by Anne Patrick
The same reason why Gwen hadn't thought he was important when they had questioned the witnesses the first time. People know they could be called upon during a trial and they don't want the hassle. "What made you notice him prior to the incident?"
"I'm not sure."
"Do you remember if he was looking in your direction or did you notice him as he was leaving the restaurant?"
"No, he was just standing there. I thought maybe he was waiting on someone."
"Was anyone with him?" Ian asked.
Mrs. Olsten shook her head. "Just him." She then pointed to the picture. "He did have a billfold like this, though."
Gwen peered down at the chain wallet. "Are you sure?"
"Positive. I noticed it when he was struggling with the girl. My son-in-law used to have one like it. Before him and my daughter got married." She handed the photo back to Gwen. "Why are you asking about him?"
"We're just trying to locate him." Gwen stuck the photo back in the envelope. "If you happen to think of anything else, please give us a call."
"We appreciate your time, ma'am." Ian shook her hand.
"It was Bartlett," Gwen said as they walked back to the car.
Ian climbed into the passenger side of the SUV without offering his opinion.
Gwen headed to Bonnie Abrams' house. Ian was being unusually quiet and that worried her. He had been nothing but professional since picking him up at the station. Gwen had hoped today would give them a chance to talk. That didn't seem to be the case, though. Maybe if she hadn't let her stubborn pride interfere with his attempt to make things right between them last night, there wouldn’t be this uncomfortable silence between them. Twice now, Ian had tried to mend the fence between them and she had shut him down.
At the next red light, Gwen turned to him. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately. I know I should've told you what I was up to with Mandy. I meant to Saturday, but then JoAnn showed up and we were all having such a good time, I didn't want to ruin it. I was also afraid you'd start asking questions as to my motive and whether or not it had anything to do with my own past."
"I don't want to lose you, Gwen." He met her gaze. "But if this is going to work, we need to be able to separate our personal and private lives. What happens at work stays there. And we need to trust one another."
She was about to tell him she did trust him when his cell phone rang.
"I've gotta get this. It's the station."
Gwen waited for the light as she heard bits and pieces of his conversation.
"When….how bad…where'd it happen…we're on our way."
She looked over at him. He looked like he did the night she was shot. "What's wrong?"
A horn blasted from behind. Gwen looked up and saw the light had changed. She began to drive. "What’s happened, Ian?"
"We need to go to the hospital."
Gwen flipped on her lights and sirens and sped up. Her mind raced. Was it Kris or someone else in the unit? A car accident or shooting? "Who is it, Ian? Who's hurt?"
"It's Amanda. She's been shot."
"Oh no." Gwen took a right at the next intersection, then swerved to avoid a car pulling into a business. "How bad is she?"
"We'll find out when we get there."
*****
Gwen continued to pace the floor of the waiting room outside the surgery unit. Currently, they were the only ones in there. It had been two hours since their arrival. The only thing they knew so far was that Mandy had been shot twice and doctors were working to stop the massive internal bleeding. Someone driving by an abandoned building on the north end of the city had heard the shots and called 9-1-1. Unfortunately, the caller didn't see the shooter or a vehicle.
Gwen had no doubt that it was Bartlett. He had finally managed to silence the only witness who could place him at the scene of Mrs. Gyman's murder.
She glanced over at Ian. He'd been on the phone off and on since they got there.
"I want every inch of that building searched. Get patrol to help if you have to…you let me worry about Davenport. I want those slugs found." Ian got up and left the room.
Gwen walked over to the coffee pot and found it empty. She searched the drawers and cabinets for more coffee and filters but there weren't any. Gwen was on her way to find a vending machine when she spotted Ian coming down the hall with two cups.
"Thank you." She took one of them and headed back into the waiting room.
"Did you call Tony and Kara?"
"Yeah. They'll be here as soon as Kara can leave school. I also called Erica Wentworth to let her know what was going on."
"She'll make it, Gwen. Have faith."
"Can't. It's not in my nature." She sat in one of the chairs and picked up a magazine.
He took the seat beside her. "That must be scary not to have any faith at all."
"Not really." She continued to flip through the pages. "Why believe in something or someone who's never been there for you?"
"I'm sure God has been there for you, Gwen. You're heart is just closed to the possibility; therefore you can't sense His presence. Let me ask you something. Do you think it was just a coincidence how you happened to connect Dawson to the robberies?"
"You offered to have a look at the file. I was gathering my notes at home and saw the photo of Bartlett with the chain wallet." She had a hunch where he was going. "Are you suggesting this was all God's doing and not my detective skills?"
"You're good at your job because you follow your gut instincts. It isn't just experience that guides that. It's like your conscience. Everyone has one."
"I don't think Bartlett does."
"Everyone does. Some people just choose to ignore it. After time, their hearts harden. When that happens, it's kind of hard for God to work through them. It doesn’t mean He doesn't try, though."
Ian wrapped his hand around hers. "Be honest, wasn't there a time at some point in your life when you did believe in God? Maybe when you were a kid."
"Yeah, I guess." She tossed the magazine back on the table. "My dad was a believer. I remember him telling me what he loved most about flying was being up there, high above the clouds, almost at God's fingertips. He would go on and on telling me about the gentleness and peace he felt. His face would almost glow as he spoke."
"But after he and your mom died and you were shuffled around in the system, you didn't understand why this loving God allowed all these bad things to happen to you."
"Basically. And seeing the stuff I see on the job. Like the Bartlett family being massacred." Gwen glanced down at their intertwined hands and realized just how much she had missed him this week. She was especially glad he was here with her now.
"Okay, now let me ask you another question. When you were trying to reach Mandy, you wanted to gain her trust. You wanted her to believe in you. You wanted to form a bond between the two of you like that of a friendship."
"Yeah."
"You wouldn't be able to force the information from her."
"Not likely. I could've threatened her but she may not have told me the truth or given us all the details."
"Well that's similar to God's plan of salvation. He loves us all unconditionally. We're his children. According to the Bible in the book of Jeremiah, God formed us in our mother's womb. As with any good father, He wants what's best for His children, and He wants relationships with us. You can't force someone to love you, though. You can't make them be your friend.
"That's where freewill comes in. If you make someone do something they don't want to do, they're going to resent you for it. But with freewill comes the choice of doing evil or good. When someone choses evil, well, it often causes a domino effect for a lot of people."
"And they're just left to fend for themselves," she said more harshly than she intended.
"No. I know it may have seemed that way, but everything in our past happened for a reason. We may never know why or understand it but there was a purpose. And God always places people in our path who are there to gui
de and help us."
Judge Larkin and the Greer family immediately came to mind. Ian was beginning to make a lot more sense. "So how do I fit in this great plan God has for us?"
"I think if you search deep enough, you'll realize God's been using you all along. Look at what you did for Stuart Adkins and Amanda. You help people everyday, Gwen. Isn't that the real reason you became a cop?"
"So you're saying God allowed me to have a crappy childhood in order to use me now?"
"He may have, or you could be the victim of that domino effect I mentioned. If that's the case, is it really God's fault or the person who chose evil over good?"
Meaning her mother. "But he didn't have to take my father. He was a good man."
"We each have a purpose to fulfill, Gwen. For some the journey is short…others, much longer. And in some cases the person, for one reason or another, loses hope and just gives up."
"You're referring to your wife," she guessed.
He nodded. "Laurel was never the same woman after we lost Christine. At first, I blamed myself for not seeing the destructive path she was on. I was hurting too, but instead of leaning on one another, we chose to bury our pain. For me it was in my work. Laurel turned to drugs because of their numbing effect. We stopped going to church. I think we were both mad at God for the unfairness of it all. It wasn't until after I lost Laurel that I finally realized I couldn't go it alone. I needed God. It was His strength, and His love working through the people around me that got me through."
Listening to Ian reminded her so much of her father. The smile he would have on his face when he spoke of Jesus. Some of what Ian said, she had heard before. Was he right about hardened hearts? Had the resentment and anger from her childhood prevented her from knowing the truth?
"I don't have all the answers, Gwen. No one does. But I know, without a doubt, that God loves you and will always be there for you during both the good and bad times."
"Well I need Him pretty badly now, or at least Mandy does."
"He knows." Ian squeezed her hand. "I've been praying for her since I got the call."
She smiled at him. "You have?"
"Yes." He released her hand and slid his arm around her. Leaning his chin against her head, he whispered. "She's gonna make it, Gwen."
The confidence in his voice brought a sense of peace, and for the first time since hearing the news about Mandy, Gwen had hope.
*****
It was another two and a half hours before the surgeon came out and updated them on Mandy's condition. Tony and Kara, who had joined them over an hour ago, stood with Ian and Gwen as the doctor joined them in the waiting room.
"Are you Amanda's family members?"
"We're her foster parents," Tony spoke up.
The man dressed in scrubs motioned for them to sit. "Amanda has been taken to ICU. She's in critical condition right now. We were able to stop the bleeding and we're hoping the blood transfusions she received will help stabilize her vitals. She was shot through and through so there was a lot of damage. Luckily, the bullets missed any major arteries and her spine. She has two broken ribs, a tear in her left kidney, which has been repaired, and we had to remove her spleen."
"Is she going to be okay?" Gwen asked.
"At this point, it's all up to her. We've done all we can. We'll know more in the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours."
"Thank you, doctor." Ian squeezed Gwen's hand. "I'm gonna update Ms. Wentworth."
"You want to head up to ICU?" Tony asked once the doctor had left.
"You guys go ahead. I'll be up shortly." Right now she needed some fresh air, and to be alone. Instead of the elevator, Gwen took the stairs.
A half hour later she sat in her car and let the tears flow free. It had been a long time since she felt this powerless. She kept reflecting on what the doctor had said about it being up to Mandy now. Gwen wondered if she were in the girl's place how hard she would fight to stay alive. As a kid, stuck in the system, there were plenty of times she had come to the point of not caring if she lived or died. There had always been an inner strength, she couldn't explain, that pushed her forward, though, in spite of her circumstances. Gwen had never given it much thought before, but she now questioned if that unknown source was God. Had that strength came from Him? Was it like what Ian experienced after he lost his wife? Half the people in her life were Christians. They couldn't all be wrong.
Gwen sucked in a deep breath and closed her eyes. "It's been a long time since I've prayed so bare with me, God. If Kris and Ian are right, you've been trying to get my attention for a while now. Only I've been pretty mad at you. This isn't about me, though, I'm worried about Mandy. She's fifteen years old, Lord. She has her whole life ahead of her. I remember my dad telling me stories about how Jesus worked miracles, healing the sick and blind. I'm hoping for one of those miracles now, God. Please give her the strength and willpower to pull through this. Tony and Kara will be great parents to her, and I promise I'll help out in anyway I can. Just give us a chance. Okay?"
She sighed. It may not have done any good but at least she tried.
A knock on the passenger window caused her to jump. She swiped at her tears and glanced over. Ian smiled and motioned for her to unlock the door.
"I wondered where you'd disappeared to." He climbed inside. "Are you okay?"
"Just needed some fresh air."
"Inside your car?"
Gwen shrugged then ran her hands through her hair and stretched.
"I wish you would talk to me. You're hurting and seeing you like this is tearing me apart." Ian wrapped his hand around hers, and with his other hand, he brushed a stray strand of hair away from her eyes. "I love you, Gwen and…I never thought I'd say that to another woman."
"I love you, too, Ian." She was surprised by how natural it felt to tell him so. "It's just hard for me to talk about certain things. Until I moved in with the Greer's, I didn't really have anyone that I could share my feelings with so keeping stuff bottled up just became a habit."
"That was a long time ago. You don't have to go it alone anymore, Gwen. You have friends. You have me. And you have God, who has always had your back. Whether you knew it or not."
Gwen choked back a sob. "You know, I just prayed for the first time since I was a kid."
"That's good, Gwen." He took a tissue from his pocket and wiped away the stray tears.
"I haven't cried like this since my dad died."
"You'll see him again someday."
She leaned her head against him. "I still miss him."
He nodded. "Do you ever dream about your dad?"
"Sometimes. I usually don't want to wake up when I do."
"I've always thought that was God's way of letting us visit our loved ones who've gone on ahead of us."
"I love the thought of that." She linked her arm through his. "After he died it was like my whole world collapsed. Mom was never the same either."
"Is that when you moved to Shorewick?"
"Yeah, to live with her folks. That lasted about six months because they didn't get along. My mother drank a lot, especially after Dad was killed. We ended up living above the restaurant where she worked as a waitress. Then she met this guy, Terry, who shared his fondness for heroin with her. Guess it did a better job of numbing her."
Gwen was tempted to stop there but she remembered her talk with Tony. It was time she ripped off the Band-Aid. "Shortly after my twelfth birthday, I came home from school one day and found her dead on the living room floor. She'd OD'd. By then her parents had moved to the Midwest and they had no desire to raise another kid. Just as well, since they'd done a pretty crappy job of raising their first one. After that, I was placed into foster care."
"What about your father's parents? Didn't they offer to take you in?"
"They were killed in a car accident before I was born."
"That scar on your arm, did you get it in one of the foster homes you were in?"
She hesitated as tears welled in her eyes
again. "No, my mother did that." Gwen sucked in a deep breath and exhaled. "It was before Terry left. He had come into my bedroom and tried to rape me. I was fighting him and knocked his beer bottle from the nightstand. He punched me, then started choking me. I finally managed to get away from him and picked up the beer bottle and broke it over his head. I then stabbed him in the side with it."
"Where was your mother during all this?"
"Passed out on the sofa. His scream woke her. She came into my bedroom, saw what I'd done, and in the process of taking the broken bottle from me, I ended up with this." Gwen lifted her left arm, the scar a permanent reminder of that day. "Mom said it was an accident, and that she didn't mean to cut me, but I think she did. She was always a mean drunk. The drugs just made her worse."
"What happened to Terry?"
"Needless to say, he'd hightailed it out of there by the time we got back from the emergency room. And you know what the real kicker was; she blamed me for the whole thing. Said I was leading him on. I was eleven years old. I didn't even have breasts yet."
He threaded his fingers through hers. "It sounds like you were better off in foster care."
"I know a lot has changed in the system since I was a kid, but back then the majority of the families I was sent to only cared about the checks they received from the state. They didn't care about me or the other kids. They just as soon beat us or lock us in the basement than look at us. I always felt safer on the street than I did in some of the homes."
"Were you ever abused…like Amanda?"
She shook her head. "Aside from the one time Terry tried to rape me, it was mostly slaps and punches. The mental abuse was just as bad, though. I remember this one couple. I was one of six kids they took in. They would call us trash or throwaways. Tell us we were no good and that we'd never amount to anything. It's hard not to let that kind of stuff get to you. I mean we didn't ask to be there. We didn't have a choice."
"I'm sorry you had such a rough childhood, Gwen."
"I've spent years trying to put all that behind me. I'm finally at a point where I'm almost at peace with it. I haven't completely forgiven my mother. That's something I'm still working on."