Ashleigh dropped to the floor, her skirt billowing about her enough to invite Stephen into its pillow-shape. She buried her face into his honey scented curls, eyes stinging. “It’s more like a nightmare. All of it. Even the good parts are twisted and—” She looked up through watery vision. “You will never know how grateful I am to have one person in this world with whom I need not pretend.”
Between a mixture of tears and distracting Stephen, Ashleigh relived the events of the past week, from boarding the magnificent ocean liner to the horrible aftermath at Queenstown. She carefully kept her feelings for Sam tucked away from the other details.
“Oh darlin’.” Fanny’s words whispered out on a sigh. “There aren’t words for it.”
“No.” Ashleigh shook her head and placed the blocks into another tower for Stephen to knock down, his little hands clapping at his success.
“I don’t sense the same anger toward Michael I read in your letters.”
Ashleigh paused and studied the floor, doing an internal assessment. Michael deserved her anger, but the look in his eyes as she’d descended in the lifeboat with Stephen in her arms scraped at her resentment. In that moment, the sorrow and gratitude reminded her of the man she had once called a friend. Selfish, yes – but with the right motivation to curb his selfishness, he had contagious energy, rock-solid determination, and a strong desire to right his wrongs. He always worked so hard to make up for his mistakes. His sorrow was genuine.
Maybe in those last seconds, when their eyes met, he died knowing she wasn’t his enemy. Perhaps he died free from the hold of his past. He’d hurt her and she ached from the sting of his betrayal, but…she didn’t hate him.
“He was wrong.” Ashleigh lowered her face into Stephen’s hair. “But having Stephen here somehow softens my anger toward him. Desperate people make poor choices in many cases. I wonder if his own experience of being an orphan made him determine his son would have a father – even if it meant leaving me.”
“Poor child. To have to face all this hardship alone.”
Ashleigh rested her cheek against Stephen’s head, a smile teasing to unfold. “I wasn’t alone, Fanny. Sam was with me.”
“I see.”
Ashleigh opened her eyes and looked over at her dear friend.
Fanny’s lips pursed before she turned to place the blocks in the bin, methodically, silence increasing the sudden tension in Ashleigh’s stomach.
“You see?”
“Your feelings for Sam.”
Ashleigh ran a hand through Stephen’s curls, considering her reply. A few creases at the corners of Fanny’s eyes hinted of the years gone by, but she’d not lost one wit of quickness in her observational skills.
“Sam has always been dear to me, Fanny.” Ashleigh didn’t have to lift her head to feel the woman’s keen stare. Her lifelong familiarity with their family attuned her perception all the more to the workings of the Dougalls, better than a clock. She met her gaze. “I have nothing to offer him except my friendship. He came here for Catherine, not me, and I’m–” She released a slow breath, contemplating her words. “Better suited to a single life of service.”
Fanny’s silence stung of disagreement, but Ashleigh forged ahead. “Sam and I have spoken a little about Stephen’s future, and have agreed it is best he stay here. He can be our first orphan.”
Ashleigh cupped a golden curl, lighter than his father’s. “Unless Sam discovers any remaining family for him back in Asheville, of course. I only need speak to Lord Cavanaugh about the use of one of our old buildings near the village. Since they purchased the property a few years ago, I don’t believe it’s been occupied and its vicinity near town and the hospital would be excellent.”
Fanny’s auburn brows perked. “Aye, Lord Cavanaugh would have been delighted to share his property with you. Especially with your grandmother’s connections here. But the fine man passed away six months ago and his wife has taken over running the estate.”
Ashleigh stomach cinched tight. “Lady Cavanaugh?” She stifled a groan, visions of the sallow-faced tyrant from her childhood coming to mind. The one clear memory she had was of the woman thundering through the shops in town, head high, voice pinched to set anyone’s nerve on edge. “Well, I shall have to try and speak with her. Until the north wing of the house can be prepared, we must have a place to work. You know as well as I, Mother would never let orphans stay in the main part of the house.”
“Aye, but time and circumstance have a way of changing our ‘nevers’.” Her knowing look pierced with implications.
“And some nevers are for the best. I have nothing to offer Sam, or any man, except my friendship and my skills as a nurse. I’m soiled goods.”
“Codswallop,” Fanny said, standing and brushing at her skirts. “I see you’re feeding yourself the same rotten food you were before we moved back to England last year.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Her fiery gaze burned with rebuke. “You know exactly what I mean. I love you like my own daughter, but I’ll not have you believing the lies from the shadows. God’s created you as something else altogether, but you’re not listenin’ to his voice.” She tugged a squirming Stephen out of Ashleigh’s arms. “And if you ask me?”
Which Ashleigh most certainly did not.
“You’re giving in without a fight. You were a victim once. You’re not a victim anymore – unless you choose to be.” Her gaze narrowed. “And you’re much smarter and stronger than that.”
Fanny’s footfall disappeared out the door and Ashleigh squeezed her hands together in her lap. Stronger? She lifted her chin. Yes, she was strong. Strong enough to let Sam go and experience a life with a woman who could give him her whole self. If not Catherine, someone else – someone besides her.
Chapter Thirteen
The quiet hush of the small hospital stirred Ashleigh’s calm, along with a sense of loneliness. A suppressed cough to her right or a stifled moan to her left alerted her of the suffering, but the sterile walls and tranquil atmosphere curbed the watchful grief at every corner of the building. It was a nice facility, holding about thirty wounded in this first room. The familiarity and consistency offered a subtle balm to the ache of relinquishing Sam to her sister.
Catherine would be home soon, and the knowledge punctured a small bubble of hope she’d nursed in secret. No matter how much Sam’s gaze spoke to her heart, Catherine’s power hung between them like a fragrance.
Ashleigh’s determination to remain single and focus on service solidified. She belonged here. A place where she could vicariously cling to hope while pouring it into others. Heal the broken, when there was no healing for her. Comfort the dying, when comfort for her past and future fell limp and fragile. Purpose provided a substitute, even if a weak one. She could live life alone in the service of others. She had to.
She smoothed her hand over her linen suit jacket and scanned the room for Dr. David Ross.
“Well, well, if it isn’t my long lost friend come to save the day.”
Ashleigh turned in the direction of Jessica Ross’ familiar voice. Hand to her hip and saucy expression fixed as if it hadn’t changed from their last encounter eight months prior, she stepped forward from a row of cots. A few rebel strands of her blond hair sprang free from beneath her gray cap and waved around her face with the same twist of nonconformity as their owner.
Ashleigh found her voice. “What are you doing here?”
Jessica’s emerald eyes shimmered with a love for life and a solid measure of mischief. “Checking up on you, of course.” She wrapped Ashleigh in an embrace to chase away some of the weariness of the past week. Oh, the sweetness of friendship. “Actually, I work six months at the front, then six months off.” Her grin perked with pixie flare. “They say it’s for mental wellness, but since we know I’ve never been secure on that score, I tried to battle protocol.”
It was beyond amazing how the bond of friendship gripped them as securely over eight months of time a
nd distance as it had when they shared lessons side by side at university. The rigors and horrors of war hadn’t affected Jess much and using her Father’s connections in England placed her near the front lines.
“You? A rebel?”
“Yes, I know it’s shocking, but someone needs to liven up the sticklers here in jolly old England.” Her laugh bubbled warm and added another dose of peace to Ashleigh’s world. “I suppose we’ll be working together for the next few months, my friend.” She winked. “Then I’m traveling back with Mother to the States to spend a few months at home.” The light in Jess’ eyes dimmed. “I hope to take care of her until the end.”
“So the diagnosis is certain.”
“Mother doesn’t complain, so when her illness finally became apparent to others, surgery wasn’t an option.” Jess nodded with acceptance of the inevitable. “She’ll be so happy to see you. I share your letters with her and she was praying to see you before—” She shrugged. “And I always love to see you.”
“Getting to spend time with you and your mother will be such an added surprise.” Ashleigh gave a mental nod to Providence with a note to ponder on the perfection of God’s timing. Almost as if He sent a firm ‘no’ to her notions of losing hope. Surely He wasn’t this involved in her life – down to a detail with this perfection? But who else could plan so accurately? And the opportunity to bask in the presence of Vivian Ross, a woman as secure in her faith and love as Grandmama Dougall, brought more unexpected gratitude.
I will never leave you.
She paused on the thought, the added awareness of God’s possible presence shook her.
“Since Mother took a ship over last week all the way from Warm Springs.” Jessica frowned. “I mean, Hot Springs. People should never change the name of one’s hometown. It’s highly inconvenient.” She waved the notion away with her hand. “Anyway, she’s visiting and has been cooking for us. You will be our first guest, if you promise to come on Friday next. That’s a whole week to garner enough excuses for me to combat.”
Ashleigh covered her laugh to dampen the sound from her quiet surroundings. “That’s wonderful.” The longer she stayed away from her home until Sam’s departure, the better. “I’d be delighted.”
“Fabulous,” Jess said with a soft clap of her hands. “Now, let’s find David so you can have a proper introduction.” She tossed a look over her shoulder as she turned. “Or whatever a proper introduction is to my mind. Despite Father’s consistent coaching in English protocol, it’s never stuck so well with me as it has David. He even uses the accent like a native.”
At Jessica’s familiar banter, the loneliness Ashleigh felt when she entered the hospital melted into … gratitude and questions. Was this another example of how God’s hand brought sunshine as well as rain?
“David’s started one of the first war hospitals in this area. We haven’t seen a huge number of patients yet, but as the numbers increase in Italy or France, we’re sure to get them. We’ve had some men come as much as a month after the actual battle, from Clearing Station to makeshift hospitals along the way, and finally, if they survive, here.”
As she followed Jess between the rows of cots, listening to her rattle off about the rights of women, a smile warmed her to her soul. Here she knew the rules, understood the control and embraced it. Here she breathed in the need, offered answers, and accepted the questions she couldn’t answer. She paused on the thought. Accepted the questions she couldn’t answer? Like the myriad of ‘whys’ she screamed to the heavens.
They took a flight of stairs to the second level. Two halls split down each side of building with a row of offices in the center.
“David doesn’t want to stop with only a war hospital, though. He has plans to create one entire wing as a children’s wing and perhaps even develop a worthwhile hospital in these parts.” Jess nodded to the left hall, dim and unused, a new glimmer in her jade eyes. “He was only waiting for the right incentive to get it started.”
The thrill of a shared dream tickled with possibilities. A children’s ward? Could she start her dream here? She took the stairs with a lighter step. “I have a feeling I am going to like this brother of yours.”
Jessica’s grin grew with hidden prospects. “Oh, I have high hopes on that score.”
The joyful tickle took a downward spiral as Jessica’s intentions bled into recognition. Matchmaking didn’t fit her friend and poor Jess was bound for disappointment. Ashleigh prepared her best professional expression, stifled her emotions into their safe internal haven, and followed Jessica through an office door.
“Brother dear, I’ve found our wandering nurse.”
A man in a white doctor’s coat raised his head from his work at his desk. He shared the same green gaze as his sister, and moved it from Jessica to rest on Ashleigh. He held an air of the same quiet calm she’d sensed when she entered the building. His hair waved in a darker shade than his sister’s, highlighting the paleness of his serene gaze.
He stood, soft smile forming, and rounded the table, hand outstretched. “Nurse Dougall, it is a pleasure.” The deep undertones of his voice even coaxed a sense of tranquility. As Jessica hinted, his accent boasted more of their father’s British influence. He took her hand, his smile growing with welcome. “I cannot express to you how glad I am to have your help here.”
Ashleigh found herself smiling back at him without hesitation. “Thank you, Dr. Ross. I am happy to have the opportunity.”
“You’ll find that my brother, unlike me, has an amazing ability to make every soul he meets fall in love with him.” Jessica beamed at her brother, admiration evident.
His gaze left Ashleigh’s face and he turned a bemused expression on his sister. “I believe your praise is a bit extravagant, dear sister. I have yet to woo the affections of Lady Cavanaugh to my side.”
Jess shrugged a grimace into place. “Please note, I said every soul, David.”
“Careful.” He dipped his chin, his tone holding more warning than his eyes. “We must remain indebted to our benefactress.” He turned his attention back to Ashleigh. “As you can see, Nurse Dougall, not all siblings are alike.”
She knew that all too well.
“I don’t know, David.” Jess patted him on the shoulder, their friendly relationship in direct contrast to her and Catherine’s. “We’re both hardworking, honest, have fantastic senses of humor.”
“And at least one of us is modest enough not to admit it out loud.”
Jess’s grin turned to laughter and she squeezed his arm. “Ashleigh has agreed to join us for dinner next Friday evening, so you’ll have a more relaxed environment to become acquainted. Especially after you work her through a first week.” She shot Ashleigh a knowing look. “And if I know my friend at all, she’ll want to take a tour of the hospital, coupled with a host of questions to ready her for her employment next week.”
“Or immediately if necessary.” Jessica’s lightheartedness was already working its magic of loosening her own knotted emotions more readily than usual.
“Ah, an eager servant?” David’s appreciative appraisal of her took her confidence up a few degrees. “I think you and I are going to get on quite well, Nurse Dougall.”
The warm swell of a heartfelt compliment added another ounce of healing to her wounded heart. Yes, she’d found her place, her purpose. No need to mourn the loss of her heart.
Chapter Fourteen
As Sam walked through the village, alive with Well Fest festivities, the faint scent of violets on the breeze brought a smile. Holding Ashleigh in his arms, seeing the concern and love in her eyes, triggered memories of Queenstown – her gentle touch over his skin as she washed away the soot, their shared tears as they mourned the tragedy, waking to watch her sleeping across from him.
He pulled at the collar of his shirt and cleared his throat. His past with Catherine fell shallow and childish when compared to his sweet friendship with Ashleigh. Easy banter and mutual respect bound them, along with the stout tet
hers of a year’s trials and the everydayness of good conversation. He just needed to convince her of the fact, to peel away her reservations to loving him.
But the transition from future sister-in-law to future-bride wasn’t going to be an easy conversion. She’d withdrawn into her world of nursing and solitude, with the evening meal as their only time of easy conversation. For some reason whatever secret she guarded also kept her affections closed to him.
Women, girls, and children made up most of the occupants on cobblestone streets of the quaint village, enjoying the vendors and no doubt trying to distract themselves from thoughts of their young men scattered on the frontlines of France. And what about his home? Would the Lusitania’s sinking pull America into the war sooner than later?
He scanned the crowd for Ashleigh, who’d disappeared into a toyshop with Stephen almost half an hour before, as he took opportunity to view some of the crafts and hand-fashioned jewels.
“Sam.” Catherine moved toward him down the street, her black hair swept back, half-covered in a straw hat, blue ribbons trailing in the wind. He waited for some pang to remind him of his loss of her, but nothing happened. “I’m so glad to see you are still here.”
Her cheeks blushed from the exertion in her speedy approach, heightening her beauty, but despite all the glamour of her appearance, her eyes looked sad.
“Are you all right?”
She smoothed a hand over her stomach and sent him a much-too-bright smile. “Yes, of course. I’ve only just arrived from London.” She passed a hand over her eyes looked down the street. “Has everyone left you alone here?”
“Ashleigh and Stephen are visiting the toyshop so I’m investigating the local wares.”
“How careless.” Catherine moved close, sliding her arm through his. “If I were Ashleigh I’d take better care of someone as delightful as you.”
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