by Brenda Ford
“Well, me and your father aren’t together anymore,” she replies, not at all wound up by me. Wow, if she’s not instantly biting then maybe she has changed. Not that it matters now. “Plus, this isn’t exactly about me, is it? It’s much bigger than that. I’m talking to you about Sierra right now. Have you seen her?”
“Huh?” What the hell is she talking about? “Have I seen Rue? Or have I seen Sierra?”
“Well, since the pair of them are usually together, I guess I mean both.” My face must be so blank that she realizes that she needs to explain. “Oh God, Sierra is Rue’s daughter.”
Immediately I stiffen up. “Yes, I have seen them both. Just a minute ago actually.”
Mary stares at me expectantly as if she’s wanting more from me. But since I don’t have anything else to give, I can’t offer her anything. I’m numb and frozen, trapped by my emotional baggage.
“James, do the dates. Try and work some things out. Rue hasn’t said anything to me at all but it’s very obvious to me. I thought that you were a smart guy. You should be able to do some calculations…”
Dates? Calculations? I honestly have no damn idea what she’s talking about. But if there is a baby in the mix, then that only usually means one thing. It means that there is a chance that… that… I’m too scared to think it.
“Where will Rue be?” I demand loudly. “I need to find her. I need to see her right now.”
“Here is my address.” Mary scribbles it down on a napkin for me. “You have an hour and a half before I will be back. Don’t fuck it up, James. This might be your very last chance; I hope you realize that.”
“I do,” I insist before I leap to my feet and I start running.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Rue
Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock, knock.
“I’m coming!” I call out as I wrap my robe tighter around myself. “I’m coming.”
At this time of night, I can only assume that it’s my mother and she can’t find her keys. I’m surprised actually, I wasn’t expecting her home at all tonight. I presumed she would be with Antonio until morning…
But as I swing the door open, I’m shocked to see a male figure standing in front of me. “James?”
After the way that he ran off from me before, I didn’t think that I would ever see him again. I assumed that my chance to tell him about Sierra was long gone forever. I thought that he assumed she belongs to someone else and that I wasn’t ever going to get the chance to tell him the truth. But now, he’s here…
“I just saw your mom.” He rakes his fingers through his hair which is a sign of his nerves. “She told me to think about dates. Dates has to mean Sierra, right? She must be talking about your baby girl.”
This stuns me to the core. Not only does he know Sierra’s name, which proves without a shadow of a doubt that he has been talking to my mother, it seems that she knows more than she let on. I never told her who Sierra’s father is and she didn’t ask me… but that’s obviously because she worked it out for herself.
“I didn’t want you to find out this way.” I crack as I finally break. There are no more excuses, no more reasons that I can give myself not to tell him the truth. I need to get it out there. “I wanted to tell you better.”
“Oh my God.” I can practically see his legs turning to jelly. “Then it’s real. It’s the truth. She’s mine.”
I don’t know what to say, there are so many deep-seated emotions flooding between us, it’s hard to even breathe through it all. But I do nod, just to give him the answer that he so desperately needs. It’s finally out there in the world, James knows that he’s Sierra’s father, it’s up to him what he does with this information.
And right now, he isn’t doing anything. He’s silent with his mouth open and closing a few times. The words are there, he knows that he wants to say something about this, but he has no idea what. I can’t exactly blame him for freaking out considering I reacted at the news that I was about to become a parent.
“I… I got the news just before I ran off.” If he isn’t going to say anything then maybe I should. This may well be my one and only chance to explain everything away. “I found out on the night of my mother slapping me, which just made me all messy and confused. I didn’t want to bring anyone else into the nightmare where we were all arguing all the time, where we all hated one another. I didn’t want to drive the family apart.”
I don’t know if any of my words sink in, James is giving me a blank stare. It leaves me all cold and wondering if things are too messy for us even to co parent anymore. I will be okay if I have to go back to England without getting the answer that I want from James. Me and Sierra have been fine up until this point. But it will be sad.
There have always been signs that me and James aren’t meant to be together, it has always been a battle, but this is the clearest sign ever. If he can’t accept his own daughter, then I will have to move on. Start my own life.
“So, there hasn’t been anyone else?” he asks quietly. “You don’t have a boyfriend in England?”
“I don’t have anyone in England. Nothing but me and Sierra.” I smile. “I know that I should have told you before, but I was scared. I hated the way that I ran out on you and I just assumed that you would hate me for it. Then to add a secret baby in to the mix… well, it seemed too much really. I know that sounds like a shitty excuse now, but it was kinda easy to forget that I was doing something wrong when I was over the other side of the world.” I huff sadly. “Of course, I should have told you when I was here in America. I had lots of chances.” I don’t want to talk about the night that we had sex because I will feel like I’m rubbing salt into the wound. But I think that I might have to. “When we… met up and I came back to yours, I should have done it then, but I was freaked out. It scared the living hell out of me to have you look at me with hatred.”
I fear that stare right now, but it doesn’t come my way. James is looking at me with confusion, not hatred. All I can do is give him a wide-eyed look and wait for him to settle on what emotion he’s finally going to decide he feels. My heart pounds against my rib cage, I can hardly stand the jarring sensation of it, but I wait.
Then he grabs me. He takes my face in his hands and he pulls me towards him. I stiffen up, not sure what the hell to expect. But he does the most unexpected thing ever. He brings his lips down to mine and he kisses me softly. Gently but with great love in it. It’s the sweetest gesture in the whole damn world. But I have to break it.
“What are you doing?” I whisper as I take my lips off of his for just a moment. “We need to be smart.”
“I understand.” He smiles widely. “I get why you had to run off. I didn’t, for a very long time, and it caused me a lot of stress, but now I understand. You found yourself pregnant in the middle of a very toxic situation. I know that we might have talked about having a baby, even kinda planned that since we weren’t using birth control, but talking about things, and facing the reality of it was very different. Especially with the way things were.”
I rest my hand on top of his and smile at him. “That doesn’t make it right though. So, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you missed out on a year of your daughter’s life because you didn’t even know that she existed…”
“I know now,” he insists. “It terrifies me to know now because I don’t know anything about children, but I’m hoping that you will be able to teach me. If you don’t mind me being involved…”
“Are you kidding me? I want you to be involved. I have always wanted you to be involved.”
“Well then, I will let you teach me. I would love to get to know Sierra and to spend time with her.”
Now it’s my turn to grab him and pull him in for a kiss. I can’t believe it, this is like the ideal outcome, everything that I could want and so much more. James is back in my life.
“Wait.” I pull back sharply, remembering that there is something else that I need to worry about here. “What about me and you? I mean,
I wouldn’t even ask if we weren’t kissing right now, but we are…”
“We have a family.” He offers me a one shouldered shrug. “And a lot to fight for, to keep us together, and it isn’t like your mom can get in the way anymore. There aren’t any other reservations she could have…”
“What about your dad though?” I interrupt. “He probably hates my family now after everything.”
“My father will be over the moon to learn that he has a granddaughter. He might not be too fussed about your mother these days, but he has always liked you. He was never really opposed to us.”
“So… wait… we are just going to be together?” This is so wonderful I must be dreaming.
“You and Sierra will come and live with me in the apartment, if that’s what you want… unless you are planning on going back to England?” I shake my head, knowing that if there is a chance of having the life that I want here in America then I will. If me and James have a shot at happiness, then I want that. “Okay, well I would love it if you live with me. Both of you. Really throw me in to the deep end, you know? Get me used to this parenting.”
“Wow.” I clutch my hand to my chest in shock. “Well if that’s what you want to try.”
He grins at me from ear to ear. “Well, your mother told me that I have an hour and a half here before she comes back. So, I better not ruin her trust in me. I better get out of here.”
“Oh no,” I groan. “But I can’t leave tonight because Sierra is asleep. I can’t move in with you yet.” A cheeky idea pops in my brain. “You know you could just sneak in my bed, just like in the old days.”
“I don’t know… I don’t know if I should…” Is it me or does he look scared? “I don’t want to…”
“Come on.” I tug on his arm, needing to drag him along with me, to make this happen. “I have done so much for that woman, she can give me this one time of breaking her ‘rules’. I just want to hang out in bed with you for a bit, that’s all. It’s been over two years since me and you snuck around. We’re adults, remember.”
“Do you have to be so tempting?” He leans down and kisses me once more. “So alluring?”
I lose myself in his lips for a moment, loving the way that it feels to be back with the man that I adore so much. It has been such a long time, and now it’s real between us. Me and him can really give this a go, without worrying about anyone else. Everything is out in the open as well. He knows that he is Sierra’s father and he doesn’t hate me for keeping the secret. He’s happy and he even wants me back which is just incredible. I didn’t know that I was possible to be this happy. I almost want to pinch myself to check that I’m not dreaming.
“James,” I whisper eagerly in between kisses. “I love you. So much.”
“I love you too. I never stopped.” His kisses rein all over my face and neck. “You have always been the one for me. I have never stopped loving you. I am so happy that we are back together.”
“Oh God, me too. You have no idea how happy I am about this,” I giggle. “It’s everything to me.”
I am looking forward to the future, so much. My future with James is going to be incredible. The past might have been messy and complicated, but that’s behind us now. All I can see going forward is positivity and excitement. It won’t be me and James against the world anymore, it will be me, James, and Sierra living along side the world. Enjoying everything that life has to offer us.
We fall in bed together and he climbs above me, his eyes all over me as he looks at me with intense love, and I shiver with passion and adoration. I never thought that me and James would find a way to make it work in this world, but we have at long last.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
James
Six Months Later…
“You okay, Sierra?” I ask as I lift her from her highchair, smiling at my gorgeous little girl as I do. “Oh, you looked like you enjoyed that meal. It’s all over your face sweetheart. Come here, let’s get you cleaned up.”
My chest swells with love as I stare into my daughter’s eyes, the father daughter bond between us nearly overwhelming me. When I first met Sierra six months ago, I was terrified, so scared that I wouldn’t be able to find a way to be a parent, but I wanted to try so badly. With Rue’s expert guidance, I have now managed to make that happen. I think I’m doing pretty well at it as well. At least Rue tells me as much anyway.
“Your momma will be back from work in a moment,” I say to Sierra as I glace at the clock. “She’s busy at the moment. Her, Annie, and Alex are working on a massive expansion of the company…”
It’s an exciting time for them, and for me as well. Even with doing my fair share of the childcare, I have almost gotten my book completely written and ready to go. Annie is thrilled to publish it as well, which is awesome. None of this is what I thought I would have in my life, but it’s utterly perfect for me. It also means that I still get to see a lot of Noah because he has helped me on little bits of it.
“So, we should get a little tidied up here, shouldn’t we? Make sure it’s all nice.”
I put Sierra down on the floor and watch proudly as she runs in to the living room where the majority of her toys lay. Hot tears prick behind my eyes, which happens a lot actually. Every so often, it catches me off guard that I’m a father, that I have a daughter with the woman that I love. I get so caught up in the everyday so when it does catch me that this is my life now, it’s striking. It nearly knocks me off my feet.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
I grab my cell phone half expecting it to be Rue to let me know that she will be late home, but it’s my father’s name on the screen. I pick it up eagerly, happy to hear from him as always.
“Hey, Dad, how are things going?” He can hear the smiling in my voice.
“I’m good. I have just spent the most lovely weekend with Janine. Things are really good with us…”
As he tells me about a weekend in the country with his new girlfriend, I’m happy to hear about it. I like Janine, she is a good person, someone who has been an acquaintance of my family for years, and I know for sure that she doesn’t want him for his money. We get along well which bodes well for the future of their relationship.
He is doing well with Janine, it seems that Mary has found a genuine love for Antonio… it seems like his money is more of an add on benefit rather than the sole purpose of them being together, which is wonderful. What started off as a very messy state of affairs has surprisingly become okay. Of course, it hasn’t been without its issues. When we all tried to be in a room together for Sierra’s sake, it got a little heated. Things that shouldn’t have been brought up, were, but the second time we tried again it was so much better. Now, I don’t think any of us would choose to be in the same place at the same time, but if that’s where we find ourselves it should be okay.
It just shows how incompatible they always were. I honestly couldn’t ever be in a room with Rue and another man and be okay with it. All I would ever want to do is hold her. Thank God we ended up making it work between us. Now, we have the best relationship I ever could have asked for.
“So, have you done it yet?” Dad demands, bringing me smack bang back to the present moment.
“It?” It takes me a couple of seconds to work out what he means. “Oh, it. No, not yet. I have a really nice idea planned where I’m going to book a seat at the skyline restaurant so we can see the whole city below us as I ask her the question.” I get butterflies in the pit of my stomach as I think about asking her to finally make our love official. I have had to force myself to wait so I don’t seem like I’m jumping the gun, but I can’t hold back any longer. It’s been six months this time around with no drama. It is definitely going to last forever now. “I can’t wait to see her face, Dad. I might even get an orchestra to play some music…”
“Woah don’t go too far with this, James. Don’t start throwing all kinds of money at this big romantic gesture.”
“Dad, you know she isn’t like that
,” I moan back. “There is no way in hell that Rue is with me for money.”
“I know! Which is why I’m advising you against going too far. You need to do something right for you. If Rue doesn’t like big fancy gestures, then it might freak her out. You don’t want to make her uncomfortable before you even begin.” I can practically hear the cogs ticking in Dad’s brain. “Maybe a meal at Antonio’s would be better. You know, put her around family, a place where Sierra can be too. She would love it.”
I glance down at my little girl and immediately know that Dad is right. This marriage isn’t going to be about just me and Rue. The extended family are included as well. The fact that Dad suggested Antonio’s place just shows how much he’s really thinking about this, putting his own feelings to one side.
“Yeah, you might be right,” I muse. “I will have a think about it, maybe change up my plan.”
“When the moment feels right, you will just know it. Go with the flow, okay, James?”
I hear a noise from the front door which spikes panic with in me. I can’t be overheard talking about this because it will wreck the surprise. So, I let my father that I need to go now, and I hang up quickly.
“Hey, Rue.” I smile from ear to ear, but the grin I get back shows that she’s on edge. “Oh, how was work?”
“Work was fine.” She waves her hand in the air dismissively. “Busy but good as usual.”
She makes her way to the kitchen, leaving me a little confused. If it isn’t work making her act strange, then what is it? Maybe she did hear something about my plans after all. My heart sinks as I think about it all wrecked. It’s okay, I suppose, I’m sure that she will still want to marry me, but I wanted it to be a shock.
“So, what’s going on?” I ask her curiously. “Has something happened? You don’t seem very happy.”
Sierra funs towards her and leaps into her mother’s arms. Rue relaxes completely as she hugs her child. Their bond is absolutely incredible, I love seeing it. Rue makes the best mother in the world.