by Angela Blake
“Let’s not talk about that,” Blaire’s voice came out sounding pleasant enough, but with an undercurrent of restraint.
“We have to talk about it, Blaire. It’s been five years, and you still blame poor Mark-“
Blaire swiftly cut her off, his blue eyes blazing, “Of course I blame him, he had his hands all over you!”
“It was just a hug,” Sienna protested.
“Oh, really? Then why did it last for so long? And why did you look all cozy?” he spat out.
Sienna reeled back as if she’d been slapped. Suddenly, her calm composure fell away, and she glared at him with so much fury, Blaire took a step back in shock.
“How dare you presume to think that about me? When you’re the one who had women flocking after you all the time, and you flirting with them.”
“You know that it was just flirting.”
“Was it?” Sienna laughed humorlessly. “Your current lifestyle suggests otherwise.”
“ You don’t know anything about my life right now,” he shouted.
“Neither do you,” she retorted. They both stared each other down, breathing heavily, each unwilling to back down until Blaire strode forward in two strides, and their lips collided.
Sienna resisted for a second, unable to let go of her fury, but soon desire and love won, and she found herself responding to the familiarity of his kisses, the heat of his touch, and she tried to swallow back a whimper when he placed his hands on her chest and squeezed.
Blaire wrenched his lips away. “Is this what you came for, babe?”
Sienna shoved him back angrily, “You arrogant bastard.”
Blaire blinked, confusion written all over his face. “What the hell’s wrong with you? I thought this was what you wanted.”
Sienna ran her hands through her hair. “Of course you would think that. Is that really what you think of me? That I’m one of those women you can just use to satisfy your lust then toss them out?”
“If we both want it then why make it into something it isn’t?” Blaire shrugged as if it was the most logical explanation in the world.
Sienna stared at him dumfounded. “You actually believe what you’re saying, don’t you?”
“Well, why not? We tried to have a relationship, but it just didn’t work.”
“That’s because you didn’t trust me. First chance you had to question my loyalty, you jumped at it without even letting me explain.”
“What’s there to explain?” Blaire clenched his hands into fists. The memory clearly bothering him.
“Are you kidding me right now? There’s a whole lot to explain,” she jabbed him with a finger and shoved him backwards. She felt a little satisfaction in the fact that he stumbled back in surprise. “Your best friend, Mark, the one you’re so convinced made the moves on me, and that somehow we were sneaking around behind your back, he had cancer you freaking moron.”
Blaire stared at her, disbelief echoed all over his face. “What? No, that’s not possible. Why didn’t he tell me?”
“He was on his way to tell you that day when I ran into him, and he told me he had broken up with his girlfriend because he didn’t want her to see him like that, he didn’t want her to live with the knowledge that she might lose him and watch him slip away.”
“But Clarissa never would’ve left him if she had known,” Blaire echoed.
“She didn’t know,” Sienna said finally quietly. “He made her believe that he just didn’t want it anymore because he knew that if she had even an inkling that she would never let him go.”
“You’re lying,” Blaire said through gritted teeth.
Sienna’s eyes blazed with fury. “Am I? Go ask Mark. Who, by the way, is cancer free.”
Blaire nodded, but before he could say anything else, Sienna held up her hand to stop him. “That’s not why I came back, Blaire.”
“Why did you then?”
“I tried contacting you for so long after that, but you never returned my calls, and you moved away, so I couldn’t come see you. I wasn’t sure if I was right or not, but a few weeks later, I went to see a doctor, and it was confirmed, I was pregnant Blaire.”
Blaire’s blue eyes snapped up to meet Sienna’s hazel ones. “What?”
“I tried to contact you to tell you I was pregnant, but after I saw how quickly your career took off, and the kind of lifestyle you began to develop, I didn’t want the baby anywhere near that.”
“You kept it?” Blaire echoed incredulously.
“Of course I kept her,” Sienna said. “Best decision I ever made. She’s beautiful, Blaire. She has your eyes. I kept her away all those years because I didn’t want her growing up in the lime light, but Gracie is almost 6 now, and she really wants to meet her dad.”
Blaire muttered under his breath as he began to pace back and forth while raking his hands through his hair. Sienna watched him, wondering what his reaction would be. He finally stopped in front of her, and his jaw worked as he tried to formulate a sentence. “I think you’re lying.”
“Excuse me?” she asked incredulously.
“You expect me to believe that you showed up after all this time, when I’m making more money than ever, and I’m as famous as ever, because I have some daughter I never knew about? No, that’s crap.”
“Is that really what you think of me? That I’m some fame-loving gold digger?” Sienna asked, her voice sounding like ice.
Blaire crossed his arms over his chest, “People change.”
“Apparently they do,” she threw a picture on the ground in front of him, “Screw you, jackass.”
She glared at him one final time before turning on her heel and walking away, leaving him to stare after her in fear and disbelief.
Sienna stormed into the studio and went straight to her office where she shut the door and leaned against it to take deep breaths. She hadn’t meant to let the truth come out that way, but Blaire had a way of getting under skin so quickly and so thoroughly, he made her lose all sense of rationality and reason.
She took a deep calming breath, exhaled then took another one. She had wanted them to have a nice, adult conversation without any yelling or accusations or insults, but somehow they had gotten each other riled up.
She just couldn’t believe he’d think she’d be after his money.
She supposed it was fair of him to think that given that some of the women he’d been around the past 5 years had been interested in the Blaire Hamilton brand, not Blaire Hamilton the person.
She honestly wasn’t going to tell Grace who her father was until she was older, much older, and that way she could decide on her own whether or not she wanted anything to do with him. She had hoped that in the meantime he’d shape up and get his life in order.
That all changed when she snuck a peek at Grace’s wish list for Santa and saw that all she had written was that she wanted to meet her dad.
Her heart broke for her daughter right then and there, so she called her mum, and after a long talk, they both reached the same decision.
She would approach Blaire first on her own, and if he was interested, she’d bring him to Grace, but if he wanted nothing to do with her, she’d simply pretend nothing happened, and Grace would be none the wiser. That way she could keep her daughter safe, and she wouldn’t be hurt.
Clearly Blaire wanted nothing to do with her, and Sienna dreaded having to go home to those beautiful blue eyes knowing that she couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted the most this Christmas.
Blaire
Blaire paced back and forth, the cigarette dangling from his lips as he anxiously yanked it out then placed it back, too riled up to even look for the lighter.
He stared at the picture on his desk as if it were some sort of ghost waiting to jump out at him, and he supposed in a way, it was.
If it was true, if Sienna was right, then it seemed he was a father, and he didn’t know a thing about being one. His father died when he
was very little, and his mother had worked long hours to keep food on the table.
There was always the chance that Sienna was lying of course, but somehow that didn’t fit in with what he knew of her, despite what he said.
He felt awful for saying what he said, but he had blurted it out without even thinking. The past 5 years, all the women he’d slept with had only been interested in his fame, his money, or his sexual prowess. He supposed that had somehow affected how he viewed women, and their interest in him.
He dragged a hand through his hair and patted his pockets looking for the lighter. He finally found it in his back pocket, and he lit up the cigarette. He took a big puff and exhaled deeply as he dropped down onto the couch and stared at a blank spot on the wall.
He continued to puff on the cigarette, dreading picking up the picture and learning the truth because he had a feeling that he’d know. Once he looked at that picture, if he saw even an inch of familiarity in that little girl, he would crack.
And he didn’t want to.
He sighed deeply before he stubbed out the cigarette and walked towards the table with his heart pounding in his chest. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and with trembling fingers he picked up the picture.
He gingerly picked it up as if he was afraid it would burn him, and he turned it over. A smile made its way to his face as he took in the sight of a beautiful little brunette with stunning blue eyes. She was wearing a cute little pink shirt with Dora the Explorer on it, and she had on a cute tutu.
He studied the picture carefully before his eyes travelled back to her face. There was no mistaking the pair of blue eyes that gazed back at him. The same pair of eyes that glanced back at him from the mirror every day.
He also noticed that she had his defined cheekbones, and a mischievous glint in her eye that she got from both her parents.
He shook his head and began to trace the picture as if he couldn’t quite believe his eyes. He hung his head in shame as he placed his hands on either side of the table. He took a deep breath, picked up the phone and began to scroll through his contact list hoping that Mark had the same number.
He dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up. After the fifth ring, he was getting ready to hang up when he heard a click, and a voice came on.
“Hello?” The voice that wafted in through the speakers, and suddenly Blaire felt awash with shame and guilt wondering if he really had maltreated his best friend because his jealousy got the better of him.
“Mark?” he questioned hesitantly.
“Yes?” The voice sounded confused.
“It’s Blaire,” He responded as he began to pace towards the windows and the patio outside. He swung the door open, and he welcomed the feeling of the cool wind blowing past him as he shut the door behind him. He rested his arms on the railing and looked out at the night sky.
“Blaire? Blaire Hamilton? Man, no way.”
“Yeah, it’s me, man.”
“Well, it’s about damn time,” Mark’s voice sounded happy and relieved, and Blaire felt even worse for what he did to Mark, just cutting him off like that without even giving him a chance to explain.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
“I know, man, I know,” Mark’s voice managed to come out sounding soothing and sympathetic when it was Blaire who was supposed to be doing just that.
“No man, don’t be so nice to me. I deserve to be treated like crap after what I did to you,” Blaire argued. “Yell at me, argue with me, punch me or something.”
Mark’s laugh echoed throughout the speakers, and Blaire pulled back the phone to stare at it with a confused smile. “Why would I want to do that? It’s in the past, really, don’t worry.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Mark? About the cancer? About Clarissa?”
Mark’s deep sigh came on the other end of the phone. “Honestly, I couldn’t talk about it just yet. I was on my way to tell you when I ran into Sienna, and she could tell that I looked distraught, so when she asked me what happened, I broke down and told her everything, but I swear, man, that hug meant nothing, I know what Sienna meant to you, I would never have done that to my best friend.”
“I know that. I just let my jealousy and irrationality get the better of me, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“So what happened?”
“I convinced Clarissa that I didn’t love her by telling her horrible things that I knew would drive her away, and I went through it alone. Well, I wasn’t alone actually, my family was there, and Sienna too. She was a really great friend, Blaire. She didn’t deserve you just taking off like that without giving her a chance to explain, without even a goodbye.”
“Believe me, I’ve been beating myself up about this ever since I found out yesterday. I honestly misunderstood the whole thing.”
“What happened yesterday?” Mark’s voice was laced with curiosity.
“I saw Sienna.”
Mark whistled, “And?”
Blaire let out a breath, “Well, it was fine at first, we were catching up, but then she started to explain what happened, and I didn’t want to hear it. I honestly thought she would tell me that she found out she was in love with you, and that she never meant to hurt me, but that she just had to be with you, or some other crap, and I just didn’t want to hear it.”
Mark snorted. “So you lashed out and accused her of things.”
Blaire gazed down at the garden below his patio. “Yeah.”
“Look you guys will work it out, you always do. I mean Clarissa and I did.”
“You did?” Blaire sounded surprised. Sienna hadn’t told him that part.
“Yeah after a year of chemotherapy, I decided to stop the treatments because I didn’t want to spend whatever time I had left in pain and agony, a shell of a person, so I asked them to stop.”
“Then what happened?”
“A month later, I went in for a checkup, and the cancer was gone, so life went back to normal. Anyway, I ran into Clarissa a few days ago, and when she saw my bald head and sunken cheekbones, somehow she knew. She yelled at me for thinking I had the right to make the decision for her, then when she was done, she kissed me, and we went out to eat.”
“That’s great, man, really. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks. You and Sienna will work it out,” he reiterated again. “Look, Sienna and I stayed in touch over the years, I know about Gracie, I helped out a lot when she was growing up, she’s the most amazing kid. She has your eyes, Blaire. It was hard for Sienna to do this on her own without you, but every time she’d get the urge to call you, she’d see a segment about you on TV, or read a magazine article. At first it was because she knew you had a good thing, and she didn’t want you to lose that dream. She didn’t want to jeopardize it in any way, but then she began to pay attention to the kind of lifestyle you led, and she realized she didn’t want her kid around that.”
“She’s my kid too, Mark.”
“I know,” he agreed, “but you have a lot to make up for.”
“I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Listen, I know you and Sienna have a lot of history, and things ended on a sour note, but the best thing you can do right now is meet your little girl, be her dad, and the rest will sort itself out.”
“You always did give great advice, man.”
“Wise, I am young padawan,” Mark said trying to sound sage and wise.
“Modest you are, master Yoda,” Blaire teased right back.
They both laughed together. Before they hung up, they agreed to go out, get some beer and shoot some hoops the next day.
Blaire hung up feeling the ball in his belly become less tight, but as he stared at his phone, he knew what he had to do.
He brought the phone up to his ear and let it ring, once, twice, before his mother picked up. “Hello, dear.”
“Mum, hey.”
“Well, you don’t usually call often,
so what’s wrong?”
Blaire felt bad that he hadn’t kept in touch, but he honestly had very little in common with his mother although he loved her dearly, and he knew she loved him right back. He just didn’t want to be stuck in that little town forever, only known as Della’s boy.
“Did you know mum? About Gracie?”
He heard the sound of a TV being lowered in the background, and he heard the sound of the old wicker chair she loved to sit on rocking back and forth before she finally let out a breath she’d been holding.
“Yes,” she said finally, in a simple tone.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He tried to keep the anger out of his voice.
“Would you have believed me?”
“Well, no, probably not, but mum, she grew up without a father. Didn’t anyone think I had the right to know?”
“You weren’t talking to her, son. You barely spoke to me. Whenever I tried to bring up the subject of babies, you’d crinkle your nose in disgust, and I know the kind of women you associate with, the kind of lifestyle you lead, do you think I want my precious granddaughter around that? No, all of us agreed together that you needed to get your life in order before you were integrated into Gracie’s life.”
“So you all made that decision for me?” His voice came out sounding hoarse because of the barely restrained anger.
“I know it seems cruel to you, and I apologize. But we did what we thought was best. Would you have wanted her to grow up in that kind of world? Around those kinds of people?”
Blaire let her words register before he responded, “No, I would’ve done everything I could to keep her away from that part of my life, but I suppose it might have been hard.”
“Exactly, perhaps our decision was too hasty, and we should’ve included you, but when it comes to your kids, and your kids’ kids’, it isn’t always rational thought that takes control.”
Blaire cocked his head to the side as he toyed with a piece of lint on the railing. He chipped it off, and it broke away. He watched it fly off into the wind. “I want to get to know her mum, but I think I screwed up.”
“What did you tell Sienna?”