by Helen Phifer
She paused and felt the door move slightly. She pressed against the hard wood of the door. An image of a pair of ghostly arms reaching through the wood and wrapping themselves around her neck made her want to cry out in fear but she couldn’t make a noise. She had heard people say they were frozen in terror and wondered if this was how they felt. The blood in her veins felt as if it had turned to iced water she was so cold. Whatever was on the other side of the door was intelligent because it had been listening to her. She imagined a man standing on the other side, his head cocked to one side waiting to make his move. It wanted to hurt her, she had no doubt about that: it felt evil. God, who was she kidding? What did she know?
Her heart was pumping the blood around her body so fast it was deafening inside her head. She was waiting for the door to be shoved with such force from the other side that she would be flung across the floor but then a small ball of white light appeared by the window. There was a slight shift in the heavy atmosphere inside the room. It hovered, glowing brightly, and the panic in her chest began to subside a little. The light moved towards Annie, pausing directly in front of her for a brief moment and then it moved through her body and, for a second, she felt different, not like herself. The feeling disappeared as quickly as it had arrived.
From the other side of the door she heard a woman’s voice, it was gentle but firm. ‘Edward, leave this place at once. You are not welcome here, ever. I forbid you from coming back. Go back to the house and the cellar if you must but stay away from here.’
A growl so low and guttural made Annie begin to shake again and she dug her heels in and pushed her back against the door as hard as she could. Instantly the heavy atmosphere dissipated and the temperature raised enough that her teeth stopped chattering. Her hand felt its way up the wall until she found the light switch with the tips of her fingers. Pressing it down she finally breathed out as the room was bathed with a warm glow. She didn’t move, couldn’t move, not yet. She needed to make sure whatever it was had gone. She pressed her ear against the wooden door. After a few minutes she pulled herself up then, making the sign of the cross, she took a deep breath and threw the door open. It was still dark inside the room but the shadow had gone.
The light in the kitchen wouldn’t work but the atmosphere was no longer menacing. She stepped further in, ready to retreat if she had to. She was followed by Tess whose hackles were up and who was growling. Annie opened the fridge door to shed some light into the room. Edward had been here in her house. Or had he? Am I going insane? She sank to the floor, sitting next to Tess.
‘Edward,’ she whispered, afraid. Why would he come here, what had she ever done? He must have been dead for years. Confusion making her head spin she stroked Tess to calm them both down. She needed to speak to that medium guy. If he couldn’t help her she’d have to try Most Haunted or Ghostbusters but the most likely option would be the nearest mental asylum.
Once her shaky legs could bear her weight she went to get the card he had given her. Tess was whining to go outside so she opened the door and let her out. She ran straight to the gate and stared into the woods. Annie looked in the direction of the house and saw a flash of white darting between the trees and heading towards the mansion. She went back inside to dial Derek’s number but it went straight to voicemail. She left him a message to call her back. He must know his stuff because he had told her this would happen, hadn’t he, in his own strange way.
Tess needed a walk and as much as Annie didn’t want to walk in the direction of the house she had no choice. She couldn’t be sure who the white figure had been so she needed to go and check no one had been inside and that it was all still locked up tight. She wouldn’t forgive herself if she found out those girls had been kept inside and she had been too cowardly to do anything about it.
Putting on her coat, hat and gloves she set off. There was a light drizzle falling now but it didn’t stop Tess who bounded off in the direction of the house. Annie followed but at a much slower pace. The paths were lethal in the rain and she didn’t want to fall; she was aching enough already. Tess began to bark excitedly in the distance shattering the peace and quiet. She must have found a rabbit or squirrel. She was obsessed with them. One of these days she was going to chase one too far and get stuck down a rabbit hole. The barking stopped, restoring the woods to its normal peacefulness; they didn’t feel threatening like yesterday.
The outline of the mansion loomed in the distance and the déjà vu she felt was stronger with every visit. There were so many memories she could conjure up if she desired. Walking closer she felt as if she wanted to go inside. No, more like she needed to go inside. The feeling of belonging was so overpowering it must mean something. How did she know that Alfie had dirty blonde hair, blue eyes and the cheekiest grin she had ever seen? He wasn’t much taller than her and he radiated warmth. His big strong hands, which had tickled and stroked her hair, kind and gentle. Alfie had been so heartbroken when he found her in the library with Edward. The hurt in his eyes so intense that even now, after all these years, it made her heart ache with regret. Things would have been so different if she had chosen Alfie and not Edward. They wouldn’t have had much but they would have lived in a small house filled with love and laughter and, more importantly, children. How she had longed to have babies but Edward’s deceptive charms and dashing good looks had taken away her one chance of real happiness.
Tess began to whine, stirring Annie from her daydream. She was surprised to see she was standing in front of the Gothic front door, face to face with that awful knocker. Annie had no recollection of walking this far. She had been so absorbed in the memories that she hadn’t realised. She had never believed in past lives but since her head injury things were happening to her that she couldn’t explain rationally. She needed to know what happened with Edward. It was something bad and whatever it was had changed Alice’s life back then forever. Or had it been my life? Annie was convinced that deep down she already knew the whole story but couldn’t unearth it from the depths of her mind. She hoped the diary would explain everything but every time she read that small leather book scary things happened and after this morning she didn’t feel brave enough.
A wet nose nudged her hand. ‘Tess, you bloody scared me.’ She had a stick in her mouth and was wagging her tail. ‘Come on, girl. Let’s check the doors and then we’re out of here.’
Tess followed, her tail still wagging. Annie shoved the front door hard: it was still locked up tight. Making her way around the perimeter she checked all the boards on the windows, none of them were loose. There were no corners that could be prised up to allow anyone to climb in either. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched and kept looking over her shoulder. This time it felt more inquisitive than anything else. She continued to walk around to the back of the huge house and came to the small scullery door, which was shut tight like the others. Her fingers reached out, touching the wood and she snatched her hand back as a tremor ran through her body. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, she had no key for this door but there was something wrong with it, even Tess began to whine and back away. Why did this door feel as if it was the gateway to hell? Annie reached into her pocket for her phone, she wanted Will to come and see – Come and see what exactly? It’s a door you fool.
Stepping back she studied it to see if there was anything to explain why her copper’s instinct had gone into overdrive. There were no prise marks in the wood, no bloodstains. There was nothing other than an old, wooden door. She checked her phone: one missed call and a voicemail. She took one last look around before she began to walk as fast as she could away from the house and before she got sucked into a whole different world. When she was a good distance away she felt compelled to turn around. She turned and caught sight of a misty, white figure waving at her from Alice’s bedroom window; just a slight movement of hand. She blinked and looked again but the window was empty, desolate, like the rest of the house.
15th December 1887
&
nbsp; Today was the reading of the will. It was such a different affair from when Lady Hannah’s was read. Then there was only Edward, his Lordship and Mr Ernest the family lawyer. For his Lordship’s all the staff had been informed by Mr Ernest that they were to be present. Edward was not happy about this, he told me so himself, because he said it was a private thing.
All morning he could not sit still and was agitated, pacing up and down the drawing room while waiting for the time to come. His Lordship’s brother arrived early and took him into the study where they spent the next hour talking in hushed tones. Cook was nervous and kept wringing her apron so much that Harold ordered her to go and put a fresh one on because she had creased it so. Twice I watched her whisper into Harold’s ear and then stare my way. I am sure they must know about my illicit affair with Edward and if they did not then they soon will because Edward told me last night when we were together in his bed that he would announce our engagement after the reading of the will. I am most nervous about this for I know that I am not and will never be good enough for him. I told him I have nothing to offer him but my love and he told me that was all he would ever want from me.
Last night he produced a small present wrapped in the most beautiful paper. I blushed and told him I did not want him to buy me anything but he laughed and insisted I opened his gift. I unwrapped it and gasped when I opened the tiny box for inside it was Lady Hannah’s gold and diamond ring that she always wore on her wedding ring finger. It sparkled brightly in the candlelight and I felt tears begin to fall down my cheeks. Edward took the ring from the box and tenderly took hold of my hand, pushing it onto my finger and smiling at me: it fit perfectly. I told him I could never accept it but he silenced my protests with a passionate kiss. He told me that his mother would not want anyone else in the world to wear it and then he asked me to be his wife. I feel as if I am floating on air. I am to be the Lady of the house. Those dreams of filling the house with the love and laughter of children may not be dreams for much longer. I told him I would only wear the ring after the reading tomorrow and he agreed that it would be best to wait until then.
I walked into the library where everyone was waiting. Not one person coughed it was so quiet. Edward was the last to come in and he took his seat at the front of the room. Mr Ernest shuffled his papers, cleared his throat and then began to read. What he said next was such a shock I almost fainted and Harold had to sit me down on a chair. The house, land and money were to be divided in equal parts between Edward and myself. Cook gasped so loud it echoed around the room. I was so surprised I wanted to hide my face in shame. All eyes were on me and I wanted nothing more than to run from the room and hide in my tiny bedroom and shut the door on them all.
Edward was the worst. He turned to look at me and his eyes were the blackest I have ever seen. They were whirlpools of anger and hatred but then he smiled and congratulated me. He walked over and took hold of my hand and told everyone that today was truly Alice Hughes’ day because we were to be married and he slipped his mother’s diamond ring onto my finger and kissed me on the lips in front of them all. I was horrified for this was not the time or the place. My cheeks began to burn and the room began to swim, I felt my legs give way and then Edward scooped me into his arms and carried me into the drawing room telling everyone to leave us alone. I kept my eyes shut for I had no idea what to say to him. How had this happened? How had I gone from being the housekeeper’s daughter to the mistress of the house? Edward whispered into my ear that I should not worry and he would take care of everything. His lips brushed against my cheek and he left me alone while he went back to tell everyone about the changes that were to be made.
1st August 1888
Things have been so very different around the house. I have been so busy I forgot all about my diary and it was only when I was searching for something in my attic bedroom that I found it and lay on the bed to reread it. I have brought it down to the master bedroom and locked it away in my bedside drawer to continue writing in it when I get the time. So much has happened since my last entry. Edward and I were married in April, a year to the day we first made love. It was a small ceremony, for the only family I have are that of my once fellow servants.
In the space of a year I have known so much death and tragedy it can sometimes be too much to bear. They say death comes in three’s and I fear they are not wrong. First there was my mother, then Lady Hannah and then his Lordship. Thank God for Edward. Although he spends more time in London at medical school than he does here I know that one day he will become a great doctor. He told me at the moment he is working on what is called a casual ward in the hospital where the poor, unfortunate people can walk in to get treatment for any illnesses and ailments, even if they have no money to pay. On our last telephone call he told me he had his eyes opened on a daily basis and has never met so many women who were drunkards and who sell their bodies to men for the price of a cheap drink of gin.
It is my dream that he will return home when his studies are complete and we will be able to open up a place in town to treat all the poor people who are not as fortunate as ourselves. Edward has promised to take me to London soon to meet his doctor friends and see the hospital that he works so hard in.
Cook has a new kitchen maid, for Millie disappeared without a trace last time Edward was home to visit. She left no note and gave no indication she wanted to leave so it came as a great shock to us all. Millie was there when we said goodnight and was gone by the morning. It is most strange but Cook is adamant there is a young man involved and thinks that Millie may have eloped. I hope so because it seems a far more romantic gesture than the fear I have that something awful has happened to her.
Edward keeps insisting we should take on a new housekeeper but I have told him many times it is not necessary and that I am quite capable of running this house without relying on outside help. I should also tell him that I don’t want anyone to replace my mother but it seems it is never the right time.
Alfie left to go into the army after the wedding. I know it was all too much for him and that he could not bear to see Edward as my husband. How I wish he was here now because I miss him so much and Edward is rarely home to keep me company.
Edward was not in the best of moods last time he was home; he was very quiet and rather sullen. He went back to London in a terrible mood and I have not the slightest inclination why. I know he has endured so much in such a short space of time and that he misses his parents dearly. His lovemaking was so rough and not like him, he left me with bruises on my wrists and bite marks on my breasts, which smart. The morning after he saw the marks he had left and apologised profusely, crying and begging me for his forgiveness. I did forgive him because I do not want to be angry with him. I love him so much.
28th August 1888
Edward left for London today after a terrible argument. He came home two days ago to surprise me. He brought me the most beautiful bunch of white lilies, which are my favourite flowers, and a pearl necklace with a dainty diamond clasp. He carried me up to bed where we spent two days doing nothing but making love and talking. He was in such a good mood I thought it was now the right time to mention my longing for a baby; I have thought of nothing but since his last visit home and have been waiting for the right moment to tell him.
He exploded with fury when I mentioned it to him. He threw a vase at the wall and tore down one of Lady Hannah’s favourite paintings. He then left the drawing room and went down into the cellar. Harold told me he had taken a decanter of whisky and a glass with him. I wanted to go and see him but decided I should let him be until he calmed down. I thought that he would be excited to be a father. How could I have been so wrong? Where has my charming Edward gone? Instead he has been replaced with the black eyed, mean hurtful Edward from two years ago.
When he finally came back up to see me he was so drunk he could hardly speak. His fists were not affected in any way for he struck me so hard across the face my eye swelled shut and I ran and spent the night in my old bedro
om, praying he would not come looking for me.
He never spoke to me before he left but I hope once he gets back there and thinks about his appalling behaviour he will write and apologise for his outburst. Surely he must realise that for us to become parents will make our lives complete.
1st September 1888
As I took my breakfast in the dining room I read in The Times of a terrible murder that has occurred in a part of London called Whitechapel. The body of a woman named Polly Nichols was found and her throat had been cut from ear to ear. It said the woman also had terrible wounds to her abdomen and when she was found there was a clean white handkerchief placed across her throat. I am so glad that I live in such a beautiful, secluded house surrounded by our very own woodland and quite far from the nearest town. Nothing happens like that around here, thank the good Lord.
The newspaper described the woman as living the life of an ‘unfortunate’. I will have to ask Edward exactly what that means. I have a good idea but would hate to be wrong. I could ask Cook but she would give me one of her looks and I cannot stand to be looked down upon by her.
Edward finally telephoned me this afternoon to apologise about his dreadful behaviour when he was home last. He begged my forgiveness for hurting me so much after our last argument and asked if I was still angry with him. I laughed and told him I could not be angry with him for long. I mentioned the newspaper article and he told me not to worry about what happens down in London for it is a long way from Abbey Wood and it is a big city full of strange people. He explained what an unfortunate was and I was right. He said they were the women he treated on a daily basis on the casual ward and that made me feel even sadder. The poor woman had led an awful life and it had ended in the most horrific way. Surely she must have gone on to a better place. When I said my prayers tonight I prayed for her soul. Before I got into bed for some reason I could not get the image of Polly Nichols out of my mind and it took a long time before I fell asleep.