by A. T Brennan
“Okay, awesome.” I grinned. “Thanks.”
“Of course.” She smiled. “You know, I’ve never really had a girlfriend.”
“Really? But you’re always going out.”
“With guys yes, and I meet up with other girls, but I’ve never had a girlfriend I just hang out with. Someone who’s more than just a casual friend.”
“Same. I’ve never really had any friends.”
“Well, it’s a good thing we met up, again.” She laughed and sat up. “Now, how about we find you something sexy to wear and go get you a job.”
* * * * *
By the time I was laying in my bed that night I felt like I was floating. I’d gone with Mel before her shift and talked with her boss. Aiden had been really nice, and even with zero experience he’d given me a job starting when I got back after the holidays. He was going to train me, and he’d guaranteed me enough shifts per week I’d be able to make enough to cover my rent and extra expenses.
When I’d gotten back to my room I’d called my parents. Mom had hated the idea of me working in a bar and not living on campus, but dad had been really great about it. After some back and forth they’d offered to continue paying my tuition and school related costs if I covered the rest. It was more than I’d hoped, and I was really looking forward to getting out of the dorms and starting to live my own life.
I was just about to pick up my phone to tell Matt my news when it beeped.
Matt: how was your day?
Avery: eventful :)
Matt: how so?
Avery: well. I got a job, I’m moving in with Mel after winter break and my parents are still going to help me out with school.
Matt: wow. That’s great :)
Avery: I’m really happy
Matt: do you want me to call?
Avery: I’m really tired. If you call I’ll never get any sleep. Tomorrow?
Matt: k. I love you
Avery: I love you too
I put my phone down and sighed.
Keeping this a secret was really starting to wear me down. I hated lying to Logan more than anything, and it was exhausting always looking over my shoulder and trying to make sure I didn’t say or do anything that might give us away. It made hanging out with my best friend almost a chore, and that wasn’t fair to him. Or me.
I also hated how it was making me feel. At first it hadn’t really bothered me and the excitement of being with Matt had been all I could focus on. Now that the excitement had worn off a bit I was starting to feel like I wasn’t good enough.
We did what we could to talk on the phone and we texted all the time, but we never got to see each other, and now when we did it was all about sex. We’d hop into bed, either his or mine, and it would be awesome and wonderful in the moment, but then he’d have to leave in the morning and I’d have no idea when I’d see him again. Or worse, we’d have to rush and get dressed so no one saw us.
Rationally I knew it was to keep things quiet, but emotionally I was feeling used. Like I was good enough to be his secret fuck buddy but not his real girlfriend, even if he said he loved me and I knew I loved him.
Every time I brought Logan up he’d shut me down, and now I was starting to spend less and less time with both of them.
If things didn’t change soon I had no idea what would happen to us, but I did know one thing. I couldn’t keep things quiet forever and if I had to choose Logan or Matt, I would end up losing both of them.
* * * * *
Three days before I was going to be flying home for winter break Matt texted me to come over. My classes were done for the day and I had a ton of studying to do, but his text had been right. We needed to talk.
When I got there he looked amazing. I loved when he wore sweatpants around me because he always wore them low on his hips and I was able to see his tight and toned body and the swell of his cock through the thin material. To me it was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen, and today he hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt.
“That’s not fair.” I shook my head as he came over to kiss me.
“What do you mean?” He paused, stopping about a foot away from me.
“You, looking like that.”
“And you think those leggings and that top aren’t driving me nuts? Look down.”
He was hard, and by the tent his erection was now pitching in his pants I knew he wasn’t wearing boxer briefs.
“Before we do anything about that, we need to talk.”
“You sound serious.” He nodded solemnly. “Come on. We’ll talk in my room.”
I followed him into his room and sat on his bed. He sat with me and sighed.
“We need to tell Logan.”
“You know why I can’t.”
“I can’t do this anymore.”
“What? Us?”
“Any of this.” I shook my head and bit back the tears prickling in my eyes. “I can’t keep lying to my best friend. I hate it. I feel like a piece of shit every time I see him. He’s been so incredible to me and I’ve been lying to him for months. That’s not okay.”
“I know, but—”
“And I can’t keep pretending with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought I could do it. I thought I could go from loving you in here,” I nodded to the bed, “to being casual friends out there,” this time I nodded to the door. “I thought I could handle it but I can’t.”
“Avery, babe...”
“Look. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. And you remember how you told me you were hurt, how all these girls in your past wanted you to be their dirty little secrets and be with you as long as no one ever knew? Remember how you said that made you feel?”
“Like shit.” He nodded.
“And now you’re doing the same to me. I’m your dirty little secret—”
“Avery, no. It’s not like that—”
“Isn’t it? You say you love me. You make love to me. You tell me to be honest and that you’ll always take care of me, but that’s only in private. I know you took a chance on me, when you decided to be with me, and I’m so grateful you did. But now you need to take another chance or I’ll have to walk away.”
A part of me couldn’t believe I’d said all that. The old me would never have been able to articulate what I was thinking and feeling, but there was something about Matt that made me feel more complete. And that included being able to be honest and true with him.
“I never realized just how unfair I was being.” He sighed and reached for my hand. “You’re right, about all of it. I’m doing to you exactly what was done to me. And that’s not fair to you.”
“So, what does that mean?”
“I’ll tell Logan. I can’t lose you, Avery. I love you more than anything. I was being selfish and putting my fears before your feelings, and that’s not okay. I’m sorry.”
“I know you are.” I was so relieved he’d listened. I’d been terrified this would be the end of us, but it seemed he did love me enough to fully be with me.
“I—”
“Matty?”
Matt’s eyes widened as Logan’s voice rang out from the living room. I thought for sure he would panic and make some excuse not to tell him and make me hide under the bed, but he just gripped my hand tighter and took a deep breath.
“I’ll be right out,” he shouted back and looked at me. “No time like the present, right?”
I nodded, biting back my own fear. I’d lied to Logan too, and I wouldn’t blame him for hating me.
He stood, pulling me up with him, and then hand in hand we headed out of his room.
“Hey, I forgot—Avery?” He looked between us in shock, then his eyes fell on our entwined hands. “What the hell is going on?”
“We have something to tell you.” Matt glanced at me.
“What the fuck, Matt.” His eyes flashed as he glared at Matt. “The one girl I asked you not to fuck with you do?”
“Logan—”
“It’s not l
ike that,” Matt cut me off. “We’re together.”
“What?”
“We’re together. We have been for almost two months.”
“Wait. What?” He shook his head.
“I’m so sorry we lied to you, but Matt said...” I faltered when I saw the crushed look on Logan’s face. “Logan?”
“You lied to me for all this time?”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Are you fucking?”
“Yes.” Matt nodded, gripping my hand a little tighter. “For a while now.”
“And you still didn’t say anything to me. You let me go on and on about her virginity and how she needed a good guy?”
“Because you were convinced I wasn’t.”
“Matt—”
“You said, over and over how I wasn’t good enough for her. That I was just a walking dick who’d stick it in anyone and she deserved better than me. Maybe you’re right, but I love her and—”
“You love her?” Logan stared between the two of us. “You love each other?”
“Yes,” Matt said as I nodded.
“Well fuck me sideways. That changes everything.”
“What?”
“If you love each other, if this is a real thing then of course I’m happy for you.”
“What?”
“The only reason I was trying to steer you away from her was because I thought it would just be casual. I was trying to avoid another Carly.”
“Wait, Carly?” I looked between them.
“Freshmen year I had a friend named Carly. We were best friends, like you and I are. She had a crush on Jax. They hooked up last year when the twins were just starting school. It was a casual thing but she wanted more. He didn’t and when it ended I lost my best friend and I blamed my brother. Jax and I are okay now, but I didn’t want to lose you and have Matty be the one in the middle.”
“You’d never lose me, not over Matt.” I gave Matt an apologetic smile and shook off his hand. “You’re my best friend, my first friend really, and I love you. Whatever happens between Matt and I has nothing to do with you and me.” I reached out and gripped his hand. “I’ll always be your friend, no matter what.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“I’d never come between you two,” Matt added as we looked at him. “I swear I’ll never be the reason you lose anyone. I love her but I love you too. You’re my brother and that means more to me than anything.”
Logan nodded, his eyes shining with tears. “Thank you.”
“And I’m sorry we lied.”
“I can understand why you did.” He sighed and pulled me into a hug. “That must have been hell for you.”
“It was.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“So, are we all good?” Matt asked when we pulled apart.
“Almost.” Logan grinned and held out his arms.
Matt laughed and came over to us, giving Logan a huge hug and kissing him on the cheek.
“Okay, you’re both forgiven.” Logan grinned. “But try to keep the sex noises to a minimum when I’m home. I need my beauty sleep.”
The three of us laughed and Matt looped one arm around Logan’s shoulders and the other around mine.
“No promises, little brother. Your girl is a screamer. And unless we start using gags I don’t see her quieting down any time soon.”
Logan groaned and shook his head as I blushed so hot my cheeks hurt. It was nice we were being so open and honest, but maybe there were a few things we could keep to ourselves?
“Matty, I love you both but that is not a mental picture I need. How about we keep to basic honesty? You two are fucking and I’m okay with it. Details are not necessary.”
“Deal.” Matt laughed and winked at me over the top of Logan’s head.
This moment was perfect. I had my best friend, my boyfriend and no more secrets. I didn’t have to hide how I was feeling and there would be no more lies. It might have taken me nineteen years to figure my shit out, but I felt like my life was falling into place and I was exactly where I wanted to be.
I finally fit in and I was comfortable just being me.
*Thank you for reading book one of my series. If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a review on the site from where you purchased it.
*Continue on for a sneak peak of Jay’s story.
Preview of Book Two
Chapter One
PAIGE
I was cursed. There was no other explanation I could think of. I had to be cursed.
Today was the first day of classes after winter break and I was a mess. Me, Paige Davis, the girl known for color-coding everything in my life from my class notes to my closet. The girl who prided herself on never being late, who hardly ever misplaced anything.
I’d spent my entire life organizing everything around me, making sure I was always prepared and never caught off guard. It was my security blanket and my trademark, but today I felt like a hot mess who could barely hold it together.
I’d forgotten to plug my phone in when I went to bed last night. Naturally the battery had been low so it had died. For some reason I’d also forgotten to set my alarm clock as a back-up and I’d slept in.
My roommate had knocked on my door at eight in the morning, and my first class was supposed to start at eight-thirty. I’d jumped up, pulled the first clothes I could find on, grabbed my bag, keys, a granola bar and rushed to school.
I’d made it to my class with about ten seconds to spare, and that’s when I’d realized I’d forgotten my purse, and with it my wallet, ID and phone. I’d also left my laptop on my desk. Thankfully I’d had a notebook in my bag, but my class schedule was on my phone and in my computer so I’d had no idea where I was supposed to go after my first class. I’d raced home, gathered everything I’d forgotten and rushed back. This time I’d been two minutes late and had barely managed to slip into my class unnoticed.
I’d managed to squirt mustard on my shirt as I’d been eating my lunch, had spilled my almost full coffee in one of the student lounges as I’d settled in for a bit of a break between classes, and had slipped on the stairs and twisted my ankle after failing to notice the caution sign right in front of me.
I was frazzled, limping, mustard stained, and lacking in caffeine, and I still had one more class to go to.
This was the class I’d been looking forward to today. Last year I’d taken intro to psychology and loved it. As I’d been setting my second year schedule I’d checked to see what other psych classes I could take. Last semester I’d taken abnormal psychology and this semester I was taking human development.
That was the class I was headed to and I was dreading it. I just wanted to go back to my apartment, take a shower, change my clothes and crawl into bed while pretending today had never happened. But that wasn’t an option so I was going to class.
I managed to get there a few minutes early and settled into an empty seat next to the aisle. I watched as the class began to fill up, and wasn’t surprised when no one sat next to me. I must have been quite a sight, I wouldn’t have sat next to me either.
I was just looking in my purse for an elastic to pull my hair back when a guy walked into the room.
He was probably the thirtieth person to come into the class since I sat down, but my eyes were immediately drawn to him and I couldn’t have looked away if I tried.
He was gorgeous, and different. His black hair was long enough it brushed his collar. His complexion was olive toned but he seemed to be tanned on top of his natural dark coloring, and his eyes were the deepest shade of brown I’d ever seen.
He was wearing a black jacket and black pants, but for some reason he didn’t look monochrome or emo. He smoldered.
As I was blatantly staring at him, my hand in my purse and my mouth slightly open, his eyes locked on mine. I tried to look away, was about to tear my eyes from him in embarrassment when a lazy grin curved his generous lips and he started walking
toward me.
My eyes followed him as he made his way across the front of the class and up the stairs until he was standing right next to me. Then he gave me a real grin and slid in front of me so he could sit in the seat beside me.
The moment his arm brushed against mine I was snapped out of my daze and my cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
Of course the most gorgeous guy I’d ever seen would sit next to me while I was covered in mustard.
The guy pulled out his computer and gave me a secret grin as our professor, Dr. Kristoff, introduced herself and started outlining the course and what we could expect.
Instead of opening the syllabus to follow along, the guy opened a Word doc and started typing something in bold letters. I tried not to look, but when he glanced at me and then motioned to his screen I couldn’t stop myself.
My name is Jay.
Blushing furiously I opened a Word doc and quickly started typing.
I’m Paige.
He grinned and looked back at his screen.
It’s nice to meet you, Paige. Something tells me this is going to be a very interesting class.
I blushed even deeper and glanced up at the front of the room. The prof was still talking and I really should pay attention, but I didn’t want to stop communicating with the mysterious Jay.
It should be. It sounds fascinating.
I does, but I’m not talking about the course material.
I drew in a breath as my fingers stalled on my keyboard. Was he talking about me? I was just trying to figure out what I could possibly say to that when he winked at me and exited out of Word.
I did the same and tried to focus on the syllabus and what the prof was saying as my cheeks flamed and my mind raced. I had no idea how I was going to sit through a ninety minute class when I could feel his body heat coming off his arm and seeping into mine. He was distracting, and I usually stayed far away from distractions.
* * * * *
When Dr. Kristoff dismissed us twenty minutes early I was beyond relieved. I’d had a hell of a time following along and felt even more flustered and out of it then I had when I first sat down, and it was all because of the guy sitting next to me.
“I think I’m going to like this class.” Jay grinned as he turned toward me while we were packing our stuff up.