by Dixon, Ruby
The thought’s a distressing one. “So basically because humans are nothing to anyone, I could be in danger if he decides to pin the blame on a human.”
“It is an easy answer,” Nassakth admits. “But you are not in danger because I will not let anyone near you.” He holds me even closer. “Ever.”
In this moment, I’m very, very glad for his protectiveness. “I didn’t mean to be such trouble.”
“You are no trouble at all, my Kim. You are my mate.”
It’s so sweetly reassuring that it makes me feel warm inside. I can tell that he truly believes this—having me here is not a problem for him, no matter what this shitty universe drops on our doorstep. He truly wants me around, not just because I’m a human toy to play with, but because I’m Kim.
Impulsively, I lean in and give him a tiny kiss on the mouth. “Thank you,” I whisper, hovering close as I stroke his jaw.
Nassakth stiffens.
For a moment, I worry I’ve confused him somehow with my actions. I know some cultures out here in space have all kinds of hygiene laws and I worry I’ve violated one. “That was a kiss—”
“I know.”
His gaze meets mine, and I don’t see confusion there, or disgust. His eyes are filled with hunger and he pulls me ever so slightly closer.
And I feel…powerful and sexy. “Let me show you how they work,” I whisper, cupping his jaw. I lean in and brush my lips over his again, peppering his mouth with several slow, tiny kisses. They’re nothing more than a quick caress, but as I touch him, I learn his mouth. His lips are slightly different than my own, split up to his nose just like a cat’s, but it’s not unpleasant looking. Nor is it unpleasant against my mouth. His lips are soft, and his lower one is full and inviting, so I nip at it just a little. “Some people like small kisses before they move on to bigger ones,” I whisper between each buss. “It’s nice to just touch your partner without having it turn into something more.”
He remains perfectly still under me, his big body warm, and I can smell his spicy scent. He doesn’t smell human, oddly enough, but he still smells enticing and I’m starting to associate his scent with comfort. I stroke my fingers over his cheek and lift my mouth from his, gazing into his eyes. I want to tell him that the next part of kissing involves tongues—which might be gross for him. And if it is, that’s fine. Not every culture reacts the same to—
“Is it my turn to kiss you?” he rumbles, and the hand on my back flattens and Nassakth rolls us over until I’m below him and he’s over me.
I lick my suddenly dry lips…and his gaze goes to my mouth. Oh. “Yes, you can kiss me.”
He leans in and I hold my breath for just a moment as his mouth brushes over mine. He nuzzles at my lips, mimicking the gentle pecks I did to his mouth, and it feels good. Achingly sweet, but good. He purrs louder as he kisses me, peppering my face with tiny kiss after tiny kiss.
Just when I think it can’t get any better, he gently nips at my lower lip.
Oh. It sends a bolt of heat flooding through my body, and my pulse begins to throb between my thighs. I gasp, my lips parting—
And he nips at my lower lip again, taking it into his mouth and sucking on it ever so slightly before he lets it go.
A moan escapes me. “You…”
“I have seen many vids,” he murmurs, nipping at my upper lip this time, as if he can’t get enough of touching me. “I wanted to try it. Did I do wrong?”
“No,” I breathe.
“Can I try more?”
Oh god, what a loaded question. I should say no. Just roll over and go to sleep and let things progress as achingly slow as necessary. Remind him that we’re supposed to be friends and this is friendly kissing and that’s all.
But then he nips at my lower lip again and his tongue brushes against it, ever so slightly, and I decide I want more after all. “Touch me.”
30
NASSAKTH
Touch me, Kim had said.
She wants me to touch her?
I only wished to press my tongue to hers, but at her command, a different, stronger need sweeps over me. I groan, burying my face against her soft neck as I slide my hands up and down her body. She is so small against me, so fragile, and yet I want her so badly. I drag my tongue over her smooth, furless neck, fascinated by the feel of her. No wonder humans are so popular on the fringes of the galaxy—I am addicted to Kim, her scent, her feel, and now her taste.
Kim shivers underneath me. “Your tongue…”
I lift my head, worried. “It is bad?” Does she not like it when I lick her? I know how to please a praxiian female, but a human is an entirely different sort of thing.
She shakes her head. “Just different. A little raspy.” She looks up at me and her fingertips brush over my jaw. I cannot tell what she is thinking.
But then her gaze goes to my mouth again and I decide I will give her more mouth-tastings. I am all too happy to do so. I lean in and brush my lips over hers, and she parts her mouth under mine. I lick gently at her mouth, letting my tongue delve into hers, and she lets out a little moan. She opens wider, letting me in, and then she is lapping at me, our mouths melded as we taste each other.
Her tongue is different than mine, I realize, thicker and softer than my flat, textured one. It is odd at first, but when she makes the soft little Kim noises in her throat as my tongue moves against hers, I decide it is not bad, and when I lick into her mouth again and again, I decide that it is good. Very good. She whimpers in her throat as we kiss and lick at one another, and I am lost in the taste of her hot mouth, the wet heat of her as she sucks on the tip of my tongue. Hungry need shoots straight to my groin and I run my hands up and down her sides, aching for more. She wishes to be touched? I will touch her all over…and then I will lick her in all the spots I have caressed.
I lift my head to study her face, and she is flushed, her eyelids heavy. Her lips are parted and wet, pink from the press of my mouth against hers, and I like the sight of that so much that I lick her mouth. She moans, following my tongue as it glides over her upper lip, as if she never wants it to lift from her.
My cock throbs in response. I love the sight of her, soft and needy and ready.
Kim squirms underneath me, and I take this as a sign that she is eager to be mounted. I grab her hips and pull her upright. She’s dazed, her gaze flicking over me, and I guide her onto her belly, then pull her hips into the air and flip my tunic up, exposing her backside. It is as pale and smooth as the rest of her, and the lack of tail is startling to see. Her female parts are not exposed like this but buried between the cleft of her ass. Different, but exciting.
“Wait,” Kim breathes.
I tug on the waist of my trou, ready to pull them off. The blood pounds in my ears and I am fascinated by her backside. I want to rub my cock all over—
“Nassakth, wait.”
It is like a splash of cold water, the trembling in Kim’s voice. I go still, and she slides away from me, tugging the tunic back down and hiding her body. She sits back down on her bottom and when she looks over at me, there is no excitement in her, no eager anticipation. It has bled away, leaving behind only fear and shame.
And I realize I have done this all wrong. I can tell by the haunted look in Kim’s eyes that she is back in her past, back to when she was just a thing to be grabbed at and pawed. She is not ready for this yet.
So I nod. I tighten the fastenings on my trou and will my cock to stop aching. “Thank you for the kisses.”
She clutches the neck of my tunic tight to her throat. “I’m sorry. I just…I’m sorry.”
“There is nothing to be sorry for,” I explain gently. “I understand the concept of ‘no.’” I gesture at the bed. “Do you want me to leave?”
She chews on her lip—that smooth, full pink lip that makes me ache. “Can we…can we just sleep? I don’t want you to think I’m a tease—”
“I think you are my Kim,” I say to her. “And I think that when you are ready, we will
try again.” I lie down and pat the mattress beside me. “Until then, we will be as we were.”
“I liked the kissing,” she says desperately, as if needing to offer some sort of token.
“Then we will do it again, perhaps.” But this time I will let her lead the way. It will be difficult—my praxiian nature tells me that I need to push myself onto her, to dominate, to make her purr and then take my own pleasure. But Kim is human, and scarred from her past, so I must choose a different path.
I think of the porn vids. I looked for courting clues and dismissed the rest. Perhaps they are worth a second watch. Perhaps they can show me how Kim will want to be touched next time…if there is a next time.
There might not be for a long, long while…if ever.
So be it. I can be patient. Did I not wait many years to kill my master? The best things are worth waiting for.
So I pat the mattress again and she slides next to me after a moment’s hesitation. Kim is stiff, her body tense, as if she expects me to paw at her the moment she lets her guard down. I pull her close, tucking her against my chest like before, and pat her arm. “Go to sleep.”
I even my breathing out and close my eyes, but I do not sleep. I am aware of her nearness, her tension, and it is not until she relaxes against me and drifts off to slumber that I allow myself to do the same.
31
KIM
Boy, I really fucked that up.
I wake up with that thought in my head—and my left boob hanging out of the low neckline of the tunic. I stuff my roving tit back into my clothing and glance over at Nassakth, but he’s still asleep. I detangle myself from his limbs and slide out of bed. I head to the bathroom and put on my wrinkled clothing, mentally noting that we need to go to my homestead today. If I’m going to be staying here, I need my clothes, my things, I need my writing backups, and…and…blankets, I guess.
The thought’s a little depressing. I like sleeping with Nassakth, but I should probably get blankets so I don’t plaster myself to him and give him the wrong impression. At this point, I’m not even sure what the wrong impression would be. I’m so confused. I told him I wanted a platonic marriage, and then the next thing I know, I’m rubbing myself all over him, kissing him, and telling him to touch me.
It’s not his fault that he did just as I asked and I freaked out.
I head to the kitchen and start to make breakfast. I’ve noticed that Nassakth likes meat with all his meals and so I put aside the sweeter breakfast noodles I top with jitai jam and make some salty askri noodles instead, cutting up slabs of meat to fry with the noodles in a pan. The task clears my thoughts and helps me concentrate, and I pick through my feelings about last night.
It’s my fault things went like they did. I encouraged the kissing, and god, I really liked all that kissing. It had been different, but not in a bad way. He’d been so gentle and considerate that all the parts of me that had felt frozen for so long were unthawing, and I’d fallen into the moment and wanted more.
I asked him to touch me, and that was when things got weird. I expected him to do more petting, maybe touch my boobs, but he went right for the endgame and I freaked out. It went too fast, and I wasn’t ready, and I panicked. Now, of course, I have more time to think and I wonder if he knows how humans like to be touched? I forgot completely that he was a gladiator and a slave for a long, long time. Maybe all the sex he has had is rough and quick. Maybe praxiians don’t do foreplay.
I think about him watching the human porn to try and learn how to kiss. Maybe we should watch some together so I can point out what is good and what is fake.
Maybe I should watch some praxiian porn.
The thoughts make me blush. I can’t believe I’ve gone from “platonic marriage” to wanting to watch porn with him this quickly. He’s just so…sweet. And caring. And I’m so hungry for affection and another person to rely on that I’m forgetting all the vows I made when I got my freedom. I swore to myself I’d never have sex with another alien. I swore that I’d be independent forever. But after several months of loneliness (and a lot of romantic story writing) I’m realizing that’s not me. I want to love someone and be loved. I want a family. I want happiness…and that happiness isn’t a life alone on a remote farm at the edge of the universe.
Contentment, yes. Safety, yes. But not really happiness.
“Kim?” Nassakth’s voice is sleepy, almost grumpy.
I take the food off the hot plate and turn to him. Oh my god, he really is adorable in the morning. His mane is all wild tufts sticking in every which direction, and he scratches his bare chest with a sleepy expression as he pads forward. His tail is a floofy mess as it flicks back and forth.
“Good morning,” I say brightly. “Sit down and I’ll make you a plate.”
“You…made food? But you are my guest.” He frowns a little at that.
“No, I’m your mate. And you’ve made food for the last two days, the least I can do is make breakfast. This is my home too, right?”
“You are right.” He sits down and as he does, I put a heaping plate in front of him. I can’t help but notice that he’s got morning wood—that’s not different from a human man, for sure. Nassakth glances up at me with a sleepy smile, and he looks so cute that I lean in and kiss him impulsively.
He goes still, but when I pull back, there’s a hungry longing in his eyes.
“I know I’m sending a lot of mixed signals,” I tell him. “But…I liked the kissing. And maybe we can work up to more over time, if you’re willing to be patient.”
“You know I will do anything for you.”
I’m starting to think that. I lean in and kiss him again, just a graze of lips, and he begins to purr. I caress his cheek, smiling at him. “Eat your breakfast. I want to go to my farm today.”
“We will,” he promises. “I will do my morning exercise routine and then we will go out. Then tonight, we will start your weapon lessons.”
I nod, and I have no idea if I’m excited or scared to begin them. “You’ll go easy on me?”
He snorts. “No.”
What?! I gape. “You won’t?”
“I will not. You will learn how to defend yourself. Going easy on you helps no one.” He pokes one of his chopstick-like utensils at me. “Now eat, because you will need your energy for today.”
“Great. I can’t wait,” I say dryly.
“You should be excited. Not everyone gets lessons with the famous Nassakth.”
“You have quite the ego, you know.”
He just grins at me. “Oh, I know.”
And I laugh, because how can I resist that? I pull my chair next to his and set my plate down, and we eat breakfast together and talk about nothing in particular. It feels easy. Nice. Comfortable. It’s like last night’s awkwardness didn’t happen…except I catch him watching me with a hungry expression on his face and I know we’re both still thinking about it.
While he works out, I pull up my computer. I’ve been stuck at the beginning of a love scene for days now, but my mind is filled with all kinds of torrid embraces for my characters to work through, and my fingers fly over the alien keyboard.
I’m inspired.
32
KIM
By the time I post the chapter, Nassakth is out of the shower and ready to head out to my homestead. He clips a breather device on his nose to filter out any noli pollen, and I have to admit, it seems like a good idea even if it disappoints me. Then I feel like a jerk for being disappointed, because I’m the one that keeps dragging my feet, aren’t I?
I know what I want—I just don’t know if I have the courage to reach for it.
We take Nassakth’s air-sled out to the farm, and I can’t help but notice his is much nicer than mine. Nothing sputters or grinds as it fires up, and when we land, it’s so, so smooth. I watch Nassakth out of the corner of my eye, and it occurs to me how lucky I am that Bethiah “kidnapped” him instead of someone else. Not only does he have money to ease the way here, but he’s
incredibly kind and patient with me. I thought all aliens would treat me like garbage just because I’m human, but he’s been sweet and understanding and utterly wonderful. Truly, I am very lucky.
“What is it?” he asks, glancing over at me.
“What is what?”
“You keep looking over at me.” He pulls the sled in, shifting gears and parking it directly in front of my house.
“Maybe I just like looking at you,” I say lightly. “Is that okay?”
Nassakth watches me for a moment, and then grunts. “The breather is only temporary. I know it looks silly.”
He thinks I’m staring at that while I’m thinking moony thoughts about him? I shake my head, smiling. “It’s fine.”
Nassakth moves to my door and helps me out of the sled, then gestures that I should remain where I am. “Wait here. I will scout your house to ensure that no squatters have tried to claim your property…or that our bounty hunting friend is making a menace of himself.”
I’m terrified at the thought. I cross my arms under my breasts, hugging myself. “Do you think they would?”
“I think it does not matter if they have, because not even a Risdan court would blame me for slaughtering them at this point.” He leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Wait here and if you hear blaster fire, get back into the sled and put the protective shields up.
“You’re scaring me.”
“Nothing will happen to you, Kim. This I promise.” He touches my cheek, then heads to the door of my house. I notice he’s got his weapons holstered at his belt, and he types in my key-override, then opens the door and steps inside. I hold my breath, waiting, and when I get tired of watching the silent doorway, I glance around at my fields.