Belinda looked at him, at his red, beefy face, unvisited by imagination, his eyes small and cruel. Slowly she nodded—just a few more minutes in this bastard’s presence.For Rosie.
“Good girl,” he said. Taking his hand from the steering wheel, Greg reached toward Belinda’s chest and stuck his hand into the top of her dress. Finding her nipple, he twisted and squeezed it. It happened so fast that Belinda was too stunned for a second to move.
“What the—” she sputtered, reaching for a gun that wasn’t there. How dare he?
Greg laughed again. “Hey, take it easy, babe. Just warming you up for the john. Don’t act like you don’t want it.”
Belinda swallowed and counted to ten in her head. For Rosie, for Rosie. They pulled up into the hotel driveway and slowed to a stop. She got out on her side as Greg got out on his. There was Johnson, all dressed up in a suit and tie. She almost grinned—the guy cleaned up pretty good.
“Mr. Mundy,” Johnson approached, holding out his hand with the envelope. He nodded appreciatively toward Belinda and said, “Nice. Very nice,” as he eyed her cleavage. She’d deal with him later.
“What did I tell you, Mr. Turner? Your friend didn’t steer you wrong.”
“Now, just to get it straight. I have two hours with your girl here. Two hours and I can do anything I want, fuck her as many times as I want, right? And I pay you directly.”
Greg glanced around the lot, his expression annoyed. His eyes dropped back to the slim envelope and he held out one hand while he pushed Belinda toward the man with the other.
“Yeah, that’s right. Two hours.”
The envelope exchanged hands. Suddenly a floodlight shone on Greg’s face and a bullhorn sounded. “Freeze. Po-lice.” If Belinda smashed Greg’s head a little too hard against his car as Johnson cuffed him, perhaps she was to be forgiven.
~*~
Ashley felt ridiculous. Why should she even bother with this? After all, he wasn’t even here. Why had he given her such a dumb assignment?
She was sitting on the floor in the bathroom, her bare bottom resting on the thick blue bath mat. She could see herself in the full-length mirror that hung on the inside of the door. Her assignment was to get in touch with her own body. “To savor the lovely beauty of your perfect body,” he had said.
Right. She was too tall, too skinny, her tits were too small and she didn’t even want to think about her pussy. Her pussy! He really did seem to like it. Which was kind of weird in Ashley’s book, as she had grown up in an environment where sex was dirty and genitals were part of that whole dirty thing.
The irony that she had been forced through circumstance to “sell” her genitals had only served to convince her more thoroughly that the whole thing was disgusting. Yet how to reconcile these feelings with the very real love and admiration she felt for Andrew as a man and for his sexy hard body?
Her thoughts drifted toward that body now, her fingers idly touching her sex but her eyes closed. She loved the way they fit together—the way his cock pressed sweetly against the cleft of her bottom as they slept curled together like contented cats. She loved to watch him when he was drying himself after his shower. There was an ease with which he carried himself, a comfort with his own naked strength, which she admired aside from the sheer beauty of his form.
His body was supple with no trace of middle-aged paunch. He was hard and lean but not stringy. His abs rippled beneath firm flesh. She loved the little hollows at his hips—he reminded her of those Greek statues of male perfection she’d seen on public television. When she watched him drying his wet, sleek body, she found herself kneeling near him, running her own towel slowly up each strong calf and thigh. He let her do this as if it were his due as her sexual master. Her attentions were not ignored—it pleased her when his cock responded by rising up as rigid as a flagpole.
And he too seemed entranced with her body. For hours he could just lie next to her, touching her skin, smoothing her hair, lightly kissing her body in places no one had ever thought to kiss her—the backs of her knees, the inside of her elbow, the hollow at her collarbone, just behind her ear.
She loved his attentions, accepting them like a cat that purrs its pleasure when stroked. That is until he got to her pussy. Though she enjoyed the feel of his hot velvet tongue against her, still it made her uncomfortable and embarrassed. But worse than that was when he wasn’t making love to her but just wanted to touch and examine her.
She had always felt uncomfortable when johns wanted to look at her there, and she had usually been able to avoid it by focusing on their cocks and encouraging them to go on and fuck her, which they were generally willing to do.
But this was different. She cared about Andrew and cared what he thought of her. Though intellectually she knew it was silly to be shy or uncomfortable about her vulva and vagina—even these words made her squirm—the fact remained that she was.
Thus when Andrew had said, “Spread your legs for me. I want to see that cute little pussy. I love the way your labia peek out just begging for attention,” Ashley had blushed.
When she didn’t comply, instead turning away from him in the bed, Andrew said, his voice quiet but firm, “Is this the woman who wants to obey me? To serve me? Like Laura to David? Like O to Sir Stephen? And yet a simple request is met with refusal?”
“Oh, Andrew,” she protested, knowing he was right, but somehow unable to comply.
“Yes? Did you want to say something, Ashley? Have you changed your mind? The real life of erotic submission isn’t quite living up to your dreams, eh?” He spoke lightly, but his eyes were dark.
“I don’t know why, really. I mean, I do, but…” she paused and stared at the ceiling as if the answer might be up there. It wasn’t.
Andrew prodded more gently. “Ashley. I think I understand. You’re not comfortable with your body. You’ve never had a lover who cherished you because you were you, not some piece of flesh to be used and discarded. I love you, sweetheart. And as your Dom, I want to take possession of you. If that’s what you really want. You keep sending me mixed signals. You want to submit, you long to submit, but when I ask something of you, something you find difficult, all bets are off.”
“No, it isn’t that.” Ashley sat up, her voice pleading. “I do want to submit. I love what you do to me. I love kneeling at your feet, I love the things you say when you fuck me, I love what we’ve done so far and I want more. I want to feel what it’s like to be bound and completely at your mercy. I want to explore the erotic sensation of a whipping, to be transported the way Laura and O were. I want it all.”
Andrew kissed Ashley’s face gently and said, “Ashley, that’s sexy. I love that you want to try it all. And I appreciate that it’s all new for both of us since I want more than a game and I think you do too. But here’s the thing. If you can’t obey something as simple as spreading your legs for me, then you’re not ready. As much as you think you want what I offer, you’re just not ready.”
He moved some of her fine hair, tucking it behind her ear. “And that’s okay. You don’t have to be ready. We aren’t in a hurry. This isn’t a race or a competition. It’s good to talk about everything, every step of the way. We want to be sure this is right for us and to change it as we go if it isn’t. So talk to me. Try to explain what’s making you so uncomfortable.”
He pulled her over onto himself so that her cheek was resting against his bare chest. This made it easier for her because she didn’t have to look at him and he wasn’t looking at her, but just stroking her back, easing her into a place she felt safe to speak.
Taking a deep breath she said, “Okay. I know you say my body is lovely and gorgeous and stuff. You don’t care if my breasts are too small. You say you like my, uh, pussy. I don’t think you’re lying exactly. I mean, why would you lie, except that maybe you don’t want to hurt my feelings.”
She paused, and Andrew offered, “I’m not going address this stuff directly right now. It’s too crazy to even protest. But I d
o believe you really feel this way and I want to understand. So, knowing I love you with everything I’ve got, you keep on talking. Tell me your real feelings. I understand they don’t necessarily make sense, that they’re just feelings, but that doesn’t make them any less valid. So go on, tell me what you’re scared of.”
Her head still turned away, Ashley said, “Well, not scared exactly. And yes, I know it sounds crazy. I know guys think I’m ‘hot’ or whatever. But I guess deep in my gut I don’t believe it. In my gut, I guess in that irrational part of me, as you would say, I think I’m ugly.” She whispered this last line. Andrew responded by squeezing her shoulder in a gesture of affection but he didn’t interrupt.
She continued still in a whisper. “It isn’t just my little tits or that I’m too tall. It’s the whole thing. No, that’s not right. How do I say this? Okay, I’m just going to say it. I think pussies are gross. Ugly little flaps of skin and you pee from there and it can be all stinky and disgusting. Men make jokes about fish markets and women and stuff. You know what I mean. It’s just gross. Why would you want to see my nasty little snatch. Just to embarrass me? To make me feel ashamed of my dirty parts?”
These last words had gushed out, tumbling over each other, as Ashley spoke aloud what she had never admitted to anyone, least of all herself. She found the female body disgusting. She had bought the bullshit somewhere along the line and now it was a part of her. She sat up, pulling away from Andrew, hugging her knees against her chest.
Andrew reached out his hand to touch her gently. He laughed while at the same time apologizing, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh but if you could hear yourself! Your dirty parts? You sweet, silly angel. You are so lovely it’s beyond ridiculous. Your pussy is so beautiful, so sexy and soft. It isn’t stinky. It’s like the sweetest nectar. I want to fuck you every time I even think about your perfect, tight little cunt. If you only knew. If you only could get in touch with how truly lovely and special you are.” He trailed off, as if in thought.
“Yes,” he said slowly. “Maybe that’s what we need to do. I can see you’ve been sold a serious bill of goods, Ashley. And I don’t think you’re unique. I have yet to be with a woman who was completely happy with herself. She was always too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too this, too that. Some illusive ideal that no woman can attain, no personfor that matter, has been shoved at us and we stupidly buy it and then feel lacking because we can never be like that. And why would we even want to?”
Gently he continued. “But we don’t have to buy it, sweetie. Or, how about this, we can return it for a full refund.” Andrew grinned and sat up on an elbow, turning his face excitedly toward Ashley’s. “Yeah, I may have something here. Here’s what I want you to do. Tomorrow while I’m at work, I want you to take a nice hot bath. Nice and relaxing with that new bath oil we bought. After you dry off, sit down in front of the mirror and really take the time to examine yourself. Try to see yourself through my eyes. How beautiful your long, slender curves are, how sexy your strong legs are—those two cute dimples just above your perfect ass. But most importantly,” he turned her face toward his and kissed her mouth before adding, “most importantly, I want you to spread your legs and really look at your pussy. Look at the delicate folds and the pretty shades of pink and darker pink, at the soft pubic curls. Try to see it as I see it, as something lovely. A work of art. Something to be worshipped and adored.
“Take your time. And when you’ve really looked at it, lick your fingers and touch it. Touch it so it feels good. Touch it as though those were my hands, Ashley. Because you know once I truly own you, those will be my hands. Your hands, your body, your heart and soul, will belong to me. You will be truly mine. Do you want that, Ashley? Are you sure?”
Ashley had nodded, pulling him back down so they could embrace fully. Yes, she did want that, but she hadn’t quite realized the road to getting there would be so hard.
Now she sat naked in front of the mirror looking at those silly little flaps of skin. As his words of the night before came back to her, she decided to consciously try to suspend the old thoughts in her head that this was stupid. After all, he had wanted it, and she claimed she wanted to submit to him. Was it all a game to her, really? Just something fun and sexy to mess around with?
Being totally honest for a moment, Ashley had to admit she didn’t exactly know. Perhaps, as Andrew had said, time would tell. She did know that when he behaved with her in his dominant, sexy way and she submitted to his wishes, she got so hot she couldn’t see straight. It was almost like she descended, no, ascended would be a better way to describe it, into some altered state of existence where she was beautiful and life was so intensely good. It was such a new and wonderful experience. If this was the path to getting there more often, who was she to refuse his simple request?
Gently she touched the folds of her sex, pulling the outer labia a little to try and see the little hooded clit better. It wasn’t really ugly, she decided. Not so bad, anyway. Sort of cute in a goofy kind of way. She smiled and touched it again, closing her eyes.
She loved the way Andrew touched her there. His fingers alternated, gentle little butterfly flicks and then rougher, in smooth confident swirls that made her so wet, so hot. She tried to duplicate what he did now, licking her own fingers and rubbing against herself as he did. It wasn’t the same, not nearly as intense and sexy, but it did feel good.
His words came back to her. “When you touch yourself, I want you to keep your eyes open and watch yourself in the mirror. Focus on the sensations you create with your fingers. Look at how beautiful and delicate your pussy is. Watch what happens when your fingers move like mine across your sex.”
She did watch, forgetting after a while that this was her bare, naked dirty parts and instead letting the feelings flow across her, emanating from her fingertips to the nerve endings that pulsated pleasure.
She watched as the labia engorged with her arousal, the way her sex swelled and moisture appeared at the little entrance. She let her head fall back as the sensations she was creating sent her to that next level of pleasure where her fingers became an extension of her desires. She moaned softly and whispered, “Andrew.”
It was almost as intense as what he did to her. Just as she neared an orgasm, she brought her head forward and opened her eyes. Her pussy was spread, dark red and swollen against her fingers like a sticky exotic orchid spreading its petals.
For the first time she got a glimpse, a splash of understanding at the potential beauty, at the real beauty that was her body. All of her body, not just what she showed to the world. As she slid over the slope of orgasm, she mewled with pleasure and a bit of surprise.
Her fingers thrummed and danced against her sex until she fully took her pleasure, her body shuddering slowly into stillness. As her heartbeat eased, she sat up and looked again at the mirror. She grinned and said aloud, “Why, Andrew Nolan, I do believe I understand. At least a little.”
~*~
“Wow. I can’t believe it. Are you sure?” Ashley had thought she’d be elated when she received the news, but now found she felt almost numb.
“Yes, I’m sure. The DA called me this morning. They obtained a conviction. Full extent of the law. He decided to appear before the judge, no jury. It’s over. He’s going down. He won’t bother you anymore, sweetheart. Never again. Once he gets out, I’ll make sure he toes the line or he’ll find himself back in prison in a New York minute.”
She sat still, trying to take it in. Greg was in jail. Greg couldn’t come after her. Despite the heaven on earth of the past month with Andrew, Ashley had never quite given up Greg’s control over her in her own mind.
Sometimes she thought she saw him, there in the next aisle at the supermarket or there, ahead of her at the traffic light. Her heart would clutch in a sick rush of adrenaline until she moved closer and saw it wasn’t him after all.
Now that Andrew had brought her this amazing news, why wasn’t she jumping with joy? She found herself as
king, “What about my testimony? Those depositions I had to do?”
“That was good enough for the judge. They were admitted into the record and your appearance wasn’t deemed necessary. It’s over, honey. It’s done. He’s behind bars where he belongs.”
Slowly the news began to seep past the defenses. A lifetime of never trusting to good luck, of never letting down her guard, had made it difficult for Ashley to process what Andrew was telling her.
Now though as Andrew smiled at her, putting his hand over hers as they sat side by side on the couch, she felt something begin to melt inside of her. Something hard and bitter, like a stone at the pit of her stomach, seemed to ease and slip away.
She’d known intellectually that even if he was free and at large in society, he no longer had any sway over her. She had taken away his right to rule her life the day she had escaped after his brutal beating. The consensual prison she and Greg had built for her had been ripped open on that dreadful night, and she knew she would never be in his grip again.
Yet still, something inside of her had clung to the old way of thinking, the old way of responding. That old part of her still secretly believed he would hunt her down and somehow steal her back again to be his whore and his doormat. And that sick part of her knew she would go. Knew that she really didn’t belong here with Andrew in this world of lightness and love. She belonged in the gutter with the other losers and pieces of trash.
“No!” she said aloud and then blushed, not having meant to speak. “I mean yes! The bastard is really in jail?” As Andrew nodded she said, “Thank you, Andrew. Thank you, Belinda. Let’s send her a huge bouquet of flowers, Andrew. Let’s do it now!”
“Way ahead of you, sweetheart. I had my secretary order up the biggest bouquet of spring flowers and roses they had. Belinda should have got them this afternoon at the precinct.”
Ashley was touched anew that Andrew would think of doing something so thoughtful. She leaned over and kissed him. “What did you put on the card?” she whispered.
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