“I should have stayed in South America,” Lucas muttered with a frown.
“And if you had that little girl you left crying back at the ranch would be all alone during one of the hardest times in her life.”
Lucas’s gut clenched. “Is she okay?”
“You tell me. She’s back at the ranch, crying her eyes out over what happened. She even managed to blister my ears for going along with your decision to take the blame.”
“She shouldn’t have done that.” Lucas turned away, letting his gaze travel across the sea of headstones in front of him.
“It’s about time someone did. I’ve been wallowing in my pain for far too long.” He clasped a hand over Lucas’s shoulder. “I hope you realize Ellie’s intentions were in the right place.”
“She should have trusted me.”
“Trust goes both ways, son.”
The truth of those words settled in. Lucas turned to the man who had been like a father to him. “I should have told her the truth. All of it.”
Dusty managed a wistful smile. “I think my daughter would approve of her.”
Lucas’s head snapped up. “What?”
“Not many men are lucky enough to find true love twice in a lifetime. And I know my daughter would want you to find happiness again.”
Admitting to his feelings for Ellie didn’t seem right, so Lucas stood in silence.
“You okay?” Dusty asked, the concern clear in his voice.
“I will be.”
“I want you to know that you’re not alone in needing time to sort things out. Lord knows I’ve done enough sorting for twenty men these past few years. Unfortunately, most of it was with the help of a bottle. A habit I intend to break.”
“Glad to hear it,” Lucas said with a nod. “You know, Dusty, I would give anything to change what happened.”
“But you can’t, son. None of us can.” He reached down to brush a clump of snow away from the joined marble hearts. “It’s time to let the past go and move on.”
The image of Ellie’s face flashed through his mind. He might be ready to move on, but would Ellie ever really be ready to do the same? To leave her past behind her? To believe she’s deserving of love. There was only one way to find out.
“I need to get home,” he said.
“Yes, son, you do.”
“Dusty…”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve missed you.”
The older man smiled warmly, moisture filling his eyes. “I’ve missed you too, son. Now go see to that little girl of yours.”
Lucas turned and started off toward his truck, finally ready to put the painful past behind him.
*
Ellie was certain she would die from the heartache. She had finally taken down the emotional wall she’d spent a lifetime building up around her heart. Finally allowed herself to tell someone she loved them and what had Lucas done? The same thing everyone else in her life had – he’d walked out. Or in his case – driven.
She sobbed into her hands, unable to stop the tears. Just like the kitten she’d taken that risk to save all those years ago, she’d tried to rescue Lucas from the injustice of his situation. Only this time she’d ended up with far more than a broken wrist for her effort. She’d come away with a broken heart.
Dusty had tried to console her, but she’d been too distraught to listen to any words of advice he’d had for her. She just wanted to be left alone.
Ellie pushed the food around on her plate with her fork, too upset to eat. She stared at the empty chair across from her. The one Lucas should have been sitting in. She’d made his favorite - chicken and biscuits.
Her teary gaze drifted to the clock on the microwave. It was after seven. Where could he be? Did he even intend to come back? How long had it been since she’d sat dwelling on whether someone she cared about would come back? She couldn’t go there. Not again.
While she would forever be haunted by the memory of Lucas’s harsh expression when she’d told him she loved him, it was his response to her declaration that hurt the most – ‘Not enough’.
No one, not even Lucas, knew how she had been struggling to survive emotionally when he came into her life. Her guard was down now, leaving her vulnerable to all his kind words and passionate kisses, and sure enough she had fallen in love with him.
She knew better than to allow herself to care. It always ended up hurting her. Tears blurring her vision, she pushed away from the table. Never again.
*
Lucas let himself into the house. Eager to find Ellie, he merely stomped the snow off his boots instead of taking time to remove them. Then he called out to her, making a bee-line for the kitchen where a light glowed bright.
No reply. Not that he’d expected one. He had no doubt she was angry with him and with good reason. But he was going to make it right.
He hurried into the kitchen. “Ellie, I’m sorry about what…” his words trailed off when he saw the plates on the kitchen table. One empty. The other filled with a barely touched meal that had been left to go cold.
Guilt stabbed at his gut, worsening when he realized that Ellie had fixed his favorite dinner – chicken and biscuits. One he hadn’t even bothered to come home for.
He made his way to her bedroom. The stream of light passing beneath the closed door told him she was still awake. He stepped up to it, gathering up the nerve to face her after what he’d done. After what he’d said.
“Ellie?” he called out.
“Go away, Lucas.”
“I’m not going anywhere. We need to talk.”
This time she didn’t respond.
He knocked again. “Ellie, I’ll wait out here all night if I have to.”
The lock clicked and the door swung open. She stood clutching the front of her robe. Her eyes were puffy, damp streaks running down each cheek. “I can’t do this right now.”
“Ellie…” He reached out to brush a tear away with his thumb.
She backed away. “Don’t.”
He fought the urge to gather her in his arms and take away the hurt he’d seen in her eyes. Hurt he’d put there. But she reminded him of a wild horse at that moment, skittish and ready to bolt. So he held back.
“I’m sorry I left the way I did this afternoon,” he said softly. “I needed some time alone to think.”
“That makes two of us,” she said with a hiccupping sob. “In fact, that’s all I’ve done since you left. I think it would be better if I dealt with the adoption from here on out on my own.”
Panic set in. He didn’t want her to shut him out which was exactly what she was doing. All those walls he’d worked so hard to break down were going back up. “Don’t do this, Ellie. We’re in this together.”
“I’m too tired to stand here and do this right now. Good night, Lucas.”
A myriad of emotions swept through him as Ellie closed the door and latched it, shutting him out of her life.
*
Ellie had avoided Lucas for days in an effort to protect her heart, knowing she could never survive his leaving her again. And he would once the adoption was complete. It was better to end things now, because giving up both her son and Lucas at the same time would be more than she could ever bear.
“Morning, Ellie,” Reverend Bender greeted as he stepped into the coffee shop.
“Morning.”
“I was driving by and saw the lights on,” he said as he crossed the room to his usual table. “You’re open early.”
“A little bit.” She’d left that morning while Lucas was out in the barn. He’d been upset about her driving herself in the past few days and she was too tired to have another go round with him over it. “You’re my first customer.”
“Which means I should be able to get a piece of your specialty coffee cake.”
“An entire pan of it if you’re hungry enough,” she replied with a tired smile.
He leaned back, patting his own expanding waistline. “I’d better stick with one piece.”
“One piece coming right up.”
“Ellie,” he said, his expression turning serious, “I’d like to have a word with you first. Before anyone else comes in.”
That didn’t sound good. Trepidation filling her, she walked around the counter and over to the table he’d taken a seat at.
He motioned to the empty chair across from him.
Pulling it out, she sank down onto it, her mind grasping at reasons why the reverend would want to have a word with her.
“Dusty Andrews came to see me,” he explained.
She hadn’t considered that. “He did?”
He nodded. “He told me what you did.”
Guilt filled her and she lowered her gaze to the table. “I know it wasn’t my place to read any of Anna’s journal.”
“I wasn’t referring to that,” he said, surprising her. “I was referring to your coming to Lucas’s defense. I admire you for having the courage to try and set things right.”
That so-called courage had not only been unnecessary, it had cost her Lucas. Moisture pooled in her eyes. “Lucas resents me for prying into his life.”
“You care a great deal for that young man.”
Ellie closed her eyes and nodded.
He placed a comforting hand on hers. “I had already guessed as much. While I have no doubt revisiting the past was hard on Lucas, I’m sure he knows your heart was in the right place.”
Would the reverend think that her heart was so wonderful when he learned she was giving her child up for adoption? “How I feel doesn’t matter anymore.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“But it is.” Discussing her life with someone other than Lucas was not something she did easily. And now she couldn’t even bring herself to confide in Lucas.
“I’m a good listener.”
“But it’s so complicated,” she groaned. “I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
Another customer arrived, saving her from having to discuss her situation any further with the reverend. She motioned that she would be right over and then turned back to the reverend.
“I’ll bring your order right out,” she said, getting to her feet.
“Before you go,” he said, his voice low, keeping their conversation private, “I want you to remember one thing. Fear can make things seem more complicated than they really are. That’s when you need to listen to your heart and trust it to guide you in the right direction.”
Her heart wasn’t the problem. It was Lucas’s heart she wasn’t sure she could trust in anymore.
*
Lucas looked up as the barn door creaked open. He straightened, lowering the pitchfork he’d been using to the floor.
“Blaine,” he greeted.
“I figured since you seem to have forgotten how to answer your phone, or check your answering machine, I would hunt you down in person.”
He’d spilled his guts to Blaine the day after things blew up with Ellie, but he refused to go there again. He was feeling too raw. “I’ve been busy.”
“Busy fighting with Ellie?” his friend said as he pulled the barn door shut behind him.
Ignoring that last comment, Lucas turned away and went back to work spreading straw out across the stall floor. He didn’t want to think about Ellie. Didn’t want to want her.
Blaine stepped up to the stall and rested his folded arms on the rail, hiking a boot up on the bottom one. “You look like you’ve been dragged backwards through a dry riverbed.”
“Yeah, well you’re not so pretty yourself.”
“At least you still have your sense of humor. Since you haven’t been into town the past several days, I thought I’d fill you in. Dusty has turned over a new leaf and Ellie is about as heartbroken as a person can get. That woman loves you.”
Lucas shoved the gate open and stepped out of the stall, closing it behind him. “If she loved me, she wouldn’t be shutting me out right now.”
Blaine arched a brow. “Wouldn’t she?”
Lucas sent him a dark scowl.
“Knowing Ellie the way I do, I would think that the person she cared about most in the world would be the one she’d shut out the quickest. Especially after you drove off the way you did that day.”
Blaine’s words hit home. If Ellie didn’t care, she wouldn’t be trying so hard to shut him out. Maybe it was time to give truth to his promise that he could out-stubborn her any day. Somehow he would get Ellie to trust him again.
*
There were no cars at Mrs. Mulrooney’s when Ellie pulled into the drive. Apparently her company hadn’t arrived yet. She reached over for the bakery box on the passenger seat and winced as a sharp pain moved across her lower back. More false labor pains. No doubt brought on by the recent stress in her life.
The garage door opened and Mrs. Mulrooney stepped out, motioning for her to pull inside.
She lowered her window. “I can’t stay. I’m just dropping your order off.”
The older woman’s smile sagged. “Oh, dear.”
“What?”
“I was hoping you might be able to help me set up my card table and lay the food out, make it look special. You did such a nice job at the town picnic last summer.”
She wasn’t really up to it, but how could she say no to the woman who helped raise the father of her baby? Besides, putting food out on a table wasn’t anything too taxing and it might even help take her mind off of Lucas.
“I suppose I could give you a quick hand before I go.”
Mrs. Mulrooney’s face lit up. “Wonderful! Now into the garage with you. I’m not going to be responsible for your getting into a cold car afterwards and catching a chill. Especially while you’re carrying that little one.”
Ellie was too tired to argue. She pulled into the garage and shut off her car as the door lowered behind her.
“I really appreciate your doing this for me,” the older woman said as she led her out the side door and up onto the porch. “I haven’t entertained for years and I’m afraid I’m a bit rusty.”
She’d never seen Mrs. Mulrooney so excited. Except for that day Lucas had stopped by to let her know he was back in town. “I’m glad to help.”
She followed Mrs. Mulrooney into the house and back to the family room. She was surprised to find candles lit around the room and a bottle of what appeared to be wine chilling in a small, ice filled bucket on the coffee table. Mrs. Mulrooney’s expected company was a man?
Mrs. Mulrooney pointed to a card table set up next to the window. A beige lace tablecloth had been draped over it, but other than that it was bare. “My good china is stored in that cupboard by the fireplace. Would you mind grabbing a couple of plates and two wine glasses?”
Bringing out the good china. This man had to be very special. Smiling, Ellie walked over and pulled out two rose-patterned dishes. Then she grabbed two long-stemmed wine glasses, carrying the delicate pieces back to the table.
“Arrange it however you like,” Mrs. Mulrooney said, looking quite pleased. “Oh, and there’s a vase of wildflowers on the windowsill you might want to use.”
Ellie nodded. “That would be a nice touch. What about silverware?”
“No need for that, honey. We’re just having finger foods.” She glanced at her watch. “Oh, dear, I need to go check on the…uh, ham.”
Ham? She was using good china, yet serving ham as a finger food? Ellie shook her head. Poor woman was a nervous wreck. “Go see to your ham. I’ll take care of things here.”
“Are you sure?”
“Go, I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will, dear,” the older woman said with a smile as she hurried toward the door.
*
Lucas glanced at the clock on his dash as he drove out to Mrs. Mulrooney’s to pick up the pictures she had found while going through some old albums. He needed to hurry. Ellie would be home soon and he had every intention of talking things out with her.
A few minutes later, he turned off the winding ba
ck road and onto the very drive he’d ridden bikes up and down countless times as a boy. Back when life was fun and uncomplicated.
He pulled up to the house and cut the engine. His gaze dropped down to the box on the seat beside him, inside which was a large, heart-shaped, chocolate chip cookie that he’d had the words I LOVE YOU written on it in bright red icing. He might not be playing fair, but he was going to use Ellie’s love of chocolate chip cookies to help win his way back into her heart.
Smiling, he slid from the cab of his truck and started for the house.
Mrs. Mulrooney scurried out to greet him. “You came!”
“I said I would.”
She embraced him in the same motherly hug she used to give him as a boy. “Come on in. I have your pictures in the family room where I was going through the old albums.”
He followed her back to the room he and Jarrett used to play checkers and watch TV in for hours on end.
“Go on in,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’ll go grab us some iced tea.”
He wondered if she were all right. She seemed to be acting strangely, almost nervous. He let himself into the semi-darkened room, his gaze shifting to the candlelight flickering off the walls. The door closed behind him, followed by a shuffling, then screeching sound on the hall floor outside.
He swung around. “What the…”
A soft feminine gasp filled the room behind him. “Lucas?”
He turned, his eyes slowly becoming accustomed to the dimly lit room. “Ellie? What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same question,” she said moving toward him.
She looked beautiful in the candlelight. His gaze slid down her soft womanly curves to her rounded stomach.
“Lucas?”
His gaze snapped back up to meet hers. “Mrs. Mulrooney invited me here.”
“You’re her date?”
“I’m her what?”
“The man she wanted all of this set up for,” she explained, motioning toward the table behind her.
“That’s not for me. I’m only here to pick up some pictures she found of Jarrett and me that were taken when we were boys.”
LOVING ELLIE Page 23