by Joan Bramsch
She planted a noisy kiss on his cheek. “Yes, go back to bed. I'm sorry I woke you but I just couldn't hold it in. I can't wait to tell Shawn.” She did a little Shuffle Off To Buffalo step. “I've got to go over to his hotel right away. A phone call just won't do it."
Her brother knew he couldn't stop her; her happiness was beyond control. “Go on then but be careful driving."
Casey was already throwing on her heavy jacket. She grabbed her notes and went flying out the door to her truck. She didn't feel the biting cold night air because she was radiating the heat of triumph. Gunning the motor and racing down the street, her joy could not be contained so she curled the tip of her tongue against the back of her front teeth and let loose an earsplitting whistle.
"I did it, Shawn!” she shouted. “I did it for you."
When she skipped into the lobby, she had definite plans for celebrating her news, especially if he'd fallen asleep waiting for her call. A little moan of delight rumbled deep in her throat when she imagined it.
The elevator rose to the third floor and she hurried to his door and unlocked it with the key he'd given her on the weekend. She heard Shawn, talking on the phone in his bedroom. Silently she eased the door opened, intent on giving him her good news. And then maybe he'll love me! she prayed.
But then her world exploded into a million soul-shattered pieces.
Shawn stood with his back toward her, talking on the phone. Obviously upset, he pushed his hand through his tangled curls again and again.
"No, I haven't begun the talks yet. I wanted to clear the boards on the Memphis take-over before I did. You know how I feel about this. I'm going to have to handle these negotiations with a delicate touch."
Hearing his words, Casey closed her eyes and wished for death.
"I can't proceed any faster. The McDermotts are proud people. I have to choose the right time to make the offer. It'll be difficult to convince them to negotiate. Particularly the president,” he said. “I can't just barge in and tell her how things are going to change. She'll fight me tooth and nail. Hell, her whole family wouldn't think twice about coming after me on this one! I can't take the risk."
His determined tone slashed across Casey's bleeding dying heart.
"Now listen to me, I'm not going to bungle one of the biggest deals of my life. I'm going to have to convince all the McDermott's that my ideas for the future are the best anyone can offer.” He swore beneath his breath. “It's going to be the battle of the century. But, dammit, this is one fight I'm going to win!"
At his last words, Casey gasped. Whirling around, he stared at her, shocked. “I'll have to call you back,” he said bluntly, and hung up the receiver.
"Casey, how long have you been here?"
"I heard you, Shawn.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Why didn't you just tell me you wanted my company? It would have saved a lot of wear and tear on both of us."
"I want you!” He moved to take her in his arms. But she held up her hands.
"No, don't touch me."
"Baby, let me explain. I never wanted you to hear it like this."
"I think I understand fairly well. Of course, I'm not as devious as you seem to be,” she added, beginning to feel the heat of her outrage flow into her limbs. “You had to figure out a way to get a solvent, closely held corporation away from the McDermotts.” She choked and sputtered, fighting her tears, praying for strength. “The solution? Make a damn fool out of the boss!"
"That's not true, Casey."
The look of torment she saw in his eyes seemed almost real. Good acting! she decided, growing angrier by the moment.
"My attorney warned me about you. Well, how does it feel to be found out, Vulture?"
He flinched when he heard the name. “I'm not a vulture, Casey. I try to help companies that are about ready to go under."
"Especially if you need what they've got, right?"
He tried again to take her into his arms. “Casey, you're twisting every word I say. Listen to me."
Casey folded her arms across her chest; her feet were spread in a defiant stance. “I'm listening."
Shawn realized he was fighting for his life now. Their life ... together. “Won't you at least sit down?"
"That won't be necessary,” she replied, shaking her titan curls with a jerk. “I don't think I'll be staying long."
Pushed beyond his endurance, he jammed his hands deep into his front pockets. “Dammit, Casey. It's you I want."
"Sure you do,” she agreed, but her tone was deadly. “Love me, love my company, right?"
"I don't want your company. I want us to be partners.” He pulled one of his hands free and thrust it through his tangled curls. “Haven't any of our long talks convinced you about the plans I have for the future?"
"I might have believed you once, but that was before I heard what you said on the phone.” She shook her head again. “It's over, Shawn. You'll never get McDermott's Construction. We're safe from your pillage. You can't touch us ... ever."
"Casey, don't you know that I love you?"
His words twisted like a knife in her heart. Oh! she thought, to have heard those words, another time, another place. “I can't believe you, Shawn. Not now.” She turned to leave.
"No!” he exploded. “I'm not going to let you go. You're all mixed up.” He strode to her side, and tried to ease her against him, but she seemed to shrivel from his touch.
"Don't, Shawn. Don't touch me. I have to leave ... now."
"Baby, think about this clearly. I do not want your company. Believe that. Don't shut me out of your life."
Blinded by tears, Casey pulled the door closed and walked back to the elevator. Her dazed body swiftly lowered to the lobby where her heart had already fallen, dead and cold. She mumbled a programmed apology to the man she stumbled against when she walked like a zombie to the exit.
When the doorman saw her glassy lifeless eyes he inquired, “Are you all right, Miss? Miss?” But she only waved her hand weakly to push away his question.
Somehow her dazed body drove home in jerky robot motions. Later she would not remember how she'd gotten home or what she'd done after she got there. Shawn's words had killed her soul and she lay her weary body between the covers of her bed where the night before he'd taken her to the exhilarating heights of ecstasy.
Although in shock, she began to experience flashes of insight. All together, the muddled picture became clear to her warped sensibilities. Basically Shawn's attraction to her had caused a serious flaw in his plans for a take-over of McDermott's Construction, a company he wanted, a company he needed to strengthen the installation side of his business.
When he'd first arrived, he'd told her about the Memphis firm. What he failed to reveal was his determination to buy out that company! He'd assume control and cleaned up the operation just as he was doing with the sales company here. Probably for pennies on the dollar.
But McDermott's was a family-owned corporation with no stock available to the public. That would keep it safe from “The Vulture".
Could she have misunderstood? she wondered, still in a daze. She tried to examine her feelings toward Shawn. She'd never felt such freedom and communion before, she decided, trying to be totally honest with herself. I loved him, cried her heart. “I love him still!” She'd trusted him with her heart, and she thought he cared for her as much as he was able.
But he'd never revealed all of himself to her, she realized. He didn't share all his feelings and plans for the future. Why? Had he felt torn because his heart got in the way of his unsavory intent? No, she continued, he made no promises. Until tonight, he'd given no declaration of love ... only accepted what she gave so freely.
"Everything!"
Intellectual thought was beyond her as Shawn's words continued to drum through Casey's aching mind like a sound loop, repeating over and over again—phrases, plans—that systematically destroyed her will to survive. To live. Even to exist. Without him, her life would have little meaning.
During this last week, she'd have to stay away from him, she decided. Even if he raged. Even if he pleaded to talk to her. She wouldn't be able to bear the lies. Now that she knew what he really wanted, what good would it do to confront him further? She was no masochist. Nor was she vindictive. She couldn't punish him for not loving her as she loved him.
In fact he'd been out to get something different ... her company! And somehow she'd always suspected she'd never have his love. She'd prepared herself for the inevitable parting.
"But, oh God, it hurts. It hurts so much!"
Crying out her pain, she turned her face into her pillow to muffle her sobs. She could still identify the male scent there of the man she loved and had lost. Her tears continued flowing through the cold dark hours until the long night turned into a gray somber dawn.
Bleary-eyed Casey pulled herself weakly from her bed and stumbled into the bathroom where she stood for a long time beneath the hot stinging shower, her hopes of washing away her grief, unsuccessful.
Back in her bedroom she dressed like one in a fog. She took one look at her face and decided she'd never look at herself again. Her eyes were sunken hollows; her features, swollen and almost unrecognizable. The down-turned mouth would be her own forever, she believed. When she walked stiff-legged into the kitchen, Mike was busily preparing their breakfast.
"Hey, Sis,” he greeted her without turning. “Did you take the phone off the hook last night when you came in?” He turned to hear her answer, sucking in his breath when he saw her. “My God, Casey! What's happened?"
She seemed not to hear his words, just moved like a sleepwalker to the counter and began to pour two cups of coffee. Before she could pick up the cups, Mike grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her to face him.
"Casey! Casey!” He shook her limp body with tense hands. “For God's sake, Casey, tell me what's wrong,” he pleaded, raising his voice in his attempt to break through her wall of silence.
She blinked, then stared at him with dead eyes. “I'm all right, Mike.” She answered in a hollow empty voice, standing like a ravaged war victim before him.
"Like hell you are!” he bellowed. His frantic eyes darted over her tearstained face. He searched his mind for the reason. Suddenly he remembered. “You went to see Shawn last night. What happened over there, Casey?” He swallowed convulsively. “Did he hurt you?” he ventured softly. “I swear I'll kill him if he's done anything to you,” he seethed, pulling her desperately against his chest in his agony to reach her.
Mike's vow to kill Shawn seemed to snap something inside Casey's dead body. No matter what he'd done she would love Shawn forever, she knew that, and so she could not allow Mike's anger to do harm to him. She brought her lifeless eyes into focus and looked sadly into her brother's searching gaze.
"He didn't hurt me, Mike,” she answered in a quiet pain-filled voice. “At least not like you mean.” Then she sighed in a great shuddering heap back against her brother who supported her weight in his strong arms. “It's just that ... it's just...” She tried to get the words of explanation out through her rising hysteria. “It's just that he doesn't love me.” She whimpered, great tears began their familiar course down her pale face. “He never did."
"Oh, Casey,” her brother cried against her soft flame hair. “I'm so sorry, honey. I never figured him for such a grade-A heel. I should have been keeping an eye out for you. Dammit, he blew into town and it was like taking candy from a baby. Casey, you're just too good for your own good."
She pulled away from him so she could look up into his face. “No, no, Mike!” She tried to explain between gulps of breath. “I walked in with my eyes open. Shawn can't help it if he doesn't return my love.” There. She'd said it out loud.
He shook his head. “That's not what I mean, Casey,” he replied evenly. “After what he must have said or done, it's obvious you still love him. No man could ask for more from any woman,” he proclaimed softly. “He must be nuts not to see it for himself."
"I'm not what he wants,” she whispered. “He wants our company."
"Our company?" he barked in disbelief. “You mean to tell me, all this time he's been planning a take-over?” He thrust her slumped body into a chair and began to stalk the room like a caged animal. “I will kill him,” he shouted, raising his angry fist. “I'll tear him apart with my bare hands. That son of a..."
Casey stopped his tirade with one word. “Don't!"
"Well, how do you want to handle this?” he asked, trying hard to control his anger. “And more important, what did Shawn have to say when you found out?"
"He tried to make me believe that he loves me."
In a trembling voice she told him all she'd heard, then the general bent of the conversation between Shawn and herself. As much as possible, she ignored her brother's guttural expletives as the story unfolded. Sighing, she sipped at the hot coffee Mike had brought to her while she tried to put together the fragmented pieces of the night, after she'd left Shawn's hotel.
"I must have taken the phone off the hook so he couldn't call me,” she said. “That means he'll probably call this morning or, worse, he might come over.” She wrapped her arms around her aching middle. “I can't be alone with him."
She lifted her eyes to Mike. “Stay with me, Mike. Be my little shadow,” she begged him, trying to smile. “I have to give him the figures on that new product. I can't tell him I didn't solve the problem."
Her ethical resolve struck Mike's mind like a gong. “You don't owe the bastard a thing, Sis."
"Just because he wants to do wrong, doesn't excuse me. I can't do that, Mike."
"Okay, so you give the bastard his information. Then what?"
"I tell him good-bye and walk away.” She tried to sound positive. “I'll just have to push him out of my life."
Her voice broke when she realized his image would materialize with every beat of her heart for as long as she lived. Work would have to become her salvation. She'd work herself into a stupor if that's what it took to keep going. Somehow she knew it wouldn't be enough. The pain would never go away.
* * * *
When they entered the office, Maureen and John turned to say good morning. Both stopped smiling when they saw Casey who was failing miserably to cover her shattered emotions.
"Casey's had a kinda bad night,” Mike informed them. “We'll talk later."
He effectively put a stop to any questions when he swiftly escorted his sister into her office, then returned for a cup of coffee for her. The couple voiced their concern for Casey.
"I can't talk. It's going to be all right but Casey needs me. Right now. And I'm going to be there for her. Understand?"
They both nodded but Maureen's eyes filled with tears. “Yes, you take care of Casey, honey."
"I intend to do just that!” he answered firmly as he returned to Casey's office. He put the cup into her lifeless hands. Her glazed eyes told him she was far away and he didn't intrude.
She replayed every word she'd heard last night. Takeover ... delicate negotiations ... biggest deal of my life ... right timing ... I'm not going to lose. Dear God, she prayed, Please ... please help me!
Half an hour passed. Casey finished her coffee although she couldn't remember doing so. She only felt numb. Then all her senses came to attention with frightening clarity when Shawn came striding into the outer office. He greeted Maureen and John as he walked across the room to enter Casey's office. As one person, Mike and Casey came to their feet.
His features were grim when he moved to her desk. “I tried to call you last night about midnight,” he told Casey. “Did you know your phone was out of order?” He continued to survey her haggard appearance. When she didn't answer, the color drained from his face. “Casey, we have to talk."
Casey could feel Mike's body tense. “Not now, Shawn,” she hurriedly replied, watching her brother out of the corner of her eye. “And you're right, we didn't know the phone was out of order. We'll have to call the phone company, Mike.” Her e
yes silently pleaded with him not to do anything foolish. His muttered agreement seemed to relieve her worries ... for the time being. She had to get this over quickly.
"I believe I've solved the elusive snafu,” she told Shawn with false brightness.
She sighed with relief when he began to go over the figures she held out to him. Perhaps he wouldn't try to talk to her about last night. Lord, what could he say that would fix her world? she wondered. It was completely destroyed now.
For the better part of an hour, the two discussed the solution. All the while Mike stood at Casey's side, silently supplying her need for his support. Had he not been there when Shawn hugged her, thanking her for the fine piece of work, she would have surely fainted.
"See, Casey? We can make a fast-moving team. Forget what you heard last night, and listen to me now."
But Mike interrupted. “Okay, you guys, break it up. Casey's got a business to run ... and so do you, Mr. O'Brien."
Mike spoke quietly, but Casey saw the anger flare across Shawn's face. She thrust the papers into his hand. “Mike's right,” she injected nervously. “You've got to call T ... Tom. You'll want to recheck my figures. And we've got another new job. Can't be slow on Monday,” she emphasized with an artificial smile. All the while her heart was breaking.
Shawn realized he wasn't going to be able to speak to her privately, not with her brother acting like her bodyguard. “I'll come back this afternoon when you have your closing meeting."
His words and tone held hidden meaning for Casey. He was telling her that they had some unfinished business between them. Whether she liked it or not, he was going to make her understand!
"I won't be here this afternoon, Shawn.” Her eyes darted to every object in the room except his narrowed gaze. “We have to go to Eureka and Arnold to make some bids. I don't expect to be back until late."
"Then I'll call you later,” he said, putting the papers into his dark leather briefcase. He had to talk to her, he decided resolutely. That overheard phone conversation had changed the love of his life—his Kathryn Celestine—into a stranger.