakfast, but that was a much calmer affair. He wanted to show everyone how happy he was for the couple.
And so, wearing his black tailcoat, gold waistcoat and his dancing shoes, he did the pretty and began dancing with each young woman in the room. In addition to the guests who’d come from some distance, their neighbors were also in attendance. Even some young girls not quite old enough to be out in society were there, blushing and glowing with excitement.
He enjoyed dancing with them, and the wallflowers, most of all. They didn’t care who he was, they were happy just to dance. That’s all he sought—to make certain all of their guests enjoyed themselves.
During a much-needed break when he stepped out on the terrace alone, Ringley cornered him. “You’ve been doing your mother proud. I don’t think there’s a single lady in there you haven’t danced with. Except Lady Matilda, that is.”
“Do you see? I said no matter what I did where she is concerned, it wouldn’t be good enough.”
“She watches you dance and looks so sad. Oh, she smiles prettily and talks to anyone who passes by, but knowing her as I do I see the disappointment.”
“And how will my partnering with her help? She’ll only gain false hope. I don’t want to increase her pain.” The idea of causing her pain was new to him. One couldn’t be blamed for where his affection lay, nor for any sort of decision made from the circumstances before them.
If only he was able to leave. That would solve the matter with no pain to either party. He’d made his appearance. He’d danced with a number of partners, too, but this one night he must remain until the last guest retired.
With the wedding early the next morning, he hoped that wouldn’t be too late into the night.
After he and Ringley went back inside, Markham looked for who he hadn’t danced with. Of course, his gaze landed on Mattie, who was participating in the lively country dance with the son of a neighbor. She was smiling, her step light, but there was no joy about her.
Once more, he wanted to leave. Being in that room and dancing with everyone but her was subjecting her to more gossip than a single dance would. He waited until that set finished and she stood with Clara, then approached. “May I have the next dance?”
Clara’s eyes grew even rounder than her open mouth.
Surprise dashed across Mattie’s features before she replied. “Yes, of course.”
Somehow, he’d expected to see more happiness in her eyes. “Walk with me while we wait,” he asked.
They strolled side by side, but he was very aware of others around them, so he was cautious to speak. “The bride and groom are quite joyful tonight.”
“Lavinia has a horrible case of nerves, wanting everything to go smoothly tonight and tomorrow.”
“Because of that, I considered staying away tonight, but that wouldn’t look right.”
“Who cares how it appears, you would have broken your mother and Lavinia’s hearts.”
Much like he’d been told he was breaking Mattie’s. “True, and we don’t want broken hearts at a wedding.”
They were on the opposite side of the room from the door outside, so he chose another escape. “Would you like a glass of punch? I think that room is quieter.”
“I would like that.”
He was correct in that the room had only a few people in it. He poured two cups and led Mattie to a table near the corner where they sat. He glanced at her to read her expression, but she had her eyes trained on the cup in her lap. “Are you enjoying the dancing?”
“Of course.” She spoke softly, quite unusual for her.
“I’m glad. We’ll have our dance whenever you wish.”
She said nothing, the final clue he needed to indicate her mood.
“I’ve been scolded for my behavior by my sister and soon to be brother-in-law.”
When Mattie didn’t even look up, he continued. “I’ve treated you ill. I’m sorry for that.”
“You’ve treated me no differently than normal. Whatever others are saying, please don’t think it came from me.” Her hands trembled and he fought not to not reach for them.
“I think we both know differently—not that the complaint came from you, but in my behavior. I enjoyed the other afternoon with you. And not simply because our scheme was successful in avoiding the others.”
“My mother spied us in the garden.”
“I suspected as much. If it had been my mother, she would have scolded me directly.”
“My parents don’t wish to scold you,” she said, “they hope to encourage you.”
He chuckled at the irony. “They’ve forgotten I’m the miscreant?”
“It would seem so. Or perhaps, wicked behavior is much more palatable in a marquess.”
“I’d never imagine your mother to think that way.”
“Nor I, but what else would explain her this week?”
“I’m sorry to have put you in this situation. And I know I’m encouraging her by sitting here with you, but I couldn’t let you continue to think I avoided you.”
“Of course not. You, as host, have many duties to attend to.”
That wasn’t what he meant, but he didn’t want to argue with her. He wanted to squeeze her hand and take away her sadness. Instead, he gulped some punch.
“Did—did Lavinia say something to you?” she asked.
He didn’t need to ask what she meant. “Yes.”
Mattie’s shoulders hunched as if she wanted to hide.
“I won’t embarrass you with statements of being honored or flattered by what she said. It’s true, though. I couldn’t choose a better wife, if I planned to marry.”
Blast it, that was harsher than simply saying he was flattered. Now she had the right to ask why he didn’t plan to marry, given the fact he’d one day need an heir. It was better that he explain himself, but this was hardly the place to do it.
This was likely the only chance he’d have to do so, however, and he’d do anything to end Mattie’s pain. Keeping his voice low so as not to be overheard, he began.
“Do you recall my engagement?”
Now she looked up, her brow furled.
“I thought not. It was nearly eleven years ago. You might not have heard at the time since you and Lavinia were both young.” He reached for her glass. “Let me refresh our drinks.”
He wished for something stronger than punch to steel his nerves. While he felt Mattie was a good friend, he rarely spoke of Lady Susan to anyone. He didn’t want their pity. Yet of all people, Mattie was least likely to pity him.
When he returned, he continued. “My parents and some good friends had a wish that their daughter Lady Susan and I would one day marry. In my case, my father insisted on it, but Lady Susan fell in love with another. On my eighteenth birthday, our engagement was announced. The next day, Lady Susan eloped.”
Stating the facts of
the matter were much easier than admitting to the emotions.
“How awful for you.”
“I recovered, but I have no intention of finding myself in that position again.”
“What position? Being forced to marry where there’s no love?”
He knew instantly she referred to herself. He didn’t love her, but he was too fond of her to say so straight out. “I don’t know that I’m capable of love. I’d have to promise something I don’t know that I could fulfill.”
“I see.”
“If only my mother would.” He finished the second cup of punch. “She’s fond of you, you know.”
“Yes, she’d always been very good to me.”
“I believe she’d be as happy as your mother if we cared for each other.” Blast again! He couldn’t prevent himself of making matters worse. “Shall we go back with the others? I fear the longer I sit here rambling, the worse you’ll think of me.”
If what his sister and Ringley said was true, Mattie couldn’t possibly think worse of him, but at least he’d tried to ease her pain.
Chapter Six
Standing at the front of the church beside Lavinia the next morning, Mattie’s hands were shaking almost as badly as the bride’s. Her excitement for her friend was boundless.
Ringley looked like a cornered mouse being held entranced by the wicked cat—Markham.
Markham, on the other hand, appeared happy and sad all at once, as though he realized his life would change now that his sister had a new man to champion her. The idea warmed Mattie and was perfectly in character with the man she knew him to be.
After signing the registry, husband and wife left arm-in-arm, and Mattie fell in step next to Markham. For a moment, her thoughts drifted to imagining they were the newlyweds, but she quickly staunched that foolish notion.
She rode back to Stanhope Abbey in the duke’s brougham carriage with Markham, which made it even more difficult not to pretend he loved her.
But he’d said quite plainly that he didn’t. It was time for her to grow up, forget about kissing him, or anything more.
Thankfully there were enough guests at the wedding breakfast that Mattie couldn’t spare a moment’s thought on the marquess. She sat with Clara and Selena at a small table covered in white linen, with a bouquet of pink roses as a centerpiece. In between bouts of laughter, Lavinia walked up with a young woman beside her.