My New Best Friend

by Julie Bowe

  Jenna is wearing a green leotard with fake vines stuck to it. Bugs and butterflies are painted on her face. Her hair, which is usually braided, is loose and crimped. It hangs over her shoulders like lasagna noodles. It's dyed the color of cooked peas.

  Mom turns to me and Stacey. "I didn't have a chance to tell you," she says.

  "Tell us what?" I ask.

  "Mr. and Mrs. Drews had something come up at the last minute, so Jenna and Rachel are going to the party with us!"

  My chin practically drops out of my half moon.

  "Great!" Stacey says, all cheerful.

  "Stacey?" Jenna says. "Is that you?"

  "Yep," Stacey says back. "I'm an outhouse! It was Ida's idea." She gives me a smile.

  Jenna gives me a look. "Figures," she says.

  "Um.. .what are you supposed to be?" I ask Jenna. "A talking log?"

  Jenna glares at me. "For your information," she says, "I'm Gala."

  "Who-a?"

  Jenna rolls her eyes. "Gai-a," she replies. "Goddess of the Earth. Hello? Mr. Crow just read a myth about her last week."

  "Oh," I say. "Sorry. Wrong number."

  Rachel tugs on Jenna's vine. "I want to be an outhouse," she says.

  "No, Rachel," Jenna says back. "You're a muse."

  "But I don't want to be a moose," Rachel says. "Not unless I get to wear antlers."

  Jenna rolls her eyes again. "Not a moose, Rachel. A muse. You sing and dance and do whatever I tell you."

  "I want to be an outhouse," Rachel grumbles.

  "I'm not taking a stinky old outhouse to Brooke's party," Jenna says. "You're lucky I'm taking you at all," she adds. "It's not like you were invited."

  Rachel swallows hard. Her bottom lip starts to tremble.

  I turn to my mom. "We do have an extra box," I say.

  My mom smiles at me and nods.

  "What extra box?" Jenna says.

  "This one," Mom says and disappears into the kitchen. A moment later she returns with the too-small outhouse. She fits it over Rachel's head.

  "It's perfect," Stacey says, smiling at Rachel.

  "Wait," I say and bump my way to the kitchen. I grab a black marker out of the junk drawer. I bump my way back and write mine under Rachel's half-moon chin.

  Rachel steps back and smiles at all of us. "How do I look?" she asks.

  "Very a-muse-ing," I say.

  Stacey giggles.

  Jenna snorts and shakes back her green hair. "Can we go now? My makeup is starting to melt."

  "I'll grab my keys and meet you at the van," Mom says.

  We head out the door. Jenna barges to the front of the pack, practically knocking Rachel right out of her box.

  I grab Rachel's arm to steady her. "Are you okay?" I ask.

  "Yep," she says. "I'm not breakable."

  "It's a good thing I showed up," Jenna says when we get to the van.

  "Um ... how do you figure?" I ask.

  "Just look at you two," she says, giving me and Stacey the once-over. "Going to a party dressed like that. How are you going to drink punch? Your arms barely poke out. Plus, you'll be bumping into people and tripping over furniture the whole time."

  "We'll manage," I say as we pile our boxes into the back of the van.

  Jenna lifts her buggy chin. "You need me," she says, hopping into the front seat.

  "Um ... no, we don't," I mumble and hop in back.

  We stop at the Purdee Good on our way to the party. Kelli takes pictures of us to send to Stacey's dad.

  "Can't your dad even show up to take his own pictures?" Jenna asks Stacey as we head back to the van.

  "It's not like that," Stacey says. "He wants to be here ... it's just ... it's complicated."

  Jenna huffs. "I'd never let my parents split up."

  "It's not like I had a choice, Jenna," Stacey replies.

  "Still," Jenna says, "it's not going to happen in my family."

  It's a good thing Brooke has a big house because lots of people are at her party. Almost all the kids from our class are there, plus a bunch of strangers who look a lot like Brooke with their dark, shiny hair and perfectly straight teeth. Relatives.

  Jenna pulls Stacey through the crowd like a box kite on a string. She feeds her punch and treats. She even yanks down streamers and balloons and decorates Stacey until she looks more like a parade float than an outhouse.

  Every time I try to get within bumping distance of Stacey, Jenna drags her away to another part of the house. Rachel goes off to play with one of Brooke's little cousins. I just grab a handful of chips from the snack table, lean against a wall, and pull my arms inside my box. I eat chips and watch the party through my half moon. It isn't long before one of Brooke's relatives stops right in front of me, blocking my view. She gulps down the last of her punch, sets the empty cup on top of me, and walks away.

  "Use a coaster next time," I mumble.

  When it's time for Brooke to open her presents, Jenna puts herself in charge of handing them to her. She gives Brooke the gift she brought first. "It's a diary," Jenna says before Brooke even gets all the wrapping paper ripped off. "My dad helped me make it. We put water and old newspapers into a blender and churned it into pulp. Then we spread the pulp on a screen and let it dry to make the pages." Jenna takes the diary from Brooke and opens it up to show everyone. Each page looks like a pan of oatmeal.

  "Um ... thanks," Brooke says.

  "You're welcome," Jenna replies. She props the diary up on a shelf like it should be in a museum.

  Next, Jenna hands Brooke Stacey's gift, but not mine.

  "Um...," I say, tapping on the inside of my box. "That's actually a two-part gift."

  No one hears me. All I can do is watch as Brooke pulls one sock, glove, and earring out of the gift bag from Stacey. She does a puzzled look. But Stacey is too busy giggling with Meeka and Jolene to tell Brooke that the rest of her present is in the bag from her best friend. Me. Ida May.

  When my mom finally shows up to take us home, Mrs. Drews shows up, too. I guess her meeting with Mr. Drews got done early. She insists on giving Stacey a ride home to make up for any trouble Jenna and Rachel caused my mom.

  "They were no trouble at all, Pauline," Mom tells her.

  "That's right," I chime in, not wanting her to take Stacey.

  "I insist," Mrs. Drews says, herding Stacey, Jenna, and Rachel down the sidewalk.

  Jenna shoots a satisfied look at me as Stacey ditches her outhouse and climbs into Jenna's car.

  Jenna climbs in next to Stacey and closes the door.

  I pull off my box and wave good-bye to Stacey as they drive away.

  Stacey doesn't see me because Jenna's big, green head is in the way.

  As soon as I get home I stomp upstairs. I change into my grumpy-face pajamas. I rip open my birthday treat bag and yank out two fun-size candy bars. I crush them with my bare hands before I eat them. I stomp to the bathroom and practically brush the bristles right off my may orthodontics toothbrush.

  Then I stomp back to my room. George gives me a concerned sort of look.

  "Because Jenna Drews is a jerk," I say. "And that's the truth."

  George remains calm.

  I turn away and catch a glimpse of the mermaid night-light. She smiles pleasantly at me.

  I study her for a minute. Then I walk over and pick her up. "Just one evil spell," I say.

  I set her on the windowsill again and turn her face toward Jenna Drews's house. "Chicken pox ... hairy spots ... ugly warts that itch a lot..."

  I pick up her cord and plug it in.

  Then I dive for my bed and hide under my covers before her evil, glowing grin makes me pee my pants.

  Chapter 3

  The next morning I get dressed, make my bed, set George on my pillow, and walk over to the mermaid. Even in the morning she looks spooky. I wonder if she zapped Jenna with any evil spells while I was sleeping.

  "Let's find out," I say, unplugging her. Before I put her inside my backpack, I wrap a red banda
na around her. Then I head downstairs.

  When I get to the bus stop, Quinn and his little sister, Tess, are already there. Tess waves to Rachel, who is walking down the sidewalk with Jenna. Rachel waves back because she and Tess are best kindergarten friends.

  I study Jenna as she gets closer, looking for signs of chicken pox or warts. But all I see are her two bobbing braids. They are still bright green.

  "How come you got green hair?" Tess asks Jenna when she gets to the bus stop.

  Jenna's jaw tightens and her cheeks heat up. "Because the dye wouldn't wash out."

  "She washed it fifteen times," Rachel says, giggling.

  Quinn snorts.

  Jenna scowls.

  I think I feel something shift inside my backpack.

  "Um ... anything else?" I ask, looking Jenna over. "Itchy spots? Suspicious bumps?"

  Jenna turns her scowl on me. "Of course not," she says. "I used all-natural henna hair dye, not battery acid."

  "Henna Jenna," I mumble. Quinn hears me and snorts again.

  "Only she didn't read the directions first," Rachel says.

  This time Jenna gives her sister a shove.

  The bus arrives and we climb on. Kids turn and point at Jenna.

  "Look! The creature from the Green Lagoon!"

  Fake screams.

  Fake faints.

  Jenna pushes through and drops into the very back seat. She scrunches down so all you can see is the top of her green head.

  I scoot into another seat, unzip my backpack, and peek at the mermaid.

  She smiles back at me.

  When I get to school I grab Stacey's arm and pull her to the broken water fountain.

  "Guess what?" I say as soon as we get there.

  "What?" she says back.

  "Last night, when I got home, I wished an evil spell on Jenna, and now her hair is green. Probably forever!" I unzip my backpack and show her the mermaid.

  Stacey studies the mermaid for a moment. "I knew lighting her would make a difference," she says.

  I nod. "So it's for real, right? Me wishing an evil spell and Jenna ending up with permanently green hair? I mean, it can't be. But just look at Jenna!"

  "The only way to know for sure is to do another spell," Stacey says.

  My heart jiggles inside my chest. "on who? Jenna? Because I was thinking red spots would go good with her green hair. Sort of an early Christmas present."

  Stacey narrows her eyes, thinking. "I know," she says all mysterious. "Quick! Follow me."

  I follow Stacey down the hall and into the girls' bathroom. She heads to the last stall, pulls me in, and locks the latch. "Take her out," she whispers.

  I pull the mermaid from my backpack. "Don't we need to plug her in?" I ask.

  "Did you plug her in last night?" Stacey asks.

  I nod.

  "Then she's good to go," Stacey says. "As long as we plug her in every night, she'll help us during the day."

  I nod again. "How do you know so much about this stuff?" I ask, handing over the mermaid. "I mean, sometimes it seems like you've been nine a lot longer than me."

  Stacey shrugs. "I just do," she says. "I even know stuff my mom doesn't know."

  "Like what?"

  "Like my dad has a new girlfriend. Tanya. She's always around when I stay with him. But my brother isn't. I guess Jake doesn't like her as much as my dad does."

  "Do you like her?" I ask.

  Stacey shrugs. "She's okay. But you can't tell Kelli. It would make her sad if she knew about Tanya."

  "okay," I say. "I won't tell."

  Stacey gives me a nod. Then she looks at the mermaid again.

  "So, what are we going to make her do?" I ask.

  Stacey gets that far-off look in her eyes. Then she gives me a sly smile. "What's the worst thing about school?" she asks.

  "Um ... dodgeball? Salisbury steak? Times tables?"

  "Bingo," Stacey says. She puts her hand on the mermaid's head and closes her eyes. "Dear Mermaid," she says. "Make today's math quiz go away. Make Mr. Crow spill tea all over it. Make him use it to line the hamster cage. Make him accidentally run it through the paper shredder."

  Stacey opens her eyes and blinks at me.

  I blink back. Then I put my hand on top of hers. "only don't let him shred his hand or anything."

  The bell rings as soon as we get to our coat-room. Everyone hurries to hang up their stuff. I walk to my desk, sit down, and glance at Stacey. She's sitting across from me in the next row. Jenna sits right behind her in perfect shoulder-tapping, note-passing distance. I feel my stomach squirm.

  When we first started fourth grade, we sat in clusters. But Mr. Crow likes to change things around so now instead of staring at Rusty's, Tom's, and Randi's faces, I get to stare at the back of Zane Howard's shaved head. This may sound like a bad view, but actually it's coming in handy. That's because Zane had an accident with a bunk bed when he was little. His top-bunk double flip got him seventeen stitches in the back of his head and a scar that's shaped like New Jersey. New Jersey is one of the states I can never name on the map, so as long as Zane Howard sits in front of me I'm going to do a lot better in social studies.

  Mr. Crow is at the board. He writes math quiz today in big, bold letters. I glance at the coat-room. I swear I see my backpack jiggle.

  As soon as everyone takes their seat Mr. Crow sits down at his computer to do attendance. It takes him a while to get started because he's busy rubbing his forehead like he has a headache.

  "Is Dylan Adams here?" he asks.

  "Right here!" Dylan says back.

  Mr. Crow nods and rubs his head again. "How about Dylan Anderson?"

  "Here!" the other Dylan replies.

  Mr. Crow clicks his mouse and then wipes his hand across his forehead. He takes a sip of tea and makes a face like he swallowed sawdust. "Joey Carpenter?"

  "Here!" Joey replies.

  Mr. Crow nods and clicks again. He pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and leans his face into it.

  "Is Jenna here?" he mumbles through the handkerchief.

  "Yes, Mr. Crow, I'm right here," Jenna says.

  I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and see Quinn's goofy grin. "Henna Jenna's hard to miss!" he whispers loudly.

  Randi gives us a glance. "Henna Jenna?" she asks.

  I poke a thumb toward Jenna. "She used something called henna to dye her hair. Now it won't wash out."

  Randi grins at Jenna. "Hey, Henna Jenna," she whispers loudly. "Did you dye your hair or is that a turtle sleeping on your head?"

  Randi cracks up.

  So does Quinn.

  Jenna does not. She gives us a sneer. I pull my chin inside my collar and grin.

  "Zane How...How..." Mr. Crow pushes away from his computer. "Excuse ... me, everyone. I'm not ... feeling ... very well." His voice sounds spongy. And his face looks like my Grandma May's green-bean casserole. He clutches his stomach and stumbles out the door.

  "What's wrong with Mr. Crow?" Meeka asks.

  "Looks like a bad case of indigestion," Tom says.

  "Barf-O-Rama!" Rusty shouts.

  "Eeeeewwww!" the whole class chimes in.

  Some of the boys start staggering around, making barf sounds.

  Some of the girls stagger around, making barf sounds back.

  Brooke groans. She looks like she could be the next Barf-o-Rama contestant.

  Jenna marches to the front of the classroom. "Take your seats!" she shouts. "Just because Mr. Crow left doesn't mean you can start acting crazy!"

  Everyone keeps fake-barfing on each other's shoes.

  "Make them ... stop..." Brooke moans. She clutches her desk like it's the safety bar on a Tilt-a-Whirl.

  Jenna's eyes dart around at all the barfers. "I am a junior Girl Scout!" she shouts. "Do what I say!"

  "What're you gonna do if we don't?" Randi asks. "Toss your cookies?"

  Randi laughs and fake-barfs on Dominic's desk.

  Jenna shoots a scowl at Randi. She
grabs Mr. Crow's ruler and starts waving it around. "Zane, get down from the bookcase! Rusty, take your finger out of your throat! Meeka, stop moaning!"

  But no one listens to her. That's because it's hard to take orders from a person with green hair. Even if she is a junior Girl Scout.

  Jenna is in the middle of listing her qualifications to be in charge ("I earned my Safety Sense Brownie badge last year and I'm just three good deeds away from my junior Girl Scout Model Citizen pin, and..."" when a large dark shadow creeps through the doorway. It's followed by the large dark body of our music teacher, Mrs. Madson.

  Mrs. Madson steps into the classroom. She crosses her meaty arms over her black dress. She scans the scene from behind her bat-wing glasses while tapping the toe of one blood-red shoe. When she spots Zane on top of the bookcase her black eyebrows arch up until they almost touch her equally black hair.

  "Zane Howard!" she shouts. "Get. Down. Now!"

  Zane freezes. His eyes lock with Mrs. Madson's and he melts to the floor.

  "Everyone, back to your desks!" she barks. Half a second later, everyone is back in their desks.

  This concludes today's Barf-O-Rama, I say to myself.

  Jenna sets down Mr. Crow's ruler and marches over to Mrs. Madson. "They're all yours," she says, shaking back her green braids.

  Mrs. Madson studies Jenna over the top of her glasses. "Thank you," she says.

  Jenna gives her a quick nod and marches back to her desk.

  Mrs. Madson steps to the front of the classroom. "Ladies and gentlemen," she says. "I regret to inform you that your teacher has gone home unexpectedly. I have been asked to step in until Mrs. Eddy, your substitute, arrives." Mrs. Madson scans the room slowly. "Are there any questions?"

  Tom raises his hand. "What about our math quiz?"

  Everyone shoots a look at Tom.

  "Math quiz?" Mrs. Madson replies.

  "We were supposed to have one this morning," Tom blabs some more.

  Mrs. Madson smoothes her large hands over her black dress, thinking over this information. "Due to the unexpected circumstances," she says, "your math quiz has been canceled for today."