Musings of a Postmodern Vampire

by P. J. Day

  “Let’s go someplace a little quieter.”

  “Sure, of course,” I said, while flashing a circuitous grin at Ted.

  She got up from my lap and gently grabbed my hand as I stood up. I conspicuously adjusted myself very quickly, hoping not to embarrass myself in front of Ted and the patrons.

  “Ted, I am heading to the back. Meet me at this table once you’re done, okay?”

  “Have fun, playa!”

  Jenny led me to the back of the lounge. There was a dimly lit, smoke-filled room right next to the restrooms. I could see the room was filled with several black-curtained partitions. Anewa was standing right in the front of the doorway.

  “Anewa...” I nodded.

  “Sir...” Anewa said.

  “Anewa, so you’re no longer watching the front?” I asked.

  “Nope, we have reached quota. I am the only protection they need,” he said with a huge grin.

  Anewa outstretched his arm. We entered. Jenny held me by the hand. The room was filled with giggles, grunts, and groans. I felt quite seedy but these types of places are my fire extinguisher behind the glass pane. I just needed to make sure that I pick the most willing and open-minded extinguisher.

  Jenny opened the curtain. We both entered the partition. She sat me down, spread her legs, and plopped herself down on my legs, wrapping her arms around my neck.

  “Let me take these sunglasses off... no need to be so mysterious,” Jenny said, as she gently removed my shades.

  “Oh, my... your eyes; they’re so... dark.”

  “Crazy, right? I have allergies.”

  Jenny had a frank stare on her face as she looked into my eyes. I know they probably spooked her, but I didn’t doubt her professionalism. She wouldn’t let a couple of freaky-looking, demonic eyes stop her from making a few extra bucks.

  “I like your eyes,” she said. “It’s like staring into the eyes of a predator. Be gentle on me.”

  She began to wrap her mouth around my neck.

  “Do you mind?” I proceeded to grab a Zeopirudin from my pants’ pocket.

  “I need to make sure I am at full speed,” I said, as I popped the pill into my mouth, giving Jenny a good glance at my canines.

  “Your teeth, they are extremely sharp. Oooh... you’re like a wild animal.”

  Jenny grabbed my face and began to kiss me. I began to caress her entire body, starting with her thighs and then onto the rim of her buttocks. Her derriere was extremely firm. Her dress was on very tight and it seemed like it was going to be a job, in and of itself, just to take off. Her fishnets and her panties were on exceedingly snug. We were in the throes of monetary passion and I thought it was the opportune time to negotiate additional services.

  “Jenny?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  I put my hands into the back of her panties, feeling the flesh of her soft-skinned behind. “Can I bite your neck?”

  “Yes...” she said, as she started to unbuckle my pants.

  “I mean it. I love to bite hard.”

  “You can bite me, but it will cost you.”

  I proceeded to slowly kiss her neck, licking her soft neck up and down from her collar bone to the base of her jaw. Meticulous nibbles led to small little bites. I wanted to test her threshold of pain. As soon as I decided it was the right time to clamp hard on her neck, disguised as a moment of passion, I heard a familiar voice.

  “Jaaaack...” I heard Ted’s frayed voice from the doorway.

  “Sir, can I help you?” asked Anewa, who was also still in the doorway and sounded quite perturbed.

  “I need to get my friend out of there!” said Ted in a panic.

  Anewa put one of his large hands on Ted’s right shoulder, immobilizing Ted’s jittery pacing and attempts to peek into the room.

  “Sir, you need to calm down. You are disturbing our clients. Please don’t make me escort you out by force.”

  “Ted what is the problem?” I yelled at the doorway.

  “This place isn’t what it seems, Jack,” Ted said with his voice trembling.

  “What the hell is he talking about?” I asked Jenny.

  Jenny put both her hands on my cheeks and looked me in the eyes.

  “Don’t mind your friend... just grab me down there.”

  I ignored Ted’s cries for help and Jenny quickly reminded me why I was here. I eagerly put my hands down Jenny’s tight panties. With a slight touch of my fingertips, I quickly realized why Ted was so panicked and was desperately trying to get me out of here.

  “What the fuck?!” I quickly pulled my hands out of Jenny’s panties. She was still wrapped around my neck.

  “Am I too big for you? Do I scare you? I thought you were an animal?”

  “No... no... I just thought...”

  “Just bite me...”

  Jenny grabbed my head and pulled me strongly into her neck. I felt my fangs puncture her extraordinarily soft flesh. It was like biting into a ripe plum. I immediately felt a euphoric rush throughout my whole body. At first, the taste of her blood was subtle, then a sudden gush. As I feasted on her neck, she grabbed my hand and tried to put it on her recently revealed surprise of larger-than-life flesh. I quickly fought off her attempts. She began to scream as I clamped harder on her neck.

  “What’s going on in there?!” Anewa yelled into the room.

  “Jack! Let’s go!” Ted was now screaming at the top of his lungs.

  Anewa pulled the partition curtains apart, revealing a bloody scene. Jenny’s head and neck limply draped over my left hand as I held her wilted body with my right. Blood streamed down her neck, which was soaked up by her beautiful sequin yellow dress. I stared at Anewa; blood covered my mouth, chin, and part of my nose.

  “Wait... she is okay... she asked for...” I pleaded with Anewa, as his broad human form gave way to an aggressive ape-like physique.

  As soon as I noticed his protruding black eyes filled red with rage, he grabbed me by my right arm and threw me across the room. I flew through two partitions, tearing them both down; my airborne body finally was stopped by the back wall. I felt broken stucco on my back as I lay in slight pain, looking right up at Anewa’s face, which was visibly panicked and smushed with anger. I could hear Ted’s yelling through the cacophony of lady-boys’ screams that filled the room and the club in a panic.

  “Anewa, it’s okay... it’s not what you think!”

  As Anewa made his second attempt to grab me with his massive hands, I quickly grabbed his right hand and twisted his arm around his back. I proceeded to push him straight into the wall that I previously landed on. His massive body torpedoed right into the wall, not only destroying what tile was left on the wall but he broke a hole so large, you could see the rusty pipes from the restroom in the next room.

  Anewa slowly got up, shaking his head like a prizefighter getting up from a pathetic attempt at a knockout. He quickly got into a three-point stance and rushed me with his head down. In an instant, I moved out of his way like an agile matador. He crashed into the opposite wall of the room, his body so massive that not even he could stop it, once it gained enough momentum.

  Anewa was dazed right after he crashed into the wall. I felt this was a perfect opportunity to temporarily subdue him by leaping onto his massive back so Ted and I could make a clean getaway. I jumped onto his back and proceeded to put him into a chokehold. I could barely wrap my arms around his neck; it was extremely thick.

  “Jack, be careful... don’t hurt him too bad! Do you want me to grab a chair; hit him over the head?” asked Ted, in a panicked voice.

  “No, it’s okay. I know what I am doing!” I replied, as Anewa desperately flailed about, trying to get his hands on me as I rode on his back.

  “Ted, get out of here! Go get a cab!”

  “Are you going to be okay!?”

  “Yes!”

  My grip intensified as I felt one of his monstrous hands yank a chunk of hair out of my skull. This worried me for two reasons; I wasn’t healing qu
ickly and I was going to look like I was mauled by a badger at the meeting tomorrow.

  Anewa attempted to back me into the tables, the pillars, and the bar. I felt no pain. If I did, he would be dead. His trachea and larynx could be crushed within a matter of seconds, as I don’t respond well to pain. As he spun me around in desperation, I could see the blurry faces of the paralyzed guests just standing and watching.

  He began to labor. His breathing relegated down to a strangled pant. He began to fall to his knees. I could see his eyes beginning to roll to the back of his head. Only the whites of his eyes were visible.

  This was the precise moment in time that I had to let go. My defense mechanism usually straddles the line of blood lust at this point. There is a rush to the system, knowing full well that this man’s life is in my hands, and a few seconds separate whether he lives or he dies. I am civilized, I live among humans, I am tamed. I can use my own defense as justification for his death. However, Anewa doesn’t deserve to die. He is on this planet to survive. His physique has landed him here to enforce and to protect, nothing more and nothing less.

  I let go. He had fallen face first to the floor. He looked at peace with his eyes closed. His exaggerated exhaling and inhaling reminded me of a tranquilized rhinoceros on the African savannah. There were some leftover patrons scattered about the lounge. The place was quiet. They probably never had seen a man of my stature ever take out a real-life Goliath before so swiftly. It felt so good.

  I grabbed my jacket off of the floor, fixed one of the temple arms back onto my sunglasses and put them back on with a subtle gusto. I walked slowly out of the lounge, making sure I kept my head down, thinking that if I ran out, I would elicit someone with a hero complex into chasing me out into the street, creating an even bigger commotion.

  “Come on, Jack... let’s go... hurry!” Ted whispered to me, as he held the cab door open.

  I heard sirens off into the distance. I quickly got into the cab. Ted closed the door and quickly climbed into the front seat.

  “What happened in there? Are you okay?” asked the cab driver in broken English, looking me up and down, probably wondering why my face and outfit were in tatters.

  “Just get us out of here,” said Ted.

  “The Peninsula, please,” I said.

  The taxi quickly left the scene. Ted and I looked through the backseat window for any hint of a patrol car. Luckily, there was none.

  Ted looked straight into my eyes.

  “Jack, did you kill him?” his voice filled with panic.

  The cab driver’s eyes began to dart in every direction, his hands noticeably tightening on the steering wheel.

  “No, Ted. He’s alive. He was breathing when I left.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I knew what I was doing. It was my fault I didn’t think things through but I never would have killed him. Don’t worry about it!”

  Ted’s eyes drew down as he turned and faced forward. He patted the cab driver on the shoulder and gave him a fifty-dollar bill. The cab driver took the bill and proceeded to drive us back to the hotel.

  I checked the back of my pants to see if I still had my wallet. Fortunately, I wore a pair of matching black slacks that had buttons to secure anything from falling out of the back.

  As I searched inside my jacket, looking for my cell phone, I found Jenny’s business card with her contact information that she had somehow sneaked into my pocket before things got out of control. I proceeded to put it in my wallet.

  I needed to get back to the hotel. It would be nice to have the internet back up again in my room. I felt an uncontrollable urge to escape; I needed to quickly forget about tonight’s events. Maybe Holly was online. The things I do to keep myself alive. I couldn’t tell her. I was feeling more and more that coming here was a bad idea.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It was 3:00 a.m. by the time we arrived at the Peninsula.

  Ted had fallen asleep on me during the cab ride. His head felt like an enormous, round, hairy paperweight nestled into my shoulder, leaving my entire clavicle stiff as a washboard. I nudged him a bit, hoping to wake him up from his slobbery slumber. Ted mumbled incoherently like an anesthetized child shortly after having his tonsils removed. He said, “Wha? Huh? Are we there yet?”

  “Yes, wake up.”

  “You... you... got cash?”

  “Yes, I already paid him. Let’s go.”

  His jacket was saturated with an aroma of booze and cologne. I wrinkled my nose and shoved his limp body up toward the door;

  “Can you open it?” I asked him, making sure he was lucid enough to find the door handle.

  “I got this, Jack... relax, I’m fine,” he mumbled, one eye half closed, the other redder than a pearl dipped in red ink. The cab driver watched us stumble out of the cab like a couple of drunken frat boys after a night of unsuccessful hunting. Who needed women when we had each other? Bros till the end! Actually, to Ted’s end, naturally and unfortunately, but he didn’t need to be reminded of that fact; it’s quite depressing.

  We entered the hotel. The lobby was mostly empty except for some Nordic-looking fellows checking in after another red-eye flight. I waved at them as we approached the front desk. They responded with warm smiles that were nestled in between their rosy, chapped cheeks, then with horrified stares when they noticed the blood all over my shirt and face.

  My back was beginning to stiffen up a bit as we continued to stand in line. There was only one person working the front desk in the early morning, checking in each guest, one by one. Ted looked haggard and a bit strung out. With hints of dread and worry in his voice, he asked me, “What did you do to that poor woman?” He then caught himself and shook his head in confusion and said, “I mean dude.”

  “I did what I was allowed to do. She’s fine.”

  Ted looked at me, his right eyebrow raised. With deep skepticism, he asked, “What you are allowed to do? What the hell does that mean?”

  “There is an unspoken vampire code I adhere to.”

  “Really? I didn’t know anything about this code. What are you hiding from me?”

  “Nothing, I swear,” I exclaimed, slightly irritated at his sudden mistrust. “Look, don’t laugh, okay? I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but this code is ancient stuff. It’s been passed down to every generation of vampires since antiquity.”

  Ted’s face went from a doubtful expression to a jovial smirk. “You didn’t tell me anything about this. Who taught you this code? The whole thing sounds kind of ludicrous, actually.”

  “Can’t tell you,” I said.

  In all honesty, I had no idea who invented this code. I learned about it decades ago in New Orleans from a peregrine vampire named Chuck as I traveled west to California. I think it was created in order to keep vampires in check—kind of like religion. I vaguely recall the first code was to assimilate; the second code was to never kill your host, only in self-defense, or if your life was in grave danger. Lastly, the third, if I could paraphrase Chuck, was to never love someone and to absolutely never fall in love. The latter part of the code flies directly in the face of our true nature, but it has ended, prematurely, the lives of many in our clan who chose the errant path of Eros.

  Ted clenched his teeth. His eyes opened wide, making sharp eye contact with me. “Okay, so did you kill anyone back there or not? Did this code stop you from murdering someone in cold blood?”

  I rolled my eyes. I put my right hand on Ted’s shoulder, squeezing it tightly. “Listen to me very carefully... I did not end anyone’s life at the club. I know it looked ugly, but I do not kill unless it’s to defend my life. My life was never in danger, okay?”

  Ted’s pacing ended abruptly. He continued to look at the ground, turning his eyes away from me. I sensed a hint of shame in his voice. “Fine, if you say so... I trust you. The last thing I want in my life is to be best friends with some murderer.”

  He lifted his head and looked at me, desperate for a physical cue or a word of rea
ssurance. I leaned a little closer into his personal space and said, “Ted, I swear to you right now, I... did... not... kill... anyone.”

  His sharp eyes relaxed a bit as his tense shoulders gave way to his usual hunched posture. “Okay, I believe you.”

  A couple of minutes passed as we continued to wait in line. Ted’s changed disposition gave way to a more casual line of questioning. “I was thinking, why did Chang take us to that place anyway?”

  “I think it was because he overheard you asking to bite my neck in the cab.”

  “Oh,” Ted said, as he smiled. He paused for a moment and then proceeded to chuckle out loud in the lobby.

  Eventually, the group of the blonde-haired, blue-eyed giants left for their rooms. We lurched up to the concierge desk, looking like noodles walking on air.

  “Good morning, how may I help you tonight?” asked the concierge, his mental state quite cheery, despite working the late shift. He kept focused on the stains on my shirt for a second or two, then looked away, refocusing on his purpose behind the desk.

  “I know that the internet has been down since we arrived... have they fixed it yet?” I asked.

  “Our internet service is back up again. We don’t expect any further interruptions. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

  “No, that will do, thank you,” I said.

  “Are you sure, sir?” he insisted. “We have a wonderful dry cleaning service.”

  “Oh, this?” I pointed at my outfit. “No dry cleaning service is cleaning this thing up.”

  We both walked to the elevators that led to our rooms. There was an old receipt in my pocket. I crumbled it up and tossed it at the trash can that was next to the elevator door; of course, I missed. I then noticed Ted rummaging through his pockets for more sleeping pills. “You know what? I think I’m out of Lunesta.” His expression was flustered, like a chimp that just lost his grooming partner.

  “Looks like you’re going to have to go to sleep the old-fashioned way,” I said.