by Helen Phifer
6th April 1887
Edward is coming home for the Easter holidays. The house has been so happy these last few months without him that I feel my stomach filling with butterflies at the thought of it. I have been able to practise my reading and writing in the schoolroom in solitude.
Lady Hannah came in one day when I was writing and told me that I was creating memories for the days when I am older and my memory may not serve me as well as it does now. I try to write every day but there is so much to do around this big house that I sometimes forget.
Today I feel as if a black cloud is descending upon me. I am so scared of Edward and what he may have been dreaming of to do to me whilst in London that I am finding it hard to concentrate on anything. I know that I am being foolish thinking this way and that Lady Hannah would not stand back and let him treat me so cruelly but she is not always around and his Lordship is far too busy with work to notice what goes on in this house. I will just have to do my best to keep out of his way and hope for the best. I would tell Alfie how I feel but I fear he would step in to defend me and then he would lose his position in the house and also his home and I do not want anyone to suffer because of me. I know that Alfie likes me a lot, more than just as a friend, because he stole a kiss from me two days ago out in the woodshed, when he was helping me carry wood in for the fire. I pretended to be angry and pushed him away but I was not really and I think he knows this because he grinned at me and winked.
8th April 1887
So far Edward has been very polite and courteous towards me. He has not hidden in any dark corners to jump out and scare me yet. I think that London is changing him for the best. There must be lots of young ladies he can be mean to in the city. He has taken to wearing smart suits with a clean pressed handkerchief tucked into his pocket. Alfie told me that Edward insists on a clean one every day and he had to go into town to purchase some more to make sure Edward did not run out on his visit home.
Today I had to clean out all the fire grates. His Lordship took Edward to the town hall to a meeting today leaving Alfie at a loose end. Harold told him he could help me. Alfie entertained me with tales of his family, which is huge: he has three sisters and two brothers. How I laughed when he told me of the mischief they all got into. He is very lucky, although he thought not and said he was so glad to escape from them when he got his job working here.
There was just mother and me until she died and she was always so busy we never got to spend much time together. I miss her so much and I often wonder what it would have been like not to have been an only child. I like Alfie very much. He is such a good friend to me. He has the palest blue eyes, which crinkle when he laughs, and a head full of wavy, blonde hair.
By the time we had cleaned the last grate we looked like a pair of chimney sweeps and Cook ordered us to get washed and changed before her Ladyship caught sight of the pair of us and screamed with fright. Alfie nudged me in the side and we dashed up the servants stairs up to our quarters. Edward must have come back early because he was stood loitering at the top of the stairs and he glared at Alfie who put his head down and excused himself. I continued walking up the stairs afraid that he would follow me but he didn’t. I have no idea why he would be waiting around on our cramped staircase when he has the grand staircase at the front of the house to go up and down on. I have a horrible feeling that he was spying on me but maybe I am just being foolish.
12th April 1887
The house was empty this evening. Lord and Lady Heaton have gone to a party and we have all been given the night off. Cook and Millie have gone to visit old Mrs Blackley, who is very poorly. She used to work here before her retirement. Harold has taken them in the horse and trap and then he is going to meet Alfie at the tavern for a while before picking them back up again.
Alfie asked me if I wanted to go but the tavern is not the most suitable place for a young lady. I would be frowned upon by all within if I set foot in there. Cook wanted me to go with her and Millie but I could not face another dying person so soon after my own mother. I told her I felt ill and wanted to retire early. I ran up the grand staircase to turn her Ladyship’s bed down and passed Edward on the first floor landing. He looked so dashing and handsome dressed in his best to go to the dance. He stared at me with his cold, black eyes but he carried on walking and I lowered my head. He ran along to the stairs and I found myself watching him through the balustrade, he looked up to where I was standing and fixed his cold eyes on me. My heart missed a beat and I was so scared because I remembered there was only me and him left in the house. He then lifted his hand to his lips and blew me a kiss. I was so horrified that I ran straight up to my room and shut the door, my cheeks burning bright with shame and, as much as I hate to admit it, I think I felt something other than hatred towards him because my stomach churned with butterflies at the thought of him blowing me a kiss.
It is my birthday tomorrow and I will be sixteen years old. I was nine when I first came to this house with my mother when she was offered the position of housekeeper. Tomorrow I will have no one to celebrate it with but it does not matter. I must remember I could be in a much worse place than Abbey Wood.
13th April 1887
I was awakened in the night by a stifled scream from outside my bedroom window. I got out of bed to look and see where it had come from. In the darkness I could make out two figures under the huge oak tree. I recognised Edward immediately. All the years I have spent hiding from him, I would know his silhouette anywhere. The other was a girl and I watched horrified as he pushed her to the ground, her petticoats and skirts tangled beneath her. I watched Edward lift his hand and strike her cruelly across the face and I whimpered out loud. He straddled her and turned to look directly up at my small attic bedroom window. I am positive he was smiling, as if he knew I was watching.
I should have run to awaken his Lordship. The girl was no longer struggling and lay still beneath him. Instead like a coward I ran to my bed and pulled the covers over my head. I was too afraid to move. I have heard about the things men and women get up to from Alfie so maybe Edward is in love with this girl. I tried not to remind myself that if you truly loved someone then you would not strike them. There were no more screams from outside and I stayed under my covers praying that Edward would not come looking for me.
In the morning there was no sign of Edward as breakfast was served and Alfie was sent up to his room with a tray. No one else said anything about what had happened last night so I kept quiet and made myself busy as far away from Edward’s room as possible. I could not stop thinking about the woman and what had happened to her but I did not dare to ask anyone. I hope that she is safe somewhere but I know she has come to great harm. I would not dare to speak this out loud for fear of upsetting Lady Hannah or causing Cook to gossip.
It was intriguing. The handwriting was hard to understand at times and as much as she wanted to keep reading, concentrating so much was giving Annie a headache. Rain trickled down the kitchen window and Tess looked at her and whined.
‘It’s miserable out there, Tess, but I don’t mind if you don’t, and we may still be able to catch up with Jake. Who’s a clever girl?’ Annie bent down and scratched behind Tess’s ears making her so excited that her tail began to thump against everything. Putting on one of the many waterproof jackets that were hanging on the coat rack and pulling on a pair of too big wellies, they set off into the woods.
She spotted flashes of dayglo yellow through the trees and headed in that direction, taking the path that skirted around the outside of the old house. She would never go back in there on her own; not after today. There was no rational explanation for what she had experienced earlier, but it had been so real.
It niggled at her that after all these years she had been the one to find Alice’s diary. Surely there have been plenty of people in and out of the house to have found it and picked it up. She tried to picture what Alice would have looked like and an image began to form in her mind of a pretty young woman in a maid’s u
niform. This Edward sounded like he was made from the same stuff as most serial killers: cruelty to animals, no friends, cold and calculating. He probably murdered the girl under the tree. Annie shivered as she wondered if there was a grave in the woods containing the girl’s remains. She needed to go to the library and do some investigation to see if there were any records about the family and servants that lived in the house. It could all be a fake; someone could be setting her up. But then again, up until thirty minutes ago no one knew where she was staying.
Jake’s voice filtered through the trees and she headed towards it. It was typical of him to be so near to the house but at least she would have his huge muscles to protect her. She wondered briefly if Will was still around, although she knew from experience that CID usually left the dirty work to uniformed officers. They would breeze into a crime scene looking like the men in black, make a few phone calls then disappear again: she doubted he would still be here.
Anyway there was absolutely nothing he would see in her five foot six inch frame with a figure-not-to-die-for and a lifetime membership to Weight Watchers®. On the plus side, her eyes were a pretty green but she didn’t even have a full head of hair thanks to Mike. Her black curls had been shaved off. How she had cried when she saw them lying on the cubicle floor in the hospital.
Up to now she had managed to avoid thinking about that night but it all came rushing back to her. She had been late finishing because of a fight outside one of the nightclubs on Cornwallis Street. Two of her colleagues had been smacked in the face by a group of drunken chavs who had not only been drunk but high on plant food or whatever fashionable crap it was they were snorting. Finally booking off-duty, she had gone to the car park across the road to her car, which wouldn’t start. No money on her for a taxi she had gone back into the station to find someone who could give her a lift home. Kav, her sergeant, had offered to take her as he was on his way out to pick up some food; he could drop her off first.
As he had driven up the street the house was in darkness and she had hoped that Mike was either still in the pub or, even better, comatose on the sofa. He hated her working evenings but it infuriated him if she had to work late. It didn’t matter to him that she had no choice. If a job came in ten minutes before the end of your shift you couldn’t just stop what you were doing and go home like some other jobs. Most men would be proud to say their wife was a police officer but not him. For some reason he found it shameful.
She crept in through the kitchen door and closed it gently behind her. The kitchen light flickered into life and the familiar feeling of dread washed over her. She just wanted to crawl into bed but Mike was stood glaring at her.
‘Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to finish at ten and it’s nearly midnight. I heard you on the phone this morning making plans; did you really think you could just walk away like that?’
Annie recalled the phone call to Ben. She had been making plans but only to go and stay there to look after his animals while he was away. He had asked her again if she wanted a room permanently. This morning she had laughed off his offer, not sure what to say after he told her it was time she left the bully she was married to: ‘I see the look in your eyes, Annie, not to mention the bruises under those long sleeved tops you wear when it’s a hot day.’ Those words had been playing on her mind all day. He knew, her brother knew that Mike was hitting her.
Suddenly she found the strength to tell him she was leaving him. ‘Do you think I’ve been at the pub getting pissed or do you think I could have been working hard to earn the money for you to go and get pissed? We’re through Mike; I’ve had enough of you. In fact, I can’t remember a time when I could get enough of you. It’s over.’ She regretted the words instantly and knew what was about to happen was going to hurt.
His expression had gone from one of anger to rage. Striding towards her he drew back his fist and then slammed it hard into her stomach. Annie doubled over winded. He was a dirty fighter. Her eyes watered and she struggled to breathe but the feeling of indignity began to burn in her chest and the realisation that she would take no more hit her hard, forcing her to straighten up.
She curled her fingers into a fist and punched him square on the nose. The sound of the cartilage crunching beneath her knuckles had been the most deeply satisfying she had ever heard. The warmth of the blood which poured out added to the fire that was burning in her hand but she didn’t care, she could cope with that. For the first time in years she couldn’t stop grinning because she had given him a taste of his own medicine: it felt amazing. Turning to walk back out of the door and leave him, she grabbed the handle. Suddenly a whooshing sound cut through the air behind her and the empty champagne bottle that she had kept since their wedding day became the thing that ended their marriage for good. As it connected with the back of her skull, stopping her dead in her tracks, she collapsed onto the floor.
Annie wasn’t sure what happened then but Mike must have walked out of the door because he left her unconscious and bleeding all over her clean tiles. Kav had told her later that he’d got to the takeaway and noticed her handbag on the floor of the car. Knowing what women were like without them he’d turned around and driven back to drop it off for her. He’d strolled around to the back door because the kitchen light was on, the door ajar and the handle was covered in blood. He peered through the crack and had been shocked to see Annie’s lifeless figure lying on the floor.
The next thing she recalled was waking up to the smells and the sounds of the Accident and Emergency Department. There is nothing like twenty-six staples and multiple bruises to make you realise that your marriage is over: Annie wanted nothing more to do with Mike.
She thought about Ben and how he would be mortified if he knew what had happened. She remembered how he had asked her to dog-sit and made it seem as if she was helping him when really it was the complete opposite: he had been offering her a chance to escape, which was a good thing because now she needed it. There was no going back.
The worst thing about it all had been the fact that her secret was now public knowledge and the shame was burning inside of her chest adding to the pain and nausea she already felt. When she saw Jake heading towards her cubicle she had squeezed her eyes shut. He was followed in by the doctor.
‘She’s all right, Doc, isn’t she? I mean she’s not brain-damaged or anything?’
If Annie could have moved she would have squirmed. Jake watched far too much television. Next he would be asking if she was going to live, thankfully he hadn’t. She had lain there waiting for them all to leave her alone.
At some point Kav had joined the party because she heard his deep voice whisper to Jake, ‘I can’t believe she was married to such a bloody wanker.’ His boots squeaked on the highly polished floor as he stepped closer. ‘Annie, can you hear me? Don’t ignore me. We need to talk.’
She had whispered, ‘Yes, Sarge.’
‘You can drop the “Sarge” shit. How are you doing, kid?’ Jake was hovering in the background and Kav turned to him. ‘Can you go and find something useful to do, Jake? Mine’s a tea with two sugars.’
Annie knew Jake would be insulted but he turned to go and find somewhere to get a brew: he knew better than to argue with Kav.
When Jake was out of earshot Kav lowered his voice. ‘I need you to tell me exactly what happened. I won’t gossip like our friend Jake but I want to know everything from start to finish.’
She had smiled at him, which, in turn, made her wince with pain. ‘What is there to say. You know those women who stay with their partners even though they get battered senseless for no good reason, the ones we all berate saying how foolish they are and they’ll end up dead? Well, that’s me, the real Annie Graham is a stupid idiot who should know better.’ She watched as his huge fists clenched into tight balls.
‘I’m so sorry, Annie, I had no idea. I better get to be the arresting officer because I intend to treat him with the respect that he deserves.’
‘Thanks. I hope
you do but I did manage to smack him one myself this time. I think I may have broken his nose.’
Kav laughed so loud the whole department turned to look their way. It was so inappropriate it made them both laugh even more.
‘That’s my girl. Now is there anyone you want me to contact for you?’
Annie declined his offer, not wanting anyone outside of work to know about what had happened. In fact, she would rather no one at work knew about it. Kav nodded and wrapped his hand gently around her left hand, which wasn’t swollen, and squeezed it.
Jake rounded the corner carrying two plastic cups filled with steaming liquid. ‘Bleeding hell I’m going to need that bed in a minute; I’ve got third-degree burns.’
Kav peered into the plastic cup. ‘What’s that shit? Don’t tell me it’s tea.’ He took it from Jake, blew into the cup then sipped. ‘I’ll let you off, Constable. It tastes better than it looks.’
Jake offered the other cup to Annie. ‘Hot chocolate?’
A passing nurse paused outside the cubicle then pulled the curtain to one side. ‘Sorry, pet, she’s nil by mouth until the consultant decides if he needs to operate on her hand.’
Both men looked at each other and Jake whispered, ‘I’m glad it’s not me you punched.’
A trio of doctors walked in and Kav stood up. ‘You know where I am if you need me or want anything.’ He stooped down and kissed the one spot on her forehead that wasn’t coated with dried blood. He turned to Jake. ‘Come on, let’s go and assist in the hunt for Barrow’s most wanted. He needs a lesson in extreme etiquette.’
Jake clapped like a big kid. ‘Now you’re talking, Sarge.’ He blew Annie a kiss. ‘I love you loads but I am not kissing you with all that dried blood and brain juice splattered all over.’
Kav’s hand shot through the curtain and dragged Jake out by the shoulder. Annie shut her eyes as the doctor picked up her hand to begin to examine it again.