by Brenda Ford
“I don’t even know her,” I admit. “I don’t ever think I did really. I never had that close bond that most girls have with their mom. I didn’t really think anything of it because I didn’t know any different, until she sent me to live over the other side of the world when I was just a teenager.” I try to swallow the resentment that statement brings with it. “I don’t know if that will change when I’m here though. I don’t hold out too much hope.”
James says nothing, but he averts his eyes away from me. It really feels like he knows more than he is letting on. I shouldn’t ask, because I don’t want to have my judgement colored by someone else… but I also want to know exactly what I’m in for. Probably something I should have done before getting on the plane.
“What is it?” I demand with my hands flying on to my hips. “Spill the beans, James Roberts. Come on.”
A small smile spreads across his face, and a warm glow erupts inside of me. Much as I’m nervous to find out what he has to say about my mother, I am glad to know that I can distract him from his pain. Even if it’s only for a moment, it’s much better than nothing. He needed a moment of mental peace.
“Well, let’s put it this way, I’m not surprised that she sent her young daughter away. I’m sure she would again.”
I nod slowly, drinking that in. “So, she hasn’t dramatically changed into a more empathetic person.”
“Sorry, no. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries here, but she seems to only think of herself.”
“You aren’t over stepping. I asked you to tell me. You think it was a mistake me coming here?”
He doesn’t wait long to answer. “I don’t know. It depends what you want to get out of it. If you think it’s going to be a long and happy mother daughter relationship, then you might be disappointed. Your mother is far more concerned with being seen out at the best parties with all the right people. A real social climber.”
It hurts that she has always put all of that before me. No mother should ever do that, which is something I learned from seeing Lydia be best friends with her mother. I want to be close to my children when I eventually have a family.
“No need for me to stay long then.” I tell him sadly. “I may be back in England before you know it.”
“And give up the California sun?” he teases. “For gray, cold London? Why would you want to do that?”
“It isn’t always gray,” I bite back, taking the bait. “And it isn’t all London either.”
“I guess not. But it can’t be as beautiful as here. I don’t think I would live anywhere else in the world.”
“Well no.” I make a sweeping gesture with my hands. “Because your destiny is here, isn’t it? You will follow in your father’s footsteps and work at his company until you take over when he retires.”
As James’s face falls, I want to smack myself. Why the hell would I talk about his father and retiring when he’s lying in a hospital bed going through all kinds of treatment? What an idiot!
But then he continues, and I realize that I am barking up the wrong tree completely. “I am going into education, carving my own path in life. I might even become a teacher or something.”
“Wow.” I cock my eyebrows curiously. This does surprise me, but in a really good way. “That’s very cool. You taking life in your own hands and doing what you want is awesome. Plus, you can do it anywhere.”
“I can, but I love it around here, so I’m pretty sure that I want to stay.”
I’m glad that I did most of my growing up in England, especially after what I just heard about my mother. I don’t think that she would have been the most positive influence on my life, not like my dad and Kira were, but I can see what James means about his hometown. It is beautiful here. But not for me. I don’t think.
“Did they say anything else about my father?” he asks, sounding much more subdued. “After I left.”
“Nothing that anyone other than a medical professional would understand,” I admit. “But it all sounds as positive as it can be. I don’t think that you have too much to worry about.”
“Does one heart attack always lead to another?” He turns to face me, really showing the vulnerability under the mask he seems to wear a lot of the time. “He’s been weakened, hasn’t he? Will he recover?”
“Er…” I don’t know the full answer to this since I’m far from a doctor, but James seems to need some good news right about now, so I will see what I can do for him… without offering false hope of course. “I’m sure with some lifestyle changes, he will be fine. No booze, healthier eating, no stress… things like that.”
“It’s stress that worries me. He gives so much of himself to that company, I don’t know if he will be able to give that up. Plus, I don’t think his home life is peaceful either.”
“Is there a lot of arguing?” I ask, almost not really wanting to know. “I remember a lot of arguing when my mom and dad were together. Her yelling and screaming all the damn time.”
“I think so, yes.” He nods while looking far away from me. I don’t know if he realizes how grateful I am to him for his honesty. “I think they just want different things. Dad is much less about social standing. I don’t really know how they ended up together to be honest. I didn’t think that he would ever pull his head out of work for long enough to meet anyone. It has always surprised me how they ended up getting hitched.”
“I think my mother might have set her eyes upon him, and refused to back down,” I tell him wryly. “Not saying that she is only after him for one thing, I don’t know if that’s the truth, but I can’t speak of her intentions.” It hurts to speak about my mother in this way, to not immediately be on her side, but I won’t be on the side of anyone who is wrong. That doesn’t sit right with my morals. “I would love to think of her as a good person, but I don’t know…” I shrug helplessly. “But I’m sure your father knows what’s best for him, right?”
“If my father knew what was best for him, then he wouldn’t be lying in a hospital bed now.”
“Hmmm, that’s true.” I nod along and agree with him. “Well perhaps you can help him see that…”
“I have been trying, trust me, but my father won’t listen to me.”
Before James can plead with me to try and make his father see, because that will be one step too far, I turn back to the hospital building. “Shall we go back inside?”
He sighs heavily before agreeing with me. “I suppose I can’t put it off forever.”
“I know it must be impossible for you. But if you need someone to talk to, I will be there.” I give him a smile. “You know, if you want to come up with a secret word, one that you won’t say by accident, if you need a break from the hospital room or someone to talk to…? Well, I guess I’m trying to say that I’m here for you.”
“Banana,” he replies with a sly smile. “I don’t like banana’s, so that isn’t a word I will ever say normally.”
“Ok, our secret code word is banana, I like it. And I don’t like banana’s either, so that works out well.”
We wander slowly back towards the hospital, almost as an unexpected team which is strange. I never thought that me and James would ever be on the same page … but when it comes to my mother, well, there is only one conclusion that can be reached. She is pretty much the worst.
But I’m not going to go home right away. I’m going to give her a chance regardless, because all of this has helped me to see that while parents might not be perfect, losing them, or nearly losing them isn’t easy. You don’t get more than the parents you are given, so you have to at least try to forge a relationship.
We reach Benjamin’s room to find the doctor now gone and my mother sobbing on the phone to someone who I can only assume is one of her friends. And I mean really crying, letting every word be laced with an awful explosion of horror and sadness. I glance at James, curiously wondering if this out pouring of emotion is real or just for show for the sake of drama and her friends, and it seems like he is thinking the
same thing.
‘Banana?’ I mouth silently at him which makes him laugh as he shakes his head.
No, I guess he is okay with sticking around for now and facing this for his father. A man who seems to be a hardworking, good person. A man who deserves someone better than a person who will just use him for what he has. God, I hope that I find more to my mother than that while I’m here. Otherwise, I don’t know what I’ll do.
Chapter Five
James
“You seem distracted,” Noah tells me with a surprising gentleness to his tone. “Is something going on?”
“Oh right.” I clap my hand to my forehead. “I forgot to tell you about last night, didn’t I?”
“Your date?” he asks me curiously. “Do I even want to know what happened? I don’t know if I have the stomach for gory details this morning. I haven’t even had my second mug of coffee yet.”
“It isn’t about the date. God, I forgot all about that. No, I got taken away from the date by a call from the hospital. My father had a heart attack, so I had to run out.”
“Shit.” Noah turns to face me. “That’s fucked up. What did they say happened?”
“Stress, they assume. He is still not really able to talk yet, so we just have to wait. But he’s going to be okay.”
“Well, that’s good. But you do realize that you don’t have to be here today? You’re ahead of everyone, so if you need the time off to check in on your dad, then you can. I’m not going to be worried about you.”
“I don’t need you to be worried about me. I’m fine.” I shake my head hard. “I’m better here.”
“In other words, you are avoiding someone,” Noah replies knowingly. “Who is it? The evil stepmother?”
“Hmm, yes, something like that.” Admittedly, I really don’t want to see Mary, but I’m also finding it really hard to be at the hospital at all. It’s making me feel all messed up inside. “Mary is being pretty extra at the moment. Milking the drama and loving all the attention and sympathy she’s getting.” I roll my eyes. “The usual.”
“Well, that’s why your father is going to need you when he wakes up. He won’t need her. If everything that you have told me about her is the truth, she will only make things worse for him, won’t she?”
“I guess so. But I don’t think that there is much chance of him waking up this morning, so I can stick around and help you for a bit, before going to the library and getting some work done. Then I will go to the hospital.”
“If that’s what you want, then I understand… but please know the offer is there.”
I smile appreciatively, glad to have him on my side. I know that he will do whatever I need him to. The only issue is I don’t really know what I need right now. My head is all over the place.
“Well, Rue will be at the hospital as well, so even if my father does wake up, he won’t be alone with Mary.”
“Who is Rue?” Noah jumps in quickly. “I don’t think that’s a name I have ever heard you say before.”
“Oh, she’s Mary’s daughter and she’s been living in England for years, so I don’t really know her.”
“Well, you might want to be careful. Mary’s daughter… the fruit might not fall far from the tree.”
I can’t help but shake my head no. I’m convinced that isn’t right. “I don’t think so. She seems different.”
“Different how?” Noah’s hands fall on to his hips. “Because this chick is still your stepsister you know.”
I give him a horrified glare. “What the hell are you suggesting? I just said that she is different to her mom.”
“Right, it isn’t what you said though, it’s the way that you said it. You had a certain look when you said her name. That is not something to entertain. A stepsister thing isn’t ever going to work out.”
I roll my eyes, showing my obvious disgust at that. “Just because I said that she’s nice, doesn’t have to mean anything. Where the hell is your head even at? Like you said, that’s my stepsister.”
Even saying the words ‘stepsister’ when it comes to Rue, feels weird. That’s probably just because we didn’t grow up together. I barely even know her.
“Oh, so she’s ‘nice’ now, is she?” Noah teases. “Things are getting deeper by the moment. First, she was just there, now she’s a nice person. What comes next? The two of you getting married in some weird messed up family ceremony. I would love to be a part of that scene.”
God, why does that wind me up so much? Why is Noah’s stupid little joke really getting under my skin.
“Noah, my dad is in hospital. She is a nice person. It’s a help not just to be with Mary.” I grab my backpack and sling it over my shoulder. “I think I might need to go after all.”
I walk away, a heavy weight, lifting ever so slightly off my shoulders. It doesn’t fly away completely, but it isn’t quite as overwhelming as it was before. I can move with a bit more ease now.
“Oh, come on, James,” Noah calls after me. “I’m only winding you up. I don’t mean to upset you.”
“I know, I just need to get out of here,” I shout back without looking backwards. “See you.”
I don’t leave the campus right away. First, I head to the library just as I planned to do, but I can’t really focus on anything else other than my father in the hospital. I wanted to keep away for a break from Mary, and I used my post grad work as an excuse, but now I don’t know if being away is the best idea. Noah is right, the university will understand if I need to take some time out.
“Hey, James.” Before I manage to make my escape, an all too familiar voice calls out to me. “James!”
I turn to see Tillie grinning at me and running in my direction. Much as I want to keep on going because I don’t have time for polite conversation, I remain because I don’t want to be a dick to her.
“Hey, Tillie, how is it going?” I ask seriously. “Sorry again about the other night.”
“How is your father?” She grabs on to my arm to claim a part of me. “Is he okay? What happened?”
“Oh, he is in the hospital.” I don’t really want to share this with her. I don’t know her well enough. “But he’s going to be okay. I’m actually just on my way to visit him now, so I better get off.”
“Oh no.” She pouts out her bottom lip. “You aren’t going to blow me off twice for your father, are you? Because I was so upset that our date ended, and I have been trying to get in touch with you ever since.”
Why is she upset? Couldn’t she sense that there was no chemistry as well? “I haven’t been paying attention to my phone.”
“No, I get that. I’m not trying to be selfish. But could we at least get a coffee in the cafeteria before you leave? I would love to check in on you. I would also like to arrange a second date. Or a proper first one.”
“Er… I don’t think that is something I can commit to at the moment.” I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I don’t want to lead her on either. “I have so much going on now. My time is really limited.”
“But we had a good time, didn’t we?” She cocks her head to one side curiously. “You want to do it again?”
Okay, so it seems like I am going to have to go in for the jugular. “I don’t think so, Tillie. You’re a great person, but I don’t see a romantic future for me and you. It just isn’t the right time.”
“Ah!” Tillie looks surprisingly pleased with this statement. “Melissa told me that you freak out when you start to really like someone, and you break things off because you’re afraid of commitment. The fact that has happened before we’ve even slept together is a good sign. It must be because you are genuinely into me.” She steps away from me with her hands up in a surrendering gesture. “It’s okay. I will give you some space and let you ping back to me whenever you are ready. Just know that I’m ready for you so I’m not going anywhere.”
“No, Tillie, I don’t want that. You go and be with whoever you want. I don’t want you to hang around for something that isn’t going to h
appen.”
“Sure.” She winks at me. “I will do ‘whatever I want’ while I wait for you.”
She turns and leaves me. And I am left wondering what the hell just happened. I thought I was pretty clear with my feelings, but Tillie has seemingly come to her own conclusion, one that could be problematic in the future. But I will cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I have more important things to worry about…
Thankfully, by the time I get to the hospital, anything linked to Stansford university, including Tillie and Noah, is long gone from my mind. I can concentrate just on my father which is exactly what I need to do. He requires every scrap of my focus, and I want to give it to him, especially if he’s come around.
I also need all of my faculties to deal with Mary, but that’s another problem entirely.
“Oh, Rue…” I’m surprised to see only her sitting by my father, looking at him like she really cares about him. She doesn’t even know him really, she was shipped off far too quickly for either of us to get to know anything about her, but she still seems to have the sort of heart that has invited him inside anyway. “Where is Mary?”
“Mom has gone home.” The bitterness to her tone suggests this didn’t happen under the best of terms. A part of me wants to know what went down, but I don’t care to ask more. It probably isn’t my business. Actually, I don’t think that it was my business to say any of the things to Rue about her mother that I did last night either, but there’s just something about her that made it feel easy for me to open up. “It’s just me.”
She shoots a glance my way and nearly takes my breath away as she smiles. Wow, she’s a stunner. Like a real God damn beauty. I mean, I noticed that she’s a beautiful girl last night, but when she meets my eyes with hers that look like the ocean, I can hardly hold myself together. She’s striking, unlike anyone I have ever seen before. Rue captivates me in a very surprising way. I don’t know how I didn’t notice this before…