Dusty grunted. “When are you going to stop running from the past?”
Never. “It’s my fault she’s gone,” Lucas said through clenched teeth. “That they’re gone.”
“I never blamed you, son. You know that.”
“You didn’t have to.” He blamed himself enough for the both of them. “If I had gone with Anna to her yearly cardiology visit I would’ve known.”
“She was wrong in keeping things from you.” He sighed. “Lucas, you were like a son to me. You aren’t to blame for what happened. Anna-”
“Don’t,” Lucas snapped, cutting him off. People were watching. No doubt listening for whatever bits and pieces of his and Dusty’s conversation they might pick up. No one was going to drag Anna’s name through the mud if he had any say so about it, even her father. Dusty would never forgive himself for blurting out things he shouldn’t once he sobered up.
“This isn’t the time or place to discuss this,” Lucas added, forcing himself to stay calm.
“Well, I say it is,” Dusty said stubbornly, his voice raised.
“You’ve been drinking.” If Anna could see what her dying had done to her father she’d have been devastated. “I’m not going to do this with you, Dusty. Not here. Not now.” Putting the car into gear, he pulled away.
“The past ain’t gonna go away!” Dusty hollered after him. “You’ll have to face up to it sooner or later!”
No, Lucas thought as he drove away, it would never go away. His responsibility in his wife and child’s untimely deaths would haunt him forever.
“What’s going on?” Ellie asked as she stepped from the kitchen. All of her customers had gathered around the large, plate glass window by the door to watch something going on outside with great interest.
Not waiting for a reply, she joined them at the window just in time to see Lucas drive off down the main street. Dusty Andrews, a man who rarely ventured into town, stood shaking a clenched fist at the departing Jeep.
“Ellie,” Millie said behind her.
She turned, still distracted by what she’d seen. “What?”
“Is that my order?” Millie Pearson pointed a crooked finger at the plastic carryout bag Ellie held clutched in her hands.
“Uh, yes, it is,” she replied, handing her the carryout bag she’d just prepared.
Millie dug into her purse, but Ellie reached out to still her hand.
“They’re on me today,” she said. She couldn’t very well charge her for croissants that had been ‘unburned’.
“Oh, no, I can’t let you do that. You need money for that little one you’ll be bringing into the world soon.”
“I think I can spare one order of croissants for a woman who’s always been there for me.”
“Friendship goes both ways my dear, but I will accept your kindness. You truly are a dear,” Millie said as she walked over and pushed open the coffee shop door. “Just remember, good things come to those who are good to others.”
Yeah, well, ‘good’ seemed to have misplaced her address. With the exception of her baby, that is. And even that piece of goodness would be gone all too soon. Ellie turned and walked back to the counter.
No matter how curious she was about what had gone on in the street between Lucas and Dusty Andrews, she wasn’t about to break her own rule about gossiping. That meant she had no choice but to wait until Lucas returned to pick her up after work to find out.
*
After several hours and countless cups of coffee served to her patrons, Ellie finally closed out the cash register and prepared to lock up for the night. Even though it was only five o’clock, ten till to be exact, she was exhausted. She was so glad Lucas had insisted she close up early. Her back ached and her feet throbbed.
It was getting more and more uncomfortable to spend such long days on her feet, but she would do it. There was no other choice. Sure, she could hire on someone on to help out, but that would take money. Money she didn’t have to spare.
The bell over the door jingled and she turned to find Lucas standing there, his expression unreadable. She managed a tired smile. “Hi.”
He nodded his greeting with a hesitant glance around the empty room as if expecting to find someone else waiting there. Then the rigidness left his broad shoulders. “Glad to see you called it a day when you began to tire. Good girl.”
“I can be sometimes,” she replied with a grin. “I’ll be ready in a minute.”
“Need help with anything?”
“Nope. I just have to take the trash out back to the dumpster before I go.”
“I’ll do that,” he insisted. “It’s probably pretty slick out there.”
She was too tired to argue. “Thanks. I’ll go grab my coat.”
Five minutes later they were in the Jeep and on their way back to the ranch. Ellie stole several glances Lucas’s direction, trying to read his mood. He hadn’t said a word since leaving the coffee shop.
“Something on your mind?” he finally muttered, his gaze never leaving the road ahead.
Heat seeped up into her cheeks, having been caught staring at him. “Sort of.”
“Care to share?”
Did she? Should she? Ellie gave in to the need to know. “I was wondering about you and Dusty Andrews.”
“Me and Dusty?” he answered stiffly.
“Something happened between the two of you in town today.”
“You were watching?”
She nodded guiltily. “Not the whole time. I went to see what everyone was looking at when I came out of the kitchen. I stepped up to the window just as you pulled away from Dusty. He looked so upset.”
“He was. He’d been drinking.” That was all he said. No further explanation followed.
Ellie decided it was best to let the subject of Dusty go. If Lucas wanted her to know what happened, he would have opened up to her.
“I wish there was something I could say to put a smile back on your face.”
“I’m not in a smile mood.” He pulled up to the ranch house and cut the engine, but made no move to get out.
“Suit yourself,” she said with a shrug and then reached for the door handle to let herself out.
“Dusty Andrews was my father-in-law.”
Her hand froze on the door handle with his admission. She turned to look at him. “What?”
“He was my father-in-law.”
While she knew Lucas had been married, she had no idea Dusty Andrews had a daughter, let alone that she was the wife Lucas had lost. That would explain Dusty’s excessive drinking. He sought to forget a painful past by losing himself in a bottle.
The clenching of Lucas’s jaw as he spoke of his wife’s father confirmed something she’d heard. Supposedly, the two had gotten into a heated argument right before Lucas left Eagle Ridge all those years ago.
“Why was he so upset with you this morning?”
He swallowed hard, his blue eyes avoiding hers. “Because I didn’t let him know I was back.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because I wasn’t ready to face him,” he said, his words pained. “How could I when I killed his daughter?”
He’d killed her?
How could she have been so wrong about Lucas? She was usually so good at reading people. “Then why aren’t you in prison?” she asked, not wanting to believe him capable of something so awful. Her thoughts were spinning. “Lucas, I don’t understand.”
“There’s no law against what I did to cause her death,” he replied through gritted teeth. “But there should be.” He shoved open the Jeep door and stepped down. The door slammed shut behind him as he walked away in long, swift strides.
Ellie sat in stunned silence, her heart pounding as she watched him walk away toward the barn. His admission that he had killed his wife was not at all what she’d expected. Truth was it had shaken her to the core. Not because she feared what he might do to her, but because of the pain she sensed stemmed from whatever had happened all those years ago.
> Lucas had said what he’d done wasn’t against the law, so his wife’s death had to have been an accident, one he still blamed himself for.
It was clear by his actions that Lucas needed some time alone. So she would respect his privacy just as he’d done hers in the past.
Grabbing her purse, Ellie eased out of the truck. With one last concerned glance toward the barn, she headed for the house. She needed to change out of her work clothes and get something to eat. If Lucas stayed away too long, she would go and check on him. Her only concern was that she didn’t know what to say to him, how to respond to his guilt-laden admission. Should she act as though the conversation had never taken place? Or address it?
Thoughts of her dilemma disappeared the moment she stepped inside. The aroma of beef and tomato drifted out from the kitchen.
“What in the world…?”
She tossed her purse onto the hall table and shoved her gloves into her coat pockets before hanging it. Then she followed the mouthwatering smell into the kitchen.
The tiny red light lit up on the oven display signaled that it had been left in ‘warm’ mode. She walked over and bent to peer in through the tempered glass window. A lidded roaster pan sat on the top rack.
“What have you been up to, Lucas Tanner?”
She straightened and turned to find a single place setting atop the table. Next to it, a note that had been scribbled on the back of an envelope. Ellie walked over to the table and picked it up.
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE HUNGRY. TAKE A LOAD OFF YOUR FEET AND ENJOY THE MEAL.
LUCAS
Tears rushed to her eyes. Even feeling as down as he had that day, Lucas had done all of this for her. No, she quickly corrected herself. Not all for her. He’d done it for the baby, too – his flesh and blood. But it still touched her all the same. No one had ever done anything like that for her before.
She grabbed a pair of potholders and slid the warming pan from the oven, carrying it over to the table to the awaiting trivet. Her stomach growled in anticipation. She pulled out the chair and was just about to settle onto it when the phone rang.
She walked over to counter and grabbed for the handset, bringing it to her ear. “Hello?”
“Sweetie, it’s Millie,” the quivering voice said on the other end of the line. “I just got a call from Alice. She’s still steaming about what happened.”
“What happened?” Other than when Jarrett died, she had never seen Millie upset over anything.
“I’m referring to Dusty approaching Lucas the way he did outside of the coffee shop this morning.”
Oh that. Lucas was right. Word did travel in that small town. “Dusty had been drinking.”
“There’s no excuse for him causing a scene like that,” she said angrily. “That boy’s dealing with enough without Dusty adding to it. I’d like to get my hands on that old coot and shake some sense into him.”
Good ol’ Millie, never one to mince words. “Loss can do that to a person,” she said, trying to offer a bit of empathy for the man despite the scene he’d apparently caused earlier that morning. “I’m sure Lucas’s return has stirred up painful memories for him.”
“It’s been three years. If Dusty’s bitterness doesn’t kill him, the bottle’s bound to.”
“No doubt,” Ellie agreed, her heart going out to both Dusty and Lucas. The only good thing to come out of Dusty’s run-in with Lucas was that it had gotten Lucas to open up to her about his past. At least, a little. And in doing so maybe it would help him move on with his life. Sharing pieces of her past with Jarrett had helped her.
“Is Lucas okay?” Millie asked worriedly.
“He’ll be fine,” Ellie assured her. “Lucas and I are both pretty thick-skinned.”
“That might be what you two want others to believe, dear, but I know better. Now you just make sure you take good care of yourself and that little one growing inside of you. I’m going to have a stern word with Dusty the next time I see him.”
“Please don’t,” Ellie pleaded. “That will only stir up more trouble for Lucas.”
There was a long hesitation on the other end of the line. “Fine, I’ll bite my tongue for your sake. I don’t know what happened between Dusty and Lucas after Anna died, but I can tell you this, if Dusty causes trouble for Lucas, Lord help him. He’ll have to deal with Alice and me.”
Ellie felt her eyes tear up. “Lucas is lucky to have someone like you in his corner.”
“I care about that boy. Now you take care.”
“Good night, Millie.” Ellie moved to return the phone to its cradle, noticing for the first time since entering the kitchen the blinking red light on the answering machine. She reached out and pressed the PLAY button.
“…Hello, this is Attorney Michaelson’s office. We need to reschedule the appointment you had with Attorney Michaelson next week. He’s had a family emergency and will be gone for several weeks. Call us to reschedule at…” the rest of the message played unheard. All Ellie could focus on were the words – gone for several weeks.
Her heart sank. She had prepared herself, or had at least had tried her best to, for that appointment. Now she would have to wait. That meant less time to search for the perfect parents for her son.
She wanted to scream. To cry. To curse in frustration. But hunger pangs drove her to the table instead. To the dinner Lucas had prepared for her. She would eat away her misery. Leaning forward, she inhaled the hearty aroma of beef stew.
Her thoughts, however, were centered on Lucas. She’d seen so many sides to that man. Reserved. Determined. Caring. Teasing. Playful. The list could go on and on, but this was the first she’d seen of his domesticated side and for some reason that made her smile. Despite the bad news she’d received from the adoption attorney’s office.
The baby kicked, widening her smile. It was clear her son had inherited both his father and uncle’s healthy appetites. “All right, all right. I’ll eat.”
Ellie settled down at the table and ate a bowlful of the stew Lucas had prepared for her. It was the best she’d ever tasted. The man could cook. When she’d had her fill, she cleaned up what few dishes there were and then went to her room to change.
Her clothing choices had dwindled considerably with her expanding waist. She opted for a pair of low waist jeans that didn’t confine her ever-expanding belly and then pulled on one of her oversized tshirts. While there were more fashionable maternity clothes to be had, she didn’t want to spend extra money on them. Not until she absolutely had to. Until then, she would make do with what she had.
A glance at the clock told her Lucas had been out at the barn for nearly an hour. Unable to get him off her mind, she slipped on her boots and coat, gathered up her nerve, and made her way out to find him.
CHAPTER NINE
The sound of the barn door creaking open stilled Lucas’s hand. Ellie. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face her after his emotional tirade in the Jeep. While he thought the words every day of his life, he rarely spoke them. He had killed his wife.
Ellie appeared in the tack room doorway with that beautiful smile of hers. One that set his pulse to racing. “Hey.”
He had to admit he was surprised to see her standing there. Especially, after what he’d admitted to in the Jeep. Yet, here she was. He was certain she would have done her best to steer clear of him after that.
“Did you need something?” he asked, grateful for the time he’d had alone to collect himself.
“I wanted to thank you for dinner,” she said, leaning against the doorframe. “It was delicious.”
“Yeah, well somebody has to make sure you eat.”
“I do eat.” She waved a hand over her stomach. “Right here is proof enough of that.”
His gaze drifted down to the small bulge displayed beneath her open coat and he found himself fighting the urge to reach out and run his hand over the clinging cotton. There was something so beautiful about a pregnant woman’s body.
Tearing his gaze away, Lucas silen
tly cursed his thoughts. She was his brother’s fiancée. Or had been. He had no right to think about touching her in any way.
“You’re pregnant, Ellie.” He returned to the task of sweeping the barn floor, trying to keep his mind off that beautiful smile of hers. “You need to eat.”
“You sound like…” her words trailed off.
He paused mid-sweep, having heard the change in her tone. “Like Jarrett?” he said, turning to her. Why did her comparing him to his brother bother him? It shouldn’t, but it did.
“No,” she replied, her smile fading away.
He’d been so sure. “Who do I remind you of?”
“I was going to say my mother.” She laughed, but it was laced with pain. “But that wouldn’t be true. She never cared enough about me to worry about whether I was hungry or not.”
He propped the broom against the wall and moved then to take her in his arms.
“You okay?” he asked as he reached up to brush a tear from her cheek. It tore him up inside to see her sad.
“I came out here to make sure you were all right, not to add to your worries,” she muttered with a soft sniffle.
“I don’t want you worrying about me. I don’t want you worrying period. It’s not good for the baby.”
“I know, but lately even the littlest thing can turn on the waterworks. I’m not normally a crier. I swear.”
He laughed at that, pushing a few wayward strands of hair from her face. “I believe you.”
“Sometimes…no, make that a lot of times, I find myself wishing I could outrun my past.” She looked up at him. “Do you ever feel that way?”
“I live it every day.” But the past was always there, riding his heels.
“At least you’ve known what it’s like to have people love you. To really care about you.”
“Jarrett loved you.” Those words were more of a reminder to himself, but that didn’t keep his hand from moving in a slow caress along her face.
LOVING ELLIE Page 12