by Mia Ford
Immediately, my mind went to my own father and all the time we spent together while I was growing up. Sure, my father worked a lot but he was an extremely important part of my life, especially as a young boy. Seth liked to draw buildings just like me, he held his pencil just like me, and he laughed loudly just like I did. I was so confused, I had so much to offer but at the same time had no idea how I was going to do so. All this time Seth could have been learning, understanding, and growing with me there to help. Instead, I was flying all over the world and dreaming of one-night stands with his mother. In the end though, none of this was my fault. I never knew Seth was my child. I hadn’t even thought about it until that day after the pumpkin patch. God, the pumpkin patch. I carried that child around on my shoulders, cuddled with him, and really learned who he was without knowing that he was mine. I had a son, a four-year-old child. He was mine and Casey kept him from me. She never even told me the truth. Not once in all these years.
Everything was moving so fast and Casey just stood there with her hands clutched in front of her and tears in her eyes. She must have thought I was a monster, just leaving and never coming back or calling. But at the same time, she was my sister’s best friend, she could have gotten hold of me at any point. As my thoughts turned to my sister, I felt a fresh wave of rage rush through my veins. No one could tell me that Natalie didn’t know about this. Even if Casey tried to keep it a secret, my sister was so much smarter than that, she would have seen right through it. But again, no one told me, not even a mention or blurb. In fact, I didn’t even know the child existed until I showed up at Casey’s apartment a week after Natalie’s wedding. If I hadn’t done that, I would have gone the rest of my life not knowing about my own son.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I was angry and I didn’t even try to hide it but her response was not what I expected.
“Everything was a total surprise,” she said, shaking her head. “I was a virgin when we slept together. It never even crossed my mind that I could get pregnant. God, it was my first time. That sort of thing just doesn’t happen.”
I looked up at her in shock. She was a virgin and I didn’t even know it, nor did she give the faintest clue. I had not only taken her virginity on an old couch in her mother’s living room but I knocked her up at the same time. I wanted to feel guilty but with all of this new information, the only emotion I could hold onto was anger.
“You should have told me.” I growled.
“You were out of the country,” she said flippantly. “It’s not like you were down the street. And besides, what was I supposed to do? Call you up and say ‘Hey this is Casey, the girl you did on the couch on Christmas Eve. Just wanted to tell you I was a virgin and now I’m pregnant. Safe travels!’ No, that wasn’t something that could be said over the phone, Dex. Not that you left your phone number anyway.”
“You are best friends with my sister,” I said loudly. “You could have gotten ahold of me if you wanted to.”
“You were off chasing your dreams, making billions, building resorts,” she said, starting to pace back and forth. “You didn’t have time to be there for some girl from Brooklyn. You made it very clear you were not a family man.”
“How did I do that?”
“Oh, come on, Dex. It’s splashed all over the gossip columns. You are a playboy. You may be sweet and kind but you don’t have time for long relationships much less raising a child,” she said. “It takes a lot more than money to raise a little boy.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I was livid. “You never even gave me a chance to make that choice.”
“I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head. “I was also afraid that you would think I was trying to get money from you or something. I am not a gold digger. I didn’t want or need your money.”
“Why does money always have to be an issue?” I ran my hands through my hair and looked up at the sky. “God, now I understand my father’s irritation with my mother all those years. She always thought things out and never actually considered my father’s feelings.”
“I had a quite a bit going on.” She snapped. “I’m sorry I didn’t consider your feelings.”
“Why didn’t you tell me when I come back?” I felt guilty about the fact that she did it all alone and tried to calm my nerves.
“Because you were the same Dex. The business obsessed guy looking for a fling. I was afraid, if I told you, that you would leave… or worse, try to take Seth from me. I don’t want a custody battle, that little boy has been through enough. He has a loving family and people that really would give up their whole worlds for them. People who have given up their whole worlds for him. I didn’t want him to be some toy that got shuffled back and forth between the Manhattan rich life and my Brooklyn walk up. So, I made the choice to keep it a secret and until recently, no one knew but me.”
I paced back and forth, trying to get ahold of my anger. How could she go all these years and not tell me? And what if there was a custody battle? I had a right to my son and I was kept in the dark all these years. She thought I wouldn’t be a good father because I was rich and had a company to run. My father was rich with an empire to build but he was still a good dad. I felt like she was judging me because she wasn’t rich, because she didn’t understand the world I lived in. I was trying to do everything I could to control how my tumultuous emotions.
“How dare you keep a secret like this because you didn’t think I would be a good father,” I blurted out. “How would you even know if you didn’t give me a chance?”
“That is not what I meant and you know it,” she said angrily. “And besides, there is nothing wrong with protecting your child. There is nothing wrong with me fearing that you would take him from me. There is nothing wrong with me being afraid that you would treat your relationship with him the same way you did the one with me. That little boy can’t handle, nor should he, having someone he loves just skip out of town without a word. You are acting awfully high and mighty for someone who wined and dined my whole family, spent quality time with my little boy, and then just left bailed. Seth has been asking for you since you left and I have no idea what to tell him. How do you think that would affect him if he knew you were his father?”
“But that’s not the case!” I yelled. “You didn’t even give me the chance to make the right decision. You can’t hold that over my head when I was completely oblivious to the fact that I was supposed to be there, that I shouldn’t leave.”
“No,” she said, pointing her finger at me. “That was a very good precursor to what my son could expect. Regardless of whether you knew or not, you got close with both of us and bolted. I don’t have the luxury of just walking away when things get scary. My son needs stability.”
I was so angry I couldn’t even get my thoughts to cohesively align. I paced back and forth, trying to get control over myself, trying not to completely explode on Casey. I should have been able to sit here and at least try to understand her side but I was just too pissed off to do so. My whole life, I had been able to take whatever was thrown my way but for the first time, I felt like I had no control of the words that were coming out of my mouth. I took a deep breath and clenched my teeth, staring at Casey’s trembling mouth.
“Who knows,” I said eerily calm in tone. “Maybe you really are a gold digger. This kid is probably not even mine and you’re trying to push some other man’s kid on me. You were ashamed of some slum you slept with from Brooklyn and you couldn’t handle the truth, so you magically made him my child.”
“Don’t say that,” Casey said quietly, tears streaming down her face. “You don’t believe that.”
“Don’t I? I mean, do I really know who you are? You seem sweet, honest, and intelligent, but maybe you are just the same as all the others.” I spat the words, unable to stop. “Just looking for a way out of Brooklyn, out of the walk-up, and into the city. How am I supposed to know?”
I could see just how much my words hurt Casey. It was wrong of me to lash out like
this. It was wrong of me to even say these things out loud, especially when I didn’t actually believe them. Casey was sweet, kind, and an amazing mother to Seth. She had never shown me any different, not even for a split second. But standing here, facing the truth that I had four-year-old little boy and understanding that I was kept in the dark because she feared things I would never do, made my blood boil. I felt like the kid walking around with toilet paper on his shoe with everyone whispering behind his back but no one stepping forward to tell him the truth.
I shook my head. I turned my head away from Casey’s face, knowing that her tears were going to make me feel guilty and I didn’t think I deserved to feel guilty right now. Call me selfish, but I deserved better than what was just handed to me. At that moment, I didn’t want to stop myself, I wanted to say hurtful things and I didn’t care what the repercussions were.
“You know what,” I said quietly with a dark chuckle. “I don’t even believe I took your virginity. A girl like you would have been looking for a man long before me. There’s no way you hadn’t given it up yet, especially with how easy it was for me to get in your pants.
Chapter 14: Casey
I took a deep breath, trying to understand how much pain Dex was in. He had been deceived and though it was not out of malice or ill intentions, I kept a very big secret from him. I had to believe that the words he spoke were not the words he believed to be true. I had to keep my emotions settled and at bay but he was making it very difficult. When he decided to attack my character, my truth, and my person I felt my own anger rear its head. I took in a deep breath and clenched my jaw, knowing what was coming next.
“You know what,” Dex said quietly with a dark chuckle. “I don’t even believe I took your virginity. A girl like you would have been looking for a man long before me. There’s no way you hadn’t given it up yet, especially with how easy it was for me to get in your pants.”
That was it, that was the one thing I knew I could not handle. My eyes widened at his words and without thought, I reached up and slapped him across the face. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I felt as if I couldn’t even breathe.
“How dare you,” I whispered. “How dare you question something so sacred and important. Go to hell, Dex.”
With those words, I ran up both sets of stairs and through my front door, slamming and locking it behind me. My whole body was shaking and as soon as the door was there to separate me from Dex, I completely lost it. I didn’t care that Brandon and Natalie were sitting in the living room behind me. I didn’t care that the father of my child was standing on the street below the apartment. I let it all go right there. All the emotions I’d felt over the past five years came crashing down around me. Natalie rushed over and grabbed me by the arm, leading me to the couch. My hands were shaking and I was sobbing uncontrollably. Finally letting myself feel everything was overwhelming. I couldn’t breathe or think. My head was spinning and my heart ached in a way it never had before. All I could hear were Dex’s harsh words echoing in my mind.
Natalie smiled kindly as she poured a glass of wine and handed it to me. They waited patiently while I collected myself and caught my breath. I could barely see anything through the tears and I brought the wine to my lips, letting out a deep breath as it soothed my throat. I knew I would have to tell the whole story from the beginning since Brandon knew nothing but I didn’t mind, it would be the first time I had ever spoken about it and I needed to get it out. One thing I could feel comfortable in was knowing that Natalie knew who I was. She knew my character, my actions, my love, and my heart. She would never think, even for a split second, that anything that Dex said was true. Still, telling the whole story was a bit nerve wrecking since I had never even told Natalie. She never asked. She let me have my reasoning, understanding that whatever reason it was, was probably a good one.
“Brandon, I know this is all very confusing for you.” I whimpered. “So, I’ll start from the beginning. Five years ago, I met Dex. It was Christmas Eve and the liquor was flowing, the jokes were hilarious, and we really found a connection. When Natalie left, we had sex. It was the first time for me and I didn’t give it a second thought. The next day, Dex left for his trip and within two months, I found out I was pregnant. Dex is Seth’s father.”
I let the shock move over Brandon’s face as Natalie took his hand. I knew he would have questions but I wanted to get through the whole story so he understood better. Part of me was ashamed for hiding Seth from Dex but the other part of me still stood firmly behind my decision to protect my son.
“I never told Dex because he wasn’t really the settling down type,” I explained. “When I met him, he was deep into the company: building it, growing it, and carrying on Natalie’s father’s work. He was a playboy, not because he was a jerk but because he was settled into his own life. When he came back for the wedding, I saw immediately that he was still in that place.”
I put my hands in my lap and clasped them together to stop the shaking. I didn’t want to sit here and bash Dex but he did what he did and said what he said. If I was going to tell the story I needed to tell all of it and not just what I thought they would want to hear. I knew I played a part in this and would continue to do so for the rest of my life, but what Dex said was unnecessary and hurtful.
“I thought for a second, a split second when he took me and Seth to the pumpkin farm, that maybe his ideas about the future were changing. He was so good with Seth and he really acted like he wanted more but by the end of the day, he was gone. He didn’t call, text, or anything,” I said. “Today when he showed up, it was the first time I saw him since that day. Seth has been asking about him for weeks and I didn’t know what to tell him. Downstairs he asked me who Seth’s father was, so I told him.”
“I’m sorry,” Brandon said. “I didn’t know any of that happened. I wouldn’t have just welcomed him into your home like that.”
“No, Brandon,” I said in a kind voice. “It’s not your fault. You had no idea.”
“So, I’m assuming it didn’t go well,” Natalie said with pain behind her eyes.
“No,” I said, tearing up again. “He said I was a gold digger. He said I was lying about being a virgin, that I was just trying to pin Seth on him because I slept with some dirt bag. I understand why he was angry but he went way too far. I just don’t understand how he could say things like that to me.”
“Oh, God,” Natalie gasped as she threw her arms around me. “I’m so sorry he acted that way. That is not how we were raised. I can go kick his ass for you.”
“Yeah,” Brandon replied. “I mean no offense honey, I know I’m new to the family and all, but your brother could use a swift kick in the ass.”
I chuckled through my tears, just glad that I had a support system. The truth was, I just wanted to be alone and work through this in my head. I squeezed Natalie tight and pulled away, still holding her hands.
“I love you guys,” I said through tear covered laughter. “But really, I just want to rest. I’m tired and I think a good night’s sleep would be the best thing for me at this point.”
“Okay,” Natalie said, hugging me tightly. “If you need anything just text or call. Anytime, I’m serious.”
“I will.” I sniffled. “But really, don’t worry about me. This too will pass. It’s not like I’m not used to Dex breaking my heart at this point.”
In reality, it never got easier. I still wasn’t used to Dex constantly bolting from my life and now, with his hurtful words, I was completely beside myself. Part of me wanted Natalie to stay, part of me really wanted that comfort and love that she provided but I knew if I was going to deal with all of this in my head that I would need to be alone. I was used to working issues out alone, especially with being so shy and not having very many friends. Instead, I learned how to focus my energy and work out my problems on my own. This time though, I knew there would be a lot of questions and even more tears than normal. This wasn’t just some issue with the bills or my mother, this invo
lved my heart as well as my head.
I smiled and walked them to the door, giving them both a big hug before they left. As soon as the door was shut, I could feel the pain surge back into my chest. The silence of the house was deafening and I wished that my son was up to distract me from my pain. I turned and flipped all the lights off since my mother was already in bed. I tiptoed down the hall and to my room, shut the door, and laid my head down on my pillow. Immediately, tears began to flood my eyes again, the reality of the situation hitting me like a ton of bricks. After five years of secrecy, I finally told Dex the truth. I thought if this day ever came I would feel relieved but that wasn’t the case at all. Instead of getting this secret off my shoulders, I expelled it from my chest, leaving a dark empty hole where it had sat for so long.
My thoughts immediately shot back to five years ago when I was sitting next to that cute, charming man. I was carefree, happy, and didn’t think for a moment that things would turn out this way. I would never take it back, I loved Seth so much, but how had everything gotten so screwed up? It was one of the most pleasurable and erotic experiences of my life. It was my first time, something I couldn’t push out of my mind no matter how hard I tried. In reality, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to remember the father of my son as a hurtful angry man, even though it would make him a lot easier for me to hate. But hate wasn’t in me, no matter how much I wanted it to be. As I laid there, I felt like I’d turned everything in a huge mess. The situation was already so screwed up, had I just made it even worse?
When we went to the pumpkin patch, I thought I reserved my feelings but after seeing Dex with Seth and the love we made that night, I flipped myself back into the realm of feelings. I couldn’t even begin to explain the emotions going through me as I watched him freak out in my kitchen and run off. My mother tried to console me, telling me I was reading too much into it, but I wasn’t blind and neither was Dex. He sped off to South America, completely freaked out by what he knew to be true. He didn’t come back to spend Thanksgiving with us, he came back to settle his thoughts and find out the truth. Well, he got the truth but from his response, he was definitely not ready for it.