Falling for the New Guy

by Nicole Helm

When someone knocked on the door, such a myriad of emotions swelled in his chest he couldn’t get a handle on them all. Hope and apologies and more angry words and refusals and just...everything.

  The bottom line was, he had no idea what he wanted, how to verbalize it, how to make her see all he wanted was her. Her and her safety and well-being. And if she couldn’t choose that, he wasn’t sure he could go down that road again.

  “Marc!” Pounding followed his mother’s voice and all the feelings mashed up in his gut sank into disappointment. Sadness.

  Not Tess. Not hope.

  He opened the door, and while his instinct was to go blank, to pretend, he didn’t have the reserves built up. His mother smiled up at him and he only frowned.

  “We come with lunch,” she said, holding up a few bags. Dad, Leah and Jacob stood behind her. Only Mom seemed oblivious to his mood; the rest of them were looking at him as if he’d grown a third head.

  “Well, are you going to let us in?”

  For a moment, just a flash of a second, he thought about closing the door. Shutting it right in all their faces. Tune out the past world, tune out maybe even a little bit of his present world. Maybe he could suitably disappear and exist somewhere else. Somewhere outside all this fucking baggage.

  But Leah’s whole life was a testament to the fact you couldn’t outrun your baggage. She’d tried. And here she was.

  So he stepped out of the doorway and let his family and Jacob inside.

  Mom poked around as she meandered her way to the kitchen. “Your lady friend isn’t here?”

  “No, Mom. Tess is not here.”

  “Everything okay?” Dad asked, patting his shoulder.

  “Fine and fucking dandy.”

  “Marc Paul Santino!” Mom slapped the bags down on the table. “Since when do you use that kind of language around—”

  “Mom, maybe we should go,” Leah said, giving him a considering look. As if she could see he was on a very dangerous precipice.

  “Yes, please do. I’m not in the mood for company right now.” And certainly not in the mood for pretending he was. Yeah, he was done with that bullshit.

  “What’s going on? What don’t I know?” Mom looked from Marc to Leah, and her gaze stayed there, because of course it did.

  Tess was ruled by her father. His family was ruled by Leah. He was always the damn odd man out.

  He was never going to matter.

  “Believe it or not, nothing is going on that concerns you. Or Leah. Or anybody. Except me. This thing only concerns me. Who would have thought?”

  “Goodness, you’re in a mood today. I do not like it one bit. We’ve come all this way to have a nice visit, and here you are being downright rude.”

  Marc laughed. He couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help that the laugh sounded nasty and bitter. He couldn’t help any damn thing.

  Apparently he was losing it and it felt...freeing? A hell of a lot better than trying so hard. He was tired of working so hard.

  He was tired, plain and simple.

  “I do not see what is so funny, young man,” Mom snapped.

  He managed to sober enough to talk. “No, no, of course you don’t.” He grabbed his phone, his wallet, his keys, and then he turned and looked his mother directly in the eye. “Mom, you do not see anything that does not start and end with Leah.”

  “Marc, I know I said honesty, but maybe not—”

  He gave Leah a withering glare. “And we should do everything the way you want us to, right, Leah?”

  Jacob made a move to step in front of Leah but she didn’t let him. Still, Jacob’s face was grave and steely, and of course he had to speak up. Because he was fucking Jacob. “Marc—”

  “Ah, the sworn protector of Leah’s precious feelings.” He was being such an unrepentant asshole and it felt good. This rising heat of anger and letting it spew out instead of swallowing it all down felt amazing.

  “Because that is the bottom line of this family. Leah. What Leah needs or wants or thinks she wants but really needs, and I’m sick of it. I’m done with it.”

  He strode to the door of this dumb apartment he hadn’t even wanted. Hadn’t wanted to move here and change his life but he had and it had somehow turned good and now it was all shit. “The saddest part of all, the whole ridiculous part of this whole family is that Leah’s probably the only one who understands that sentiment.”

  Then he did something he’d never done. Despite his mother’s protests, his father’s demands and Leah’s pleas, he walked right out, not giving a flying monkey they wanted him to come back and talk.

  He stomped down the stairs, jerked the building door open, stepped outside and something warm and wet plopped onto his head. At first he thought it was rain, but the sky was sunny and blue. He looked up to see a bird’s nest right on the awning above the door.

  A bird shit on his head. Yeah, that was pretty much the cherry on the sundae of this fucking day.

  * * *

  TESS STOOD OUTSIDE the county jail. She needed to go inside before visiting hours were over, but actually being here, knowing people inside knew her, knew what had happened, she felt sick. And torn. Of course, that wasn’t any different than what she’d felt this morning. Everything was all mixed up and even things she was sure were right didn’t feel so right.

  Being here didn’t feel right. Though her bruises and scratches didn’t ache nearly as much today, standing here, knowing her father was inside because of that, they throbbed in time with her accelerated heartbeat.

  Sadly, any thoughts of leaving didn’t feel right, either. Oh, damn Marc for getting in her head, for making her think of every woman who’d been beaten and excused her abuser. Because she’d shaken her head at those women, complained with her coworkers about those women.

  Here she was. That woman. Telling Marc it was different. It was different, but...

  She closed her eyes, let out a breath and then drew one in. The fact of the matter was, she was here. She would go in there and talk to him. See if there was anything he needed, and...go from there.

  It didn’t mean she was excusing his actions.

  It didn’t.

  She did the breathing thing a few more times, trying to fight back the tears and loneliness creeping through her.

  This was what she had to do. For herself. For her own sanity. So she’d do it. She went into the jail building and walked through the process of checking in.

  It was very strange to be on this side of things. Not dropping off prisoners or picking them up. No, she was visiting. She was one of those people, and while she couldn’t remember ever judging those people, she’d always known she wasn’t one of them.

  Now she was. Once she checked in, she was led to a little visiting room with separating glass and phones to pick up. It was surreal. Like a TV show. She’d never had reason to be on this side of things, and could hardly believe she was here. This was real and not some joke.

  When her father was ushered in by a guard, she had to fight the urge to bolt. She didn’t want to do this. Moreover, she didn’t have to do this.

  He’s all you have. Made all the more certain by being here. Did that mean she’d chosen her father over Marc?

  God, this was all so wrong.

  But she sat in the chair across from Dad and picked up the phone, propelled by a force she’d probably never understand.

  “Tessie, I’m so glad you’re here.” His voice was raspier than usual, and his hands shook holding the phone. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Everything’s all mixed up.”

  Her hands shook, too, but not from alcohol withdrawal. No, they shook because she had no idea if she was doing the right thing.

  “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

  “I need to get out of here, Tessie. I can’t think
in here. I can’t... I’ll get better. I promise. This time. I promise. Just get me out of here.”

  “Treatment?”

  He faltered for a moment. “Sure, sure. Whatever you want. Just get me out of here.”

  Which was not reassuring, or believable. It was crap, and she swallowed down the need to tell him so. Because it didn’t matter.

  “I need you to get me out of here, Tessie. Everything will be fine if I can get out.”

  Tess didn’t say anything as he fidgeted and pleaded. Finally, she pulled her phone out of her purse and pulled up the picture she’d taken of her injuries when they’d looked their worst. She held the screen to the Plexiglas. “This is what you did to me.”

  He didn’t look at it at first, but she didn’t waver. She kept the phone screen up there until he finally glanced.

  His face crumpled. “I’m sorry, Tessie. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just... It’s the liquor. And...and...I’m all alone. It’s so hard. It’s so hard and—”

  “Enough,” she said quietly, evenly. He didn’t stop sniveling, but he did stop trying to excuse it away. “I’m tired of your excuses. I have had enough of your excuses and your blame. The only way you’re going to get better is actual treatment.”

  “But—”

  “I will not stay by your side for another round of Beat Tess Up and Make Her Feel Like Shit. I have a tiny bit of self-respect left, and I won’t let you take it away.” She wasn’t sure where it came from—not those words or the truth in them, but as she spoke, holding up that picture of what he’d done to her, she felt stronger with every breath.

  “The only way you keep me in your life at this point is going to some kind of facility that treats your alcoholism. I’m not recanting my statement, because you hit me. With God knows what. You blindsided me like a common criminal, your daughter. Your own flesh and blood, the only person who has stood by you. This is your breaking point. Treatment, or I’m gone. Regardless, you’re dealing with the consequences of your actions.”

  “I’m not going to one of those places. I’m not staying here. Why aren’t you helping me? Why aren’t you fixing this? You’re all I have.”

  Words that so often cut her down and drowned out reason didn’t hit so hard when they were all strung together, said by a sober man in a sad little jail visiting area.

  No, she didn’t feel much like taking those words to heart right now. She finally dropped her phone in her purse and hung up the jail phone receiver. She could see Dad’s mouth moving, and she was pretty sure she made out the words don’t go.

  On a deep breath, she picked up the receiver again, but she didn’t hold it to her ear. She only spoke into the mouthpiece. “When you’re ready to change your mind, when you’re ready to get professional help, I’ll be there. But I won’t do this anymore.”

  Without letting him make any false promises in her ear, she hung up again. Then she walked out.

  She didn’t cry. She didn’t shake. She had been strong and reasonable without abandoning him. She’d done the right thing. Maybe it wasn’t the perfect thing. That was life.

  She drove back home, that sense of rightness propelling her all the way to the parking lot and out of her car. She faltered a little bit seeing Marc’s truck and patrol car sitting right there, meaning he was home, but that was a little stumble. A little blip.

  A much bigger blip when she reached the top of the stairs, and he was turning the key in his door, pushing it open.

  Please don’t look, please don’t look. She paused at the top of the stairs, holding her breath, but before he stepped inside, he glanced over his shoulder.

  He looked...weird. And this was weird. Why was this happening? They shouldn’t be apart. Not because of her father.

  She could tell him. Tell him that she had given Dad an ultimatum. Not carte blanche for forgiveness. She could tell Marc and maybe they could come to an understanding. A compromise. It didn’t have to be black-and-white, see Dad or not see Dad.

  She opened her mouth to do just that. Tell him that this morning had been a mistake and if he’d listen he’d see that they didn’t need to break up over this.

  Her heart wanted that, downright yearned for it, but her mind remembered. He didn’t trust her to be able to go visit her father and set those limits. Maybe he didn’t have reason to, maybe it was even fair that he didn’t have that trust in her.

  But it was what she wanted. So she didn’t say anything. She walked to her door, unlocked it, went into her apartment and closed the door behind her.

  And she was alone. Completely and utterly alone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  MARC STOOD IN his living room, staring at the door, trying to work out how the hell this was going to work.

  Tess would be back today, unless she’d changed her plans. Which meant they’d have to share a car. Which meant they’d have to ride in to the station together. Which meant...

  A lot of uncomfortable things.

  Chief among them that he had no earthly clue what had gone so wrong. Sure, he’d said he couldn’t accept her going to visit her father, and she obviously had, but out of the heat of the moment, he had no idea what any of that meant.

  Except, no more pretending, right? He didn’t want to act as though he was okay with her going back to a father who’d treated her like less than garbage.

  So instead he was going to act as if he didn’t love her and desperately want her back. Yeah, that made a lot of damn sense, didn’t it?

  Finally, because he couldn’t risk being late, he put his hand on the knob and turned. Open door. Step outside.

  See Tess.

  Feel like death.

  Her gaze immediately slid away from his and she put her back to him as she pulled her door closed. “I’m going to take my patrol car in for roll call,” she said, locking her door. “I’ll meet you there.”

  “Okay.” Even though it wasn’t. It was completely not okay. It was a crap thing to do considering there had never been a time they’d gone to work separately.

  So, right. Pretending. Again. No. No, he wasn’t doing that. “Actually, it’s kind of a shit thing to do, if you really want to know.”

  She squared her shoulders and turned slowly. Her gray eyes didn’t meet his, but at least she looked in his direction. “I have a meeting with Franks after our shift. I don’t know how long I’ll be. It makes sense to take separate cars.”

  “Sure.”

  “You want to read into it, be my guest. But I’m still your field training officer, and I’m still going to do my job to the best of my ability. I’ve never let anyone get in the way of that.” She walked past him and to the stairs.

  She seemed to think he would. Get in the way. Make this hard. Apparently she had no clue, which meant all this love bullshit was just two pathetic people making crap up to make themselves feel better.

  He swallowed at the tight feeling in his throat, tried to take a steady, even breath through the constricting in his chest. But it all lodged and lingered. Hurt. More and more hurt.

  Why had he ever come here and let all this happen?

  He had no answers for that, so he trudged down the stairs. After all, he wouldn’t let anyone get in the way of him doing his job, either. Because he wasn’t a jackass trying to make her life harder, unlike certain people she wanted to choose over him.

  You are a childish prick, Santino.

  Being a childish prick didn’t feel quite as freeing as it had yesterday. Today it felt heavy and restricting. Depressing, really.

  He just wanted to be happy, and telling everyone where they could shove it wasn’t fulfilling at all. Of course, the truth wasn’t fulfilling and pretending wasn’t fulfilling, so he had no idea where that left him.

  Tess’s cruiser was already turning out of the lot when he got into h
is. So stupid. Driving to the same damn place, and he really doubted a meeting with Franks was what was keeping her from sharing a ride.

  They still had to spend eight hours in a car together. Not just today. A majority of days for only a little less than two months yet. Unless she was going to talk to Franks about changing that.

  Christ, this sucked.

  But he drove to the station because what else was there to do? Even if he didn’t pretend he was fine, there was no action he could take. There was only working.

  Unless you apologize.

  But that was the problem. He didn’t know what he was apologizing for. Not wanting her to be hurt by her father? Should he really have to apologize for that? He wanted her to be safe. That should not be the cause of a damn breakup.

  Marc pulled into the station. Roll call would be fifteen minutes of people figuring out pretty damn quick that everything they’d just found out about him and Tess a few short days ago was over. Honestly, he didn’t even care enough to be embarrassed. He couldn’t work up embarrassed when his gut felt as if it was tied up in heavy knots.

  So damn heavy.

  He walked into the station, trying to greet anyone who greeted him but keep a low profile. Basically, his goal today was to find the old Marc Santino. The one back in Minnesota everyone had been sure was a robot.

  He didn’t have time to drop his stuff off in the locker room with all the dawdling he’d done this morning, so he stepped into the roll-call room and found the first seat he could, shoving his bag underneath the chair.

  Franks went through the normal, and Marc kept his eyes focused on him. If anyone was trying to figure out the situation with him and Tess, he wouldn’t give them anything to go on.

  Oh, pretending again. What a joy.

  Fifteen minutes of getting caught up with what was going on in Bluff City and then it was time to face the real music. Seven hours and forty-five minutes in a car with Tess. The countdown could begin. Well, once he put his crap away.

  Tess left the room before he did without a word. He had no idea if that meant he’d meet her at the patrol car or if she was going to find a way to not have to do this.