by Brenda Ford
“Good, good.” I’m not going to let it get awkward. I refuse to. Not for him. “Well, it’s good to be busy.”
“You know me, I love it.” She smiles and raises her glass. “I thrive when I’m busy. How about you? How are things going with your mother? You said that it’s been on the up for a while now.”
As I dive into the tales of how things are going with my mother, Annie seems to loosen up which is good. I hate the position that she’s in now, because it really doesn’t worry me if she has to work with James. Business is business. If she has to publish his book, then I won’t be angry about it. Thankfully, even as the subject changes and she starts to talk to me about how things have been with Alex recently, the strangeness doesn’t come back.
“Shall we go for a dance?” Annie eventually asks as she grabs my hand, leaving me with very little choice really. “While I’m still only a little bit pregnant and I can shake my ass a little.”
I suppose I have had a couple to drink and it seems that I’m a bit more of a light weight since having Sierra, plus we won’t be the only people dancing, so I can go along with this without too much fuss. I let my friend drag me on to the dance floor and I start to swing my hips and have a laugh with her. Even my hands end up swinging above my head as the music gets to me, the beat surging through my body. This carefree fun is exactly what I needed. Of course, the reminder of my responsibilities is still there with my cell phone stuffed into the side of my bra so I can feel the vibrations if it rings, but while it’s still I can do what I want.
“Hey, beautiful.” Well, I can do what I want until some random guy grabs me around the hips and whispers in my ear. Discomfort spikes up and down my spine. “Fancy a dance with me? You are on hell of a mover.”
I spin around and give him a disgusted stare. “I would like to dance on my own, thank you very much.”
“Ah, playing hard to get. I like that.” He tries to press himself against me again, this time from the front which is a million times worse. “I can make your dreams come true, baby girl.”
“What if my dream is for you to leave me alone? Can you make that one come true?”
“Don’t be so stuck up!” Now, he’s sneering at me. “Just lighten up and have some fun, will you?”
As he comes for me another time, I push him away, needing him to get the hell off me already. I am starting to get so riled up that I might even end up punching him in a moment. That isn’t what I want, I don’t want my first night out since Sierra has been born to end up with me locked up in jail, but I hate the way that this guy I don’t even know thinks that it’s acceptable to put his hands on my body as if he owns a part of me.
“Come on.” Annie grabs my arm and pulls me away from him. “He isn’t worth it.”
“Oh, now your bitch friend is here,” he yells as we back off, as if that’s going to make it any better. Wow, if this is my glimpse in to dating in the bar scene and the sort of guys that I will meet, then I don’t want to know. “Yeah, that’s right. Get the hell out of here. You aren’t wanted. We hate stuck up bitches.”
“What the hell was that about?” Oh God, I can feel myself starting to get emotional. “That was rough.”
“Some guys are assholes. You just have to ignore them. Arguing makes them worse.”
“That isn’t normal,” I insist as Annie takes me towards the bar. “We should get out of here.”
“Oh, I just want to get one more drink.” Again, she’s back to not meeting my eyes. “Just one more.”
“Why? We can get a drink anywhere. They have lots of bars around this area.”
“I like the non alcoholic cocktails here, that’s all.” She stuffs her hand in her bag and roots around for her purse. “Let’s just get one more then we can get out of here.”
I glance over to the dance floor, no longer comfortable here. “I really think that I would rather go…”
“We can’t.” Annie shakes her head much too hard. “Not yet. We need to stay here for a bit longer.”
“But why? I don’t get it. I feel like you are hiding something from me, Annie. Why do we need to stay here?”
Her guilty eyes glance towards the entrance to the bar and I follow her gaze, my heart pounding the entire time. I won’t like what I’m about to see, I already know that, but I need to know what it is. My curious mind needs to know what the hell Annie is playing at, why she is being so weird…
Oh my God.
Chapter Thirty-Three
James
This is a bad plan. I told Annie that it would end in disaster, but she insisted that running in to Rue in a relaxed environment, when she doesn’t have the pressure of the world on her shoulders, would make it okay. But the horrified wide-eyed stare that she is giving me tells me that I should have gone with my gut.
“What the fuck, Annie?” she growls. “You arranged this, didn’t you? You made this happen.”
I don’t know how she’s worked that much out but judging by Annie’s nod I guess there isn’t any getting out of it. Rue is far too switched on for us to trick her anyway. I should have known…
“Do you want me to go?” I ask quietly. I don’t really want to go through the nerves that I have experienced all day long, preparing myself for the risk, just to end up with nothing, but I need to offer. I can’t leave Rue on edge.
“No,” Annie insists. “You can’t. You two are finally here in the same space. I think that after two long years, you should just… I don’t know.” She makes a weird sweeping gesture with her hands. “See if you can be in the same room as one another. Try and talk things through. I’m not going anywhere, so it won’t be awkward…”
Okay, so it will definitely be awkward, but the gesture is appreciated. Me and Rue really can’t let this opportunity slip through our fingers, I need to see her before she goes back to England, and I’m sure she does too. Even behind all of the horror in her face, I can tell that she wants to talk. So, I will stay.
“How is your father?” Rue puts her hands on her hips and narrows her gaze at me. “After everything?”
“He’s… doing okay,” I reply cautiously but honestly. “Hurt, but alright. Trying to recover.”
“Do you mind if I ask about his side of the story? Because you know what my mother is like…”
I laugh. I actually laugh, which is a first when it comes to Mary. Now that she is separate from my family, I’m okay about it. I’m starting to not even care that my father looked after her financially in the divorce far more than he legally had do considering there was a firm pre nup in place, because it makes it fully over.
“Yes, I do know, all too well.” I roll my eyes. “Did she tell you about the affair with his employee…?”
Rue snorts angrily. “Of course she didn’t, but I guessed as much anyway. Sorry about that.”
“Hey, it wasn’t your fault.” I dare taking a step closer to her. “And it worked out for the best anyway because they finally divorced, which I think we both know if for the best.” She nods. “Is Mary doing okay?”
“I got her an apartment now, so she isn’t living in a hotel like a martyr anymore. I think she might be doing okay, to be honest. She would still love to be back with Benjamin if he’d take her, which I’m glad to know that he wouldn’t…” It’s nice to know that Rue still knows who her mother is and she’s remaining neutral and out of the situation… if only they had done the same thing for us. “But things with me and her are a little better.”
I catch Annie’s eye and see her smiling, mentally giving me the thumbs up. She might well be smarter than I gave her credit for. It seems like she knows her friend better than I thought she did. I will trust her more in future.
“I’m glad to hear it.” I grin widely from ear to ear, smiling more than I have done in a very long time. Well, two years to be exact. Since she ran out on me and left me hopeless. “That’s what you always wanted, isn’t it? So, that’s really good news. If something good can come from this messy situation then I am all f
or it.”
God, the nearer that I get to her, the more the buzzing returns, the sizzling chemistry that convinced me all those years ago that she was the one for me and more than worth fighting for. I thought that she shut me down when she broke my heart which is why I couldn’t feel anything even similar for anyone else, but now I know that I wasn’t closed off, just lying dormant until she could come back for me. Seeing her has ignited all the flames, brought all my organs back from the dead, set every cell on edge… but in a really good way.
There is a very god reason that I haven’t been able to move passed Rue, and this is it.
“I’m going to order some drinks for us all,” Annie declares, reminding me that she’s here. “Be right back.”
I almost out stretch my hand to touch Rue as soon as we are by ourselves, but I stop myself at the very last moment. Even if being back her side transports us back two years mentally, we can’t ignore the time that we had apart and the reason we ended up there. I think I might need to address it but in a light hearted way.
“So, I got your letter,” I tease. “I’m sorry I didn’t write back; I didn’t have a return address.”
“Right.” All the color drains from her face. This silly little joke might have been a mistake. “Yes, the letter. I am…” She breathes deep, panic setting in. I should have remembered that she isn’t prepared for this at all. We sprung it on her. “I’m sorry about that. I know it was the wrong thing to do. It was such an emotional time.”
“No, I understand.” I jump in instantly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just don’t want to not address it. I think that we might need to cover it before we can move on and…” I don’t know how to finish that.
“Yeah, of course. I was just very stressed out because of the fight with our parents, my mom mostly, and it felt like the best thing to do for all of us. To escape, to run away, and get back to what felt like my ‘real life’ at the time. I didn’t want to destroy your relationship with your father any more than it already was at the time.”
“It was dramatic. Especially when it came to the slap and everything…” I never thought enough about how much that must have affected her and now I feel terrible about it. “I just wish that I had known…”
“I couldn’t talk to you about it because you would have tried to make me stay. You were so ready to fight.”
I nod, knowing that she’s right. I was all about the fight and I have recognized that over the last two years. I hate the way that I behaved then, but unfortunately, I can’t go back in time and change it. All I can do is apologize.
“I’m sorry. I was immature back then,” I admit. “I didn’t think things through as well as I should have.”
Rue glances over my head and I’m sure that she must be looking for Annie. What I know and she probably doesn’t is that Alex is coming so Annie can stay in the bar and keep an eye on us in case we need her, but not be in the way and awkwardly alone hanging out in the corner. Now, this plan that sounded so good at the time now makes me feel a little seedy and mean for putting Rue on the spot. We should have done anything else.
“I probably would have fought you on the idea of leaving, yes,” I continue. “But the letter hurt.”
Her eyes hit the ground and I do feel bad for making her sad, but at the same time for closure we both need to be totally honest about how it was back then. I need to let her know that I was hurt.
“I’m sorry. I knew that it wasn’t going to be nice. As you can tell, I was all emotional as I wrote it.”
“I know.” I half smile. “I could tell because it didn’t all make sense.”
“Were you… you know, okay? I know that sounds stupid, but I feel horrible.”
“Look at me. I’m still alive.” I shoot her a wink. “I survived it just fine.”
She nods slowly which makes me wonder if she can tell that I didn’t totally survive it. I haven’t exactly been the same person that I was. My heart isn’t as whole as it once was… but I’m still standing. That’s the main thing. I am here and able to talk to her now without crumbling in a heap at her feet. I can’t be that vulnerable.
Time begins to pass quickly as we chat about everything and everything. I tell her all about my post grab course and how it feels to be finished with Stansford University at long last, and even a little about my book which feels cool to discuss. It shows that unlike a lot of people, I have a life plan to work towards. She tells me some about England as well and how things have been since she returned, although I have to admit that Rue is being a little vague on the details. Not that I’m going to push her. She will talk to me when she’s ready. Right now, it’s just a miracle that she has stayed here in the bar with me and she didn’t run out the moment she spotted me.
“Oh God.” All of a sudden, Rue’s facial expression and body language changes. “It’s him.”
My heart drops. Why is she talking about another man? What does that mean? “Him who?” I demand.
“A guy that I had a massive argument with earlier because he tried to put his hands on me.”
As she half hides behind me, I want to let out a little chuckle. “I can’t believe you said what you did to him.”
“Well, I’m not going to let some asshole make me feel like shit just because he thinks that it’s his right to dance with me. His ego, his pride… that doesn’t mean anything to me.”
“So… why are you hiding away from him now?” I can’t help but ask.
“Because if I kick off again, I will end up getting kicked out this bar.”
“Come on.” I take her hand and pull her along with me. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Leave the bar?” she asks horrified. “But I don’t know where Annie is yet.”
“No, not the bar, let’s just get out of his eye line for a moment so there can’t be any trouble.”
I find a spot beside the juke box which we both stand near with our eyes only on one another, so no one else can notice us, and I have to admit that in a way it feels like we’re hiding again, sneaking around, only me and her. As I think about that, the air becomes thick with tension, a sexual chemistry that I find utterly irresistible. There is something dancing in Rue’s eyes as well, which draws me in nearer. We’re growing closer by the moment, I’m sure of it, we’re wrapping ourselves in a thick bubble that blocks out the rest of the world and I can’t help loving it. I want more, which is why I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the intoxication.
I move towards Rue with my lips pursed, all while fully knowing this is not where this night is supposed to be going but I’m unable to help it anyway, and it seems like she’s moving in my direction as well.
Any minute now, we will be kissing, and I can’t wait.
Any minute now…
Chapter Thirty-Four
Rue
His lips crash into mine and a violent shudder tears down my spine. It’s incredible, just like it always was with James. Being here with him in this small corner, hiding away from someone, makes it feel like we’re exactly where we were before it all got messy and I ran away. I could knot my fingers up in his hair and lose myself in his body all over again. The chemistry and connection between us are definitely still there, which is only highlighted by the tingles I’m getting right now, and I would absolutely love to explore that.
Sierra… the memory of her makes me pull away, right at the moment it could turn from a lovely sweet kiss to something much more passionate and powerful. My daughter… our daughter… this isn’t two years ago when our parents are the only issue between us. That was a walk in the park compared to a secret baby.
“Are you okay?” he asks right away, his expression stunned from the complete change in me. “Sorry, I…”
“No, it isn’t your fault,” I shoot back hurriedly. “It’s just… we can’t… we shouldn’t…”
“No, I know.” He steps away from me and rakes his fingers through his hair. I have seen James stressed before, but never quite like this before.
This is really something else. “We can’t just jump back in because…” He trails off because he doesn’t know why we can’t do this. Not really. Not like I do. “I’m just sorry, I didn’t mean to make things complicated. We were having a nice conversation and putting the past behind us…”
My heart hammers hard in my chest, bouncing painfully off my rib cage, thundering in my ears making it very challenging to hear what he’s saying. Slowly, panic is consuming me, it’s wrapping itself around me and turning me in to an icy cold mess. I can’t be in here anymore; it’s getting too much for me. All of this is completely overwhelming. Being ambushed like I was with James has put me on uneven footing to begin with, so I didn’t exactly stand a chance, did I? This whole situation is hardly a surprise considering.
“I need to go.” I shove James out of the way, not even caring that I might be coming across as rude. “Sorry. I just can’t be in here any longer. I can’t do this.” Shit, are those tears rolling down my cheeks? “It’s too much.”
“No, please.” James grabs on to my arm. “Don’t let that ruin things. We can still talk; I still want to talk…”
But as my eyes meet his I know that he isn’t someone that I will ever be able to just talk to. I can’t be friends with James Roberts because he changed my life in so many ways. I can’t even let him know that now because his child isn’t something that I want to tell him in the middle of a strange situation. It isn’t right at all.
Now isn’t the time. I know that it’s an excuse, but it feels like one I need to follow. Later on…
I slip away from him and he seems to let me go. Then it’s time for me to run. Not the easiest thing to do when I’m stuck at the back of a crowded bar, I have to shove a few people out of my way, probably upsetting them along the way, and I head to the door… just about spotting Annie on the way. Annie and Alex. Of course.